Not letting children be silent becomes a high wall to cover up school bullying

Recently, an extreme bullying incident occurred at Dacheng Bilingual School in Datong City, which caused heated discussions among netizens.

School bullying happens repeatedly, why is it described as "extreme" this time? Judging from the information disclosed by the parents of the bullied, this school bullying is not only isolation, beatings and verbal abuse, but also involves sexual insults.

Two 9-year-old boys forced their dormitory roommates to drink urine, lick their genitals, and bleed during anal sex, and the bullying behavior and cruelty were shocking, even beyond the imagination of adults.

Image source: New Yellow River

The boys, who had been bullied by them for a long time, gradually became "in a mental trance" and had thoughts of suicide.

Behind this boy, despicable bullies, derelict schools and teachers, and parents who despise the child's changes are the main culprits and accomplices of this incident, and together make the incident go in the worst direction.

01

Silent children stem from failed parent-child communication

In this incident, there is a worrying detail that the boy was bullied at school for a year and a half, from the second grade of primary school all the way to the fourth grade, without the parents' knowledge.

If it weren't for the child suddenly showing strong emotions in front of grandma, I don't know how long this matter would have been covered.

Image source: TV series "Dark Glory"

Why are school bullying incidents so hard to detect? Why don't children who are being bullied go to adults for help?

From the child's own perspective, they may be threatened by bullies and will be punished more harshly once they tell teachers and parents.

There are also children with strong self-esteem and are ashamed to talk about being bullied, so they are reluctant to tell their parents.

From the perspective of parents, children's reluctance to tell their parents the real situation is more due to the negligence of their parents.

This is because even if children do not directly say how they have been bullied, their emotions, demeanor, and physical aspects will show traces of being bullied.

And some parents do not pay enough attention to their children, ignore the abnormalities in their children's speech and behavior, think that it is normal for children to fight and fight, and are unwilling to face up to their children's emotional changes, which misses the best opportunity to help their children.

In this incident, the boy attended boarding school from an early age, and the bullying was first discovered by his grandmother, which shows that parents usually lack attention to their children.

Image source: TV series "The Road to the Son's Heart"

Therefore, parents want to know whether their children have been bullied at school, they need to regularly and actively ask about their children's recent situation, and do not wait for the child to want to take his own life, only willing to understand the child and force the child to ask the truth.

Parents and children should also pay attention to skills, and can use a guiding way to ask simple and easy-to-answer questions.

If parents find their child's abnormality, instead of asking the child "what happened", it is better to ask the child "Is someone bullying you", such a question is easier to answer, does not require much thinking, and can make the child realize that the parents really care about themselves.

The first step in protecting children, not to let children be silent, becomes a high wall to cover up school bullying.

02

Sending children to boarding school and how to maintain parent-child relationships

From what age can the child go to boarding school? The question is inconclusive. But what is certain is that children should not go to boarding school too early, at least until they start secondary school, and it is certainly not recommended.

Young children do not know how to control emotions, can not accurately distinguish the boundaries of behavior, it is easy to have friction with classmates, roommates, parents are not around, children will often be wronged.

Children between the ages of 6 and 12 have important development of living and learning habits, and the influence of the environment is very important for children. Without effective parental guidance, children may embark on the wrong path of growth.

The research data can also illustrate this point, the rates of mild and severe sensory integration disorders in boarding primary school children were 25.84% and 7.68%; The detection rate in the survey of behavioral problems was 27.55%, which was significantly higher than the proportion of ordinary primary school children of 17.37%.

Image source: TV series "Juvenile Court"

However, some children are influenced by objective factors, such as parents working outside the home, difficulty in caring for them, and having to attend boarding schools from an early age.

In such cases, parents must regularly talk to their children on the phone and video, and let them go home at least once a week to spend weekends with their families.

Secondly, parents should take the initiative to express their concern and thoughts about their children, such as communicating with their children often and sending them some daily necessities to avoid making their children feel abandoned.

In addition, parents can also pay attention to the ritual expression of some important festivals, such as accompanying their children on their birthdays, Mid-Autumn Festival and holidays to enhance parent-child emotions and relationships.

03

Let children develop a "not easy to mess with" personality

Through repeated school bullying incidents, it can be seen that children who are often bullied may have some commonalities, such as relatively thin body shape and relatively introverted personality.

Analyzing these characteristics is not to promote the "victim guilt theory" and think that such children should be bullied, but to say that when the protection of children from the outside world is not in place, parents do not mind letting their children do more preparation to prevent these possible risks.

Education expert Li Meijin once mentioned that children should develop a "not easy to mess" character.

Parents do not have to let their children learn martial arts and taekwondo, but developing a healthy body and a strong physique can also resist school injuries to a certain extent.

Even if it's not about preventing bullying in school, a healthy body will benefit children for life.

Image source: Youth TV Open Class "Let's Talk"

If the worst happens, the bullying incident has occurred, which shows that the child cannot rely on his or her own strength to solve the problem. In order to avoid the continuous deterioration of the situation, parents must intervene in time.

First, communicate with the teacher and the school to understand the details, and secondly, ask the other parent's parents to come forward to discuss the solution. If the parents refuse to cooperate, they can also seek help from the police.

From a legal point of view, children who have reached the age of 12 can bear certain criminal responsibility, but the preconditions are more stringent, and it may be difficult to further reduce the age of criminal responsibility for minors.

For example, this incident ended with "admonishment" and "order": "The bullies are reprimanded in accordance with the law and ordered to receive psychological counseling and behavior correction; The guardian of the bully is reprimanded and ordered to receive family education guidance. ”

The protection of minors by the law can easily give children the illusion that "the original law cannot protect all victims." "Then lose your reverence for the law and become freewheeling."

Image source: TV series "Juvenile Court"

There is a scene in the Korean drama "Juvenile Court" in which two 11-year-old boys mistakenly kill another young child for throwing stones, but they have not been punished or criticized for it.

When they grew up, they gradually began to defraud, prostitute, form criminal groups, beat shop owners at will, and do all kinds of evil.

It is precisely because the law has let them go again and again that they have become more and more contemptuous of the law and regulations, and have changed from children who make mistakes to real demons.

In the mainland, the law's determination of juvenile criminal responsibility may not be changed in the short term, but the guardianship responsibility of parents and guardians for their children, as well as the conditions for custody and discipline, need to be further refined and clarified.

Only in this way can the protection of minors in the law become a protective shield for minor victims, not an umbrella for juvenile bullies.