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Soon after I retired, I moved to my son Zhang Xiaodong's house to care for the elderly. Zhang Xiaodong is married, and his wife's name is Li Fang, who is a woman with a strong personality and likes to control everything in the family. I came to their home with great anticipation, hoping to be able to take care of my children and take care of their family of three in my old age.
I nodded and said, "I see, be careful." ”
I mentioned this to my son Zhang Xiaodong, and he smiled wryly and said: "I have persuaded her a few times, but you also know that Fang's personality is like this, she likes to be meticulous, and we Xi are used to it." ”
I nodded and said nothing. This kind of trivial thing is not good to ask for a change in others as soon as it comes up.
In order to reduce the burden of housework on my daughter-in-law, I took the initiative to take on some of the daily housework, in addition to my own hygiene, I would also help wash dishes, mop the floor, buy groceries and so on. But I found that no matter how hard I tried, Li Fang would keep finding reasons to find fault with me.
For example, once after I washed the dishes, Li Fang came over to check it, frowned and said, "Dad, you see that you don't wash the dishes carefully, and there are oil stains on the edges, you washed them, right? ”
I had to laugh and say, "It's okay, my old man is not very sharp, you can wash the dishes." ”
Another example is that once I finished mopping the floor and stood aside to rest, Li Fang wiped the floor with white socks, stood up and said to me: "The ground is still dusty, be careful." Alright, you go and rest, and I'll drag it again. ”
I was reminded by her, and I took a closer look, and the floor was indeed still dusty. I was a little embarrassed and said, "It's me who didn't do it carefully, you drag it out, I'll go and rest for a while." ”
In this way, every time I do some housework, Li Fang can always find a fault, either do it again, or take over the task directly. Over time, the relationship between me and Li Fang became a little awkward and cold. I can feel that Li Fang has some slight words for me, she thinks that I, an old man, can't handle housework well, and it also increases her burden.
One day, the two of us happened to meet in the kitchen. Li Fang glanced at me, and without saying a word, she started to wash the dishes by herself. I wanted to help, but after thinking about it, I gave up, silently walked to the side and sat down, feeling very irritable.
At this time, his son Zhang Xiaodong came over and noticed that the atmosphere was wrong, so he persuaded: "Mom, don't be too tired, we can discuss anything." Dad, don't mind, learn slowly. ”
I answered, Li Fang didn't speak, just sped up the speed of washing the dishes. Zhang Xiaodong looked at me helplessly, then at Li Fang, and walked away with interest.
Just when I thought that life would go on like this, one day, Li Fang started her crazy "sofa overhaul" plan.
Early that morning, she took all the pillows and cushions off the couch with a clatter, threw them on the ground, and then took out the vacuum cleaner and began to suck the dust from the couch. I was awakened by the noise she made, rubbed my eyes and came out, and before I could understand what was happening, I saw that she had lifted the sofa cushion and took out a small brush to carefully brush the dust in the cracks of the sofa.
I was so shocked by her energy that I had to go to the restaurant for breakfast. Zhang Xiaodong also came out for breakfast, and I said, "Why does your daughter-in-law suddenly want to clean the sofa?"
Zhang Xiaodong smiled shyly and said, "Maybe you fell off the scum while eating on the sofa yesterday, she has a habit of cleanliness, so she can't stand it." ”
When I heard that I caused it, I was a little embarrassed, and I didn't say anything more.
Li Fang glanced at him and said, "It's okay for the elderly to be active, as long as you love to be clean, right?"
I sighed when I heard them talk in my bedroom.
Li Fang didn't raise his head, and said in a cold tone: "I just like to be clean." Otherwise, the sofa is too dirty, who would dare to sit on it?"
I stalemate with her for a while, and when she saw that she was determined to tidy up the sofa, I went back to my room to rest.
In the past three days, Li Fang has turned over and over the sofa and cleaned it seven or eight times, and moved the dining table and chairs to the side to make room. I watched her busy before and after, and my heart was on fire.
Li Fang glared at me and said in an excited tone: "I want to be clean! What's wrong with that? You stained my sofa, what's wrong with me cleaning it?"
I raised my voice, "I didn't mean to! Are you going to force me to move out?"
"Okay, you can go if you want!" Li Fang said loudly.
Just when we were arguing, Zhang Xiaodong hurriedly ran over and persuaded us to stop arguing. But I was so angry that I said to him, "Son, I see that your mother doesn't want me to live here, I'll pack up and go back to my hometown tomorrow!"
With that, I turned around and went to pack my bags. Zhang Xiaodong chased after me to persuade me, but I had already made up my mind.
I sat on the bus back to my hometown, with mixed feelings. I thought that I would be able to be taken care of by my children in my later years, but I didn't expect such a conflict to occur. Thinking of Li Fang's diligence when I first arrived, and the coldness and difficulty later, I felt that she was really elusive.
When I arrived at my hometown, I lived alone for a few days, and I felt more and more lonely. I called my son a few times, but he was always vague. I guess he and Li Fang quarreled a few times, but I don't know the exact situation.
In this way, another half a month passed, and one night my son suddenly called, and his voice was full of excitement: "Dad, come back quickly! Fang She agreed, we have had a good chat in the past few days, and she will change." Come back quickly, let's live together!"
I was a little surprised, but I cautiously asked, "Is it true?"
The son repeatedly promised: "Really, really, come back quickly!"
But I also reflected on myself. I really didn't think it through in the past, I didn't understand Li Fang's thoughts, I did things that disgusted her, I lacked tolerance for her OCD, and I lost my temper with her. I was too self-righteous to communicate and understand more with her.
So that night, I took the initiative to find Li Fang and had a long talk with her. I sincerely apologize to her and admit my problem. Li Fang also opened her heart and told me all about her experience since she was a child. It turned out that she had a hard life when she was a child, and she developed a thrifty personality. It dawned on me that I understood her as a person.
Since then, I have learned to be considerate of her, and she has learned to tolerate me. Whenever she wants to be mad about a small thing, I will communicate with her politely first; She also doesn't insist on spotlessness anymore and leaves me more personal space.
Zhang Xiaodong became our "mediator", and he learned to mediate between us and resolve our misunderstandings. The family discussed more issues and quarreled less and less. After a long time, the three of us are as harmonious as a family.
I will be careful when using the sofa that Li Fang values the most; She also tolerated me drinking tea or watching TV on it. We understand each other and cherish each other's dependence in this old age. I often feel that when people get older, they still need more communication and tolerance to get along with others, which is more important than anything else.
In this way, Li Fang and I established a new mode of getting along. Li Fang is no longer as harsh as before, she has relaxed a lot of rules and no longer insists on spotlessness. Every time I use the sofa, I always pay attention to clean up and do not litter food scraps.
One evening, I had just finished drinking tea on the sofa when I saw Li Fang coming over with a rag. She said to me, "Dad, I'll help you clean up the sofa, so that it will be sticky when you have some food." I smiled and nodded, and Li Fang gently wiped the place where I had just sat with a wet rag.
Warmth. It turned out that she was trying to learn to take care of me and be considerate of me.
One day later, Zhang Xiaodong suddenly said to us: "How about it, let's go out for a trip? I haven't been out to play for a long time!"
Li Fang and I glanced at each other and smiled. Li Fang said: "Okay, just relax, don't stay at home all the time!"
So we made a plan and prepared to travel to Yunnan. I'm starting to look forward to this family trip and finally being able to go out with them and bond with them.
The scenery of Yunnan is very beautiful, and we stayed in the villa in the ancient town. During the day, we went hiking and hot springs, and the daily itinerary was rich and relaxed. When Li Fang and I walked in the alleys of the ancient town, we would chat while visiting the shops, and we felt a lot closer.
One day we went to the high mountain tea plantation to pick tea. Li Fang personally taught me how to pick young shoots. She picked up a piece of tender green tea and said to me, "Dad, you see that this bright color is the best, and the technique should be gentle, don't spoil the tea tree!" I did as she told me to pick lightly. Li Fang watched with a smile on the side, and reminded me from time to time.
In the evening, we tasted the tea picked during the day, and I said, "You are very patient in the tea garden today, I have learned a lot!" Li Fang smiled and said, "Dad, I'm very relieved that you can do what I say." ”
On this trip, the three of us have never been together for such a long time. We went out first, but our relationship became closer. I feel that the inexplicable trivial matters between relatives, once communicated with the heart, can resolve all obstacles.
When I got home, Li Fang said to me, "Dad, I will continue to work hard to change and get along with you." Let's take our time. ”
I nodded, reaffirming that I wanted to build trust with her for a long time.
Now we are on the right track. Li Fang would regularly invite me to help with the housework, and we would chat while we worked. In the evening, the family of three gathered in front of the TV to watch the show, and the atmosphere was harmonious and warm. Every now and then, I feel deeply that every little bit of life is worth cherishing. I want to freeze the clock in this moment when we are happiest.
As the days passed, the relationship between me and Li Fang became more and more harmonious. Sometimes I would take the initiative to help her prepare meals, and even though she wasn't very good at it, she would smile and taste it and give me advice.
In the evening, when our family sat around the dining table, Li Fang would talk to me about the interesting things she encountered at work, and I would also tell her some news about the senior center. Zhang Xiaodong interjected a few words from time to time, and we were happy.
After dinner, I will insist on helping Li Fang wash the dishes. In the past, she always thought I didn't wash it cleanly and did it all over again. Now she will be on my side to guide me, and I will carefully wash each dish and chopstick.
After washing the dishes, we sat on the couch together and watched TV. Sometimes it's a variety show with a relaxed atmosphere, and we laugh at the exaggerated scenes; Sometimes it's a drama movie, and we will cover our mouths and exclaim when we see the shocking scene. Li Fang would often bring a blanket to cover me and tell me not to catch a cold.
Sometimes, we go for a walk in the park together. Li Fang and I walked side by side in the shade of the trees, watching the children playing on the lawn, listening to the rustle of the leaves in the wind, and there was a faint sense of comfort in my heart.
I nodded, a warm current welling up in my heart.
That night, the three of us sat around the dining table, Li Fang raised her glass and said, "I am very happy today and propose that we toast and celebrate that we are a harmonious family again!"
"Cheers!" We laughed and rang our glasses. At this moment, I felt extremely happy and satisfied.
As the days went by, Li Fang and I have become close friends like mother and daughter.
One day, Li Fangxing came to me and said, "Dad, our community is going to hold a talent contest for the elderly, do you want to participate?"
I smiled and said, "Talent contest? ”
Li Fang hurriedly persuaded me: "Dad, you have always sung opera well, let's participate! I will cheer you on then!"
Seeing her expectation, I agreed. Li Fang was so happy that she re-translated the operas I had from elementary school and practiced Xi with me every day. My old voice squeaked and hissed, and I couldn't keep up with the level of my youth, but Li Fang still patiently sang with me again and again to help me find my feelings.
Finally, on the day of the competition, I put on the new clothes that Li Fang specially bought for me and went to the community venue. Li Fang and Zhang Xiaodong sat in the front row and cheered me on. I cleared my throat and sang "Jasmine." There was some trill, but I did my best to grasp the familiar melody. There was warm applause from the audience, and Li Fang was the most energetic.
I deeply felt that the support of my family was what motivated me to get back on my feet. With them, my life has been so much richer.
After the Chinese New Year, Li Fang suggested that we go to her hometown to visit relatives together. During the trip, she introduced me to the customs of her hometown in detail, and said that she would take me to see the place where she grew up.
When I came to Li Fang's hometown, her relatives warmly welcomed me. Li Fang also took me to the elementary school where she went to school and told me anecdotes about the previous campus. I looked at the peeling paint on the wall and imagined the young Li Fang running and playing here, and I couldn't help but smile.
Before leaving, Li Fang's old family told me to come back often. Li Fang smiled and said, "In the future, this will be Dad's home." I nodded, feeling a warmth in my heart.
Now we are no longer separated by barriers, but truly a big family. Li Fang would tell her friends about my preferences, and sometimes pull me to video chat with her girlfriends. She would tell my story to the children and make them call me "Grandpa" as well.
I often proudly say to Li Fang: "I will be your family from now on, let's live a good life!" Li Fang will also nod happily, hold my hand and say, "Yes, in the future, we will live together!"