Invisible killers, how to avoid neglected parenting hidden dangers hurting children?

Recently, a 4-year-old girl went missing on a beach in Shanghai and her whereabouts are still unknown, and before that, a boy drowned in a swimming pool, struggling for 10 minutes without finding a child safety accident, how to take the child out safely? In the process of raising children, what are the safety hazards that parents should pay special attention to? Don't let your child fall into an invisible dilemma because of a small neglect. Tencent Parenting's "Growth Stories" column invited Tencent News Knowledge Officer and National Second-level Psychological Counselor Qingtian's mother, pediatrician and director of the China Popular Science Writers Association Shrimp Mommy, and child psychological counselor and parent-child education writer Coco's Zongzi mother to discuss the hidden dangers of parenting that are easy to be overlooked in life.

Core Ideas:

• 1

  Leaving their children alone in a certain place, whether indoors or outdoors, is not allowed.

• 2

  Take children out to check the weather forecast, pay attention to the problem of dressing and keeping warm, and minimize the transfer in the middle in the way of travel.

• 3

  Tell your child that what strangers give you and where he wants you to go must be rejected.

• 4

  Let children believe in the goodness and beauty of this world, and build deep trust and love for the world, especially parents.

Sunny Mother: During the discussion of the girl's disappearance, some netizens said, "Ten minutes is a long time for the child", in the child's world, is there no concept of time? Similar situations, how should parents deal with it correctly? Is it possible to leave young children alone in one place? If there is an emergency that requires a temporary departure from the child, how should parents deal with it?

Shrimp Mommy: In principle, the situation where parents leave their children alone in a certain place, whether indoor or outdoor, is not allowed to happen, if parents have a temporary emergency, they must have a very familiar and reliable person to accompany their children. Even if it is an emergency, you can take the child with you and carry it with you, because in fact, the child is not much old, but in any case, you can't leave a young child alone somewhere.

Children do not have a sense of time, they follow the order of events, such as eating first, bathing later, and then having to do these things, the day is over, so their time is according to the axis of events.

Coco's zongzi mother: Children's concept of time and adults' understanding of the concept of time are completely different things, 4-6-year-old children only have a little concept of time, and their concept is not accurate time, according to different times to do different things to distinguish time. Whether it is a child or an adult, in a particularly tense anxiety or fear of emotions, the sense of time and space will change, if the child is left alone, the child in the mood of anxiety and fear will completely lose the concept of time, may be a little older children usually do obey, once the mood is in a state of stress, their behavior can not be controlled. So be sure not to judge by the concept of an adult's time or think that he is safe, and leave him there alone.

Sunny Mom: Whether at home or outside, there will be some dangerous situations that parents are not aware of, what are the safety hazards that will be ignored? How can parents take their children out safely?

Shrimp Mommy: The safety risks that are generally ignored are the following: First, take the wrong medicine and feed the medicine multiple times, such as when the child has a fever, the mother feeds the medicine once, the grandmother feeds once, the two sides have not communicated and informed, this should not happen, designate a person to feed when feeding the medicine. Second, laundry detergent and disinfectant are not put in a high place after they are used up, because children are low, can be touched, and even eat. We have encountered situations where children eat their mother's cosmetics. Third, in rural areas, there is a situation where the jars and bottles in which they put food contain things that should not be placed, but children think they can eat it, and there is a possibility of eating it by mistake. Fourth, turn off the electric blanket before going to bed, there is a risk of low-temperature scalding, and warm the baby, attached to the body or under the clothing, will also cause low-temperature scalds, sometimes parents do not know, think it is eczema, apply eczema cream, in fact, it will cause secondary trauma.

Don't think that the company between two or three children is safe, especially the mutual companionship between children aged three or four, five or six, in fact, there are safety risks. We were out playing, two children were playing with stones by the pool, one of them was playing and disappeared, and by the time the adults found out, the child should have fallen. In fact, the other child saw that his playmate was missing, but he did not feel any abnormality, because the three- or four-year-old child did not have the consciousness of calling for help, he only felt that his companion was missing, maybe to play in the surrounding area.

If you want to take children out, it is recommended to look at the weather forecast, pay attention to the problem of dressing and keeping warm, and the way of travel, if you bring relatively small children, minimize the transfer in the middle. In addition, diet also needs to pay attention, we go to the field, adults sometimes want to taste the flavor of different places, but the child's stomach can not adapt, according to the child's age characteristics for him to choose children's meals, hamburger fast food these relatively safe diets. There is also a need to consider the convenience of going to the toilet.

Coco's Zongzi mother: If there are many people when you go out, it is best to pick up the child, and there may be some obstacles to walking when there are many people at the height of the child. And when eating out, look after the child, the child does not have a sense of danger to certain things, such as the kettle on the table may be hot, but he will still want to touch and touch. If he runs into the food handler, it is also very dangerous, because the child is low in stature and in the blind spot of the food operator.

When we check for safety hazards at home, we actually need to squat down, or even kneel, so that scanning the circle at home is the real danger area for children, rather than us standing there at the height of an adult and looking at it, and then where we feel dangerous.

Sunny mother: When the child encounters a stranger to pick up, he can't tell whether he is asking him and asking for help in good faith or malice, and how to help the child master the scale when he encounters the scene of strangers talking?

Coco's Zongzi Mother: The only thing I can tell my children at the moment is not to go with others, no matter where they go. It's too hard for him to distinguish which is a good guy and which is a bad guy. Our children's school is opposite the community, but I still don't dare to let him go to and from school alone, and sometimes I see some little girls carrying their school bags to school alone in the morning, which is quite worried, because there is no guarantee of what the children will encounter on the way to and from school.

In order for the child to adapt to playing in the community, we gave his mobile phone a software, there will be an electronic fence, the range is our community, once out of the community will call the police. This kind of short-term and short-distance can try it, far away will not work, expect him to be able to identify good and bad people on the road, to ensure that he is not abducted This is too difficult, I think the child can't do it, or have to rely on the guardianship of adults.

Sunny Mother: I used to take my child abroad to eat at a roast duck restaurant, my child was playing at the door, and the boss told me very seriously, here you must remember that your child can not leave your sight as long as he is not over 12 years old, if your child goes out of this door today, the police can arrest you because you are not in place. I also met in China, our three children went to the hot spring, there was a lifeguard next to the hot spring, because I did not go into the water during the menstrual period, the lifeguard asked me to watch them on the side, and don't look at the phone, don't do anything, and then he has to come over every two minutes to see. So no matter how old your child is, no matter where it is, don't let him out of your sight.

Mommy Shrimp: In fact, talking to strangers is almost inevitable, but in the bottom line, tell children that what strangers give you and where he wants you to go must be refused.

Sunny Mother: Recently, several news of children learning dance and becoming disabled has attracted much attention, the child's physical structure development is not yet complete, if parents want their children to learn dance, practice taekwondo, etc., what should parents pay attention to to avoid similar tragedies?

Shrimp Mommy: First of all, you can't be one-size-fits-all, if the child wants to learn dance, go to consult the dance teacher and coach, their assessment of the child is the most important, if the overall state of the child's physical development is not enough to cope with a certain sport, then he is not suitable. Second, if you want to register for a class, you must first look at the qualifications of this training institution and the qualifications of the coach, as well as the safety of the venue, and then the protective gear, all the protective equipment that should be bought should be bought. Third, parents should pay attention to the child's physical reaction, if the child says no, the pain is uncomfortable, parents must not ignore the feedback that the child gives you.

Sunny day mother: Parents don't think that the child is lying to you, sometimes the child says that my stomach hurts and my feet hurt, I can't accept this dance, at this time many parents may say you stick to it, others can why you can't, but in fact, each child for their own body sensitivity is different, when the child's emotional and physical state is not good, avoid training.

Coco's Zongzi mother: Be sure to listen to the child's own feedback, adults may think that sending the child to learn something is good for him, but in fact, the child may not be able to adapt. Our child, when he was in kindergarten, was very interested in taekwondo, and after trying it, he found that he did not fit in with the teacher, there may be some institutions in order to let you pay to renew the class, will say that the child has to exercise, but must see if the child can adapt to it, and then I found him a basketball class, he liked it very much, so he persevered. There are also some cases, parents paid half a year's money, as a result, the child did not go for two weeks, the rest of the money agency did not return, just forced him to go, at this time actually think about it, whether the child's physical and mental health is more important, or tuition is more important.

Sunny Mother: How to explain the importance of cyber security to children, teach children to recognize online fraud, protect personal privacy, etc.?

Coco's Zongzi Mother: Let me share our family's current practice, give children special tablets and children's mobile phones, do not involve money, do not give the mobile phone associated with your account to him to play. Then short video software, game software, now there will be children and teens mode, all children and teen modes are turned on, we will also regularly screen his mobile phone tablet to see if there is some strange software downloaded, to delete it.

Parents of younger children should look closer, such as violent pornography, not only the child may be exposed to, but also our relationship with the child is very important, if his relationship with you is safe enough, trust you enough, when he really comes into contact with something he can't digest, he will tell you, and then can help the child solve it in the process of communication.

Sunny mother: When the child has a good relationship with you, he can tell you all the big and small things, even if this matter is very terrible, he will tell you, but when he has a very bad relationship with you, even if he knows that this thing is not right, the child may think, anyway, I have a bad relationship with you, I love it. Therefore, it is important to maintain a smooth communication between the child and us.

Mommy Shrimp: Regarding network security, parents should also consider the intelligence of their children, who are actually very smart and not so simple. When my son was in the second or third grade, one day he took a picture of me out of his pocket, and then very calmly slid it in front of the machine, and he continued to play. I was particularly touched at the time, thinking that my son must love his mother very much so that he would carry an inch of his mother's photo, and he used it to unlock it.

Sunny Mom: Are there any good ways to help parents educate and entertain and raise their children's safety awareness?

Coco's Zongzi Mother: Children are safe at home most of the time, but in fact, there are many dangers, and some injuries come from parents, such as scolding him and hitting him, these are all injuries. If the child is in this situation of physical and mental aggression for a long time, he may not be sensitive to external aggression and will feel normal. If he is kept in a safe state at home, when he really encounters something unsafe, his body will instinctively resist, he knows that there is a problem.

Therefore, we try not to insult the child at home, or often yell at him, do not do it with the child, do not corporal punishment, let him maintain a relatively healthy physical and mental boundary, and maintain the child's instinct for self-protection.

Shrimp Mommy: For young children, first, if parents have the habit of making their own complementary food, they will generally cut the vegetable leaves a little finely, but if the elderly or others do not know, the leaves are not chopped, and the throat may be stuck. So we have to tell the child, when you choke, what do you do, there can be an action to indicate that I choked, for a slightly older child, you can teach him some simple Heimlich First Aid movements. Second, parents can accompany their children to play games when appropriate, because at least as parents, to know what children are playing, parents do not one-sidedly exclude children playing games, only after going to play with children, you can know why he plays this game.

Sunny Mother: We talk about safety education to prevent problems before they happen, but we can't just worry and fear. For parents, on the one hand, we must pay attention, on the other hand, we must let children believe in the goodness and beauty of this world, and cannot let children feel as if the world is full of bad people except for their families, and we actually do not want children to live in a state of anxiety and uncertainty. We hope that every child will grow up safely and healthily, hope to minimize all dangerous things, let children build deep trust and love in the world, especially for parents, and at the same time establish their own small signalers to identify danger.

Finishing: Chen Yanbo

Reviewed: Cai Juan

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