The following article is from Qian Zhiliang Studio, written by Qian Zhiliang
A family education platform hosted by teacher Qian Zhiliang of Beijing Normal University. Every Monday to Friday, an original article is pushed every day, committed to providing parents with professional and practical parenting knowledge and concepts.
Zi said: "People have no faith, they don't know what they can do." The big car has no wheel [ní], and the small car has no wheel [yuè], why does it work? ”
Only by establishing a good relationship of trust will children feel safe, willing to communicate with their parents, and parents can better pay attention to their children's growth.
Before the age of 3
Before the child is 3 years old, parents should establish a good parent-child relationship with the child.
Parents who believe in "hugging without crying" later found that although their children's crying was immune, they lost their sense of trust in their parents and their own sense of security.
Meet children's physical and psychological needs in a timely manner, and meet children's basic life and growth needs, such as hugging and kissing ceremonies every time they are separated and met, returning from going out to give children small souvenirs, and birthday cakes...
To create a warm and harmonious family environment, parents should use a gentle and cordial tone to talk, sing, play games with their children, and snuggle closely with their children.
Kindergarten stage
Building a trusting relationship with your child in kindergarten requires that your child be heard and understood.
When the child has something to say, parents should pay enough attention and patience and listen carefully to the child's heart.
Listen to your child with openness, support and understanding, so that your child feels that his or her words are taken seriously and respected:
When you're talking to your child face-to-face, don't answer the phone, look at your phone, check email, or organize files on your desk; If your child comes to talk to you and you're busy with other things and don't have time, be honest with your child —
Instead of getting distracted while listening, let's just say, "I want to communicate with you too, but I'm too busy to listen to you with full attention, how about we make another appointment later?" ”
When children make mistakes, parents should also give their children enough understanding and support, and do not be too harsh and criticize their children.
Parents themselves must also learn to admit mistakes, do not cover up mistakes, and let children feel that you are a sincere person - if parents make mistakes, they should also honestly admit and apologize to their children, so that children can feel the sincerity and respect of their parents.
Primary school level
The trust and security of elementary school students comes from being respected.
To keep your promises, you must do what you promise, even if it is a small thing, you must do it.
If your child confides secrets to you or shares his private information with you, don't tell anyone else about those private conversations.
When you disagree with his behavior, do not feel free to question and belittle the child, give constructive advice to the child in private, and do not embarrass the child in front of everyone.
Give the child some advice and guidance at a specific time, pay attention to the best advice, not too tough, so that the child will not be rebellious because of being suppressed.
Parents can get to know their children from the aspects of their children's interests, strengths and weaknesses, so that children feel respected and valued.
Secondary level
As the child grows up day by day, he will have his own ideas, his own opinions, his own choices.
The sense of security of secondary school students comes from appropriate autonomy.
As children grow up, they will gradually form their own values and codes of conduct, which may be different from their parents, but this does not mean that the child is wrong.
Middle school students need enough freedom and space to explore and explore their own world, and when parents give their children enough freedom and space, children will feel the trust and respect of their parents.
When children are able to make decisions and choices on their own, they feel more confident and growing.
Communication with middle school students requires concise language, and at the end of the point, a parent's or teacher's tirade will block the child's ears and mouth.
Source: Qian Zhiliang Studio
Image source: Photogram