I have seen a line: "Brothers and sisters were originally snowflakes in the sky, but when they fall on the ground, turn into water, and freeze, they can no longer be separated." ”
We have been related by blood since we landed, and we also sat around a table to eat, and then grew up together, started a family, studied and so on.
When you reach a certain age, when you look at the relationship between siblings, you will have a lot of troubles, and even because of family conflicts, resulting in sibling cannibalism.
As a person who loves his family, it is really heart-wrenching to see relatives hurting each other.
The question is, how can we avoid harm? It is recommended that we all learn the "law of the flock" and be able to live in groups and alone.
01
Don't "stand out from the crowd", take the initiative to be inferior, and avoid all kinds of jealousy.
There is a sentence in "Caigen Tan", which has been recognized by everyone: "In the hot and cold state, the rich are more rich than the poor, and the jealous heart is especially ruthless to outsiders." ”
We don't resent the rich in the distance, but we can't see that the people around us are richer than ourselves.
The jealousy between relatives is more vicious than that of outsiders.
When I think of the process of being calculated and murdered by my relatives, I am irritable, and I want to throw away all my relatives or take revenge once.
But your sanity makes you not want to take revenge on your relatives, and you still can't bear it.
The scourge of jealousy is fundamentally because "some people sing high-profile and too prominent", which has become a thorn in everyone's side.
If there are two powerful characters in the family, they will often be incompatible and compete with each other. The possibility of cooperation, on the contrary, is very small.
Tang Taizong had several sons, among whom Li Chengqian, Li Tai, and Li Zhi were very favored, and Li Chengqian was designated as the crown prince.
Li Tai has been a great reader since he was a child, and when he was in his twenties, he edited the "Chronicles of the Universe", which was a sensation.
When Li Chengqian saw Li Tai's achievements, he did not applaud, but held a grudge, worried that Tang Taizong had changed his mind and made Li Tai the crown prince.
In order to keep the position of the crown prince, Li Chengqian actually rebelled, and wanted Li Tai to completely lose the opportunity to be the emperor - the scourge of standing out from the crowd is vividly embodied.
William Muir, a bioevolutionist at Purdue University, did an experiment -- put super chickens in one place and they fought each other and there was not much left, and put ordinary chickens in one place and lay a lot of eggs.
It seems that at home, we can only be "ordinary chickens", and not cranes.
The more powerful you are, the more you have to avoid "highlighting yourself" and instead keep a low profile. For example, if you have 10 million yuan, you will not show your wealth, if you have a high position, you will say that you are a "waiter", and if you buy several houses, you will complain that you are in debt.
The ancients said: "If everything is left with an inexhaustible meaning, then the creation cannot be jealous of me." ”
If your posture is low, you leave room for everything, and there will be fewer people who are jealous of you, and if you are jealous, there will be no more.
02
Stay away from that group of "chickens", learn to grow independently, and build your own small family.
Teacher Zhao Yuping said in "Hundred Lectures": "If a crane has to go to the chickens, then there are only two final results: either it is forced to die by the chickens, or it is assimilated by the chickens." ”
After reading the teacher's words, I will contact a Xi in the countryside - the tree is divided into a large family, and the family is divided into a family. We soon understood that when siblings are all grown up, they should live separately and not eat at the same table every day.
You have to have your own career, no longer be dragged down by your relatives, not all relatives can be your helpers, not all relatives have lofty ideals.
When we reach a certain crossroads, we have to make the choice to go east and west, and not to interfere with the choices of others.
Two brothers, Xiao Zhang and Da Zhang, who live in the same village as me. The younger brother Xiao Zhang went to university and went to Dongguan to work, and the elder brother Da Zhang cultivated an orchard in the village and became a farmer.
After years of hard work, both brothers have families and careers, and one has settled in Dongguan and the other has built a new house in his hometown.
Because the distance between the brothers is far away, every time Xiao Zhang goes home, it is like a guest. Usually, when the fruit is ripe, Dazhang will also mail a large package to Dongguan.
Don't bother me, I don't bother you, such a family business model, which seems indifferent, is actually the most affectionate, respects each other, and lives in harmony.
03
Stoop to the "flock", learn to pretend to be confused, and fulfill the obligation of filial piety to your parents.
No matter how the family quarrels, the blood of brothers and sisters cannot be broken. The most important thing is that when you grow up, your parents are old and need to be taken care of.
If you quarrel with your siblings, you don't care about your parents' pension, this is a lack of morality, and it is also the most painful thing for parents.
You know that the family is like a flock of chickens, but you still have to get along with the "chickens", or bring your parents with you alone, and you are also allowed to ask your parents about the situation with false affection.
The ancients said: "Filial piety is not better than brother, and poverty is not to blame for father." This means that the matter of supporting parents is essentially "a loss is a blessing".
Lu Mengzheng of the Northern Song Dynasty, because his mother was a "concubine" and couldn't talk to his father's "wife", was driven to live in a broken kiln.
The brothers and sisters were reluctant to help Lu Mengzheng, and his father also made a cold appearance.
Later, Lu Mengzheng participated in the scientific expedition and became the prime minister, regardless of his previous suspicions, he took his father to his side to provide for him.
In order to avoid quarrels between his parents, he also bought two houses, one for his father and one for his mother.
What is even more admirable is that Lu Mengzheng recommended his nephew Lu Yijian to be an official.
Historian Zuo Qiu Ming said: "Although brothers have petty grievances, they do not abolish their relatives. ”
In filial piety, you must be generous, and you must put aside family grievances and conflicts between brothers and sisters.
After your parents pass away, you really can't stand the hurt of your siblings, and it's not too late to break off friendships and turn your face.
04
There is a sentence in "Romance of the Three Kingdoms": "When it comes to the general trend of the world, it will be together for a long time, and it will be divided for a long time." ”
For the general trend of the family, it is normal to divide and merge. When to be together and when to be separate, it depends on the situation.
When there are many conflicts, they live separately and are well-being, and when they need to deal with family affairs, they can discuss regardless of past suspicions.
The moon is cloudy and sunny, people have joys and sorrows, and families gather and disperse, so it's good to live up to it.
Author: Cloth Clothes Coarse Food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The pictures in the article come from the Internet.