From the author's personal life feelings:
There is a 51-year-old sister Zhang in my office who often complains about her daughter-in-law's unfilial piety.
said that her daughter-in-law is a two-faced person, and she is very good to customers, friends, and relatives outside, but she has never had a good face for her mother-in-law. even said that she had brought her son badly, and her son would not kiss him anymore!
For example, she is not as good as Sister Xia's daughter-in-law in the office next door, she is sensible and filial, and she is very capable!
Generally speaking, the issue of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has always been the least favorable judgment, after all, there are bad daughters-in-law and bad mothers-in-law.
In the past, when the whole of our office heard Sister Zhang complain like this, we could only comfort her a few words, and never taught her to deal with it.
But yesterday, this eldest sister brought the mood of fighting with her daughter-in-law at home on the weekend to work, nagging half of her colleagues in the office, complaining about how bad her daughter-in-law was.
At that time, I was also very bored, and they all said that the ugliness of the family should not be publicized, and Sister Zhang still talked about this bit of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in the family every day, and it can be seen that she is not a good mother-in-law.
So, as the team leader of the office, I took a little emotional attitude and asked Sister Zhang a few words, I said: "Sister Zhang, a slap doesn't make a sound, did you offend your daughter-in-law and make her treat you so badly?"
But Sister Zhang said very stubbornly: "Why am I not good to her, I helped buy the house, I left them to cook when I get off work every day, I help pick up the children, I do everything at home, isn't it good for her?"
Seeing Sister Zhang so strong and domineering, I knew that no matter what I asked her, I wouldn't admit it.
Therefore, I didn't continue to talk to her, and after work, I went to the next office to find Sister Xia and talked about Sister Zhang's family.
This Sister Xia and Sister Zhang are relatives, Sister Xia is the cousin of Sister Zhang's husband, they live in an urban village, and they are still neighbors.
After chatting with Sister Xia like this, it further confirmed my conjecture that in fact, Sister Zhang's daughter-in-law was not filial to her, and it was brewed by Sister Zhang.
When her daughter-in-law entered the door 4 years ago, Sister Zhang looked down on her daughter-in-law a little, because her daughter-in-law was from the countryside and felt that her daughter-in-law was here to climb wealth, so she made things difficult everywhere.
When she bought a new house for her son before marriage, she asked that only her son's name be written, and she was willing to pay to help buy it, which meant that she was afraid that her daughter-in-law would divorce halfway through, and the house would be divided in half.
At that time, I didn't mind being a daughter-in-law, but Sister Zhang didn't realize the generosity of her daughter-in-law, but her sons got married and started a family, and she especially liked to manage the affairs of the young couple.
Obviously, their parents have an old house to live in, but they have to squeeze in the new house with their son and daughter-in-law. She also asked her daughter-in-law to take out the living expenses every month, and she had to tell her what to buy at home.
When the family lives, they often don't give face to their daughter-in-law, and when their daughter-in-law's relatives come to visit, they are a little disgusted that their relatives are rural, and they are not enthusiastic at all. A little trivial thing in the family likes to make a big deal and go online.
Sister Xia also told me that Sister Zhang's daughter-in-law is very good to everyone, and she is also very good to her aunt, and she will say hello and care when she sees her.
But this daughter-in-law is the only one who treats Sister Zhang badly, and the reason for this is that Sister Xia also learned from Sister Zhang's daughter-in-law, saying that it is not that she, as a daughter-in-law, does not want to be filial to her mother-in-law, but her mother-in-law's attitude and behavior, which really makes her unfilial.
In fact, there are no inherently bad daughters-in-law in the world, most of them are formed later.
Some daughters-in-law are not unfilial, but have been influenced by their in-laws, so that they are not filial.
And as a mother-in-law, she doesn't open her mouth to say a lot of unfilial things about her daughter-in-law, she is a good mother-in-law, on the contrary, many mothers-in-law who like to complain about her daughter-in-law's unfilial piety are often a bad mother-in-law.
Therefore, I think that when a mother-in-law complains about her daughter-in-law's unfilial piety, she might as well reflect on whether there are these four things first, and then complain!
1. Ask your daughter-in-law to be filial to you, but have you treated your daughter-in-law like a daughter-in-law?
Many mothers-in-law want their daughters-in-law to be filial to themselves, which is a normal need, but on the other hand, daughters-in-law also expect their mother-in-law to treat her well like her own children.
Therefore, when the mother-in-law complains that her daughter-in-law is not filial, may I ask you, as a mother-in-law, have you done it as good as your daughter-in-law? If not, please don't ask your daughter-in-law too much.
After all, love is all about each other, and no one can blindly give without receiving. In addition, the daughter-in-law herself has no obligation or responsibility to support her mother-in-law.
The mother-in-law herself can't treat her daughter-in-law as a daughter, so don't ask your daughter-in-law how filial she is to you.
2. If the daughter-in-law is not filial, whether the son is filial
Many times, mother-in-law can't always make a fuss about her daughter-in-law's filial piety and unfilial piety, instead of complaining about her daughter-in-law's unfilial piety, it is better to see if her son is filial.
Generally speaking, if the son is filial, most of the daughters-in-law will not be too much to the mother-in-law, on the contrary, the son is not filial, so the mother-in-law should not ask the daughter-in-law to be filial, after all, your own children are not filial, do you still want the daughter-in-law who is not related by blood to be filial to you?
3. Whether there is too much interference in the life of his son and daughter-in-law
Why is the daughter-in-law unfilial and hates the mother-in-law, in fact, it is the same as why the children dislike their parents, not all the children are unfilial, but some parents are really disgusted.
The most common problem is that many parents interfere too much in their children's affairs, so that their children have no freedom and privacy, and eventually they will become disgusted with their parents.
The problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the same, and the daughter-in-law also hates that her mother-in-law interferes too much in the affairs of their husband and wife.
In the mother-in-law's house, the mother-in-law is the mistress of the family, and the son and daughter-in-law form a small family, so the daughter-in-law also wants to be the mistress of this small family. Therefore, the more the mother-in-law manages her daughter-in-law, no matter how filial the daughter-in-law is, she will be annoyed, and if she is bored, she will be unfilial.
Therefore, in conditional families, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law still live separately, and when they get along together, don't be a mother-in-law, don't be high-minded, calculating, not that you are a mother-in-law, you have to let your daughter-in-law let you, sometimes you accommodate your daughter-in-law, then there will not be too many contradictions.
4. How do you treat your in-laws?
It is said that parents are the first tutors of children, and parents' temperament and behavior will affect the growth of children. In the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, mother-in-law is also a role model for daughter-in-law, after all, mother-in-law also becomes a mother-in-law from daughter-in-law, so mother-in-law's behavior will also affect the growth of daughter-in-law.
Therefore, if you complain about your daughter-in-law's unfilial piety, please reflect on whether you have done your filial piety to your old mother-in-law and become a good and filial daughter-in-law? If you are not good to your mother-in-law, then you should not think about how good your daughter-in-law is to you.
As the saying goes, "big is like a small school". If you don't have a good daughter-in-law as a mother-in-law, how can you ask your daughter-in-law to be filial?