Whether grandma should become the main force with a baby has always been a question discussed by many families. In the face of this phenomenon, we need to examine the social reasons behind it, and summarize the differences between grandma and mother-in-law in terms of raising babies, and how to deal with them.
Xiaomeng was unexpectedly pregnant, and her mother-in-law tried her best to persuade her to give birth to the child
Xiaomeng and her husband are a college couple living in a southern city, the two met and fell in love in college, and settled here after graduation. More than a year after marriage, Xiaomeng became pregnant unexpectedly due to the heavy pressure of the mortgage.
At first, Xiao dreamed of having an abortion because she felt that she could not afford to support her children financially and her body was very weak. But after the mother-in-law of the hometown in the northeast learned the news, she immediately said that she must come to the south to take care of her grandson, and even greeted her by video every day, urging Xiaomeng to give birth to the child as soon as possible.
Xiaomeng was very hesitant, but under the repeated affirmation and assurance of her mother-in-law, she still chose to give birth to this underborn baby.
The mother-in-law hugged her grandson with great expectations, but Xiaomeng was physically and mentally exhausted
On the day of delivery, the mother-in-law who came from afar stayed outside the delivery room early and refused to leave for a moment. She wandered anxiously, occasionally peering through the glass window of the hospital room.
Finally, when the doctor brought out the emaciated newborn, the mother-in-law was the first to rush in and excitedly took her grandson and hugged her tightly in her arms. She was so excited that she couldn't close her mouth, staring intently at her little face in swaddling clothes, as if she had found the full meaning of life.
In contrast to her mother-in-law's joy, Xiaomeng was exhausted at this time. She lay on the hospital bed, staring blankly at the ceiling in a daze, her heart full of worry and confusion about the future of this little life.
The mother-in-law asked Xiaomeng in the traditional way, which led to the intensification of the relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law
After returning home, the mother-in-law took good care of her newborn grandson, but also began to make various demands on her daughter-in-law Xiaomeng. She asked Xiaomeng to be responsible for housework and take care of her father-in-law and husband's diet and daily life.
The way of educating grandchildren also adheres to the northern tradition, believing that boys cannot be pampered, etc. Xiaomeng's body was weak not long after giving birth, but she had to fight hard to comply, so she could only cry secretly to vent her pressure.
The father-in-law also strictly demanded the service of his daughter-in-law, and he was furious when he was slightly dissatisfied. This made Xiaomeng, who had just been married, full of fear and despair about her future life, and felt like a trapped beast in a cage.
The intensification of the conflict between her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law caused her to live under great pressure.
Mom went south to share the heavy responsibility, and Xiaomeng finally breathed a sigh of relief
Just when the relationship between her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law intensified and Xiaomeng's life was on the verge of collapse, her mother suddenly came to the south. Xiaomeng's mother was distressed to see her daughter's haggard appearance and was determined to help share her burden.
She takes care of her grandson gently, patiently teaches him life skills, and his grandson is much more cheerful under the care of his grandmother. The mother also took into account her feelings and tried to communicate with her in-laws, expressing that she was also willing to take on the responsibility of housework and discuss a reasonable division of labor.
Under the guidance of her mother, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law finally showed signs of easing. Xiaomeng looked at the happy smiling faces of her mother and grandson, and the long-lost warmth in her heart spontaneously appeared, feeling that the pressure had been greatly reduced, and life finally saw hope.
Analyze the social reasons why grandma is more suitable for bringing a baby
Xiaomeng's story reflects a social phenomenon in which more and more young people in urban areas are choosing to let their mothers instead of their mothers-in-law help with their children.
First of all, the one-child policy has been in place for many years, and most of today's young couples come from single-child families who grew up alone. Their parents have only one child, and they can't bear to let their daughter work too hard, and they are more willing to take on the heavy responsibility of taking care of their grandchildren.
Secondly, with the improvement of women's status, the marriage relationship is becoming more and more equal. The wife is no longer seen as the party who needs to be fully integrated into her husband's family, and the mother, as a relative of her daughter, has a greater voice and sense of involvement.
In addition, under the current trend of late marriage and late childbearing, when many women give birth to their first child, their mothers are not very old, and they are in a period of acceptable physical fitness, and they have more energy to devote to taking care of their grandchildren.
Finally, the fast-paced modern city life has put both husband and wife under great pressure at work, and they need the support of their families in life, and their mothers have become the first choice.
At the same time, some traditional concepts and structural factors also make mothers-in-law less willing or unsuitable to take on the heavy responsibility of raising a baby: such as the sense of boundary and estrangement between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
It can be seen that grandma has become the main force with a baby, which is the inevitable result of multiple social evolutions.
The unique advantages of grandma with a baby
Compared with the mother-in-law, the grandmother has unique advantages in bringing the baby:
The first is the affection for one's own flesh and blood. As the child's own mother, grandma's love for her grandson is the deepest, and she will devote time and energy wholeheartedly to take care of her grandson's daily life and diet.
When her grandson is sick, she will stay at the bedside day and night; When she is a picky eater, she will find ways to make a variety of delicacies to whet her child's appetite.
Secondly, grandma is able to patiently pass on various life skills to her grandchildren. She can teach children to cook, laundry, sewing, etc., so that children can learn the ability to live independently from an early age, which is very beneficial to cultivating children's self-confidence and independence.
In addition, the deep love from the mother will provide stable emotional support for the child. Statistics show that children who grow up with their grandmothers are less likely to be insecure and less likely to have emotional problems.
Grandma's love can make a happy child.
Finally, having the help of a grandmother can greatly reduce the stress of young couples' lives, freeing them up more time to pursue their careers and self-development, thereby increasing their overall life satisfaction. Grandma is undoubtedly a great help for modern families.
Mothers still have the primary responsibility for education
Although grandma can provide great help, as the mother of the child, she still has to take on the main educational responsibilities and cannot rely solely on grandma:
First of all, the daily education and supervision also need to be done by the mother unremittingly, such as checking homework, agreeing on life rules, cultivating hobbies, etc., all of which need to be guided by the mother's side.
Secondly, mothers should take time out of their busy schedules to spend time with their children, chat with him, hang out to play, and enhance feelings and communication. Children need the guidance of mother's love as they grow up.
Third, mothers should lead by example and use their words and deeds to shape their children's character, such as integrity, diligence and other qualities require mothers to influence their children with examples.
Finally, mothers also need to learn to balance family and career, not to be defeated by the pressure of life, and to take on the responsibilities that women in an era should have.
Establish a grateful and harmonious family relationship
From Xiaomeng's story, we can understand that it is very important to build a grateful and harmonious family relationship:
First of all, we must learn to appreciate our grandmother's dedication and hard work. Although it is the responsibility of being a grandmother to take care of the children, it is not easy after all, we must always be considerate of the difficulties of the grandmother, help share some housework, and repay her nurturing feelings with gratitude.
Secondly, we should care about the physical and mental health of the elderly. Elderly grandma may have various physical problems, as a daughter, you should often accompany and chat, take her to check her body regularly, so that she can feel the love of her family.
Third, husband and wife should also learn to understand and be considerate of each other. When both parties are busy at work, it is easy to have conflicts, but you need to take a step back and think that your spouse is also working hard and struggling, and understanding is the key to maintaining a happy marriage.
Finally, it is necessary to create a warm and positive family atmosphere, so that children can grow up happily in the sunshine. This requires all members of the family to work together.
We are in an era of rapid changes in family concepts and structures, and we are also facing some challenges, such as supporting the elderly, adapting to changes in the concept of marriage, and taking on the responsibility of education.
In this process, we should all uphold the heart of tolerance and tolerance, understand the new changes in the family, care for the elderly, attach importance to family values, and work together to create a warm and harmonious family.
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