Blind and kind-hearted Xiao Liu became the public enemy of the department
Xiao Liu, a young man with a warm-hearted personality, wants to do his best job after entering the new department. He worked very hard and diligently, often working overtime until late before returning home.
Xiao Liu is also keen to take the initiative to help some new colleagues who are not very skilled in their work, and always go over to guide their work without saying a word.
But Xiao Liu's kind gestures did not make his colleagues grateful, but aroused their disgust. Once, Xiao Liu saw that Xiaohong, an old employee of the department, made a small mistake in processing data, and he immediately went over to point out Xiaohong's mistake and explained the correct method to her in detail.
Although Xiaohong expressed her gratitude, she felt a little unhappy in her heart, she felt that Xiao Liu, a junior, should not point out the mistakes of the old employees in front of everyone, which made her feel embarrassed.
Xiao Zhang, another outstanding employee who joined the company two years earlier than Xiao Liu, also encountered a similar embarrassing scene. One day, when Xiao Liu passed by Xiao Zhang's workstation, he couldn't help but point out that there were several things that could be improved in his report.
Unexpectedly, Xiao Zhang's face suddenly became ugly, he stood up and walked in front of Xiao Liu and said solemnly: "I don't need you to comment on my report, please respect me." Xiao Liu suddenly felt very embarrassed, and the colleagues around him also set their eyes here.
After these two incidents, Xiao Liu realized that his kindness may make others feel that he is pointing fingers and meddling in other people's affairs. He also wanted to help his colleagues, but with little success, and everyone didn't buy his account, and began to avoid it.
Several company gatherings, Xiao Liu did not receive notice. In this way, the kind-hearted Xiao Liu became an unpopular outlier in the department.
Xiao Wang, who always meddles in his affairs, loses his heart
Xiao Wang has worked in the company for many years and has always been known for his helpfulness. He is very enthusiastic about his colleagues, works very hard, and often takes the initiative to help some colleagues who are having difficulties in their work.
But Xiao Wang has a problem, that is, he likes to meddle in other people's affairs, which makes many colleagues think he is very annoying.
Once, two directors of the marketing department and the product department had some work arguments in the meeting room, and the discussion between the two became louder and louder. At this time, Xiao Wang happened to pass by the meeting room, and when he heard a quarrel inside, he pushed the door and walked in on his own initiative, and began to preach to the two.
Xiao Wang said, "Everyone calm down, differences of opinion at work can be resolved through discussion", and walked between the two to pull them apart. Unexpectedly, both of them felt that Xiao Wang, an outsider, was too nosy, so they both turned their firepower at Xiao Wang and asked him to leave the meeting room quickly.
On another occasion, several employees of the marketing department also had some quarrels while chatting in the pantry. Xiao Wang couldn't stand it, and he wanted to come over to give them tips to resolve the conflict. This time, Xiao Wang said a word, and immediately someone said loudly to him, "Can you be nosy."
Xiao Wang had to close his mouth in embarrassment and leave the pantry with a red face. Xiao Wang's kindness always backfired, and his colleagues not only did not appreciate it, but they were all disgusted with his practice of meddling in other people's affairs. Gradually, Xiao Wang became persona non grata in the department.
Weak and defenseless Xiao Zhang became a tool of interest
Xiao Zhang has worked in the company for many years and has always been trusted by the leaders and is recognized as an honest and honest model employee. He is hardworking, kind and never cares about his colleagues.
But Xiao Zhang's personality is too weak, and he doesn't see people well enough, which ultimately makes him suffer.
There is a new employee in the department, Xiao Li, who has a sleek and sophisticated personality and is good at gaining the trust of others. Xiao Li first approached Xiao Zhang and courted him, and soon the two became acquainted and became friends.
Xiao Li often asked Xiao Zhang to drink and chat, and Xiao Zhang told Xiao Li about his family background and trivial matters in life.
Then Xiao Li began to deliberately instigate Xiao Zhang, making up that someone in the department was gossiping about Xiao Zhang behind his back. At first, Xiao Zhang didn't believe it, but was stalked by Xiao Li and said all kinds of rumors about "what does someone say about you".
Over time, Xiao Zhang finally believed. He angrily found the so-called "gossip" colleague and questioned him, but the other party was very confused.
Later, Xiao Zhang found Xiao Li and said that he had turned his face, and Xiao Li proudly told him that it was all a rumor made up by himself. It turned out that Xiao Li found that Xiao Zhang had a hidden illness and wanted him to leave his job and get a promotion and salary increase.
At this time, Xiao Zhang suddenly realized that he had given up all his privacy in front of Xiao Li, allowing Xiao Li to make full use of himself. But it was too late, and it was difficult for him to gain a foothold in the department.
The data shows that good old people have low incomes and high work pressure
According to surveys in recent years, people who are too old and kind have lower income and job satisfaction.
A 2019 survey of tens of thousands of white-collar workers by a psychological counseling agency found that more than 60% of respondents who rated themselves as "good old people" said that their income belonged to the lower digit of the company, and the salary increase in the past three years was small.
More than 70% of respondents who consider themselves "smart and capable" have an upper middle income level. According to a 2020 survey by an HR company, 83% of employees who claim to be good people feel stressed at work and are easily bullied.
And only 27% of employees who are determined and determined feel this way.
Psychologists analyze that good people are prone to injury
Professor Yang, a well-known psychologist, pointed out that people who are too kind and honest are more likely to be hurt in interpersonal relationships, mainly based on the following two psychological factors:
First, good people expect too much from others. If they themselves are able to help others selflessly, they think that others will reciprocate kindness. When things backfire, good people will be surprised and hurt even more.
Second, good people have poor judgment and defensiveness. Good people always have a preconceived belief that others have good intentions, and it is difficult to think that others have the intention to take advantage of them. Moreover, they do not see people thoroughly enough, it is difficult to detect potential threats in advance, and they are often victimized by traitors.
Professor Yang analyzed that kindness is good, but we must correctly understand our own weaknesses, increase vigilance, and prevent microscopic problems. It is necessary to learn to judge the true intentions of others and avoid becoming a tool for profit. Only in this way can we prevent "good people from being bullied".
How to distinguish between true goodness and blind goodness
In the face of a complex human world, how can we distinguish between true goodness and blind goodness that has lost the bottom line of principles? Psychologists have given the criteria for judging:
True kindness has principles and bottom lines, and will not violate their own morals to help others. True kindness can judge the situation, distinguish between objects, and will not treat everyone equally.
True kindness also has a clear sense of self-protection, and will not forget selflessness and end up hurting yourself.
In contrast, blind kindness is unprincipled and obedient to any request; has no ability to distinguish and wants to help everyone; There is no sense of self-preservation, and he only cares about helping others and ignores himself, and often suffers losses and is deceived. Therefore, it is necessary to be a discerning and understanding person in order to distinguish between true kindness and blind kindness.
Maintain basic judgment and guard against subtleties
The ancient Chinese thinker Mencius emphasized that "the benevolent see the benevolent and take it, and the unbenevolent see the benevolent and take it". It means helping others after discerning the other person's intentions, rather than blindly believing and reaching out.
This inspires us to maintain basic judgment. First, be wary of the whispers of treacherous men; Second, we need to guard against their micro-temptations. Finally, it is necessary to recognize the other person's intentions from their micro-expressions.
Only by doing these three things can we prevent exploitation at the micro level. Maintaining basic judgment is the only way to prevent problems from happening before they become harmed.
We have to be a discerning person who is not impulsive.
Be truthful, compassionate, and forbearant to show softness
Chinese culture has always advocated the beautiful qualities of "truthfulness, compassion and forbearance". Truthfulness, compassion and forbearance means being sincere, loving, and tolerant of others.
After possessing these qualities, it is also necessary to "show softness" in external attitudes and behaviors. "Showing softness" here means that a person understands that when socializing, he adopts a friendly and principled strategy.
The first meaning of showing softness is to have a gentle attitude. In the face of unreasonable requests, you can persuade you gently instead of refusing strongly; For those who make mistakes, you can lightly remind them to correct themselves.
The second meaning is to be tactful in language. When explicitly rejecting someone, it is easier to use tactful words instead of a blunt commanding tone.
A gentle attitude and euphemistic language are essential social qualities for understanding people. This allows us to be respected and liked.
Be kind to others and be kind to yourself
Many people know to be kind to others, but often neglect to be kind to themselves. In fact, the premise of being kind to others is to be kind to yourself.
The first thing is to meet one's basic needs and make one's body and mind healthy. The second is to meet certain spiritual and cultural needs, such as reading, entertainment, etc.
Finally, it is necessary to plan life and work reasonably and ensure personal time. If our own needs cannot be met, how can we have more energy to care for others? Therefore, being kind to ourselves is the foundation of being kind to others.
Second, be clear about your life values and principles, and don't violate these bottom lines. It's also about being kind to your own dignity. With these self-worth bottom lines, we can help others without harming ourselves.
Therefore, true goodness should start with being kind to oneself, rather than sacrificing oneself and obeying others. Only by loving and protecting oneself can we truly love others. This is the source of goodness.
Rethink the nature of kindness
Through the previous cases, we can see that kindness and honesty, if not used wisely, not only will not benefit oneself, but may lead to the painful result of being taken advantage of.
So what should we make of the virtue of kindness? I think kindness should still be seen as a good quality, but it needs to return to its original essence – genuine love from the heart, not a formalized blind giving.
True goodness should be based on respect for the value of one's own life. When we love ourselves and know how to protect ourselves, our love for others will be more convincing.
At the same time, true kindness needs wisdom to guide you, judge the other party's intentions, distinguish situations, and not draw the ground as a prison.
Finally, true kindness also needs to have a principled bottom line. In the face of immoral demands, we have the right to refuse. You should not be passively accommodating and deviate from your own values.
When goodness returns to these essences, it can exert its due power for the benefit of itself and others. If a person does not have a kind heart, he cannot experience the warmth of interpersonal relationships; But if kindness is not used prudently, it will not be able to survive in a complex world.
Let's have more wisdom and kindness in this world, and less misunderstanding and meanness. With a clear and warm heart, face life, in order to have no regrets in this life.