After being expelled, the super drunkard drank sullenly at home all day.
"How can it be good to lose pigs when you open a big cargo, and lose people when you drive a big customer?"
Yan Guixiang, the mother of a super drunkard, is really Wu Zixu's Shaoguan - a night of sadness.
Yan Guixiang and her husband discussed the bran for one yuan repeatedly, but they really couldn't think of any good way, so they had to borrow money to buy a Jetta for the super drunkard and let him drive a taxi to make a living.
Because the super drunkard was in a bad mood, on the first day of the taxi, not only did a passenger not get it, but also knocked down a pedestrian and lost 30 yuan.
When he gets home, the super-drunkard always hangs his head, like a broken ball hanging from a sorghum stalk - his head hangs down.
Seeing that his son was unhappy, Yiyuan Bran asked the reason.
So, the super drunkard told his father what happened today.
When he heard this, he immediately poured a glass of wine and handed it to his son.
One Yuan Bran said: "Son, everything is a key on the top of the head - the beginning is difficult! You drink this glass of wine, suppress the shock, and it will be smooth in the future!"
The super drunkard drained this glass of wine in one gulp, wiped his mouth and said, "Dad, with your glass of wine at the bottom, in the future, no matter what kind of people and what kind of things I meet, I can deal with them!"
Strange to say, when the super drunkard got out of the car the next day, he felt like he was pushing the boat downstream.
He sat in the cab and just started the car, and before he could go 20 meters, two passengers stopped the car.
The super drunkard saw that there were passengers as soon as he got out of the car, and that was really the ancestor of Gao Laozhuang - happy.
After the two passengers got on the bus, the super drunkard finished asking the location and asked them if they listened to the song while starting the car.
The two passengers thought he was going to show the recording, so they said, "Listen to it." ”
So, the super drunkard who likes to sing let go of his gong-like throat and sang all the way to the passengers.
"Where's the applause, where is the applause?" sings to the upswing, and the super-drunkard is still talking to himself in the mirror.
He then honked his horn a few more times.
Then he cried out, "Where are your hands? Let me see your hands! Let me see your hands!"
Next, he activated the wipers......
The two passengers were afraid that he would get drunk and get into a traffic accident, so they began to applaud him and kept applauding together.
A month later, the super drunkard's taxi has driven the girl back to her parents' house - familiar with the road.
One night, a middle-aged passenger came to the train station to pick up a friend who had come to Binjiang City from Beijing to play, and planned to find a restaurant to eat and pick them up.
They were a group of 7 people, and one car couldn't sit down, so the middle-aged passenger planned to use two taxis.
The middle-aged passenger stopped the super drunkard's taxi first, intending to lead the way for the car behind. He stood in front of the car door and repeatedly told the car behind him to follow closely so as not to get lost.
After getting on the bus, the middle-aged passenger said to the super drunkard: "Master, there is someone following us behind!"
The super drunkard who had just drunk nodded at the middle-aged passenger, and as soon as he stepped on the accelerator, the car sped away like an arrow from the string, making a few streets around at great speed, and almost ran a red light.
When the middle-aged passenger came to his senses, the super drunkard said to him with a strange expression: "Don't worry, buddy, it's like the underground party got rid of the spy who tracked - the back car has been completely dumped by me!"
The middle-aged passenger spread his hands out, and could only blame himself for not making it clear, so he had to reconnect with those friends.
After the super drunkard drops the middle-aged passenger to the hotel, the hotel owner, with the help of two waiters, puts three more drunk people into his taxi.
"Master, you send the one on the left to the airport, the one in the middle to the train station, and the one on the right to the long-distance bus station. After the owner of the hotel finished speaking, he also paid the fare for the drunk man.
"Okay. The super drunkard took the money and drove towards the airport.
After about 10 minutes, the super drunk drove the taxi back again.
He entered the hotel, bowed deeply to Lao Xianban, and then said apologetically: "I'm sorry, boss, I'm really sorry, please say it again, just now I braked suddenly, and the three people in the car rolled into a ball, and after sitting down again, it's like wheat sprouts and leeks mixed with selling - I really can't tell which one went where?"
This boss is the champion of the watch - he had no choice but to send another waiter to follow his car and send the three drunks to their destinations.
After the three drunks got out of the car, a young female passenger came up in the super drunkard's car.
The super drunkard quickly dropped her off at the address she said.
The female passenger looked at the meter and it showed 17 yuan. So he paid 20 yuan to the super drunkard, but the super drunkard turned over for a long time and didn't find change. So, he looked at the female passenger with a smile and said, "Girl, or else!" After saying that, he started the car and drove out.
The female passenger panicked all at once, speculating about all kinds of bad endings in her heart. As a result, the super drunkard stopped after going around the residential area where the female passenger was going, and said to her calmly: "Sister, this time it's 20 yuan, hurry up and get off! ”
"You're buying and selling!" the female passenger reluctantly threw the words to the super drunkard, and then, with the cow's nose through the rope, walked away with great reluctance.
The super drunkard said, "I'm sorry!" and got off to run.
The next morning, a passenger with his hand over his cheek came up in the super drunkard's car.
This person went to the funeral of his good friend and father-in-law, and went to the hospital for toothache first, and was afraid that he would be late for the memorial service of his friend and father-in-law, so he took a taxi to grab time.
When he got into the car, he just lay down in the back seat, moaning and telling the super drunk: "Master, go to the crematorium, the sooner the better!"
The super drunkard, who had drunk high last night and hadn't fully sobered up, looked at him in surprise, and said for a long time: "Dude, what's your great illness, don't you go to other hospitals to see it?"
The super drunkard's words gave the passenger a whole circle. He pondered for a while, then said in an accentuated tone: "If you don't go anywhere, you will go to the crematorium!"
So, the super drunkard picks up speed and goes straight to his destination.
On the way, the super drunkard thought while driving: "What a bed bug came out of the sunflower seeds—there are all kinds of people (people)." No matter what kind of disease you have, you have to go to the hospital first, and it's not too late to go to the crematorium if you can't be cured!"
When he arrived at the crematorium, the passenger covered his cheek with one hand and pulled money out of his coat pocket with the other.
The super drunkard waved his hand at him again and again, and said to him: "Dude, you are all the ones who are leaving, I don't want this money." ”
When the passenger heard him say this, he was so angry that he stomped his foot and ran away without giving money.
The next morning, the super drunk had just gotten out of the car with the drunkenness of last night, when he saw a beautiful female passenger waving.
"Excuse me, where are you going?" asked the female passenger after she got on the bus and sat down.
The female passenger said, "Master, go to the crematorium." ”
The super drunkard remembered the behavior of the male passenger who went to the crematorium a few days ago and asked, "Are you still coming back?"
"Master, what do you mean by that? I just went to attend a relative's funeral, how could I not come back?" the female passenger was visibly angry.
"I, I didn't mean that, you, don't get me wrong. Because it's a suburb after all, it's not easy to get a taxi. I want to ask, do you want to wait for you?" the super drunkard hurriedly explained.
The female passenger said, "Of course it's good to wait for me, but I don't know how long it will take?"
The super drunkard said, "It's usually only an hour." ”
"Why?" the female passenger was surprised.
The super drunkard said, "The average person can burn it out in an hour." How many do you burn?"
…………
The female passenger really didn't know how to answer, and wanted to scold him, but when she smelled the wine from his mouth, she was like a bodhisattva in the deep mountains—silent.
That night, the super drunkard drank in a restaurant, and as soon as he opened the door, a male passenger came.
"Where are you going, sir?" asked the super drunkard.
"Crematorium. The male passenger said as he closed the door.
"Crematorium, are you sure?" the super drunkard asked again, smelling the male passenger smelling alcohol and worried that he had said the wrong place.
"That's right, it's the crematorium. Listening to the tone of the male passenger, it is meat and bones in the pot - gnawed (sure).
"What kind of evil am I committing, why do I send people to the crematorium every day?" Thinking of this, the super drunkard asked the male passenger who took the taxi, "Dude, what are you doing at the crematorium this big night?"
"Go to work!, what else can you do!" replied the male passenger, snorting alcohol.
"Oh, you're going to work, how much does the crematorium make a month?" asked the super drunkard again.
"More than ten thousand. The male passenger replied.
"More than 10,000? That's a lot. The super drunkard thought to himself, working in the crematorium is much more profitable than driving a taxi, which is too hard to drive a taxi early in the morning and late at night. If you can go to work in the crematorium, it will be an invitation from the Jade Emperor - a great thing. So, he asked the male passenger, "Do you still need anyone?"
"Yes, every day. The male passenger replied.
"No, I mean you still have people there?"
"We're open 24 hours a day. ”
"Oh, I mean, I mean me, can I go?"
"Yes!"
"So, can I go in?"
"You can get in! A fat man of more than 200 pounds can get in, and you like this can definitely get in. ”
"Aren't you trying to refine me?" thought the super drunkard, who had bitten his tongue with his teeth - a misunderstanding, so he hurriedly reminded him, "I mean, can I go in by myself?"
"I'm afraid it won't work, we're all pushing in there. You're such a strange person! What a hell of a life!" The male passenger got angry and stopped talking.
After the super drunkard returned to the city, because he was thirsty, he found a small warehouse to buy and drank two more bottles of beer.
In order to solicit more customers, after drinking, he drove in the direction of the train station.
As soon as I arrived at the train station, a middle-aged male passenger in a suit and leather shoes, with a bloated figure and a lockbox in his hand, came up.
At first glance, the super drunkard looks like a big boss.
"Where are you going, sir?" asked the super drunkard, still spurting alcohol from his mouth.
The passenger thought for a moment and said, "Go to the place where you spend the most money here." ”
"Where to spend the most?" the super drunkard hesitated.
"That's right, it's where the highest consumption is. Why, are you afraid that Lao Tzu can't afford to spend? Lao Tzu is the God of Wealth who carries a bag - some of them have money!" said the passenger, patting his lockbox again.
"No, no, no, I didn't mean that. As soon as you get in the car, I know that you are a VIP in the bank - big money, and I was wondering where a big money like you can meet your requirements. Said the super drunkard.
"I'm a freshly weaned puppy at my master's house—you're new to the city, and you know the city well, so help me find a good place!" said the passenger, earnestly.
"Okay, you're satisfied!" So, the super drunkard started the car.
As he drove, he wondered what to find for the big man.
"Cabaret? No, no, no, the cost of cabaret is not high. ”
"No, no, no, no, the bar is by no means the place where the money goes up. ”
"Nightclubs? No, no, no, the cost of nightclubs in Binjiang City is not too high. ”
"Private clubs? no, no, private clubs must be members to go in and consume, this big money is not a member!"
…………
The car drove 3 kilometers, and the super drunk continued to think.
"There it is!" the super drunkard slapped his thigh, and the car immediately sped up.
When the car stopped, the passenger got out of the car and saw that this was the largest and most famous Jihong Hospital in Binjiang City.
He was like entering a steam room - confused: "Master, you, why did you send me to this place?"
The super drunkard said, "This is the highest cost." I dare say, no matter how much money you have, you can spend it quickly here!"
The passenger was like a hungry dog waiting for a bone - anxious: "But I'm not sick, no matter how rich I am, I can't put a plaster on my belly button - I'm not sick and looking for a disease!"
…………
In the taxi industry, I come into contact with all kinds of people every day, and the things I encounter every day can also be said to be eggplant on sorghum stalks, pumpkins on gourd vines - all strange.
One evening, as soon as his car drove to the door of a 24-hour hotel, Jiangcheng Hotel, someone waved to stop him.
After the super drunkard stopped, a female passenger came up and lay directly on the back seat.
At this time, it was already dark, and when the female passenger intercepted the car, the super drunkard did not pay attention to whether she was wearing clothes or not. When she got into the car, the super drunkard realized that she was covered in a stringless lute - naked.
The super drunkard asked where she was going, and slowly started the car.
The super drunkard thinks it is very strange and looks back at her from time to time while driving.
"You don't drive well, what do you see?" the woman spoke, "haven't you seen a?" ”
"Yes, of course I did. Said the super drunkard.
"Now that you've seen it, what do you always look at?" the woman was like a mouse teasing a cat—impatient.
"Madam, you must be Zhang Feigu scolding Guan Yu - misunderstood. Said the super drunkard.
"It's obvious that you don't drive well and always look back at me, how can I be misunderstood?" the woman asked.
"Me, I'm not looking at your nakedness at all, I just want to see where the money will come out when you get out of the car in a while. Your money is a nose and glasses – there's nowhere to go!" said the super drunkard.
"Little brother, I was in a hurry to go out and forgot to bring money. The woman said.
The super drunk stepped on the brakes: "I didn't bring any money, I'm sorry, please get out of the car!"
"This black light is blinding, don't get me out of the car. Little brother, I drank high today, and when I went into the bathroom, I actually stripped off all my clothes in a daze. I'm out of money today anyway, and the blind man takes the notice—you can do it. "The woman just couldn't get out of the car.
Super drunkards have always swept away the plates on the dinner table for this kind of person - they are not used to cooking. He got out of the cab, opened the back door, and dragged the down. Then, he went back to the cab and drove away.
The car drove less than 500 meters, and the super drunkard suddenly thought that this woman was drunk because she was drunk, and this was all the fault of the wine.
So, the super drunkard turned around and drove back, took off his shirt and pants, and threw them to the woman under the car. Then, instead of soliciting, he drove home in a vest and pants.
The car drove less than 1,000 meters, and the super drunkard thought, since it was the fault of the wine, and it was not her fault, why did I throw her in this black-lit place. So he turned the car around again, went back to the woman, called her in, and sent her home.
The next night, the super drunkard passed by the 24-hour Jiangcheng Hotel, and a jeweled woman was waving at the door of the hotel to stop the car.
The super drunk stopped and saw that the person who took the taxi turned out to be the woman who rode naked yesterday.
She gently opened the car door, stuffed a plastic bag in, and then said to the super drunkard with a spring breeze on her face: "Little brother, these are your clothes and pants, and I will return them to you, thank you!"
The super drunkard opened the plastic bag and saw that her clothes and pants had been washed and ironed neatly. Under the clothes, there was also a hundred-dollar bill and a note.
The note reads:
Little man, I'm sure you'll pass by here again, because it's open 24 hours a day and there are passengers at night, so I'll be waiting for you here.
You are a good person, I am willing to be your sister, as long as you don't dislike me for drinking.
I work in a public relations company, and in order to survive, I often drink high, and everyone calls me Lao Jiu, which means the ninth son of Lord Yama - Nine Ghosts (drunkard), don't laugh at me.
The checkout is her contact information.
Since then, the super drunkard has a good sister who can drink with him.
Leaving the Jiangcheng Hotel, the super drunkard looked at his watch, it was already 23 o'clock, so he drove home.
When he was about to get home, a young female passenger with heavy makeup and fashionable clothes came to his car, saying that he was going to the Golden Sun Hotel in the Development Zone, and asked him to hurry up, otherwise he would delay an important dinner.
On the premise of not violating the rules, the super drunkard keeps accelerating.
After 30 minutes, they arrived at the destination that the woman had said.
The female passenger looked at the meter, and it showed 49 yuan.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I forgot to bring my bag. My money is in my bag. The female passenger said, giving the super drunkard a flirtatious look.
"In our industry, we get up early in the morning, are greedy and black, earn hard-earned money, and can't brush lime stools - sit in vain. The super drunkard said solemnly.
"So what should I do, I didn't deliberately bring no money. As she spoke, she lifted her skirt to the base of her thighs and leaned all the way back to the super drunk.
"I'm not Kong Ming's straw boat-—— don't send me arrows (cheap)!" The super drunkard held the steering wheel with his left hand and pushed her away with his right hand.
"What should I do then? What should I do then?" the woman didn't give up, but leaned on the super drunkard.
"I don't care what you do, you have to pay the fare anyway. The super drunkard pushed her away again and raised his voice.
The woman lifted one side of her blouse again, revealing a snow-white breast.
"I'm an eye for a copper coin – only money. In my place, no matter what you do, you can't use it for money!" the super drunkard said more harshly.
"Little brother, you can't take a good look at me, people say that my skin is blown and broken. Otherwise, you blow it and try it. ”
"I'll only blow wine bottles, nothing else. "The super drunkard feels like his eyes are on fire.
"Then you can touch me, anyway, your grandson has entered Grandma's house today - you can do whatever you want!" the female passenger said coquettishly.
The super drunkard saw that reasoning with such a person was tantamount to making a report to the cow - she didn't understand it at all, so she kicked the accelerator and sent the female passenger back to where she stopped the car.
"Don't eat the fish that is sent to your mouth - a stupid cat (stupid hat)!"
The woman got out of the car, glared at the super drunkard fiercely, and then walked away swearing.
This is the ninth chapter of the novel "Super Drunkard" by Mei Yuan Guanxue: The Super Drunkard Drives a Taxi.
The novel "Super Drunkard", with very distinctive language and extremely exaggerated techniques, tells the legendary drinking life of a super drunkard who was born for wine and died because of alcohol. Those drunken stories are indispensable spiritual medicine for your pursuit of longevity.
"Super Drunkard" is a pure entertainment and pure comedy work, without any bad direction.
"Super Drunkard" is based on relevant articles, reports, jokes, and even his own experiences that he has seen, heard, and searched on the Internet.
(The picture is selected from the Internet)