Thinking that there is a standard way to live life, a standard way to live, and how to spend every day is precisely the distorted belief that exam-oriented education has given us.
We are constantly afraid that we will not be able to be a standard person, and we are constantly monitoring ourselves.
"No play.
Don't waste time
It is not allowed not to work hard.
Don't waste your life.
You shouldn't do nothing.
......”
Because I have met so many people who are trapped in these beliefs, I realized that my predicament is not my predicament alone, it is the predicament of many people, the invisible limitations of many people, the invisible cage, and it may be the life limitation of one generation or even several generations.
After becoming a counselor, I freed myself from the unconscious limiting beliefs that "if you don't work hard, you should die" and "you shouldn't waste your time".
In the first few years of work, I had to go to a lot of dinners and participate in a lot of social activities every week, and I didn't know what the purpose of this was, anyway, I just couldn't let myself be idle.
It's the same at work, I always want to learn something after work, otherwise I will be very uneasy
If you don't stop walking for a long time, you will definitely walk slower and slower, so that you can't walk at all.
For example, if you can walk 100 miles a day, you can walk 100 miles a day, and if you walk an extra day, you can walk 100 miles more, so that you can maintain a speed of 100 miles no matter how long you walk.
Anyone who has traveled a long way knows that this abacus is not very accurate, and if you walk for a long time, you will definitely walk more and more slowly, so that you will not be able to walk at all.
We only talk about work but not efficiency, and in modern society, if we don't talk about efficiency, we will fall behind.
I really don't want to "roll", but I just can't relax
Are you a person who gets nervous easily?
For example, my brain is always thinking too much, and I am still thinking about work when I have already gotten off work at night;
It may seem good to outsiders in all aspects of life, but you have never felt truly satisfied, and you are always worried about something bad happening.
You may not want to "involute", but the pressure of competition in work and study is too great, and you don't dare to really relax.
Easily anxious, unable to relax, tense all the time... In psychology, it may be because of a "diffuse state of tension".
The paradox of rest
Sociologists have identified two paradoxes of leisure.
The first paradox is that for half a century, people's free leisure time has been increasing overall, but people subjectively feel that their leisure time is decreasing.
As we sighed: "It doesn't feel like it's been a mess yet, and the weekend is over." ”
The second paradox is that the meaning of leisure is to recover fatigue, relax the nerves, and rekindle the enthusiasm for life, but now people often feel very bored and tired after leisure.
As we sighed: "Taking a vacation is more tiring than not taking a vacation!" ”
Why is this happening?
That's because we don't know about leisure at all, and we unconsciously fall into two paradoxes of leisure.
For some people, rest is "uncomfortable".
"Have you ever seen Beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou at 3 a.m.?"
I don't know when it began, similar sentences have become synonymous with chicken blood in the circle of friends, and the people around us seem to "dare not let themselves be idle"—
Every day is busy, eager to fill every minute of time, and when I am free, I am very panicked and full of guilt.
It seems that as long as you are busy, everything can be better.
Is this really the case?
Isn't it okay for us to live the life we want?
In other words, are we really happy like this?
"Don't dare to let yourself be idle" is actually a disease of the times.
And behind a person's inability to be idle, there may be the following reasons:
"You can't be idle, you have to work hard, or you can't," is often the limiting belief instilled in us by our family or school or culture.
For example, some parents like to tell their children from an early age: "You can't be idle, you have to study hard", "You can't waste time." ”
Even our long-standing culture is encouraging "an inch of time is an inch of gold, and an inch of gold is difficult to buy an inch of time", "the head is hanging from the beam, the cone is piercing the stock", "reading at night with candles", etc., are educating people not to waste time and the importance of diligence.
If you're willing to be idle and hardworking, it's not a big problem.
The sick part is:
Some people are not willing to work hard at all, but they have learned an ability called:
You can't be diligent, you can't be idle, you can't be unmotivated, and you can't let yourself be too relaxed.
This is the compulsive diligence, compulsive effort, compulsive self-motivation, completely disregarding one's own physical and psychoemotional needs.
The purpose of this compulsion is not to achieve any goal, but to monitor oneself not to waste time and not to work hard, otherwise you will be very dissatisfied with yourself.
This is essentially a stupid masochism, a typical manifestation of tactical diligence to cover up strategic laziness.
Studies have shown that "doing nothing" itself causes 10% of people to feel guilty.
Because they believe that rest is the opposite of work.
In traditional societies and cultures, busyness is a symbol of social status.
Are you a perfectionist, or "afraid of failure"
Some people have a hard time relaxing or resting because they are afraid that once they rest, life will spiral out of control.
It is only when they are very bored that they think of resting.
Behind this boredom there are "more difficult feelings, such as loneliness, anger, or feeling trapped by something."
You may be "running away from yourself"
Many people who can't relax can't "do what they really want to do" even if they rest, but "hold their phones until late at night" - but they don't really want to do it.
I can't stop scrolling my phone all the time, which is both the reason and the result of not knowing how to relax.
The purpose of swiping your phone is to distract yourself and "stay away from yourself".
People have become so accustomed to looking for distractions that they can't stand to spend an evening with themselves.
It's a way of hiding the self because it takes mental space to see yourself, and all these distraction techniques are used to escape the ego.
Everyone needs to be needed, and this feeling gives us value and strength, i.e., "I can help others achieve their wishes", "others value and appreciate me", and it also makes us feel connected to other people.
For those who are anxious as soon as they stop, they may not realize that what they really need is not the work itself, but the "sense of being needed" in the work.
Because it is only when they are busy that they can experience communication, interaction, and the dependence of others on them. As soon as they stop, they fall into inexplicable anxiety.
Subconsciously, they fear being forgotten, no longer loved, or worthless.
They think they are enjoying busyness, but in fact, they are fireworks and warmth in the world.
The meaning of life, the goals of work, and the expectations of others keep us busy. Although sometimes mundane, they can make us feel the value of existence.
Without these things to work on and give, it's easy to get caught up in overthinking about the limits of the self.
You will strongly feel the ordinariness and insignificance of being born, doubt the meaning and value of life, and even fall into despair.
I can't see how boring children are: the "guilty" mentality is poisoning how many Chinese families
Slow-growing children are more likely to manage their time
The passage of time is anytime and anywhere, and instead of worrying about the child not knowing how to use the time, supervise the child to read the writing homework throughout the process.
You may wish to let your child arrange his or her time freely on the basis of reasonable guidance.
Slow-raised children are more creative Studies have shown that:
Scheduling your child's time is pervasive and overwhelming, which will make your child lose the ability to create stimuli and passively accept external stimuli.
Imagine if Archimedes was lying in the bathtub and reciting English words.
So how could he have noticed the relationship between the buoyancy of an object immersed in the fluid and the weight of the fluid discharged?
If Einstein hadn't been lying on the couch daydreaming that he was galloping with a beam of light, how could he have the opportunity to get the theory of relativity from this daydream.
If Newton was too busy to lie down and nap under the apple tree, how could he have wondered why the apple had fallen from the tree and smashed me?
Aristotle once said that imagination is the source of invention, discovery, and other creative activity.
And among all people, children's imagination is much richer than that of adults.
Giving children a little more time to leave blank space, so that children have a lot of free time to be in a daze, to experience, to imagine, is the best way to nurture their creativity.
Play is a basic natural phenomenon like sleep, and the opposite of play is not "work", but "depression", and life without play will face health risks such as depression and a weakened immune system.
There is also a close connection between play and the emotional and cognitive development of the brain, and some creative play activities such as physical activity and drawing can not only make yourself happier and reduce the risk of depression, but also strengthen brain patterns and optimize the learning process.
Many people may have had this experience, when they are buried in work, they feel that they have no ideas, and their brains are like being welded to death by cement, and when they go out to play on the weekend and do something completely unrelated to work, their minds are suddenly opened up!
Busy, in fact, is a poison that can make people addictive.
It takes more strength and wisdom to let yourself sit idle.
Pull yourself out of this whirlpool.
Let's talk about the benefits of idleness.
First, the repair function.
People's body, mind, and mind need to be relaxed, and they can't be in a state of exhaustion all the time.
Second, think about the function.
Blindly letting yourself fall into busyness will put yourself in a "brainless" state, that is, you can't find yourself.
Third, to restore the individual's unique perception and find himself.
Everyone has their own talents and strengths. This talent and talent is embedded in our senses. The difference is that some people destroy this feeling early on.
For example, some parents let their children learn the piano, and the children were originally interested in playing the piano, but the parents fixed the daily 6-8 o'clock play for 2 hours, and then play for 2 hours at 6-8 o'clock in the evening, and learn one song a week.
Playing the piano becomes a task rather than an immersion in an exploratory activity.
Over time, the child's interest is worn out badly.
Playing the piano has become something that is only done for parents.
Accepting one's present moment is the best way to relax
Well, it's just taking a deep breath, taking your time, trying to count the numbers, "inhaling – exhaling", which can generally be done for about 7 seconds, and if you exercise regularly, the time can be longer.
Well, continue to breathe deeply, with your breath.
With every exhale and inhalation, you can feel your intuition.
It's just that most of the time we just feel, and we don't know it.
The action of breathing deeply is itself to feel your own feelings, and awareness is the action you want to explore.
About the author: Mr. Xianhong
Psychological counselor, tarot card divider, planetary energy singing bowl healer, free coder, trainer.
The Burrow listens to people's warmth and coldness, and the love is all fate.
The red dust comes and goes without a trace, and the cooking words heal people's hearts.
I met you, and then I met myself, fate is like a knife, let me learn with you.
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