Always think at worst, "it's automatic negative thinking" at work

A glass of water is half full, and some of the people who see it will say, "Ah! is optimistic. Some will say, "Ah, there's only half of the water left!" is pessimistic.

We often pretend to be self-proclaimed or praise others for being optimistic, but pessimism is common to most people.

01

We're always good at thinking about the worst.

The girl said that when she called her boyfriend, if he beeped several times before answering or didn't answer the phone at all, she felt that he was cheating every minute.

I remember when I was in love, I couldn't reach my boyfriend on WeChat or phone, and I felt that he was spending a lot of time drinking outside in less than half an hour. If he didn't reply to me after an hour, he was worried about whether he was talking to another girl. If I don't contact him all day, I will think that this person must not really love me, and I guess I am a dispensable spare tire for him. Because even if you really love me, even if you are busy, squatting on the toilet will take the time to reply to a few messages from me.

After this mental activity, I will feel sorry for my stupid efforts on the sidelines, and I will inevitably make a fuss when he finally contacts me.

After a conflict with a family member or friend, people close the door or open the window a little louder, and they think that he is deliberately creating those harsh noises to vent their dissatisfaction with me. As a result, my anger inexplicably surged up again, and the result was that the atmosphere of disharmony was postponed again.

As soon as I answered the phone in the group, I was cold, did they all have an opinion about me?

I've even heard of people who have a sudden headache and wonder if they have some incurable disease and whether they will die in obscurity one night.

02

Do you know?

It's the negative automatic mind that's at work.

The above examples have a commonality, that is, the parties artificially rush to conclusions without supporting the facts, and identify unilateral conjectures and assumptions as "facts", which is called "automatic thinking" in psychology.

As the name suggests, automated thinking refers to thoughts, concepts, and ideas that are automatically generated in the brain. They come automatically, they don't require effort, and they sound reasonable.

Automated thinking often appears in conjectures, daydreams, and fantasies. For example, you can imagine in your mind what it would be like to go on a date with your crush tomorrow and imagine that you would have a great time, etc. You may also have in your mind the argument that will unfold when you meet someone you hate tonight, and you may also think about what he will accuse you of, how you will deal with him, etc. You keep repeating in your head things that may not actually happen and that you won't do at all.

Xi habitually thinking about things in the bad is negative automatic thinking. After a long period of research, American psychologist Ellis summarized the 12 most common types of negative automatic thinking.

1. Polarization

That is, the extreme thinking of "either/or", which only pays attention to the two poles of things and ignores the intermediate stage. For example, "if you don't succeed, you fail", "if you are not a good person, you are a bad person".

2. "It sucks"

There is no worst, only worse, but it is easy for us to see what we encounter as "the most terrible" and "hopeless", and thus fall into extreme anxiety, tension and other bad emotions. For example, "If I can't get into Tsinghua University and Peking University, I'll be completely finished", "She doesn't love me, I'm the most unlucky".

3. Excessive humility

In order not to make people talk about it, we are Xi of ignoring or denying our positive qualities. For example, "I got a good result this time because I was lucky", "I fixed the machine, but anyone can do it".

4. Emotional reasoning

That is, to take bad emotions as a fact and to determine one's actions based on them. For example, "This person makes me uncomfortable, he must be a bad guy", "I feel so sad, he must not want me anymore".

5. Label negatively

Ignore the actual situation and put a fixed label on yourself and others. For example, "My work is worthless, I'm worthless."

6. Maximize/minimize

Exaggerate the negative and minimize the positive. For example, I did well in math because I was lucky, and just passing in Chinese shows how stupid I was. In short, "I'm not learning Xi that piece of material."

7. Saving people's hearts

Thinking that he can understand the minds of others, he takes his own inferences as facts, ignoring other possibilities and not verifying them. For example, if I don't say hello when I meet, he must look down on me.

8. Self-centered

They think that everyone thinks like themselves, that the way they see things is the way others see things, or they insist that others should abide by the same values and rules of life as themselves. For example, I think women should be in charge of the housework, so my wife should do all the housework.

9. Hypothesis = conclusion

Draw conclusions directly from assumptions without looking at the facts. For example, today I walked 13 steps upstairs, and I heard that the number 13 is unlucky, and I am going to be unlucky today.

10. Partial generalization

Extrapolate a comprehensive conclusion from one or a few things. For example, if you meet a scammer, you think that there are liars everywhere in the world.

11. "Should" and "must"

There are precise, fixed, rigid ideas that we use to bind ourselves and others. For example, I have to be a successful person, I have to be appreciated by everyone, others have to treat me fairly, etc.

12. Don't believe in the good comments of others

Don't trust what others say about you. For example, people praise me because they have other intentions, or because they are polite, or because they don't understand me.

I believe that many people see themselves from the above 12 examples.

03

Things are not as bad as we think,

Even it can be wonderful.

But in the end, we all find out that things are not as bad as we think, and it may even be good.

There is a saying that prepare for the worst and do your best.

In fact, sometimes making more bad intentions can really enhance your ability to adapt to difficult situations. However, when things are excessive, it is always bad.

Cranky, thinking about the bad side of everything, will make people have different degrees of anxiety, nervousness, fear, irritability, etc. When it is severe, it will affect your life for a certain period of time, leading to severe anxiety and even depression.

Once, when I was in danger, I was told by the authorities to do things well. The night I took over the mission, I had a long sleepless spell. All that comes to mind is the worry that things will be messed up tomorrow. The more I suppressed it, the stronger this thought became, and as a result, I was in a trance all night, waking up at the slightest sound, and worrying about it as soon as I woke up.

The truth is, the next day, with huge dark circles under my eyes, I got things going well. Yes, I was "exhausted" for seven or eight hours in vain.

Why do we always think things so badly for no reason?

1) These negative automatic thoughts may be related to our expectations of things.

After the exam, I was worried that I might fail the exam because we had high expectations for the results. When we receive a task, we are anxious before we do it, because we have high expectations for our performance.

2) These negative automatic thoughts may also be related to our own perceptions. For example, some people (especially women) will completely deny themselves after encountering a marriage change, and label their lives as "failures". Because, in their view, marriage is a major event in a woman's life, and women who can't manage their marriage well are failures, overemphasizing the responsibility of women's identity in a happy marriage, and ignoring the objective understanding of their actual ability. These ideas are often formed in an acquired environment.

04

How do you get rid of this negative automatic thinking?

1. Delay anxiety and divert attention.

Anxiety relief is a term I coined. I'm sure many people have discovered the fact that the odds of something that causes us to be overly anxious every time it happens in the end are extremely small. So, as soon as I noticed that my negative thoughts were working, I tried to divert my attention.

For example, digging out the list of movies that you have kept private for a long time and watching them one after another, for example, asking three or two friends to go to the rooftop to have a string of strings, and if you need time to rush to the bed, soak your feet and cover a thick cup to hibernate ...... After this special period, it will soon be proven right that you are right to delay anxiety. Because things aren't as bad as you think, and it can even be as good as you think.

2. Negative automatic thinking list.

When I was in high school, I was under a lot of pressure Xi my studies. People in stressful situations are more likely to get cranky due to nervous tension. I don't know if you've noticed, it's always easy to get distracted every time you prepare for the exam with high intensity, and the content of the distraction is often those things that embarrass you or bad memories.

When I realized that I was thinking, I would take out a piece of paper and write down my negative thoughts and anxieties. After the event is over, write down where things are going in reality. Collect these little notes, and look through them every time the negative automatic thoughts come out, and you will find: Ah, I have embarrassed myself so many times. Gradually, my habit of thinking about the bad in case of trouble also improved.

3. Change wrong concepts and cognitions

Compared with the first two points, changing misconceptions and cognitions can cure negative automatic thinking, but at the same time, it is also the most difficult. Many times, our minds are deeply influenced by misconceptions and cannot be self-aware. Because automated thinking happens so quickly, sometimes in a matter of seconds. Rather than rationally dissecting the generation of emotions/thoughts, we are more "happy" to indulge in the emotions/thoughts of the moment.

At the same time, many misconceptions/perceptions have become ingrained in our minds with experience and time, and it is often impossible to shake their foundations on our own. Therefore, it is recommended that patients with too severe negative automatic thinking contact a reliable psychological counselor for cognitive therapy. Under the correct guidance of the teacher, the correction of misconceptions/beliefs can be ensured, so as to eradicate negative automatic thinking.

Finally, I hope we don't embarrass ourselves too much because of our own cranky thoughts! You know, things are not a foregone conclusion, and the results can be as beautiful as you expected.

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