Plant melons and get melons, plant beans and get beans.
Everything you do will come back to you in another form. I should have seen a lot of similar sentences.
When we do bad things, we think about the consequences, and there is a high probability that we will stop and actively change them.
However, some daily habits, once they become bad, have the effect of "boiling frogs in warm water", quietly changing the outcome of fate.
In behavioral psychology, there is a phenomenon called "habitual rebuttal".
When others say east, you prefer to say west; What others support, you must oppose; What others oppose, you think has a reason to exist.
Behind the seemingly lively war of words, there is no limit to hidden evils. The ending of Kong Rong and You Heng's lives is a good example.
01
refuted, won others, and got married.
At the end of the Eastern Han Dynasty, there was a four-year-old child who saw the pears on the table and was not moved, but just took away the youngest.
He thought to himself, "The youngest child should take the youngest fruit."
As a result, his approach has won numerous praises. This is Kong Rong.
Moreover, Kong Rong is still the nineteenth grandson of Confucius, and the fame of his ancestors is there, and he can't keep a low profile.
When Kong Rong was ten years old, he went to visit the minister Li Ying alone.
At that time, Li Ying could be called a model among scholars, but whenever he visited his home, he was called "Denglongmen".
Kong Rong swaggered and said, "I am a relative of your family. ”
Li Ying was puzzled, looking left and right, this young man didn't recognize him.
Kong Rong said again: "Confucius and Lao Tzu (Li Er) are world friends, we are not relatives? ”
In a word, make the people around laugh. Chen Wei, an official at the scene, was worried: "When you are young, you may not be good when you grow up. ”
Kong Rong was not modest at all, and replied: "You were very smart when you were a child." ”
Suddenly, the atmosphere was awkward. Everyone's feeling for Kong Rong is not very good.
As the saying goes, "Be smart, but don't be clever." "A truly wise person is wise and foolish, instead of showing off himself everywhere and crushing others.
In the Three Kingdoms period, Kong Rong's talent was gradually revealed, and he became a talent under Cao Cao.
After Cao Cao defeated Yuan Shao, he got Yuan Shao's family. Among them, Yuan Xi's wife Zhen is very beautiful, Cao Cao likes it very much, and his son Cao Pi also likes it. Kong Rong immediately provoked the thorn - "King Wu will cut down the Emperor and give it to the Duke of Zhou." "In a word, it offended the family, didn't it?
There is no doubt that Kong Rong has worked hard all the way, and the article is good, but there are more and more people who have offended.
When people interact with each other, we all advocate "left and right". Even if you can't please anyone, at least don't offend anyone easily.
You know, it's really easy to offend someone. A heart-piercing sentence becomes a sharp sword, cutting off the relationship and increasing the scar of the relationship.
02
Rebuttal, won the mouth, lost the pattern.
When Kong Rong was reused by Cao Cao, there were more opportunities to refute.
Cao Cao's representative went to conquest of Wu Huan, and for fear that the soldiers would make a mistake, he ordered that he was not allowed to drink. Later, in order to save food, a ban on alcohol was again ordered.
Kong Rong wrote a book against the prohibition of alcohol. Its fundamental position is not to promote wine culture or promote local economic development, but to be in the "I love to drink"; is in "can't get used to Cao Cao". Because Cao Cao and Liu Bei also used to cook wine and talk about heroes.
The history books record: "The guests are always full, the wine in the bottle is not empty, and I have no worries." ”
Because of his hobbies, he refuted the arrangement. This is a big taboo in life.
Now, there are no smoking rules everywhere. If it's an office, whoever wants to smoke will cause dissatisfaction.
If you refute those who "don't smoke" and challenge the rules of the workplace, it is not only demeaning to the job, but also a reflection of the small pattern.
In any unit, people must think about the overall situation.
As one military strategist said, "A soldier who doesn't want to be a general is not a good soldier." ”
People can be in a low place, but they must have empathy in a high place and the courage of a big person, otherwise they are not motivated.
What Kong Rong really brought about was that he opposed Cao Cao's promotion of filial piety when he opened his mouth.
Kong Rong retorted: "The father is to the son, and its original meaning is really lustful. The son is to the mother, for example, if the thing is sent in a bottle, it will be separated. ”
In the era when there was no imperial examination, countless officials made their debut with filial piety. Kong Rong said that the love of parents for their children is the result of lust, and it cannot be tolerated.
If the refutation is excessive, it is "vexatious"; The rebuttal is too frequent, it is "-for-tat".
All the "mouth cannons that have been fought", taken together, are corrupt character and deliberately attacking others. As long as others are more serious, the consequences are terrible.
If you don't believe it, you will know that it is difficult to find a job and a salary to earn. It's not that your boss wears small shoes for you, it's that you don't have a "unit" in your heart and don't understand the rules.
03
refuted, won face, and lost his life.
Kong Rong and You Heng are a pair of old friends.
Age is not a barrier to socialization, the key is to have the same three views.
When you were in a difficult life, you held your resume, looked for a job in Yingzhou, and went to a lot of employment agencies.
Kong Rong, an official, posted a recruitment notice, hoping to have a good start.
When You Heng saw the notice, he was like a treasure, and he said the prepared words endlessly, and they all met Kong Rong's appetite.
It turns out that people who habitually refute will also find "empathetic people" - first, they are talented and pretentious; the second is to be an angry youth, actively pick on others, and people who are not used to it, a big stack; The third is that they all love to drink, and they are crazy after drinking.
The "Recommended Balance Table" says: "Sex and Tao are together, and thinking is like a god." ”
You Heng soon entered the performance industry.
When Cao Cao set up a banquet, You Heng played majestic.
Cao Cao reprimanded: "Why don't you change your clothes, do you dare to enter the meeting rashly?" ”
You Heng replied with bad intentions: "Good! Then he stripped off his clothes, and he looked ugly.
offended Cao Cao, and You Heng went to work under Liu Biao's door.
Liu Biao thought that with talent, he would be able to correct the article. Angry, You Heng didn't correct the article, but also mocked: "I can't stand it, I dislike it." ”
Leaving Liu Biao, You Heng defected to Huang Zu.
One day, Huang Zu and his guests went on a boat trip. You Heng was on the side, scolding, and said, "Dead old man." ”
Huang Zu jumped like thunder and killed You Heng.
There is such a tragedy, which can be caused in the blink of an eye: when others are angry, you refute a few words, and you will immediately start moving, and no one can pull it.
Impulses are the devil and are formed at the slightest thought. This is the next second after the rebuttal.
Many people want to refute a few words, just to show their talents, their own face is big, but others have no face.
Once you meet people who "have more face than the sky", you have to use the worst methods to attack each other.
Look at how many people with road rage, at the beginning, they are not all a few "cruel words", which makes people angry. The vindictive car drove out, and there was more than luck.
Look at how many people have lost their jobs, a trivial matter, just don't be convinced, throw out cruel words, and just quit. Later, for a long time, he was unemployed, and his fate fell into a trough.
There are also some couples who refute each other, which becomes domestic violence. or divorced, the fate of the second half of his life is no intersection.
04
A mouth, talking about others, is born to be.
As soon as you open your mouth, you will pick thorns, and you will learn it.
The ancients said: "If you are late, you will be expensive, if you are slow, you will be safe, and if you are slow, you will be round." ”
The habit of rebuttal will make people speak quickly, reply to others at an astonishing speed, and even often grab the topic. Obviously, I didn't understand the words of others thoroughly, and I didn't think of the ending.
Therefore, if you want to avoid the cause and effect of "refutation", the key is to do a good job of "slow" writing.
When outsiders speak, you listen to them more, and wait for them to fully express themselves clearly, and finish what they have said. If you don't hear clearly, politely ask, "Do you have anything else to say?" You can also be honest and tell others that you didn't understand.
When the boss arranges the work, think about the rules of the unit, and the subordinates obey the superiors, which is one of the rules. Subordinates should speak up and make suggestions, not refute, derogatory, or deny them altogether. I don't know if I'm right, so I listen to what other colleagues suggest, and I still have time to think.
Relatives and friends, don't open your mouth to come. From the other party's point of view, what life is like, what society is like, and what are the three views like. From another point of view, there will be no refutation, but more recognition and like. When the other party tells you something, most of them want you to support it.
It's good for the family to talk, smile and bow their heads. Husband and wife bow their heads to each other, less anger and more harmony; Bow your head to your child, give your child the opportunity to express yourself, and learn from your child; It is filial piety to bow to your parents. Even if the child makes a mistake and the lover is wrong, talk slowly and reasonably.
Today you are very angry, and you will offend people by opening your mouth, so bear with it, and if you have something to say, you will say it tomorrow. Often, tomorrow you don't want to talk about it, because it's not necessary.
Language prevails, and character prevails.
Picky is in the limelight, and the pattern is lost.
Biologist Charles Darwin said, "Ignorance produces self-confidence more easily than erudition." ”
It turns out that habitual rebuttals are all self-righteous and need to be changed.
Author: Cloth Clothes Coarse Food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The pictures in the article come from the Internet.