Why are children often beaten in the past, but rarely have psychological problems? The answer is beyond your expectations

Hello everyone, I'm Cuckoo~

In my memory, when I was more than 3 years old, I walked 5 miles to my brother and sister's school with a group of friends who were also three or four years old.

5 miles, I went all morning, and my parents didn't look all over the world, and they didn't even ask where we went.

But if you put it now, a few 3 or 4-year-old children, even if they walk a mile, parents have to jump in a hurry.

We used to go to school, even if it was 6 or 7 miles away, we had to walk back and forth by ourselves, and there was no parent to pick us up. During the holidays, I went from village to village, and my parents didn't run after my ass at all.

And now, even if it's a teenager, we have to make several phone calls to ask about the situation when he's away from home for hours.

Why is this happening?

I think the biggest gap is the sense of security.

One: the human touch

"The Formation of Attachment" mentions that in the past, villages and units brought people together all year round. This forms a closed loop of extended family, which is full of love and closeness and will undoubtedly give people a sense of belonging.

When we were children, men, women and children lived together as families.

In a few neighboring villages, this one was not my aunt's neighbor's sister, but my grandfather's brother's cousin. Wherever we go, we are surrounded by familiar faces.

And there are people everywhere in the village, and there are very few people who break in.

Whether the child is in the field, by the pond, by the stream, or in the mountains, if he encounters any problem, he will shout and someone will come to help within a mile.

At that time, we feel that we are part of our surroundings, that we belong to a "group of people". Being part of this group, we have people to fall back on.

This person who can be relied on is not necessarily his parents, he can be a relative, a neighbor, an acquaintance, or even someone who does not know him in the neighboring village.

With such a dependable and secure atmosphere, children can build attachment relationships with other people and their surroundings in addition to their parents.

When he is sad, the neighbor's aunt may comfort him, when he is hurt, passers-by may help him, and when he is sad, he can rush out of the house and vent his anger and grievances in front of the mountains and fields.

All this support from the surroundings will make children feel at ease and belong. This belonging, like the attachment between parents and children, is full of trust and inclusion.

In other words, in that era of strong "human touch", even if the child was beaten, the damage caused by it was diluted by other attachment relationships.

He has a place to buffer, and an outlet to distract his emotions.

And today's children, in addition to relying on their families, almost no sense of belonging as soon as they go out.

Even if you play in the community, you don't dare to go far, you don't dare to believe the words of any stranger, and you don't dare to rush out of the house and run on the road outside unscrupulously.

When the child is beaten and scolded, he accepts all his emotions alone, there is no catharsis, and there is no other attachment relationship that can accept and tolerate him.

Two: The age of daydreaming

The song "Childhood" sings the hearts of several generations.

Because in our impression, childhood is like this: hearing the call, watching butterflies fly, calling friends to play games, fantasizing that there are gods outside the mountain, and being alone in a daze at the sky.

This simple, pure and beautiful childhood has disappeared in this generation of children.

With the acceleration of the pace of life, children's daily life is more and more full of electronic products and courses. They can't experience the beauty of life from the inside out.

The daydreaming, the mountains, the curiosity, and the free-running chase that should be in childhood are considered a waste of time.

The pursuit of success and the panic of falling behind make parents more and more anxious, and also keep children busier.

Children do not have the leisure time to experience the true feelings of their hearts, nor do they have the leisure of fantasy to squeeze out negative emotions.

They hurried forward, and all the emotions they experienced were kept in their hearts, never chewed and digested properly.

One day, these emotions that are blocked in the heart will burst out, and they will become amazing power.

Three: Parental Challenges

Today's parents are more challenging than their previous parents.

In the past, parents focused on one who was well fed and warmly dressed. For children's affairs, let go if you can. For the future of the child, there is not much expectation, just do your best.

Even if parents are busy, children can be nurtured in multiple attachment relationships such as siblings, grandparents, neighbors, friends, surroundings, etc.

Today's parents are burdened with more economic pressure, educational pressure and competitive pressure.

We are rushing for a living, we don't have so much time and energy, and we take our children to enjoy a "slow life";

We also lost so much patience and squatted down to listen to the child;

We are so anxious, anxious to rush forward, and anxious to urge the children to rush forward.

Coupled with the challenges of electronics, even if we sit side by side on the couch with our children, we are like people of two worlds – we don't know them, and they don't know us.

The dissipation of human touch, the disappearance of free play time in childhood, anxiety about the future, and the challenge of electronic products have all made countless families live with lonely souls.

Why are children often beaten in the past, but few have psychological problems?

The answer, you don't expect.

[The picture comes from the Internet, invaded and deleted]

About the author:Cuckoo mother, psychological counselor, family education instructor, marriage emotional counselor, focusing on children's psychology, understanding children's easy parenting, if you like it, pay attention to it~