"Mom, what if I don't get into a good high school?" the mother's answer was exemplary
Author: Mu Qingye, the main creative group
Not long after the mid-term exam, a map that is said to be the distribution of the results of the third term of the junior high school in Haidian District, Beijing, went viral among parents.
The shape is the same as the "mushroom cloud" of the 2023 high school entrance examination, and the more concentrated the number of high-level students, the more fierce the competition.
There is still half a year before the high school entrance examination, but the hearts of parents and children have been tugged.
Some people say that the current high school entrance examination is too rolly, and it is more than the college entrance examination.
It is the first big test in a child's life, and it is also the first important intersection in a child's life.
The high school entrance examination is not only an exam for children, but also a test for parents.
At such a critical moment, parents can help their children cross this hurdle safely by providing three assistance.
Psychological assistance: These words must be said to the child
I once saw a very heartwarming mother-daughter dialogue.
"It's late at night, why haven't you slept yet?"
"Mom, I'm stressed, nervous, and want to read for a while. ”
"Rest early after reading. ”
"Hmm... Mom, what if I can't get into a good high school?"
"What do you think?"
"I don't know. If I can't go to the high school I want to go to, I can't go to a good university, and if I can't go to a good university, my life will be over. Mom, I've heard a lot of people say that. I'm so scared. ”
"However, my mother thought that if that was the case, it would be fine. ”
"Why?"
"Because you can always be by your mother's side, and your mother doesn't have to worry about you suffering and being tired when you are alone outside in the future. ”
"Really?"
"Of course, Mom believes that grades and school don't determine anything, but in this experience, your ability to resist pressure and learn is what will make you adapt to the fast-paced society of the future.
However, when my mother said this, it is not to make you completely messed up in the future, but to tell you that you only need to go all out, no matter what the result, your mother will face it with you, because in my heart, you will always be my best daughter. ”
"Mom, thank you!"
A parent-child education blogger also shared an incident that happened to him.
A parent consulted him and said that after her son asked "what if I can't go to a good high school" last time, she and the child's father comforted their son, but he didn't expect his son to be listless for a few days and have no energy to do anything.
After chatting with his son, the parent reacted that when the son said that, he was actually asking his parents for psychological help.
But instead of realizing this, they say, "Don't worry, how can it be?"
"Why can't you pass the test?" conveys "You must pass the test!"
That's why the child is depressed. A word of encouragement that seems to have no problems has become another straw that overwhelms the child.
Same question, different answers, different results.
In fact, in the face of the high school entrance examination, which is the first level in life, children are more stressed than adults. They worry about whether they are playing well enough, about their parents' attitude when the results come out, and even about some negative emotions that they don't even know about.
At this time, parents should give their children a little more psychological comfort and emotional massage, so that they can feel a sense of security and unconditional love, and then they can learn how to face the various results after the exam.
For example, you can say these few words to your child:
The high school entrance examination only represents the answer sheet of your junior high school life, and cannot define the future of your life.
High school is not the only choice in life, there are many possibilities in your life.
In anything, the result is not important, the process is the most important. The result is a summary, but the process, is your growth.
Years from now, looking back, you'll be grateful to yourself for giving it your all and fearing the future.
Everyone has their own script, and only by moving forward firmly can we know what the end of the script is.
Anxiety is a normal emotion, if you feel anxious, come and talk to your parents.
If the result is not so good this time, then keep your feet on the ground and keep working hard and try to restart the excitement on other tracks, and if the result is very good this time, then go ahead without distraction!
The words of parents are the reassurance of children, and they are also the brightest light when they look to the future.
Physical assistance: Treat children after the exam, both warm and "ruthless"
The high school entrance examination is a comprehensive examination of learning ability, physical strength, emotional ability, concentration and so on.
In order to prepare for the high school entrance examination, children also have to go through monthly exams, mid-term, final exams and other exams, which are also important references and exercises for children.
In the face of the results after the exam, parents should not lose their "normal heart".
1. Relax appropriately, so that the child's pressure can be released.
Some time ago, I had dinner with relatives. My cousin's child had just finished her midterm exams, and when she was eating, someone suggested that she must register her child for more cram schools as soon as possible, and make good use of every minute and every second after the exam.
The cousin politely rejected the suggestion, saying only that the child's academic arrangements in school were very reasonable, and they also wanted the child to have some time to adjust himself.
Although there is a saying: "Learning is sailing against the current, and if you don't advance, you will retreat." ”
But proper pressure release is a way to retreat and advance, and another way to let children accumulate strength.
Relax and adjust in order to sprint better in the next stage.
2. Relax your body and mind, but not your habits
My daughter took her to a friend's house after the holiday, and when I entered the door, I saw my friend's 14-year-old son reading a book on the sofa.
At the time, I felt very curious, and praised her friend for her son being too self-disciplined.
Because after every exam, I often hear parents around me complaining that their children are mobile phones all day long except for games.
She told me that after her son finished the exam, they made a pact that they could relax for a while, let their minds and spirits relax, but not abandon the habits of reading and exercise.
Rest is about relaxation, but relaxation doesn't mean letting yourself be consumed.
Learning is a lifelong thing. In addition to the efforts at each stage, what really makes children continue to grow is the excellent habits of perseverance.
Parents can be a little more "ruthless" so that their children can stick to good habits and benefit for life.
As Dong Yuhui said: "In this life, you must run with a marathon mentality." What you have to do is to cultivate yourself and strengthen yourself for ten years and one day. ”
Spiritual assistance: Home is always the child's confidence
Psychologist Chen Mo once said: "After children enter junior high school, there will be more and more pressure from the outside world. But you can't do anything about these pressures from the outside world, and every child has to bear them. The only thing we can do as parents is to help our children reduce stress through the family. ”
Parents, do a good job of the child's pressure reducing valve.
1. Pressure reducing valve
Dong Yuhui once talked about what to do when a child is bored with school in the live broadcast room, and his answer is that if the child is really painful and uncomfortable, then rest for a few days.
After every big exam, the pressure on children is sometimes greater than that of parents.
Parents help their children to do a good job of emotional counseling, so that children can find a respite from heavy pressure.
2. Subtract the language valve
Psychologist Wu Zhihong once said: "Home is a place of love, not a place of reasoning." ”
In the more than 10 years I have been a teacher, the deepest feeling is that sometimes parents do not say enough to their children, but talk too much.
The back and forth of the car is hardly beneficial except for annoying the child.
Controlling your nagging mouth is the best gift parents can give their children.
3. Reduced state valve
There is a question on Zhihu: "What should parents do after their children take the high school entrance examination?"
Some netizens replied: "Instead of focusing on 'how to', it is better to focus on 'don't do'." ”
In his answer, he gave an example:
An interviewee told him that in his high school entrance examination that year, his mother would get up early every day to make him a pot of chicken soup to drink in order to let him relax and adjust his body and mind. At the time, he felt very stressed and guilty.
Children are very sensitive to their parents' emotions.
The more relaxed you are, the more relaxed he becomes, and the more nervous you are, the more anxious he becomes.
When the state of the parents is normal, the state of the children can really relax.
Write at the end:
I've seen such a passage:
"If you're a very ordinary parent, you don't have any great resources, you don't have any amazing culture, you don't know how to educate your children.
Then we might as well encourage the child more, recognize him more, praise him more, understand him more, and support him more.
You don't have to transfer your cognition, anxiety, fear, anger, or even grievances to your children. ”
The best parents can always take care of their children.
Home is the child's confidence, and it is also the child's stable rear.
In the child's first big test, let us be parents with stable mentality and emotion, and guide the child to cross the first hurdle of his life bravely and freely.