Sources: All of the information stated in this article is based on reliable sources, and is detailed at the end of the article
Text: Xuanzang
Edited by Xuanzang
Preface
I believe that many novice mothers will hear such a sentence in the parenting stage: "Enjoy this stage, the child will not kiss you when he is older".
Almost every "passerby" mother will have such a feeling, obviously when I was a child, I was sticky to my mother, not only to sleep, but also to see my mother at all times, and the child couldn't stand crying after leaving for a while, but when I was a child, I was so clingy, and when I grew up, I became more and more "independent".
Not only is he not pestering his mother as he was when he was a child, but he also chooses to avoid his mother, which is especially serious in adolescence, especially in boys, who are attached and repulsed to their mothers at this stage, like a contradiction.
Although many novice mothers will swear "no" when faced with such a statement, the next reality is to continue to "slap in the face".
Of course, this is not that mothers are bad, nor that children don't like their mothers anymore, but in the process of children's growth, the attachment to their mothers also changes, and this change is called "attachment theory" in psychology, and it is John Bobby, a famous British developmental psychologist, who proposed and verified this theory.
John Bobby proposed that infant attachment development is divided into three stages, in which children have different degrees of attachment to their mothers.
Mother-only holding stage (0-6 months)
The first stage of attachment development is the first stage of attachment development for babies from birth to six months, and at this stage, the child's attachment to the mother is very obvious, which is manifested in the need for the mother's arms at all times.
It may be necessary to sleep in a cuddle, it may be necessary to be in contact with the mother at all times, or it may be necessary to hear the mother's voice all the time, in short, at this stage the child is very attached to the mother and is very eager to have intimate behavior with the mother.
At this stage, the child's dependence on the mother gradually develops, the baby gradually adjusts to being with the mother, feels safe and comfortable, and the emotional connection with the mother will become stronger.
If children at this stage do not get enough security, they will also lack emotional aspects when they grow up, which may not be too obvious at ordinary times, but it will be obvious when they encounter things.
At the same time, this stage is also the most important stage for the father and the child to form an emotional connection, and it is said that parenting is not a person's business, but a family matter, and parents should be with the child together to give him a sense of security.
But don't think that you don't understand anything when you're a baby, it's time for a baby at this stage to develop a sense of security, and crying is likely to be a way for him to express his feelings.
Because they are too young to express accurately, they can only use crying to attract attention, and it is very important for the child's growth if parents are by their side to give them a sense of security at this time.
This stage is also the earliest stage for children to form emotional bonds with their parents, and it must not be overlooked.
Others can hold the stage (7 months - 2 years old)
This is followed by the second stage, which is the middle stage of attachment relationship development and a period of stable development of the child's relationship with the family.
During this period, children can gradually perceive the emotions and feelings of the outside world, begin to try to understand the relationship between people and things, and begin to know how to express their emotions and needs.
Moreover, at this stage, the child's sense of smell is fully developed, and the attachment to relatives has changed from intimate contact at the beginning to as long as they can smell the smell.
For example, some babies cry when they are not around, but as long as there is a mother who wears clothes next to her, she will stop crying and calm down.
Although it is a little heart-piercing, this is not the "heart" of the child and the mother, but the baby's olfactory sense has developed at this stage, and the rest of the senses have not yet developed very comprehensively.
That is to say, at this stage, he still touches the world more according to his sense of smell, and distinguishing his mother and some people close to him naturally rely on his sense of smell, at this time, as long as he smells his mother's smell, he will feel that his mother is still around, and he will naturally calm down.
Of course, if you want to make good use of this stage, you must pay attention to the attachment relationship in the first stage, otherwise the child and the parents will not have the earliest emotional connection, and there will be no sense of security at all.
At this time, even if you put ten pieces of mom and dad's clothes, the child will not feel at ease.
At this stage, parents still need to give their children a sense of security, and at the same time, it should be noted that children at this stage already have the ability to perceive the world.
They may learn Xi imitate through your words and actions, so guide your child correctly in the process, learn to support them on the right path, boost their self-confidence, and let them learn to self-affirm.
Respect Development Stage (3 to 5 years old)
In the blink of an eye, the child is already three years old, which is already the later stage of attachment development, in which the child has all kinds of intimate relationships, and is not confined to the mother or father.
At this stage, children are able to distinguish and understand people in different relationships, and learn to take the initiative to communicate, so as to satisfy their own curiosity and needs.
At the same time, children at this stage release their playful nature, and usually gather together to play, experiencing and perceiving the world in various imaginations and plays.
In addition, it is more important to note that children at this stage begin to establish feelings and friendships between their peers, so parents must not restrict their children's travel and friendship for the so-called "good for you".
On the contrary, we should prepare a sufficient social environment for children's growth, so that they can play to their heart's content, make friends, and practice more at this stage.
Although the child is still young at this stage, parents must learn to respect the child's opinion, and at this time you are no longer the commander of the decision, but the participant and listener.
It is necessary to respect children's opinions more, so that they can better develop their personality and cultivate character.
"Stay away" stage
In fact, in addition to the above three stages, in fact, there is a last stage of children's development, that is, the partnership stage, to put it bluntly, this stage is the stage when children gradually "move away" from their parents.
As children grow older, they are exposed to more things, they also realize that there is more to the world, and children at this stage begin to understand why their mother has to go to work, why they have to go to school, and why everyone can't be together all the time.
While they learn to separate, they are also enjoying separation, accepting that their parents cannot be by their side all the time, and at the same time, they are gradually "away" from their parents and starting their own lives.
Although this stage may make many parents feel reluctant, don't stop it, and don't think about "spoiling for two more years", but should let go appropriately and let them have their own life!
Love comes in stages but not in time
As we get older, we spend less and less time with our moms.
Especially when the children have formed their own families, it may only be the holidays to make time for our mothers.
As said in the article, love is different at different stages, but one thing will not change, that is, mother's love for us will not fade with the passage of time.
Mother's love is always the most sincere and selfless love in the world.
When our parents get older, their reflexes and thinking are not as quick as they were when they were younger, and we are in the prime of life, so we often feel as if they are not doing things perfectly.
Sometimes I even feel as if my parents are inferior to me.
In fact, this is just a normal stage, at this time we can still enjoy the mother's love is already very good, what we need to do is to be more tolerant and understanding.
Author's point of view
When you have a baby, you can hug more hugs, and when the baby grows up, you won't be allowed to hug it.
Therefore, the mothers of the year felt that the baby was too dependent on you, and when you always wanted to hold it, don't worry.
Change your mood, enjoy this stage, and when the baby grows up, it's time to be hugged by someone else.
Sources of information:
1. Baidu Encyclopedia: Attachment Theory
2. Baidu Library: Specific solutions to the dependence psychology of infants and young children
3. Baidu Library: The Concept of Attachment in Psychology