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Parent-child relationship: What do parents who are too controlling ruin their children?

Parent-child relationship: What do parents who are too controlling ruin their children?

The following article comes from Li Jianxue Psychological Counseling, the author Li Jianxue Psychology

Parent-child relationship: What do parents who are too controlling ruin their children?

Ms. L, a mother in her 40s, said that her 12-year-old son has been dizzy, vomiting, and sleepy recently, vomiting whatever he eats, and has lost 30 pounds. Recently, she was temporarily suspended from school, and she went to the hospital for a check-up, and there was nothing wrong with her body, and a doctor recommended that she find psychological counseling.

The mother said that the child does not like to study, he has many friends, teachers and classmates like him, and he is not afraid of school, so what is the problem?

She behaves very sensibly, likes to be reasonable, analyzes her son very well, and thinks that she is right.

When I wanted to know more about some of the children, she interrupted me many times - don't talk, listen to me first. And show this attitude: I understand my son very well, and as long as he listens to me, he will be fine.

Even before she decided to take her child for psychological counseling, she had already thought about how to "guide" the counselor.

At this time, I felt dizzy, a little uncomfortable and repulsed. I lamented how much pain it must have been for her child to be so uncomfortable to hear her say it for a short time.

When she is so strong to force her own ideas and ideas in, invading the child's psychological boundaries, the child will instinctively disgust and resist, but the speech is weak, and she can't digest these emotions, vomiting, dizziness, sleepiness, etc. are a natural reaction. Maybe only when the child is "sick" can the mother stop and let the child have some space for himself for a while.

How deeply does a controlling parent hurt his child?

Parents with a strong desire to control raise children in two directions: the child is either self-defeating and has no vitality and can only passively accept the instructions of others, or he is rebellious and flees, doing everything against his parents.

Parent-child relationship: What do parents who are too controlling ruin their children?

1

Children who have nowhere to run

Song Qian, the mother in the TV series "Little Huanxi", is impressive, because her desire to control is too terrible - not only has she made a careful study plan for her daughter Yingzi, but also strictly controls her daughter's every move after school, hoping that her daughter can grow up according to her own plan.

In order to prevent Yingzi from going to the university in the south, Song Qian made a very unpleasant quarrel between the mother and daughter. Yingzi was overwhelmed and depressed that she wanted to commit suicide by jumping into the river. Crying and shouting in his heart: I am here to escape from you.

Maybe Yingzi also knows in her heart that if she doesn't escape from her mother's control, her future life, career, marriage, and children will be controlled by death, completely losing herself and losing her choice.

In life, many parents control their children in the name of love, and this kind of love is too heavy and suffocating.

These children can't hate their parents, they can't love their parents, they want to run away but have nowhere to escape, they can't express the depression and powerlessness in their hearts, they fall into depression and can barely move.

Parent-child relationship: What do parents who are too controlling ruin their children?

2

A child who has a nervous breakdown

In the TV series "Female Psychologist", there is a female visitor Jiang Jing who thinks she suffers from bulimia.

Jiang Jing has won numerous piano awards and often attends various performances.

However, she doesn't like the piano and prefers the drum kit. She didn't like the conservative skirt her mother bought, she liked the camisole. She has a boy she likes, but she hasn't been in a relationship until she is 30 years old.

All this because of her mother.

Mom has been supervising and controlling her in all directions.

Not only forced her to practice the piano. As a teenager, he fed her and combed her hair. At the age of thirty, it doesn't matter what clothes she wears, where she goes to perform, and confiscated her mobile phone.

Years of depression until it was on the verge of collapse transformed into Jiang Jing's gluttony. Every time she felt anxious and stressed, she would fill herself with food. After eating, I was afraid of gaining weight and went crazy to induce vomiting.

The process of gluttony and vomiting is not actually the body eating and vomiting, but the mental collapse repeatedly.

Parent-child relationship: What do parents who are too controlling ruin their children?

3

Punish parents for hurting themselves

An adolescent client who was brought in by her parents for counseling because of depression often slashed her wrist with a knife, and she had a very controlling mother who took care of everything for her. At one point, she was in a state of severe depression.

She said that she was like a bird that had been kept in a cage, without her own thoughts, and everything she did was wrong. I couldn't decide anything, I only felt my presence when I scratched myself with a knife.

She briefly controls her body through self-harm, even if the main body of the spirit is still desolate.

There is a saying that says, "I can't hurt my parents, so punish them by hurting myself." ”

Because of the fear of punishment, but at the same time the fear of losing the care and love of their parents, they are even more unable to express their dissatisfaction with their parents, and they never dare to criticize or blame their parents.

Under such internal and external torture, children's hearts often can't bear it, so they will choose to hurt themselves in exchange for inner peace and a sense of relief.

What's even more terrifying is that some people are even adults, but they are still suffering from the mental manipulation of their parents beyond the limit.

One visitor said that his father was so controlling that he fled far away as an adult. Her sister stayed at home, even though her sister was smarter and more capable than herself, but because of her father's entanglement and bondage, life was very bad.

is like Nina and her mother in the movie "Black Swan", a controlling parent who is almost pathological, using her child as her puppet, she wants to "shape" her daughter, but in the end she also makes her fall to pieces.

It seems that Nina has become a "perfect" obedient girl under the control of her mother, but in reality all this is just the appearance. It is much more terrible for a good girl to rebel than for those who have not learned well since childhood.

Parent-child relationship: What do parents who are too controlling ruin their children?

Guangzhou Listen to the Psychological Counseling Conclusion:

In the process of educating their children, many parents are accustomed to controlling or using parental authority to force their children, but they forget that no matter how young their children are, they are also independent individuals with their own ideas and wishes.

Parents and children need to grow together. In order for children to have an independent personality, it is urgent for parents to learn to reduce their desire for control.

You must know that love and freedom are indispensable in the growth of children.

▎ This article is the original article of Guangzhou Hearing Bar Psychological Counseling Center, which has been protected by the original, please indicate the source when reprinting, and the company reserves the right to pursue it according to law if it is used without permission.

I ❤ heard about it

  I heard about it, a psychological institution, 16 years of word of mouth

Visitors come from all over the country and abroad

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