Mingxue and I haven't seen each other for twelve years, it's scary to think about, and when we see each other again, both of us are a little unsure where to look. The face is still greeting, but the inside is so shy that it can't be done. I'm already in my early thirties, but I didn't expect to show this adolescent mood. I really can't help but look back at the matter of time, and suddenly I thought of the beginning of Zhang Ailing's "Half Life": Life flies so fast, especially for people after middle age, ten or eight years seem to refer to Gu Jian's affairs. But for young people, three or five years can be a lifetime. In real life, these words are somewhat hypocritical, but they can't express my thoughts at the time better than these words.
We were twenty-two years old when we were together, or it's hard for me to define whether we were together at that time, and in my few relationships, Mingxue was considered to have stayed in the gap, but the time was too short, so short that I couldn't define that simple relationship. At that time, it was the end of the university, almost everyone was busy preparing for the job search and graduation defense, but I went to Wuhan to participate in an event because of the school arrangement, the activity itself was not very interesting, the theme was related to environmental protection, the organizer invited students from several universities at that time to represent the past, preaching the relationship between the educational universe and the earth, hoping that we could return to school and popularize it with our classmates. Because we needed a week of study, we simply arranged accommodation and meals, and stayed in Wuhan for a short time. Mingxue is one of the student representatives.
I'm not a warm person, so I'm always slow to deal with people, a dozen or so people gather in the classroom, and when it's over, I go back to my room, and I don't have any intersections, except for breakfast with a few unfamiliar students. Mingxue happened to be a cheerful person, and she quickly struck up with me, in fact, she didn't hide her affection for me, probably because I was alone and attracted her. One night, a group of people said that they wanted to go to the bridge to see the Yangtze River, I didn't have much interest in the river, but Mingxue insisted on pulling me along, now I think about it, about the trip to Wuhan more than ten years ago, the deepest impression is only the night of watching the river. I can't remember exactly what we did, but a group of people were playing around on the bridge and going crazy, and then someone suddenly started a joke between me and Mingxue. This ambiguous atmosphere has created many things, such as the day of the separation, Mingxue suddenly told me that she and I bought the same ticket back to Changsha, even in the same carriage. I still don't know how she found out about my ticket, but the train back did strengthen our relationship.
How can we have not seen each other for 12 years, in fact, WeChat has always been there, and I remember that she was the first WeChat friend I added. The last time we spoke was in the summer of 12 years ago, when I was close to graduation, I was too busy with a bunch of things on my hands, I had made an appointment to go to the edge of the Xiangjiang River, but suddenly received the news that my grandmother was seriously ill, I bought a ticket and flew back to Chongqing overnight, many things came suddenly, my grandmother's death was also a momentary thing, the whole family was like a collapse, during that time to help the family take care of the funeral, almost didn't look at the phone, and when I saw it again, Mingxue had sent me more than a dozen messages, and after explaining to her, she asked me a question, can you work in ChangshaIf you want, I can ask my dad to arrange a flat for you, you know...... After burning the paper, I stood in the wind, in fact, I couldn't hear her words clearly, but I understood the meaning, how could I trouble her to do that kind of thing, in Changsha, it was also something I didn't plan at all. I said, no, I'll go back to Chongqing and see if there is a suitable job. Mingxue didn't speak, and she didn't hang up the phone, and that short period of silence was the last conversation we had twelve years ago.
In the past 12 years, I went from Chongqing to Shanghai to work, promoted, fell in love, broke up, and left Shanghai for Beijing, full-time writing, publishing books, writing columns, traveling around, for another seven years, for seven years, every time a new book would be signed and sold in Changsha, but Mingxue never contacted me once. She doesn't post on Moments, or maybe she's blocked me, we don't have mutual friends, I don't know much about her life, we're like two straight lines that we've completely missed.
I took Mingxue to dinner, thinking that twelve years ago, when I was a poor boy, she paid for it, and the restaurants she chose in Changsha at that time were all top-notch, I didn't think it was necessary, she said of course it was necessary, and she would celebrate it after winning the scholarship. I found a good restaurant at Phoenix Place, and when I walked in, it was magnificent, and she said, "Eh, it's different, it's really making money." I said okay, just a meal. In fact, there are really not many topics that we can talk about, and it seems that the ten years without participating in each other are blank, but she said, in fact, I bought every book you have, but there are few books that I have read. She said, I bought it, I bought it when I saw you posting it on Moments, but I couldn't calm down and look at it, one of them was quite good-looking about the workplace, but I didn't finish reading it, I don't know how, it's easy to sleep when I read a book now. She said, "Mom, I don't usually have anything to bring, I don't have time, I travel everywhere."
Twelve years ago, that winter, we spent the New Year at the bottom of Mount Emei, when there were not many people under the mountain, and she said, let's go to the hot springs. In fact, I don't know where there is a hot spring, and she really found it, but after a long time, all the pictures became blurry, how did we soak in it, I don't remember, that night, we fell asleep with our arms in our arms, and spent the first day of the new year quietly. Mingxue and I were planning to travel anywhere in the past, and I didn't dare to think about it at the time, Tokyo, Osaka, Seoul, Rome, Paris, New Zealand...... Twelve years later, I have two passports on my desk, one that has just been renewed, and the other full of visas and customs stamps of various countries.
The night after dinner, she asked me if I wanted to go out for a walk, and I said it's cold, and she said you're a big man, what are you afraid of cold. Then it was snowing, so big that we found a roof and hid for a while, and she asked me, "Do you smoke?" She said, "You are a writer who doesn't smoke." As he spoke, he took one out of his pocket, lit it, and looked at the street lamp. I said, if you hadn't been transferred to Beijing, you wouldn't have contacted me. She said, in fact, I wanted to contact you several times, and I planned to come to your signing party, but every time I happened to have something, and I thought that if I couldn't come, I wouldn't promise casually, so I haven't told you once until now. I said, well, sometimes, people just can't get to that point, there's nothing they can do. She shook off the ashes of her cigarette and said, "It doesn't matter, who said that people and people have to get to that point."
On that birthday in 2012, I received Mayday's latest album and a commemorative book, which was a limited edition that Mingxue asked her dad to buy for me from Taiwan. That album, after hearing it, the disc has been worn out, and now the CD player at home has long been silent. On this birthday in 2024, Mingxue said, let's have a meal together and give you a life. I said, "Do you remember?" she said, "Yes." As a result, she suddenly said that she was going to work overtime that day, so she had to cancel. I said, it's okay, it's not a big birthday. She said, yes, I didn't have any gifts anyway. Then we all laughed.
This year's winter is the coldest time I have been in Beijing for so many years, and I suddenly remembered what Ming Xue said to me many years ago: each of us lives a different day, and every day has different changes, but there are only a few moments, we may have a moment or two in common, the same time, the same place, the same each other, thinking about the same thing, that kind of miracle, may only be a second in life, but it will shine.
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