8 ways to create a sense of family ritual, follow it, and raise children with a burst of happiness
The sense of ritual is an indispensable nutrient in children's childhood life.
A small ritual can leave a mark on a child's heart and give them the strength to grow upward.
Author | Potato Mom
Teacher Yin Jianli once shared such a thing:
From the time her daughter was two years old, she would secretly hide small gifts at the end of her daughter's bed on Christmas Eve.
When her daughter received the gift unexpectedly, she was naturally overjoyed, so she told her that it was from Grandpa Santa.
Later, every year as Christmas approached, my daughter was full of anticipation, guessing what kind of surprise Santa Claus would bring this year.
When Yuanyuan was older, I understood that all this was my mother's intention.
But she is still full of longing and fantasy for Christmas, and she also feels the happiness of being valued more deeply.
Years later, Yuanyuan also learned to surprise the people he cares about:
On a good friend's birthday, she will quietly prepare a special gift.
When Dad forgets her mother's birthday, she will secretly send flowers to Mom in her father's name...
She not only loves life, but also has gratitude to her parents, and knows how to love others and love herself.
An inconspicuous little ceremony not only warmed her daughter's entire childhood, but also laid a warm and happy background for her life.
But around us, we can always hear this voice:
"Kids, what's the holiday?"
"Teach him such material things since he was a child, don't spoil the child!"
"Why do you engage in so much formalism, it's too wasteful of money..."
However, without a ceremony, the child will still grow up on time.
But the happiness they have lacked since childhood cannot be made up for in a lifetime.
Because what children really care about is never cakes and gifts, but the certainty that they are valued, respected, and deeply loved.
For children, what is more heart-wrenching than having no money at home is that there is no sense of ritual at home.
I've seen this video before:
The daughter wants to have a special birthday for her father.
Considering that the father does not like to eat cream cake, the daughter piled a "fruit cake" with various fruits.
She also prepared Coke and beer with her mother, wrote the words "Mr. Su, Happy Birthday" on the bottom of the bottle, and then secretly hid it in the refrigerator.
The mother and daughter also prepared a table of meals and waited for their father to come home and celebrate.
But as soon as Dad got home, he kept a straight face and complained that he hated red tape the most. In one breath, he didn't even taste a bite of the meal.
The mother and daughter were sad and lost, and the original expectations and excitement were also extinguished by the father.
Writer Lin Xiaoxiao said: The exploration and review of ritual sense again and again is actually the recognition and determination of love again and again.
The reason why many families are unhappy, and children are not close to their parents, is often because adults treat life too perfunctory.
Never celebrate holidays, never prepare gifts, and do not value any activities of your children.
Over time, life becomes boring, and there is only indifference and alienation between the family.
Children grow up in such an atmosphere, and gradually lose their enthusiasm for life and expectations for the future.
Without a sense of ritual, it is difficult to raise children with a sense of happiness.
Some parents often equate ritual with spending money and buying gifts.
In fact, the real sense of ritual is never a material pile, but a spiritual nourishment.
It doesn't have to be grand, but its essence is love, because of the love of children, so willing to hollow out the mind, willing to treat with the heart.
The sense of ritual is often hidden in many ordinary little things.
These 8 ways to create a sense of family ritual can still give children a full sense of happiness without spending a lot of money.
1. Small surprises after work
There is a father who brings a small gift to his daughter every day after work.
Sometimes it's a small yogurt in the canteen, sometimes it's a small orange or apple.
Occasionally, he would print a cartoon character that his daughter liked, or go to the supermarket to buy some of his daughter's favorite snacks and candies.
Although they are all insignificant little things, they have caused her daughter to scream again and again.
In the eyes of adults, gifts must be expensive to get their hands, but in the eyes of children, as long as they are specially given to them, they will be very happy.
Even small stones and falling leaves on the side of the road can be exchanged for children's happiness throughout the day.
2. Make a "happy jar"
Children are sensitive, emotional reactions are often greater, especially when children are older, many troubles and difficulties are not willing to tell their parents.
Prepare a "happy jar" for your child when he is young.
If there is something happy every day, record it together on a small piece of paper and put it in a jar.
This process is actually the process of storing happiness, and when the child is sad or depressed in the future, take out a note and look at it.
By reliving these happy moments, children can perceive the beauty of life and find the courage to move forward.
A small jar can give a child the power to heal himself.
3. Take a commemorative photo
There is a father and daughter, who take photos in the same place every year and insist on it for 40 years.
When my daughter was 1 year old, the family went to a friend's house as a guest, and when they saw that the lake was beautiful, the wife took a group photo of her husband and daughter with the camera she carried.
Since then, the father has taken his daughter to the lake every year to take a commemorative photo.
Decades later, my father often looked through the old photos and recalled the family going to take pictures.
The daughter also inherited this tradition in the family, saying that she would take her two children and continue to shoot.
This ritual, which carries a sense of love, is passed down from generation to generation.
Those ordinary and beautiful days were also frozen in a photo and became a precious memory for the family.
In fact, even in the living room at home, taking a family photo every year can give children full of happiness and energy.
In the future, when the children go out, no matter what situation they encounter, when they see these photos, they know that the home behind them is their retreat.
4. Tell the story with letters
Writer Liu Shenglian has a special way of communication in her home, that is, the "family post office".
Three "mailboxes" for fathers, mothers, and daughters were set up, and letters written to whomever they wrote to were sent to whose "mailboxes".
The daughter didn't know much at first, so she used pictures instead.
Later, her daughter's letters became longer and longer, but she always enjoyed it and was willing to tell her heart in this way.
When her daughter has emotions, Liu Shenglian will also communicate with her daughter through letters, which will not hurt her daughter's self-esteem, and parent-child conflicts are naturally much less.
In the electronic age, letters have a different sense of ritual, and usually unspeakable love and emotions can be expressed through words.
5. Regular supermarket purchases
As a parent, you must have had the experience of "children who want to buy everything when they see it, and they refuse to leave".
We can't be satisfied with everything, but we are also afraid that blindly refusing will hurt the child.
CCTV children's host Zhou Zhou shared a very practical method: agree in advance and purchase regularly.
Ask your child to make a list of items he wants, set a purchase cycle, one or two weeks, and agree to only allow the child to buy only 1-3 of the things he wants most.
It is a ritual, but also an education.
It can satisfy children's shopping desires, exercise children's planning skills, and allow children to learn to analyze and make trade-offs.
6. Grow a bank account
When the child has a sense of money, he can buy him a piggy bank, telling the child that pocket money and money can be stored in it, which is his private property.
By the age of 7, you can let your child go for an exclusive bank card like an adult.
Teach children how to save and withdraw money, how to set a password, step by step to give children what is the principal, interest, how to buy financial management and so on.
Let the child experience the joy of saving money, but also slowly teach him to make a consumption plan and spend money reasonably.
For example, if you receive money every year, you can divide it into several parts, one to buy gifts for your family, one to buy books and school supplies, and one to invest...
Children's financial intelligence needs to be carefully cultivated and nurtured by parents in order to improve little by little.
7. Weekly family meals
According to the book Positive Discipline, "One of the most encouraging things parents can do for their children is to regularly enjoy special time with their children as planned. ”
Family meals are the easiest way to establish family intimacy.
Studies have found that family gatherings to chat are particularly beneficial for children's development, and regular family meals can also lead to higher grade point averages and higher levels of self-esteem.
Many parents are busy socializing, and the number of times they come home to eat is counted, and the table is deserted.
We can set up a family meal day, put down the mobile phone and work on that day, and devote ourselves to enjoying food and chatting with the children.
Life is busy and trivial, but it will add a lot of happiness because of this special day.
8. Commemorate growth nodes
I remember that when my son slept in separate rooms for the first time, we specially prepared some small rituals:
First take him with you to decorate your own little room and dress up as he likes.
Then he gave him a big doll and slept with him as a good friend.
On the day of the official separation, we bought a small cake and prepared a certificate of growth for him, and the whole family celebrated his first step towards independence.
After such a process, the son not only did not disgust and fear, but said proudly, "I have grown up, of course I have to sleep by myself."
Children are growing up day by day, childhood is counting down little by little, and some important growth nodes are fleeting.
Therefore, parents should spend more time and leave some special memories for their children.
Writer Mai Qianqian once said:
"You give your child a birthday, tell him that he is a year older and better than before, and give him a sense of purpose in his life;
You accompany your child to participate in the school's parent-child sports meeting and report performances, so that he has confidence and a sense of identity in himself;
You let your child send blessings to mom and dad and teachers on Father's Day, Mother's Day, and Teacher's Day, so that he knows how to be grateful. ”
Behind the ceremony, there is often a more important meaning.
If you put in a little more care today, your children will have a sense of security and happiness in the future.
The sense of ritual is a high match for a family, and it is also the best "wealth" for children.
Give it a thumbs up and encourage all parents.