A recent incident in South Korea has attracted a lot of attention: a 44-year-old woman adopted a 38-year-old friend, and within 24 hours, the relationship between the two changed from friend to mother and daughter.
And all this is just because the two people who are unmarried and have no children want to find a way to provide for each other.
(Eun and Lee, who changed from friends to mother and daughter)
Netizens were shocked by this: I treat you as a friend, but you just want to be my mother??
But after understanding the ins and outs, many people have to admit that it makes sense to adopt a friend as a daughter...
Eun, the 44-year-old "mother" of the adoption, has been skeptical about starting her own family after witnessing the hard work of her mother, the Gu family, in her family of origin.
From her mother's unhappy married life, she seemed to be able to see her future self - after realizing this, she decided not to live the hard life of her mother, so she neither married nor had children.
In 2016, in order to escape the stress of living in a big city, Eun chose to move to the countryside. There, she met her lifelong confidant, Lee.
Like Eun, Lee is single and unmarried, and has also moved to the countryside because he is tired of life in the big city.
The two discovered that they both liked plants, vegetarian cooking and making some gadgets, and the more they met, the more they chatted, the happier they became, and they quickly became good friends.
After knowing each other for less than a year, Eun and Lee decided to move in together. According to their plan, living together can reduce the insecurity of living alone, while also ensuring that they can take care of each other when they are older or if they fall ill suddenly.
Over the course of a few months, the two became acquainted with each other's lifestyles, sharing bills, household chores, and even buying a house to live in.
Although they are not in a romantic relationship, they are already close to each other.
However, they soon discovered that although the current idea of "taking care of each other" is perfect, in the final analysis, the relationship between the two is only strangers in the final analysis.
A few years ago, when Eun was hospitalized with a chronic headache that was getting worse, she suddenly discovered that South Korean law only allowed family members to make important decisions for their patients. Even for a simple visit, the status of family members is much more convenient than that of friends.
Considering that there will inevitably be moments when urgent decisions need to be made after getting old, if the two want to continue the plan to take care of each other, they must become legally related to each other.
"What we wanted was very simple, being able to take care of each other, sign a medical agreement, have the right to take time off work to care for one of them if he or she got sick, or organise a funeral when one of them died.
But in South Korea, unless we are legitimate family members, it is basically impossible to do these things for each other. ”
Initially, the two considered pretending to be in a relationship and achieving their goals through marriage. But it is clear that at present, South Korea does not recognize same-sex marriage, and this road is simply not going to work.
They have no choice but to find another way: since they can't become a family through marriage, then try to adopt...
To the surprise of the two, the adoption process was much simpler than expected.
Eun mentioned that the process even seemed outrageously simple to mention.
In South Korea, the adoption of a child by an unmarried person is subject to a review of factors such as age, financial stability, and the environment in which the child is raised, and the standard of approval is high.
But adopting an adult is much simpler, and there are hardly any prerequisites.
If you want to make your friend your daughter, you only need to be older than your friend, get the approval of your friend's mother, and prove that the other party is not related to you.
There are basically no obstacles in the process: fill out a form and wait for 24 hours to go home, and my friend will seamlessly become a daughter on the spot.
The adoption of a friend also gave Eun a new perspective on starting a family:
"The family as defined by the current law is essentially based on sexual unions, and families from which sexual unions derive children.
But I think it's the emotional connection between family members that matters most. Therefore, when I am with someone who is always close to each other and feels extremely stable and calm in my emotions, I believe that we can indeed be each other's family. ”
After successfully adopting a friend, Eun wrote about his experience in a book expressing his thoughts on the matter.
In her opinion, South Korean law should allow more single citizens to legally create a family of their choice. Family is the bond between people, regardless of gender or age, and people who can trust and rely on each other can be "family".
Many people also expressed their opinions after hearing their stories:
"One of the things that struck me the most was that you actually found a very realistic solution.
In addition to adoption, individuals want to work out laws that allow their partner to become legal guardian in a critical situation... Judging from the marriage rate and birth rate in South Korea, it may not be a few years before the 'one-person family' will become a very important social issue. ”
"It's interesting to see such a fresh case for the first time in a long time. Judging from the fact that they decided to adopt after living together for 5 years in the interview, it should be a deliberate decision between the two of them, and they are trustworthy to each other.
From this point of view, France has introduced a law that allows families to be formed in similar circumstances, but it is somewhat regrettable that our side has been slow to move forward. ”
"My first reaction was: Wow!
My understanding of family forms has become more diverse, and my life choices have become slightly broader than before, and I even feel excited about adopting friends.
I hope that one day I can be legally recognized as family with someone who is truly compatible, not only with relatives but also with friends. ”
"I hope that the relevant laws will be enacted as soon as possible, and I look forward to the day when more forms of family members will be recognized in our society. ”
Korean netizens' worries about family structure are not unreasonable. Relevant statistics point out that the number of "one-person households" in South Korea in 2021 has reached more than 7 million.
Looking at South Korea's marriage and fertility rates, which are among the lowest in the world, it is estimated that by 2040, 4 out of every 10 households will be "one-person households".
The skyrocketing number of "one-person families" means that when this generation grows old, pension will become a common social problem in the future.
Just like Eun's current predicament, if you want to choose a friend as your family, you may have to resort to the seemingly non-mainstream "ridiculous" method of "adopting a friend as a child".
There are many precedents for other countries and regions to solve the problem. With the emergence of different forms of family concepts, the social system has to change to deal with new problems that may arise in the future.
Some countries have adapted their laws to the new mindset. In France, for example, there is a so-called "PACS" (Mutual Civil Assistance Contract) to protect the rights and interests of two people who are not married but live together for a long time.
The parties who sign the PACS can be of the opposite sex or the same sex, and its overall constraints on responsibilities are much smaller than those of marriage, but there are corresponding guarantees in terms of economic and mutual aid obligations.
In addition, the two people who sign the PACS can legally raise children. Children born during the PACS are called "illegitimate children" and have the same rights as all children. "Cooperative parents" who only have children and do not marry have become an alternative lifestyle.
There are also many folk self-help methods, and 26 women in the UK have established OWCH, a community for elderly women, to explore new family forms and ways to care for the elderly.
Formulating unified principles, planning for retirement in advance, finding people with similar values and lifestyles to form a "community family"... Community members have also developed a plan for future care: if someone becomes disabled and needs to hire a caregiver, 2-3 people can share the cost of caregiving. The principle of mutual accountability of the group also avoids incidents of caregiver abuse.
Since 2016, 26 women have been co-managing this warm and loving female utopia, living a life that is both independent and cooperative, loose and close.
Of course, there may be a problem of "adaptation" with any kind of rule. In the final analysis, what kind of methods to adopt and what kind of rules to formulate depends on social concepts and the overall environment.
But looking at it along the way, Eun's experience did give us a lot to think about:
"In the process of thinking about what family is, it also occurred to me that it would be nice to have a word with a more comprehensive meaning that could replace 'family'.
Isn't the emotional union more important than the marriage that comes with a sexual union? I want to live with the person I choose, take care of each other, take care of each other, and be responsible for each other, so why can't I recognize us as family?"