Usually watching TV programs, as well as various news, you may have heard such a sentence: a person's love is unhappy, and he himself is related. What kind of person you are and what kind of emotional ending will you reap in the end.
Although this sentence may sound a little awkward at first, if you think about it, there are many psychological principles in it, involving many details of love.
In psychology, how is love defined? It refers to a strong form of interpersonal attraction, and it is a high-level romantic emotion produced by an individual who has matured physically and mentally to a certain extent, and has an extraordinary experience. In essence, it also belongs to the category of interpersonal relationships, and its core value is in it.
Interpersonal relationships, in order to achieve a deep relationship, two people generally need the following conditions:
1. It has mutuality. No individual will accept others for no reason, there is a premise for liking, and mutuality is an important premise. This mutuality has many aspects. Values, hobbies, personalities, etc., people tend to be close to those who are very similar to themselves.
For example, if you are a person who is single-minded about feelings, if you meet someone who is particularly frivolous and carefree about feelings, it will be difficult to connect. After a few words, if you find something wrong, you will not contact again.
Relationships are screened in this.
2. Maintain equality. For relationships to get along, they need to be relaxed. This relaxation mainly refers to having a sense of security, feeling trusted, supported and understood. If there is no such feeling in the relationship, there is a high probability that they will be separated for a while.
3. Value exchange. The essence of interpersonal communication is the exchange that is needed. Whether you admit it or not, people have a need for love, this demand contains many levels, material and spiritual needs, everyone will measure gains and losses in communication, and evaluate whether the relationship is in line with the inner value.
These three points exist at the same time and remain stable in the relationship, we can say that two people have a stable emotional relationship, and the words of love can last.
Understand the concept, and then return to the question, "why do I always like cowardly, timid and unresponsible men", you will understand what the truth is, the root cause is that some of the characteristics of such men meet the needs of some women.
Seeing this, some people will express doubts, men are cowardly and timid, not responsible, will there be women who like it? This is a problem that we have to look at dialectically.
Character It is like this, there is a positive side, there must be a process of negative discomfort, it has two sides, and no personality in the world is perfect.
For example, some people are very strong, pursue perfection in doing things, be more meticulous, and strive for excellence, this kind of personality is very advantageous in the workplace, and it is easy to get good results.
But in intimate relationships, this personality will have problems, too much pursuit of perfection, there will be a desire for control; Behind the desire for control will be narcissism, which may bring great psychological pressure to the partner, and over time will cause relationship conflicts.
This is why some people seem to have a good personality, but always the intimacy cannot be maintained for long. It looks good on the outside, but in fact, there are many not very good psychological qualities behind it.
Is there some such duality behind a cowardly and unresponsible man? Yes, there is. Cowardly and timid, it shows that this man is very incompetent. Since he is incompetent, it is difficult to cheat and betray in the relationship, because it is difficult for others to like an unaccomplished man like him.
But for some girls who lack love and security emotionally, this is exactly what they need. Because they are very afraid of losing and longing for the existence of a relationship not to separate, men's "cowardice and timidity" provide such girls with "nourishing soil".
It will make him think, look, this relationship is my happiness, it will not be separated, I don't have to worry about his cheating behavior, he will always love me.
It seems that the man is cowardly and timid, but in fact, the woman also sees the "benefit side", which is not very needed for some people, but is a "necessity" for some people.
On the contrary, men with a firm personality and a very enterprising heart will not be favored by such girls. Because they will feel that this kind of man is too inconsistent with their own hearts, busy making money every day, not accompanying me, this kind of man is likely to have a new love in the future, in case I am older, abandon me, but it is not very safe.
So in the final analysis, the essence of feelings is the process of "projecting" people and releasing their inner needs. Behind everyone's seemingly irrational and wrong behavior, there are often deep-seated reasons in it. Either family trauma, or emotional frustration, formed by psychological reflection.
If you find that there is always a problem emotionally, you don't meet the right object, or the object you make friends always makes you dissatisfied, you need to summarize your inner feelings at this time, see what needs your subconscious has, deeply analyze and understand, and then make a reasonable choice, at this time there will be no regret.