I don't know when it began, young people seem to have lost interest in love.
In the various temples, the God of Wealth Hall is crowded, and no one cares about it in front of the Yuelao Palace. When it comes to New Year's resolutions, it's all about promotions and salary increases, financial freedom, no matter how bad it is, just be healthy, in short, no one has sweet dreams of love anymore.
The 2022 Survey Report on the Mental Health Status of College Students also shows that 41.93% of college students are single and do not want to get out of singles, and only 25.40% of college students are single and want to get out of singles [1].
However, in contrast, the love of many elderly people seems to be more and more wild, and they are spreading their wings on the edge of love madness, which makes you wonder if the group of people who sang "love when you die" are now old and quickly occupied the love market.
Elderly, is there still a concept of love?
Love can't move?
When it comes to the elderly, most people's first reaction is: When they are old, where do they have the strength to love? It is true that as they grow older, middle-aged and elderly people will indeed pay more attention to physical health problems. But to say that they can't love anymore is simply alarmist.
In fact, in addition to economic and health needs, the elderly also need communication and companionship.
A 2021 online survey of 200 people over the age of 60 in the United States showed that both men and women want their partners to be there for them, while also being humorous, kind and considerate [2]. Love has never been just for young people.
As for health issues, very few of them are mentioned, less than 10 percent. I don't have any health problems to be afraid of, and what is more important than an understanding wife.
A study in the Journal of Geriatric Psychology revealed the change process of people's love needs from the perspective of the whole life cycle.
The researchers found that the need for communication did not decline with age, and even for men, the need for emotional communication was higher in the group over 30 than in young people in their 20s [3].
Interviews with the elderly in rural areas in China also found that they are very eager to get rid of mental loneliness [4]. It can be seen that it is completely a prejudice to think that the elderly do not have emotional needs because of health problems, and that the body is important, but love is equally important.
The body is not only not holding back, but is in the upper oita: because, the body of the elderly itself is very much in need of love.
Physical problems are not a stumbling block for older people to express their love needs / Picture Worm Ideas
A number of studies have shown that stable and secure intimate relationships have a positive predictive effect on the mental and physical well-being of older adults, and a recent study of 1419 people aged 57 to 85 years published in Psychiatry Neuroendocrinology showed a significant correlation between the frequency of touching from loved ones and the level of endocrine system health in older adults [5].
I understand, no wonder my grandparents always have to go out for a walk hand in hand after dinner, it turns out that they are staying here to prolong their lives!
Even the sexual needs of the elderly are real. A 2015 study by the University of California, USA, surveyed 5,434 users of dating sites of different ages, and the results showed that older people and younger people agreed that sexual attractiveness was very important, and only women over the age of 80 scored the importance of sexual attractiveness significantly [6].
Although sexual needs are not directly raised, the elderly will still express this demand implicitly in the blind date corner of the park.
Studies show that sexual attraction remains important for older adults / [3]
In addition, a 2012 study found that 46.4 percent of men and 32.8 percent of women masturbated, even among people over the age of 70, and that it was even more common among those under 70 years old [7]. Don't look at the elderly with the old eyes, maybe who is the old antique.
Elderly, really dare to love
Although the body is supported, the problems encountered by the elderly are not limited to these.
For a long time, the center of the traditional family structure has been the children.
No matter what decisions are made at home, the ultimate goal must be "for the sake of the children", and even the parents themselves can make sacrifices for the sake of their children: no matter how hard they are to suffer their children, they will not divorce if their feelings are broken for the sake of their children[8]...... In such an environment, the needs of parents (the elderly), including the need to be in love, are often overlooked.
What's more, public opinion is also consciously or unconsciously avoiding the love problem of the elderly, and binding love to "youth" and "youth" [9]. Just imagine, are Valentine's Day advertisements often all little girls and young men?
Everyone's imagination about romantic love is often dominated by young people / picture worm creativity
Even if there are shots that show the love of the elderly, there is always a tendency to infantilize. Recall that the old people in these shots always have the clumsiness of a child playing at home or a teenager who is not deeply involved in the world? This exaggerated, performative interaction makes such scenes seem patterned and unreal.
Under the influence of such social public opinion, it is naturally difficult for the love of the elderly to get the support of the people around them: "Why are you still tossing this when you are old?", "You can find someone to live with", "If you have time to think about love, it is better to worry about your children's schooling, work, marriage and buying a house first." ”
However, brave old people, not afraid of challenges, even if they are not understood and no one supports, they must love boldly!
A 2021 study of older women found that romantic relationships had a significant predictive effect on life well-being in older adults, which in turn predicted family relationships [10].
Generally speaking, when love is in place, life can taste, and there can be parent-child harmony, and working hard to maintain the filial piety of mothers and children may not necessarily be exchanged for smiling often.
Children's emotional negligence can make the elderly feel lonely in their lives / Picture worm creativity
So, the elderly have long wanted to open it, the children have grown up, let them grow up freely, and it is the right thing to enjoy their love as soon as possible.
Moreover, the old man must not only love, but also love vigorously.
From the repeated persuasion of love fraud, you can get a glimpse of one or two, when the elderly really fall in love, with his children's persuasion, relatives and friends or even the police's persuasion, even if he scatters his family wealth, he will love to die and live.
Although it is really hateful to say that liars are really hateful, it also shows that the elderly really dare to love and need love, but it is difficult to get enough understanding and support on a daily basis.
Love is not compromised, but love must be changed to another
Moreover, the elderly do not only dare to love, but also do not just find someone to live with, they also have requirements for love. If your partner is not in tune, you will never swallow your anger, the next one is better, and the next one is better!
According to the Seventh Census, the proportion of divorced people aged 65 and older has nearly doubled compared to the Sixth Census [11], and according to the American Psychological Association, more than 36% of divorced couples in the United States were over the age of 50 in 2019 [12].
You must know that this is still in the general environment where the society generally does not support divorce, and the pressure of public opinion can be imagined.
I can think of what kind of "consolation" I will face when I divorce at an advanced age: "I'm so old, I can make do with it." "No matter how bad it is, we've lived together for half a lifetime." However, the divorce rate of the elderly continues to rise, which shows that they are really hard-hearted, and if they are bold and avant-garde, young people may not be able to compare with them.
Elderly couples who quarrel with cold wars will also consider divorce / Picture worm creative
This is not a bad thing, on the contrary, it is a manifestation of the elderly who dare to love, have requirements for love and marriage, and do not compromise. And this can be confirmed in many studies.
From the point of view of the requirements for partners, good personality, more company and the like are basic requirements, some require to love jokes, some ask to enjoy leisure life together, and a 62-year-old grandfather said that he hopes to find a "person who can make my face smile as long as I know that she is around, as long as I see her face". It seems that the old people of this session are really strict.
However, there are some differences between men and women in terms of what they expect from their partners, for example, women value honesty more, while men expect the other person to provide emotional support to them [2].
Men and women also have different views on housework: men value women's housework skills more, while women worry about becoming "caregivers"[13], so the elderly are not casual, on the contrary, they are really selective. You can try more on dating, you can't mess around in love, and if you don't do it, you will get divorced.
Older women are more worried about becoming free caregivers in the allocation of housework / [13]
Moreover, divorce is not the end, the next one is the focus. In fact, many elderly people will choose to continue dating and find their next true love after divorce at an advanced age. For example, a study of blind dates for the elderly at Heilongjiang University showed that more than half of the guests on the show were divorced and later the show was looking for "true love" [14].
The elderly have always been obsessed with the pursuit of true love, and they are very "consistent", and in their new objects, there are more or less shadows of their exes.
A study by the University of Liverpool in the United Kingdom found that widowers "sanctify" their deceased wives after being widowed in old age, and this affects whether they start a new relationship and, if they meet a suitable new partner, are addressed differently [15].
It seems that the love of the elderly is also very single-minded, isn't this what young people often say? Sure enough, the mental state of the elderly is 30 years ahead of me.
There is no shortage of demanders for twilight love in the blind date corner of the park / picture worm creativity
The road of love for the elderly has never been smooth sailing, but the contemporary elderly people perfectly interpret what it means to face difficulties, the more frustrated they are, the more difficult they are, how to worry about it, and the brave pursuit of love is their simple and straightforward view of love.
According to a report by Guangming Daily, there are more than 50 million middle-aged and elderly people with marriage and love needs, and there are more than 200,000 users over the age of 45 on a marriage and love website...... In general, there is nothing that can stop the pace of love among the elderly.
And today's young people, what are you waiting for? Like the elderly, boldly pursue your love!