The old man lingering in the Calamus River

(Lu Junjie/Photo)

The Social Stage

In mid-October, the ancient trees along the Calamus River in Beijing are still lush, and pairs of wild ducks roost in the dark green stream. Every Tuesday and Saturday, when the sun is at its highest, the classical promenade in Calamus River Park is filled with elderly people looking for a partner, and golden frecks of light add a romantic life to them. The red wall of the Imperial Palace isolates the traffic of Chang'an Avenue, bringing a secret suitable for romance and love to the park.

"Don't expect to be matched with true feelings", this is the sincere admonition of the elderly who often come to Calamus River Park to those who come to the latecomers.

A woman in her fifties, dressed in an emerald Tang costume and combing her delicate braided hair, refused to have in-depth communication with any of them after an afternoon of ballroom dancing with several uncles, and rested alone against the pillars of the corridor. When asked why she wasn't looking for a partner in Calamus River Park, she said she didn't because "blind dates here talk about all kinds of conditions, and people are sold like livestock."

A 60-year-old bald man in Beijing who always wears gold-framed sunglasses, has been resident here for 15 years, and he can freely blend into any blind date gossip and naturally match any interested man and woman. But when the other party's ambiguous signal came to him, he always laughed at himself: "Don't look for it." I don't have money, and I can't find a suitable one without money. "A 14-square-meter bungalow and a retirement salary of more than 4,000 yuan can always extinguish the enthusiasm of the other party.

Calamus River Park is much criticized by the elderly, but there is always a magic that holds them back.

In a conversation in the corridor, asking each other about housing, household registration, salary, and medical insurance information is like a default etiquette. No one wants to be dragged down, everyone is running for better conditions. After a "greeting", it is more detailed demand matching. As long as you stay here for a day, the old people can't help but tell you that there are only a handful of people who take marriage registration as their goal; People who are genuinely looking for a long-term wife do not account for the majority. Maybe what the other person wants is an ambiguous relationship with the opposite sex, or an extramarital affair.

Not looking at each other is a common and decent ending, and everyone can also become nodding friends - old acquaintances who say "here" to each other. And when you get along emotionally, you often have to take the risk of paying for a lie.

A week after the official dating, his girlfriend asked Uncle Zhou to use his savings to buy her a gold ring worth 20,000 yuan, and Uncle Zhou emphasized that "it is pension money and cannot be moved". Subsequently, one shot and two scattered, and Uncle Zhou kept blaming himself for being a fool. Sister Qin met a man in his 60s in the park, and when she was on a video call at 9 p.m. one night, other women faintly appeared in the other party's kitchen. "He didn't tell me at first that he was in a relationship with more than one woman. I don't like it when he talks about the flesh of men and women all day long. "Sister Qin blocked him.

A typical temporary union occurred between a woman in her fifties from the Northeast and a man from Beijing in his seventies. One side needs wealth and shelter, the other longs for youth and care. After a period of time, the ownership of the house, the difference in consumption views, and the opposition of the man's children always have a reason to draw an unhappy end to this fate. After the unhappy breakup, the woman thinks that she has been deceived, and the man thinks that she has been cheated of money.

In Calamus River Park, there are people who can adapt to the rules of this "exchange", and there are people who feel chills. 63-year-old Uncle Chen has a monthly rent income of 30,000 yuan. After ending his dewy relationship with a woman in her forties, he always took the initiative to compensate the other party for something, either a big meal or a red envelope: "Why do people let you take advantage of an old man?" Uncle Zhou would lament under the street lamp at night, "It's like a microcosm of society." There are true feelings, but there are too few of them. Everyone has lost their faith, and there is only one word 'profit' in their eyes. ”

People who complain, people who are deceived, people who are ready to break up, people who seem to be cold bystanders, will eventually return to the Calamus River. They persuaded the eldest sister who was enthusiastic and wanted to be a matchmaker for the old people and do information registration: this place is too chaotic, and it is not a serious place to find a partner. Themselves, however, are willing to fall into chaos, chatting, talking, dancing, and playing cards on Tuesdays and Saturdays. An uncle on a bicycle claims that he is not here to fall in love, but on the day of the blind date, he will definitely shuttle back and forth between the east and west gates of the park, observing and inquiring around. He pointed to the winding corridor and said, "This is the big stage of society, (I'm here) to see how these people are performing here wearing masks." ”

Late release

Geng Tielin, wearing a cap and a mask, often wanders around the gathering circle of people in the northeast. He is from Harbin. Tall, 1.76 meters tall, well-proportioned and lean, and his posture when climbing the riverside is light and flexible, it seems hard to believe that he is 65 years old.

In his chat logs, there are three women in their fifties, whom he refers to as "sister". When chatting with other elderly people in the park, Geng Tielin refers more often to them as "friends" — people who can meet to eat, travel, and sleep in the same bed, but don't have to bind each other to a fixed identity. The younger sisters have a solid family background and have never asked Geng Tielin to bear any expenses. He sent a newlywed red envelope to the son of one of his sisters, but the other party politely returned it.

Since his divorce 35 years ago, Geng Tielin has never had a long-term fixed girlfriend.

When his wife left, the daughter was 5 years old. In order to raise his daughter, Geng Tielin worked as a driver, a cook, and opened a breakfast restaurant for her to be admitted to a graduate school in Beijing. The daughter found a job at a bank in Beijing, and her father moved with her to Beijing to cook in a factory canteen in Daxing. Talking about his daughter who bought a house in Chaoyang District with an annual salary of one million and a house with an area of more than 80 square meters and a value of more than 6 million, Geng Tielin is very proud.

Geng Tielin said that for more than 20 years after the divorce, he had not touched a woman. The biggest reason is that he doesn't want the shadow of his "stepmother" to hinder his daughter's growth. But he has desires—physical desires that can't be dredged and are born at the wrong time. In those days, having sex out of wedlock was considered hooliganism. Geng Tielin didn't dare to tell anyone, so he could only endure it or solve it on his own. "It's a loss, my twenty years are too bad." After the turn of the millennium, he gradually experimented with different women. Sometimes it's a hotel waiter I met while driving, sometimes it's an acquaintance whose husband cries to him because of cerebral palsy's loss of sexual function. It's just that no relationship becomes a stable relationship. Geng Tielin believes that it is impossible for him to ask others to adapt to his "bad habits". Because he was worried about his daughter and raising his family, he often couldn't sleep all night, pacing back and forth all night and scrolling on his mobile phone.

At this point, he suddenly took off his cap and showed me: a nearly smooth head with short, gray, sparse hair dotted around his ears. At this time, he became a 65-year-old man. "We have good genes in our family, and no one has ever lost their hair. My grandfather was 90 years old, lying in a coffin, with black hair like clouds. It was only during those years of insomnia that my hair became like this. I also want to have a wife to hurt and have a wife to love. ”

The thrifty and chic single life is also what Geng Tielin enjoys. He insisted on not living under the same roof as his daughter, and rented a house of more than 20 square meters in Yanjiao to live alone, and only had to pay 400 yuan in rent every month. Sauce elbow is Geng Tielin's specialty. The price of raw materials in Yanjiao is only half of the downstairs of the daughter's community. Geng Tielin feels that now is the best time in life, his daughter is promising, he doesn't have to worry about taking his granddaughter, he is healthy, and his life is comfortable. There is no new partner to divide his salary, but there are tender and sweet greetings and the joy of traveling as a companion.

Two years ago, on the National Day, while wandering around, Geng Tielin stumbled upon Calamus River Park. Although the old people here "have their own thoughts", the situation of the elderly single is very similar to his. Even if he can't find a satisfactory "friend", Geng Tielin likes to chat here. He said that he was not alone at all, and that his life of walking in the park and recuperating at home was well organized. He also said that his daughter was too busy after she got married, and she made fewer calls than before.

When I first met Geng Tielin, a woman with long wavy hair and waist-length scarf, wearing a silk scarf, and a long figure took the initiative to sit next to him, and the two of them talked and laughed. I saw him for the second time two days later and he said he wanted to delete him. According to him, the two went on a date to visit Zhongshan Park, and the expenses were paid by the man. The lady naturally ordered an extra bun, pickily asked Geng Tielin to buy "Pulse", and insisted on asking for a hat for 50 yuan a hat in the scenic spot. After another three days, I saw him for the third time. While chatting, Geng Tielin suddenly held his chin in a daze, muttering to himself: If there is a person who is better than those sisters and falls in love, he will live with her with all his heart.

(Imazins/Picture)

Live

Compared with the other well-dressed ladies in Calamus River Park, Zhang Ming'an's clothing is obviously pragmatic. Her ultra-short hair was dyed jet-black, but it didn't look carefully trimmed. The upper body is a warm but bloated dark blue fur jacket, the lower body is black pants and black shoes, and the unstyled crossbody bag hangs casually in front of him.

Just an hour's bus ride away, Zhang Ming'an can get to the park from his home near Tiantongyuan. At 9:30 a.m. on Saturday, before the elderly who live further away have arrived, the promenade of the park is somewhat clean, and the people who come are all Beijing locals like Zhang Ming'an, who live in the city.

Yes, Zhang Ming'an also wanted to find a local who lived in the city as a wife, but apparently she did not meet anyone who was satisfied.

A Beijing uncle communicated with her back to back for a while, then turned around and left. She pouted and looked at the other person's back, and said to me in an interview, "Why are you here when you have a wife?" Isn't it Huo Huoer (note: Beijing dialect, spoiling and destroying things)? What have I become? "The uncle's legally related wife has been living abroad for a long time, and he has participated in the Beijing elderly blind date program "Choice" three times.

In Zhang Ming'an's mouth, these are all "bells and whistles" relationships. At the age of 62, she has only one simple request, that is, to find a wife who can "live" and spend the last 20 years of her life together.

Zhang Ming'an has no children. In her thirties, she underwent surgery to remove a uterine lesion, after which she divorced her first husband. At the age of 50, she found a partner with whom she could travel the world, Lao Fang. Zhang Ming'an told me with a smile that in the past 10 years, they have participated in affordable tour groups together, and have been to the United States, Thailand, Japan, and South Korea. When she was 60 years old, Lao Fang died of pancreatic cancer.

It took more than a year to get out of depression, Zhang Mingan figured it out and wanted to live for himself. Dancing and playing ball with the retired sisters of the unit, chasing anti-Japanese dramas, the family is neatly tied. "I can't go to the nursing home anymore, just make sure that someone collects the body for me, and I don't want to find my wife."

In December 2022, Zhang Mingan realized the vulnerability of being alone. After being infected with the new crown, she lay alone on the sofa at home, the coffee table and water cup were very close to her, but her whole body was weak, she couldn't reach the saliva, and she was thirsty on the sofa for a day. She really hopes that there is someone by her side who can hand over a medicine and make porridge. "I can't do it, you serve me. You can't do it, I'll take care of you. Give sincerity and support each other. ”

"I'm a good guy at getting by." Zhang Ming'an thinks so. Fried pancakes, pancakes, steamed flower rolls, all of them. Neighbors said that she had a habit of cleanliness, that the house was always clean, and that she had to pick up a trace of hair on the ground. The neighbor also said that the old man was really blessed, he couldn't move after he got sick, and Zhang Ming'an was waiting for him to wash his feet and cut his nails every day.

Zhang Ming'an always couldn't find someone who could live a good life. When I went to the agency on a blind date, the other party was talking about how many houses he had. Zhang Ming'an pointed out that she didn't believe it and didn't want it. At the sorority, there were many outsiders, and they did not meet her expectations for choosing a mate. After coming to Calamus River Park, she came to ask her, either someone who had a wife, or someone who danced and played.

The lack of offline dating platforms is also a problem. Zhang Ming'an recalled that he needed to pay 1,000 yuan to register for an introduction at a wedding agency in Changping. In Dongcheng District, the price is more than 10,000 yuan. After the Changping family registered, there was a year between the first and second time to match her with a partner. Offline gatherings are more efficient, but she only knows the usual gathering places in Calamus River Park on Tuesdays and Saturdays and Temple of Heaven Park on Sundays. Zhang Mingan hopes that in offline activities, household registration, marriage, property and other conditions can be verified by real names to reduce unnecessary communication costs.

(Imazins/Picture)

Obsession

In the blind date circle of Calamus River Park, the reputation of outsiders, especially women from other places, is not very good.

In some people's population, they left their homes in their fifties and wanted to establish themselves in Beijing, dragged their luggage to the park as soon as they got off the train station, and were willing to live with the old man when he gave him money for a house, on the condition that he take on all the household chores. A Beijing grandfather told me that he once met a beautiful 39-year-old woman from other provinces. After the woman knew that he was from Beijing, she immediately said that she wanted to marry him - this was to get a Beijing hukou for her son, and she said that the Beijing college entrance examination was easier to be admitted to Tsinghua University and Peking University. In the mouth of another uncle, a woman from other provinces always put the conditions of the bride price on his lips, which made him feel a huge gap in concepts.

In the hearts of the locals, even if not all women from other places who come here are like this, the four words "ruthless and heavy profit" are secretly engraved on the back of this regional business card.

Wang Hongzhen, who is from other places, seems to be able to accept this label openly. Her Inner Mongolian friend Meng Shuying hopes to find a long-term partner with a love foundation in Calamus River. Wang Hongzhen hates that iron does not become steel: "Her idea can't be found here at all." While I'm still in good health, I can grab the money, and I can find someone here to live for a long time, it's impossible. ”

The money she grabbed in her mouth was to work as a nanny in the man's house with a salary of more than 3,000 yuan. Until August 2023, she lived in the home of an 88-year-old professor in Beijing until his daughter took him to the United States. In addition to housework, Wang Hongzhen accompanied him to buy groceries, exercise, go to the park, listen to him talk about history, and help him take a bath and rub his back. They have been alone under the same roof for two years, and Wang Hongzhen can't tell whether this is emotional, and whether he can be regarded as each other's wife. But she doesn't think it's important anymore, "Earning money is the main thing, and the object is second." ”

Fifteen years ago, Wang Hongzhen, like her friends, longed to regain marriage and happiness through this platform of Calamus River Park. This dream was later shattered.

In 2000, the 41-year-old divorced Wang Hongzhen came to Beijing with his two sons to work hard. She has owned a beauty shop and worked in an agency and travel agency. In 2007, when Wang Hongzhen was still a flower in Calamus River Park, he met a widowed waterworks manager here. The other party is the same age as her, tall and handsome, and the two fall in love. But under the strong opposition of the other party's children, they could not go any further. Every year when Wang Hongzhen returns to Beijing from his hometown, he will bring a souvenir to his former lover to show his gratitude. In her most difficult times, he financed her rent and medical treatment. The relationship with the second partner is not as fiery as the first, but the relationship also ends with the jealousy of the other daughter. The story after that was not sweet, a year after Wang Hongzhen and a man registered their marriage, the other party dumped her.

Now, in Wang Hongzhen's eyes, the uncles of Calamus River Park are all people who trick people into sleeping and kick off the woman when they have enough fun.

Her obsession became to have an independent residence in Beijing. With his own strength, Wang Hongzhen could not buy a house in Beijing. Living with her eldest son in Dachang (Dachang Hui Autonomous County, Hebei), she had to take care of the housework of the whole family of five. "They are so busy with work, I take the two children for a walk, cook, and do the laundry. I got sick after 3 months. "Being a babysitter is a kind of rest. Another consideration for Wang Hongzhen is, "Now that I am in good health, I don't want to live in my son's house to trouble them." If there is a conflict after a long time, how can you find someone to help you when you get old? How unrighteous it is. ”

If you have to form a real partner between men and women, Wang Hongzhen's requirements are: first, there must be a place to live in Beijing. Second, either register the marriage and let her move her hukou to Beijing after two years; Either don't register, but give her a sum of money every month. She said that if she has a Beijing hukou, she can also apply for affordable housing if she is divorced, and she can be reimbursed for medical expenses in Beijing.

An uncle sent a warm dinner invitation to Wang Hongzhen, and she always had a premonition that the other party was going to cheat, so she scared back: "You register your marriage with me now, write my name in the house book, and I will eat with you, otherwise I will be pulled down." The uncle on the side blamed her for being too domineering: "You have to have an emotional foundation before talking about these economic contributions, or how to call it love?" Wang Hongzhen smiled and did not respond.

There are always more people on Saturday night than on Tuesday, and the elderly don't have to rush to pick up their grandchildren home from school. After 6 o'clock, the sky turned dark blue, the dance music at the end of the corridor was still playing, and the banquet was not yet over.

I met an interviewee who appeared on Chen Xiaonan's show "Talking to Strangers." It was this show that excavated the senior blind date corner of Calamus River Park and exposed it to the media spotlight.

This interviewee is not as high-spirited as in the show. He admitted that in the 6 years since the show was broadcast, he has been looking for it here, and has had several relationships, but he has still not found an ideal partner. He said, "Tuesday and Saturday Calamus River, Thursday Zhongshan Park and Taoran Pavilion, Sunday Temple of Heaven Park. Everywhere, the same people go. "It's become a place for old people to clock in at work. Even if you can't find a partner, it's better to get together than to be alone at home.

"Everybody is elderly. Maybe one day, one of them won't be able to come again. During the conversation, an uncle suddenly tripped up a ladder, and the interviewee and several relatively young elderly people around him hurriedly ran up to help him up.

(To protect the privacy of the interviewees, the names of the people in this article have been changed.) )

Southern People Weekly reporter Yang Minjie