The statements in this article are based on reliable sources and are repeated at the end of this article
Text: The Secret History of Fusu
Editor/The Secret History of Fusu
Recently, a hot topic has sparked public outrage, and the original blogger's post was titled "Dad lied to all of us". [China Like]
01
The blogger told in the post that his family conditions were very difficult, and 1,000 yuan was already a lot of money for their family.
On weekdays, the family is almost thrifty, and the blogger's mother doesn't buy her own clothes in order to reduce the burden on the family, and every time she waits for the blogger and her sister's clothes to stop wearing, her mother will consider wearing their old clothes.
Bloggers' new clothes are also willing to buy when the mall is on sale during the change of seasons.
A long time ago, the blogger's family found out that there was an extra bright watch on his father's wrist, and this watch didn't seem to belong to the jewelry that their family could consume.
Under the interrogation of his family, his father only explained lightly and perfunctorily, and said that this watch is not a valuable thing.
But after all, the paper did not wrap the fire, this day the blogger used his father's mobile phone to deal with a courier to be returned, but he did not expect to find in the purchase record that the watch on his father's wrist was purchased by his father for 1,000 yuan.
The blogger was angry and angry, and the blogger thought that every day his mother was reluctant to eat for the livelihood of the whole family, and he and his sister were also able to save money, how could his father be so "selfish".
The blogger wrote down the incident and posted it on the Internet, thinking that he could get the understanding and comfort of netizens, but he didn't expect that the views of netizens were divided into three factions.
Most netizens expressed their distress for this father, and used their hard-earned money to buy an item that they had loved for a long time, but was complained about by their own daughter, what a chilling thing.
Could it be that the father can spend the 1,000 yuan to make the family's living standard plummet, or can he directly make the family enter a state of "famine", netizens questioned the blogger and asked: "Do you feel sorry for the 1,000 yuan, or hate that the 1,000 yuan was not spent on you?"
Many netizens expressed their puzzlement about the blogger's approach, the father spent his own money, and he had to be sneaky to buy something, the key is that the blogger did not describe it clearly, whether this is an item that his father saved for a long time to buy.
Netizens who feel sorry for this father feel that the blogger has not been educated well and has not formed a good three views, so he does not know how to be grateful.
Another part of netizens think that this father's approach is indeed somewhat problematic, and his family conditions are already on the surface, and this father does not take on the responsibilities of a head of a family in this case.
Since this father has chosen to start a family, he should focus on life first, instead of spending a thousand yuan to buy a miscellaneous watch, it is better to recognize his family conditions, this thousand yuan is enough for their family to spend a period of time.
Netizens commented: "After all, let your wife and daughter wear old clothes and bring a thousand-yuan watch by yourself, you just don't take your family seriously." ”
Netizens who questioned the blogger also expressed their opinions, saying that the blogger has time to complain on the Internet, why don't they really have time to really help the mother who is distressed by the blogger?
If this passage is posted on the Internet by a mother who has lived a hard life for a long time, there is really nothing to say, but as a daughter, if she really realizes that her mother is not having a good time, why do you still feel at ease and let her mother wear the old clothes of the sisters.
It's just that this small piece of complaining from the blogger has indeed reflected the current situation of ordinary families, and everyone's growth environment is different, so everyone will not understand each other.
After all, these are all superficial phenomena that everyone can observe, and we have no way of knowing the real situation of people's lives, and it is also "difficult for a clean official to decide family affairs".
02
I don't know if you still remember, in the early days of the epidemic, there was a surveillance video that was reposted on the Internet.
The mother in the video is impotent, but she has to take care of three children alone, and the mother did not resist the attack of the virus after coming out of the kitchen, and fainted directly to the ground.
However, at this time, the three children who were enjoying the food at the table were indifferent, and after witnessing the whole process of their mother falling to the ground, one of the daughters put down the dishes and chopsticks and came to the mother and froze in place, while the other two children continued to eat as if they did not see it.
Many netizens feel that this is a problem with family education, and they are also very curious about what kind of education can cultivate such "cold-blooded" children.
When the child's mental age is immature, he shows unfilial behavior, and as they grow older to the rebellious period, they are not allowed to go to the house to uncover the tiles, even if the children in the video show a trace of worry, it will not make people feel so cold.
Netizens commented angrily: As the eldest sister of the child, after her mother fainted, she was not only indifferent, but she also wanted to fish for the food in her sister's bowl, she was so ruthless at such a young age, it was really amazing.
If there is a point of view, there will be a refutation, such as the "theory of sexual evil" put forward by Xunzi, a famous thinker in ancient China, who believes that people are born with priority to maximize their own interests, and only through acquired education and environmental influence can a "good" character be shaped.
The children's hearts are not very tough at the beginning, and it happens that the children's hearts can be shaped according to the "standard" during this time period, but once the foundation of the child's soul is laid, whether it is good or bad, it is difficult to recover.
Nowadays, many parents hold their children firmly in the palm of their hands, for fear that their children will be damaged a little, and the long-term excessive spoiling will make the children become numb in interpersonal relationships, and enjoy the good of others without guilt.
If one day something is not done according to the child's wishes, they will not be able to accept this kind of dimensionality reduction blow, just like children always think that crying and fussing can be exchanged for adult compromise, which will promote children's selfishness.
Another kind of selfishness that constitutes children's selfishness is that parents love their children too little, their children's needs are repeatedly ignored by parents, and they cannot feel the warmth of other people's relationships in the family environment.
Often children who grow up in this environment are independent in addition to selfishness, because when they were young, few people helped him solve problems, and they simply relied on themselves every time, so that the empathy ability of children when they grew up was very poor, and it was difficult to establish trust with others.
When you ask a child who grows up in a "honey pot" if you love his parents, most of them can't answer, because they already think that the love given to him by others is what he deserves;
Parents and children are in a subordinate family, and you ask your children the same questions, and they don't know how to answer them.
"Parents in the world, if you love your child, you must let him start to love you and the people around him from the time he can. This is not the selfishness of adults, but the foresight of thinking about the child's life. —Bi Shumin
03
The question raised by the topic of "why would someone be unfilial" exists at any age and at any age.
Someone on a Q&A platform opened a column on this issue.
There is a high-praise answer below, this netizen listed the cases of the so-called "filial" and "unfilial" children and grandchildren in his family relationship.
Netizen's father is determined to be filial piety to his grandmother, netizen's second uncle will coax his grandmother to be happy is defined as filial piety, netizen uncle is playful and has bad hobbies, grandma deliberately said that he was filial in order not to let others scold him;
On the contrary, the cousin of the netizen is all-encompassing, just because he is still a single dog in his 30s, he is called unfilial by the elders;
Finally, this netizen concluded: Filial piety is defined by the elders.
In the end, how to define filial piety, a person who conforms to the development of the times is defined as filial piety, he works hard in front of the public, knows how to be grateful, knows how to repay gratitude, and does not know whether he has the strength.
But as long as a person lets others know that he did not listen to his parents, he must be unfilial, even if he has made great achievements in the field he is good at.
There is no standard for judging things like this, and things that are judged almost entirely by subjective intentions and conventions cannot be judged by outsiders, because everyone does not know what is really happening.
Netizens gave seven examples to illustrate that it is not only the child's fault that the child is "unfilial", and some parents should see if they have done anything to "destroy" the child before asking this question again.
A person's character is shaped by his family of origin, and he has been in a repressive family environment for a long time, and it is difficult for his children to get rid of the shadow brought to him by their original family even when they become adults.
I hope that each of us can have the right to love and be loved, to be able to enjoy the good of others without burden, and to be generous and pay for those who deserve it without talking about indebtedness.
The real unfilial piety should be in the rule of law channel, and a good family relationship "filial piety is filial piety, and it is really not necessary to be obedient." ”
We are all first-time parents, first-time children, no one can guarantee that our way is completely right, what we can do in the relationship is to think about how we can do less harm to each other.
What do you think about this?
Resources:
[1] Elephant News: Today's Commentary|Mother faints and the child is indifferent, in front of education, don't talk about age!
https://baijiahao.baidu.com/s?id=1752814258939841138&wfr=spider&for=pc