(This article is adapted from real life, the name is fictitious, do not sit in the opposite seat)
My name is Li Feng, I will be 26 years old after the Chinese New Year, and I went to meet my parents at my partner's house for the first time last month.
Who knew that my father-in-law disliked the things I was carrying were too shabby, so he threw me out of the house and threw the gifts out directly.
Now my partner also dislikes me for being too stingy and proposes to break up with me, and I really don't know what I did wrong.
01
I came from an ordinary rural family in Henan, and my parents were honest and usually did some small business to make ends meet.
After graduating from university, I worked in a chain restaurant, saying that I was an assistant manager, but in fact, I only made 5,000 yuan a month.
In our fifth-tier cities, it is also considered to be an upper-middle level salary, and you can't eat enough and starve to death.
When I was 21 years old, I bought a domestic scooter with frugality, and my family built a new house in the village.
My girlfriend and I met in early 2022 through a friend's introduction.
She is a 26-year-old local who works as an accountant in a private company and enjoys travel and food.
Our personalities are quite suitable, and we are both satisfied with each other's appearances, and we can talk very well, so we got in touch like this.
It took about two months to establish a relationship.
Usually we see each other once a week, because I have a better temper, she is more aggressive, and she has hardly quarreled for more than half a year.
Both parents are traditional, and they get married very early in our rural area, and many children of my age in the same village know how to make soy sauce.
My parents urged me to hurry up and take the next step, and if I could get engaged as soon as possible, I would get engaged as soon as possible.
However, when communicating with her girlfriend, she pulled down her face and said angrily: "There's no need to be in such a hurry, we're still young now, isn't it good to be free for two more years?"
I was a little angry but didn't show it, and said kindly: "My classmates when I was in school are now married early, and they can be free after marriage, but it's a big deal to have children two years later."
To put it mildly, girlfriends are willing to agree to meet each other's parents at the end of the year.
But before they met, her family began to talk about the conditions, requiring that she must buy a new house in the new district of the city, and the bride price is 200,000 yuan.
I couldn't understand why we had to go to the city to squeeze that pigeon cage when we were living in such a comfortable house here.
But this time the girlfriend never let go, her parents let out the words that they must buy a house in the city, otherwise the two will be pulled down.
In the end, there was no way, after discussing with my parents, I sold the original house of the family for 300,000 yuan and paid the down payment for the house in the new district, 17 floors.
To be honest, the money that my parents had saved for a lifetime was spent in the blink of an eye, and I felt very uncomfortable.
I really couldn't get the bride price of 200,000 yuan, so I negotiated with my girlfriend for a long time in a low voice, she passed back and forth between the two parties, and finally finally set the bride price of 160,000 yuan can not be lower.
I have been working for 6 years, and all my savings add up to only 100,000 yuan, which I usually don't even want to drink mineral water.
The parents begged their grandfather to sue their grandmother, borrowed 60,000 yuan from relatives, and finally scraped together 160,000 yuan.
Finally, my girlfriend relented and promised me to meet with her parents at the end of the year to discuss the engagement.
With the advice of my parents, I prepared a gift for the first meeting in advance, and because my girlfriend's father does not smoke or drink, I prepared two boxes of yogurt, two barrels of oil, and bought two boxes of snacks online.
Now the family is also a little embarrassed, my parents and I feel that the gifts are quite qualified, and some are glad that we don't have to buy tobacco and alcohol to save a lot of money.
On the day of the meeting, I was afraid that the woman would think that the gifts were too little, so I went to the supermarket to buy some oranges and bananas, and stuffed the trunk of the car before leaving.
The subject's home is not too far away, and in our small county, it takes about fifty or sixty minutes to drive.
I greeted my subject in advance, she stood at the intersection to pick me up, and under her guidance I finally arrived at the door.
I took the meeting gift in my hand, and arrived at the place panting, and after my girlfriend called the door, a middle-aged couple opened the door.
I realized that this was probably my girlfriend's parents, so I hurriedly greeted and greeted: "Hello uncle and aunt, I am Xiaofeng, I came to see you today"
My girlfriend's mother also smiled and agreed, and then beckoned to carry the gift I brought to the yard, while my girlfriend's father was a little unsmiling, just nodded his head and looked at the gift with slanted eyes.
Before he could enter the house after putting down all his things, his girlfriend's father asked with a cold face, "Is this all you carry?"
I was stunned: "Huh, is there a problem?"
My girlfriend's father glared directly and shouted, "Who does your family look down on?
After that, he threw all the gifts at the door, the snacks were smashed to pieces, the plastic bag containing the oranges was broken, and dozens of oranges rolled down the slope.
A few nearby residents were whispering and pointing at me, and I suddenly felt extremely ashamed, as if someone had stomped my face on the ground and rubbed it.
I couldn't believe what I was looking at a while, but my girlfriend's father pushed me out the door, dragged her into the house, and slammed the door.
I stood at the door for a while, and the children nearby had already started picking up oranges scattered on the ground, and I lowered my head and took the yogurt and two buckets of oil back to the car.
I realized that my relationship with my girlfriend might have stopped there, but I wanted to try harder, and I couldn't understand why her father was treating me like that.
When I wanted to contact my girlfriend on my phone, I found out that she had actually blocked me.
I'm like a hundred claws scratching my heart, I don't ask for reunion, but at least give me an answer.
Finally I called her using my family's cell phone number and she finally answered the phone.
After knowing that it was me, she said coldly: "Don't bother me anymore, I'm hanging up if there's nothing to do."
I was already chilling: "Why the hell is this to me, can you give me a reason?"
My girlfriend snorted coldly: "You still have the face to ask why, our family feels ashamed"
I was already very angry, but I still patiently asked, "What is there to be ashamed of in your family, the one I was insulted for?"
My girlfriend said with some disdain: "Aren't you too cold to give those things? A few days ago, our neighbor's daughter also just came to the door, have you seen the greeting gift? The cargo box of the entire pickup truck is full, and the boxes of famous cigarettes and liquor that we give as a greeting gift are all in boxes, and I have seen you so stingy." ”
The more she talked, the more angry she became, and hung up the phone directly, and then blocked the number directly.
I was a little incredulous, I just thought that the bride price and the house are so demanding now, but I didn't expect that even the meeting gift would be rolled up like this.
I asked around about the blind date meeting in the county where the subject was located, and it turned out that what my girlfriend said was true, and her family's requirements didn't seem to be too high.
The average bride price in her is about 200,000, and the highest is even 300,000.
It's not enough to have a house, it must be in the city, and it must be paid in full.
The car cannot be less than 100,000 yuan, otherwise it will be embarrassing to drive out, and it must be the full amount.
I couldn't laugh or cry after listening to it, I was just a child from an ordinary rural area, where could I earn so much money.
Just paying a down payment on a house has already drained all the blood and sweat of my parents, how dare I ask for more, I still don't dare to tell my parents the real reason for the breakup.
If I miss my current girlfriend, I will be 30 years old in a few years, and even a second-married woman is rushing to ask for it here, I think I am afraid that it will be difficult for me to get married for the rest of my life.
Poor, being able to live, have a place to live, and not be in debt is already the greatest luxury.
I often wonder if I did something wrong, the house was bought, the bride price was negotiated, but I got stuck in such a small thing as the meeting gift.
I think the meaning of marriage is that two people work together to support each other, respect each other, and grow together to create a better future than the present.
Why is this deformed, unequal pattern of men and women appearing in me?
Is it really me who is wrong?