Hello everyone, I'm Daddy~
As parents, we all have the expectation of "hoping that our sons will become dragons and our daughters will become phoenixes", so many times, we put the focus of raising children on the academic Xi grades, hoping that our children can cross the single-plank bridge of the college entrance examination and harvest a better future.
But have you noticed that when we blindly pay attention to grades, children themselves are prone to various situations.
Some time ago, I saw an interview with child psychiatrist Lin Hong on the Internet, and she bluntly said: Not long after the start of school this year, the child psychiatric department of the Sixth Hospital of Peking University was already overcrowded.
This is not a special situation this year, long before that, the Chinese Academy of Sciences released a set of data, the data shows that:
At the elementary level, the detection rate of depression is 10%-13%, at the junior high school stage, the depression detection rate is 25%-30%, and at the high school level, the depression detection rate is about 38%.
Behind such shocking data, as parents, can we feel something?
It is not yet known whether the child can become a big man and have a good future, but what we do know is that this will bring huge pressure to the child, and even a series of psychological problems.
So the question is, what can parents do to not only let their children avoid these problems, but also have a high probability of becoming a big tool in the future?
01. The best way to help children "grow up" is not grades
We often compare grades, scores, and academic qualifications to a stepping stone after entering the society, and there is some truth in this analogy, but whether we can achieve higher achievements through this stepping stone, then grades and academic qualifications no longer play a decisive role, and even the role is minimal.
In fact, the most important thing for children's personal development is family education, and the core is "parents".
As Satya, a master of family therapy, says:
A person's personality characteristics, three views on life, spiritual character, way of thinking, and life Xi are deeply influenced by family and parents, and many are even decisively influenced.
I think so.
Just like many young parents are now practicing what they want their children to become, then they should become that kind of person first.
Only in this way can we bring a role model effect to children, and the role models that parents can present have a very huge impact on their children's future.
Judging from many current studies and surveys, generally speaking, if parents have some "Xi rich habits", then the probability of their children becoming adults is high.
02. Parents have 3 "rich Xi", and children can become big in the future
We often say that cultivating good Xi habits is infinitely beneficial to children, and the best way to cultivate good Xi habits is for parents to adhere to these good Xi habits and set an example for their children.
And the next 3 Xi habits we will talk about, also known as the "rich Xi habits" of parents, account for one of which has a great effect on children.
(1) Rich Xi one: raise children, never self-moving
Friends who have watched the TV series "Little Huanxi" may know that in the TV series, Song Qian played by Tao Hong is a typical self-moved parent, once she boiled bird's nest for her daughter, and she was reluctant to drink it, but Yingzi didn't like it, and by chance gave it to her father's girlfriend at the time.
As a result, after Song Qian knew, there was a scene of emotional collapse, in her opinion, she was reluctant, her daughter was not grateful, and gave it to others.
In fact, this situation may easily occur in the process of raising children, but this kind of self-moving giving and parenting style may not be what children want.
After a long time, it will not only bring a huge psychological burden to the child, but also make the child more and more rebellious, unwilling to get close to his parents, and unwilling to open his heart to his parents, and even some children will hold their emotions in their hearts and dare not be the self they want to become.
In this way, how can children have enthusiasm for life, and how can they develop in a promising direction?
(2) Rich Xi 2: Raise children, never cry poor in a hurry
I have communicated with many parents before, and some parents think that "crying poor education" can make children cherish the hard-won life more.
But from a practical point of view, crying poor will only make children hesitate and look forward to things in the future, resulting in an inferiority complex.
Just like a friend before, every time she went out on a trip, she was always very entangled when she saw something she liked, and she didn't buy it until the end, but on the way back, she would regret it, and this kind of thing happened to her many times.
Later, I found out that when she was a child, her mother was like this, if the child liked any small toy, the mother would always keep inquiring, until the end would use "such a broken thing, sell so expensive, let's not want it" to send the child, but the problem is that their family conditions are not bad, and they can afford such a thing.
But it was this kind of education that made this friend eventually become Xi to tangled situations when he encountered anything.
As Edgar Bledsoe said:
If the child thinks that he is a "poor person" since he was a child, then he will be a "poor person" all his life, and his parents love to be calculating and crying poor, and the child will also have a sense of unworthiness after a long time.
And this sense of unworthiness will make the child slowly become inferior and indecisive.
Therefore, in the process of raising our children, we can tell our children that a good life is not easy to come by, but don't always cry poor in front of our children, because it seems that we sometimes save a lot, but in the end the children will lose more.
(3) Rich Xi three: raise children, do not complain when encountering problems
I once went on a trip with a friend's family, and there was such a scene on the way:
My friend's son is about 10 years old, and as soon as he got in the car, he asked his mother for a mobile phone to play, but his mother was very angry and said, "Are you out to play or look at your phone"?
After a while, the child began to eat snacks, and my friend's wife said to educate the child: "Just after eating, we just set off, you started to eat snacks, why are you so greedy".
Along the way, it seems that no matter what the child does, his friend's wife feels dissatisfied.
Later, I remembered what a netizen said on the Internet: Parents seem to be complaining about their children's behavior, but in fact, the core is not accepting their own status quo, and expressing their inner needs in this way.
Just like a friend's wife, she seems to not want her child to play with her mobile phone, but she actually thinks that the family has finally gone out on a trip and should enjoy this comfortable time together, but the problem is that the child puts her mind on the mobile phone, which causes the mother's dissatisfaction.
In the process of raising children, we parents can easily fall into the trap of complaining, and this kind of complaining can not only lead to the alienation of parent-child relationship, but more importantly, children who grow up in complaining, when they encounter problems, the first thing they think about is not how to solve them, but chatter and complain.
In this case, the people or things around you are also easily affected by this negative emotion, so what should be an easy thing to deal with eventually becomes more and more complicated.
So how can such a child achieve great success?
Actually, I like a saying on the Internet: children are like a mirror of parents, and what kind of posture and behavior parents present, children will be the same.
Therefore, if we want to let our children have a future and become a big tool, then we will have more "rich Xi habits" and less "poor Xi habits" in the process of raising children, so that children can establish the right way to solve problems from an early age, so that they can have the ability to solve problems and live happily after entering society in the future.