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My name is Zhang Dachuan, I am 30 years old, and I am an ordinary factory worker. My parents divorced when I was a child, and I lived with my mother. My mother was very strict with me and often beat and scolded me for no reason, and I was very frightened in my childhood.
I am introverted, not good at words, have few friends, and have been living a withdrawn life as an adult. Over the years, I have made a living by working, and my mother is in her 70s, retired and has nothing to do at home. I was often nagged by her, she always said that I was a useless waste, and often found fault with me, and I felt very uncomfortable listening to it.
A few days ago, my mother suddenly fainted and was sent to the hospital. I took leave to see her every day, and I was still quite worried. The doctor said that it was a blood vessel problem in the brain and that he needed to be hospitalized for observation. I was taking care of her in the ward, and when my mother saw me coming, her face was very ugly, and she said, "What are you doing here? Don't bother me if it's okay." "I thought to myself that I was your son, and it was normal for me to come to see you when you were sick, but I still endured it and didn't say anything.
After a few days, my mother's illness was much better, and the doctor said that she could be discharged. I went to pick her up on the day I was discharged, and she looked much worse than when she was admitted to the hospital, and I helped her to the car, and she shook off my hand and said, "Don't touch me, I can do it myself." I held back again and silently drove her home.
When my mother came home, I found that her Alzheimer's symptoms were getting worse and worse, and she often reprimanded me as if I was a child. The other day, she suddenly picked up the glass at hand and threw it at me, hurting my hand. She had no remorse, and said that I was disobedient and made her angry.
The thought became clearer and clearer in my mind, and I began to plan it in detail. I'm going to suffocate my mom with a pillow while she's asleep one night, and then dispose of her body and make her disappear. I'm going to put an end to this.
In the evening, I knocked on my mother's door with dinner: "Mom, it's time to eat." ”
"Got it, got it, wait for me!" Mom shouted inside.
My heart was beating faster, my palms were sweating, and tonight was the time to execute my plan
My mother asked me to go out and wait for her first, and it took more than ten minutes before I came out slowly. I helped her to sit down at the dinner table and pretended that everything was normal and chatted with her: "Mom, how are you feeling today?
Mom said listlessly: "You don't care what I do, it's not your illness." Serve me food, I'm starving!"
I silently served her a big bowl of rice, and my mother devoured it. I pretended to eat normally, but I was thinking about the future. After dinner, Mom will go back to her room and sleep. I'm going to do it while she's asleep, smothering her with a pillow and then trying to dispose of her body
"Hey, what are you doing!" Mom's voice suddenly pulled me back to reality, "You idiot, I can't even hear you when you take fruit to eat!"
"Oh, I'm sorry Mom, I'll take it. "I hurriedly went to get the fruit.
Mom said she had enough after a few bites, and I quickly put the rest away. Seeing that she finished eating, I took the initiative to say, "Mom, you go back to the room to rest first, and I'll clean up the table." ”
"Okay, I'm going to sleep, don't bother me. Mom stood up and walked slowly back to the room and closed the door.
I started to get busy, cleaned up the table, and then pretended to be calm and washed and changed. I sat in my bedroom, looking at my watch, listening to the movement outside, waiting for the time to come.
Finally, the hands of the clock pointed to the scheduled time, and I was sure that my mother should have fallen asleep. I tiptoed to her door, opened it softly, and saw by the light outside the door that she was asleep and snoring slightly.
Mom may have instinctively sensed the danger and suddenly began to struggle, but she was not as strong as before and could not resist me at all. I pressed the pillow with all my weight to choke her breathing.
After my mother died, my mind went blank and my hands and feet were cold. It took me a while before I came back to my senses. I knew I had to destroy all the evidence quickly, making it seem like an accident.
I first found a couple of large garbage bags and put my mother's body in them. Then I scoured around and swept all the items related to my mother into the garbage bag. I want the police to think that my mother ran away from home of her own free will.
After doing all this, I carried several garbage bags full of Mom's body to the car. It was getting late, so I drove to a wasteland in the suburbs and buried my mother's body in the dirt under the cover of night.
When I got home, I thoroughly cleaned the room to make sure no evidence was left. It was nearly early in the morning, and I collapsed on my bed exhausted. My mind was full of what my mother looked like before she died, and I tossed and turned, unable to sleep for a long time.
A policeman took a few looks at my room and said, "You're very clean here, your mother's stuff is gone, it doesn't look like a normal disappearance." ”
I pretended to be more anxious and said, "I'm too worried about something happening to my mother, and I cleaned up the mess here last night." Hey, my mom is so old, I really don't know where she can go, you must help me find her!"
The policeman gave me a suspicious look and left without saying anything more. In the days that followed, I was always on the lookout for fear that the police would find out what was wrong. I try to behave normally, go to work, go out drinking with friends, and pretend to be a normal son.
Half a month passed like this, and one night, when I had just returned home, someone suddenly knocked on my door. As soon as I opened the door, I saw several policemen standing outside.
My heart sank, and they finally found the evidence. What should I do? Do I want to run away? My brain was racing, my limbs were stiff, and I couldn't move
When I was taken back to the police station for interrogation, my heart was dead. They seem to have some evidence, and I can't escape the blame anymore.
"Zhang Dachuan, we found your car in the surveillance video on the night of your mother's disappearance, driving to the suburbs. We have found your mother's body in the wasteland there. Is there anything else you would like to say?" A policeman said solemnly.
I cried about the whole process and motives. I said that I was beaten and scolded by her when I was a child, and that she was even more vexatious and often hurt me after she became demented. After she hurt my hand that day, I finally couldn't take it anymore and decided to put an end to it.
The policeman shook his head after hearing this: "But this still shouldn't be a reason for you to kill, she is your mother after all." It's illegal for you to do so. ”
"Your current conduct has amounted to intentional homicide. The policeman said sternly.
Finally, my judgment date has come. The judge asked me about my motives, and I told me the truth. I ask the judge to be lenient because I am not acting in bad faith.
According to the defendant's statement, part of the crime he committed was for the purpose of relieving his mother's suffering, so this court gave him a lenient punishment and sentenced him to 12 years' imprisonment. The judge finally pronounced the verdict.
The 12-year sentence was long and painful for me. Life in prison was boring and boring, and my heart was tormented by deep remorse. I often think of my mother, of the life I took from her, and that it became a thorn in my heart that could never be removed.
After I was released from prison, I lived in isolation. I don't work anymore and spend my days at home immersed in memories. I often looked at my mother's old photos in a daze, talking to myself into the air, as if she was still alive.
I knew I couldn't go back to my normal life. These 12 years in prison have made me feel strange and frightened by society. I live like years, living in the shadow of the past.
One day, an old friend came to see me, and he persuaded me, "Okawa, you can't live forever in the pain of the past, you still have a long way to go in life, you should give yourself a chance to start over." ”
I was silent, and then said, "I can't forgive myself for the crime of taking my mother's life, which will stay with me for the rest of my life." I deserve to spend the rest of my life like this to atone for my sins. ”
The friend sighed: "You have to forgive yourself, if your mother is still there, she will also want you to start a new life." You're still young, don't live forever in the shadows of the past. ”
I was lost in thought, and I knew my friend had a point. Maybe I should really give myself a chance to start over and honor my mother with an active life instead of dwelling on guilt forever. I need to slowly get out of this demon before I can truly forgive myself
This became my goal for the rest of my life. Step by step, I will move on to the pain of the past and rediscover the meaning of life. Mom, please forgive me with the Heavenly Spirit. I will spend the rest of my life making up for what I owe you and being a son you can be proud of. This will be my path to salvation
After I was released from prison, I began a long process of self-redemption. I first found a simple job and tried to adapt to it and return to social life. At the same time, I actively participate in some volunteer activities to help the elderly who are living in difficulty. I hope that through my own efforts, I can make up for the debt I owe to my mother.
Once, our volunteers came to the home of a poor elderly man. It was an elderly woman in her 80s with limited mobility. She lives in a simple house and cannot take care of herself. I took the initiative to stay and take care of her life.
I started going to the old woman's house every day, cooking for her, cleaning her room, and chatting. One day, when I was peeling fruit for her, she suddenly said, "Young man, you are so good to me as you are to your own mother." You must be a good boy with filial piety. ”
The old woman looked at me in amazement, and I plucked up my courage and told her what had happened and what had happened to me.
The old woman was silent for a long time, and then she said to me lovingly, "Son, who is not a sage? I'm sure your mother's spirit in heaven will forgive you too. You are still young, look forward, live well, and don't live in the shadows of the past forever. ”
I burst into tears: "Thank you, Auntie. I'll learn my lesson and start over. ”
Since then, I have continued to try to help the old woman and more people in need, trying to make up for my mistakes through my own efforts. I also began to learn to forgive myself and stop living in the pain of self-blame all day long. I want to live a new life.
Time flies, and in the blink of an eye I am 50 years old. I still keep volunteering and open my own small shop, and my life is calm and meaningful. One day, a young man came to me out of the blue and said that he was my son. It turned out that his mother was my old love when I was younger, and gave birth to him alone after I was in prison and didn't tell me.
"Dad, I've finally found you. He said excitedly.
I looked at the blood-related son in front of me, and my heart was mixed. I decided to take him to me and give him a complete home to make up for the regrets of my youth.
I lived to be old and finally realized the greatness of my father's love. I will pass on this love so that history will not repeat itself