Courage is one of the most important qualities of a man. It gives a man the strength to face the ups and downs of life, and it also gives him the courage to pursue his true thoughts. Seeing my ex-wife again after divorce is the only feeling.
My name is Zhang Wei and I am Chinese New Year's Eve eight years old. It's been three years since the divorce, and in the past three years, I've been trying to make my life a little better. However, I have never been able to forget and let go of my ex-wife. Just a few days ago, I inadvertently ran into her in the hospital, and she was still as beautiful as she was back then, but there was a little more vicissitudes in her eyes.
"Xiaoyu, why are you here?" I couldn't help but walk over and a greeting popped out of my mouth.
She heard my voice and looked up at me, with indescribable emotion in her eyes, and she answered softly: "Zhang Wei." ”
"How did you end up here?" I was a little overwhelmed.
It turned out that her mother was hospitalized and she came to visit her. From her mouth, I learned about her life, and she has been losing confidence in life after leaving me.
After our brief conversation, I realized my inner struggle. When I chose to divorce, I didn't think it through, maybe it was just an impulse, but it was irreversible.
When I saw my ex-wife, my mood was messed up. In the days after the divorce, I tried to make myself better, but I couldn't let go. Facing my ex-wife, I really realized that I didn't really let go. Needless to say, no matter how wonderful and fulfilling my life is, I have never been able to get rid of the sadness in my heart.
"Xiaoyu, I ......" I wanted to say something, but I didn't know how to speak.
"Let's all get through it, and let it pass. She whispered, as if to relieve me and draw a stop between us.
However, my heart was not reconciled, and I felt that there was still a lot to say to her, and there were still many things to explain to her.
I was on my way home with a heavy heart. I felt powerless, I felt my inner struggles and contradictions. What can I do to be liberated?
Back at home, I sat quietly on the couch and closed my eyes. The past flashed in my mind one by one, my acquaintance, acquaintance, love, and final separation with Xiaoyu. My mood became extremely heavy, like a majestic boulder, and I was overwhelmed.
At this time, the phone rang suddenly. Confused, I walked over to the phone and picked up the microphone. "Hey, it's me. A deep male voice came from the other side.
"Zhang Wei, it's me. Hearing this voice, I suddenly woke up a lot.
"Dad, why did you call so late?" I asked in surprise.
"I know you and Xiaoyu met in the hospital. The father's voice was full of reproach and doubt.
I don't know how to answer, my father has suffered so much in silence, including my divorce. He thinks that Xiaoyu is a thing of the past for me, and that my actions will stain the family.
"Dad, I'm also very embarrassed, how can I just let it go?" I tried to explain to my father.
"It's between you, and maybe you'll be liberated by it. But remember, the family's reputation is important. The father's tone was harsh.
I couldn't answer, so I had to hang up silently. The inner contradictions and struggles hit me again, and I felt at a loss and overwhelmed.
That night, I barely closed my eyes, and my inner struggle exhausted me. In the morning, I set out on my way to my father's house alone. There, I was born, raised, and divorced. However, I was never able to escape my father's expectations and blame.
In the face of my father, I have never been able to let go of my heart. My father had been expecting me to have a happy family, but I had disappointed him.
"Dad, I'm just trying to get a little relief. I whispered, hoping my father would understand.
"Liberation, is your liberation worth dishonoring the whole family?" was in his father's tone, revealing utter disappointment.
I was speechless, I didn't expect my actions to affect the reputation of the entire family. The inner struggle and pain suffocated me. I don't know what to do, I feel extremely lost.
When I left the hospital, the tangles and heartaches in my heart came like a tidal wave. I realized that perhaps this feeling had not been forgotten by time. Perhaps, what I need to do is to face what I really think.
When I got home, I sat quietly on the couch and thought about what had happened in the hospital. I knew I couldn't give up my love for her. I set myself a goal to get her back. I decided to go to her and have a good talk. Face to face, talk about your inner feelings and hopes for the future.
Early the next morning, I arrived at her doorstep. Although I was nervous, I believed that courage can overcome everything.
She opened the door and looked a little stunned when she saw that it was me. I hurriedly spoke: "Xiaoyu, I couldn't finish it yesterday, I want to have a good talk with you." ”
She acquiesced to my request and sat me down. We began to fall silent, as if the whole world was filled with the two of us. Finally, I broke the silence: "Xiaoyu, I realize that I don't want us to be strangers. I have always loved you dearly, and I have not been able to forget you all these years. ”
She looked at me, her eyes seemed to be surging with a thousand words, and she said softly: "Zhang Wei, I have always been thinking about you. However, the problems between us are not just emotional problems. ”
I know what she's talking about, and I can't wait to explain: "I understand that the mistakes we have made, I will face them and solve them." I believe that as long as we work together, all problems can be solved. ”
She was silent for a while, and finally whispered, "You know what, I have a child now, a daughter, and she's five years old. ”
I was stunned, five-year-old daughter......?
As I walked home, the contradictions and struggles in my heart could not be quelled. After meeting my ex-wife, my heart felt like a bloody storm, and those old things came like a tide, making me unable to extricate myself. I am not a cowardly man, but I feel extremely hopeless and painful in my heart.
Back home, I ran to the study and picked up my mother's relic, a carved sandalwood mirror. My mom passed away when I was very young, and the mirror became the only memento I could touch. I looked at myself in the mirror, and what was reflected in those eyes was the pain and hesitation that was constantly tearing in my heart.
Suddenly, the silence was broken by a knock on the door. It's my sister, Zhang Li.
"Zhang Wei, what's wrong with you?" She walked in and looked at me with concern.
I was drawn to her by her. "Sister Li, I'm ...... Ex-wife, I see her again. ”
"What's going on again?" she said, with a hint of concern on her face.
I told her the whole story, including my inner conflicts and struggles. She was silent for a moment, and then said softly: "As much love as you had at the beginning, there was as much pain as you could." It's all because you once loved deeply, and it's like a heartache at this moment. ”
I was slightly stunned when I heard this, and her words made me suddenly enlightened. Perhaps, I should have thought further, perhaps, I should have tried to redeem it.
"Sister Li, what should I do?" I looked at her. She smiled at me: "You don't know yourself, then go and ask." Go back to your heart, to find the truest feeling within you. As long as your heart is liberated, everything will be solved. ”
I was deeply moved by her words and strengthened my thoughts. I decided to be brave enough to face my inner struggles and bravely search for the truth.
The next day, I went again to find my ex-wife. I struggled to control my emotions and said what was in my heart: "Xiaoyu, I don't know how to start. But I know very well that it was my mistake that I left you, and that I didn't keep you properly. ”
She listened to me quietly, without much expression on her face. I know that what I have to do is not just say it, but I need to prove it with deeds.
After a few more days, I started trying to reconnect with my ex-wife, inviting her over for a meal and strolling along the trails we used to walk together. We walked slowly, and the afterglow of the setting sun sprinkled on us, as if it warmed every corner of my heart.
I stopped to look at her by the creek we were walking by. She looked up at me with a hint of relief and relief in her eyes. I pulled down my knee and said in a deep voice: "Xiaoyu, I know I can't give you a perfect home, but I hope you can give me a chance and we can start over together." ”
She nodded silently, the tears in her eyes dissipating.
I was silent for a moment, then nodded, and she smiled and left. Looking at her back, I felt like a knife. I have been working in this hospital for ten years, but I never expected that we would meet here. This unexpected intersection made it even clearer to me that I wasn't really letting go of my past.
That night, I sat down in the hospital cafeteria and began to indulge in my longing for Xiaoyu. Suddenly, I was awakened by a familiar voice. "Dean Zhang?" I turned my head to see that it was my daughter Zhang Ting. She is as green as brocade, and her eyes are clear. I can't help but think back to what she looked like when she was a child, when she snuggled up in my arms and sweetly called "Daddy". However, a failed marriage made my relationship with her strange and distant.
"Why are you here?" I tried to hide my panic.
"I, my mother and I ......," she said, and then whispered, "Actually, my mother is in this hospital." Her words were full of contradictions and difficulties.
My heart shook and I eagerly asked, "What's wrong? What's wrong with your mother?"
"She has some heart discomfort and is being examined. Zhang Ting's voice trembled a little.
I rushed to the hospital room as soon as possible. Seeing Xiaoyu, her face turned pale, and the worry in her eyes was overflowing. Our eyes intertwined, and in an instant I felt that all the past grievances had vanished at this moment.
"Xiaoyu, why are you suddenly uncomfortable?am I too late?" I held her hand distressedly.
"It's fine, it's just a little tired. She bowed slightly and smiled.
A long time has passed, and I still have not forgotten the experience of meeting my ex-wife in the hospital. After meeting her, I struggled repeatedly. I realized that I needed to face up to this past and make a conclusion. But I was lost in thought about how to deal with all this.
One day, I received a strange phone call. The other party claimed to be a friend of his ex-wife and knew my situation very well. She told me that my ex-wife had been in some trouble lately and that she needed my help.
When I heard the news, my heart was in turmoil. Although the two of us have not been in touch since the divorce, I have been thinking about everything about her. This time she needed help, and I didn't know what I was supposed to do. A lot of contradictions and emotions were tangled in my heart, and I began to doubt my true thoughts.
However, I decided to go and see her once. I want to see how she is doing, and I also hope that this meeting will completely end the contradictions in my heart. This time, I have to make my point of view, and maybe this meeting will give us a complete relief.