It started with Lincoln's discovery of the "law of the cowfly".
On a farm in Illinois in the summer of 1832, Lincoln, a 10-year-old boy, was working on a field. It was the first time he had started doing farm work, and sweat soaked through his dirty shirt.
The old cow kept flicking its tail to drive away the flies and insects on its body, regardless of the efficiency of farming. Lincoln put down his hoe and stared at the cow that he was running faster from time to time.
Attentively, he found that when the cow fly landed on the back of the cow, it would bring the sting of the bite. In order to avoid the pain, the old cow quickened his pace. Lincoln realized that stimulus and stress can unleash great potential—this is what became known as the "law of the cowfly."
Perhaps on the road of human growth, external pressure will also become an incentive for us to grow.
The lesson of the weaver Shen Bixian in the Ming Dynasty
In the middle of the Ming Dynasty, there was a weaver in Haining County, Shen Bixian, who lived an ordinary life with his wife Yan. In getting along day and night, the two doted on their only son Shen Xiu very much.
Yan always takes care of his son's daily life and diet, for fear that he will be wronged; Shen Bixian also took the trouble to meet his son's various requirements. Under the doting of his parents, Shen Xiu grew up with a very brutal and willful personality, and mingled with indiscreet people all day long.
Until one day, Shen Xiu died unexpectedly and mysteriously at the age of eighteen. When Yan learned the bad news, he cried bitterly and shouted, "My son!" hugging the head and crying; Shen Bixian looked at the body of his only son, and tears came out of his eyes.
They never have a truly happy moment in their lives again because they missed the best time to run a family business.
The struggle of women in the modern workplace
In this fast-paced city life, many women work hard in the company during the day and go home to take care of their families at night. Gu Jia is one of them. Her advertising company has a career-oriented boyfriend named Xu Huanshan, and the two have been engaged for many years and have already entered a cohabitation life.
Gu Jia worked hard to help in Xu Huanshan's newly established company, and she had to take care of the two of them in her spare time. However, just when his career was in full swing, Xu Huanshan had an improper relationship with another female subordinate.
When Gu Jia found out the truth, she cried bitterly, as if she had lost the whole world. She questioned Xu Huanshan with red eyes: "I have paid so much, but you betray me like this!" At that moment, Gu Jia collapsed, and she could no longer believe in the so-called true love.
My friend Xiaoqin had a different life. After she married a rich second generation, she could have stretched out her hands for food to open her mouth and enjoy happiness in peace. But she gave up this life and began to support herself in her father-in-law's company.
Through her own efforts, Xiaoqin gradually broke through the world in the business world and became a successful strong woman. Perhaps, women should learn to be self-reliant.
The importance of "motivating each other" in the life of a couple
Many people mistakenly believe that as soon as the marriage registration book is signed, the husband and wife will grow old. As everyone knows, there are often crises in married life, such as stressful life, poor communication, boring getting along, and so on.
To get through these difficulties together, couples must learn to encourage and support each other.
First and foremost, couples need to communicate actively in life, which is key to building trust. It's okay to talk about your thoughts and share your worries or happy things often. Don't shy away from arguing when necessary, because there is often more opportunity for in-depth communication after an argument.
A survey by industry experts found that couples who quarrel frequently have a lower chance of divorce.
Second, dare to point out the shortcomings and shortcomings of the other party. For example, if the wife often neglects housework, the husband should guide patiently; For example, if the husband is slacking off at work, the wife should also remind him in time.
Because no one is perfect, more supervision is less blindness. Studies have shown that couples who dare to learn from each other's shortcomings have a longer relationship.
Finally, creating a crisis appropriately can enhance the sense of responsibility between husband and wife and urge each other to cherish the home. For example, experience small crises such as power outages and network outages in life; Simulating a reunion after a short separation, etc., will make couples feel more secure after being reunited.
According to the Psychology of Marriage Study, couples who have experienced separation and reunion can reduce the divorce rate by 13%.
Therefore, on the way to move forward hand in hand, we should replace blame with encouragement, and replace demand with support, so that the tree of marriage can be evergreen.
Facing the trials of family life hand in hand
Many people will ask why some people come to the crossroads of divorce and continue to get along with each other? It is because they understand that ordinary family life is full of trials, and only by supporting each other can we tide over the difficulties.
For example, in parenting issues, the crying of children will seriously affect the sleep quality of couples, and it is easy to cause estrangement in the long run; When the work pressure is high, the husband is worried, and the wife must learn to listen patiently; When household expenses increase, encourage each other to economize.
These trivial trials of life may seem insignificant, but the accumulation of day after day can shatter a family.
In the face of various challenges, couples must work together to advance and retreat. Psychologist Maslow pointed out in "A Study of Human Motivation Theory" that when others give positive incentives, individuals are more motivated to complete tasks or make plans.
Husbands and wives are often the most effective in motivating couples because they are most emotionally connected. In addition, it is important to form a tacit understanding in the trivial things of life, such as dividing labor and working together to do housework or take care of children, so that you can get twice the result with half the effort.
As long as we think about the sentence "There is no way out of doubt, and the willows and flowers are bright and another village", we know that the difficulty in the ordinary often contains the hope of sublimation. The farthest distance in this world is when I stand in front of you and dare not speak; And the warmest distance is when I lie in your arms and talk about my troubles.
Cowflies can be messengers of love
When the cowfly lands on the cow's back, bringing a bite that makes the cow have to run, it becomes a messenger of love. Because it is this pain that makes the poor and boring old cow active, and the master's farm work can be successfully completed.
In the same way, when we pursue a career or love, we often need external pressure to stimulate our ambition.
For example, the young couple in the love period are tired of talking about love together every day, and spend the days of honey and oil. At this time, if a third party intervenes, it will bring about a crisis, but it will prompt the two parties to temporarily separate, so as to miss and cherish each other more.
Reunions after separation are often more emotional, because I finally confirm that you are an indispensable part of my life.
For another example, when we encounter competitors in our careers and begin to feel pressured to surpass others, we will suddenly find our own shortcomings, so we will catch up and eventually grow.
If you have always been on the cusp of the storm, it will be difficult to make continuous progress.
Even at a low point in our lives, we need the bite and encouragement of our friends and family, which are words of genuine love and will help us regain our fighting spirit.
As the saying goes, adversity sees the truth. No one can make it all the way.
Therefore, in this turbulent red dust, when you encounter tribulations, when you see your lover who is always by your side, when you look up at the bullflies buzzing and flying in the sky, do not frown, but accept the bite of this love, and then run forward bravely, because this is the motivator of life.