My name is Zhang Guixiang, I am 72 years old, my wife's name is Li Jianqiang, we have two daughters and a son. The eldest daughter is called Zhang Li, the second daughter is called Zhang Xiu, and the son is called Zhang Sen.
Our family of six lives in a small, remote mountain village and makes a living by farming. The houses in the village were built of adobe, and we lived in a small dilapidated courtyard at the entrance of the village.
The children have had a very hard life since childhood. Our family is very poor, often does not have enough to eat, and the children's clothes are patched and worn.
For this goal, our husband and wife took up the burden of the family. Every spring, we get up early and go to work in the fields, and our feet are busy planting, hoeing, fertilizing, and medicine, just hoping to harvest a little more grain.
The children are also smart and sensible. Every time they came home from vacation, they took the initiative to help in the fields, and even gave up the opportunity to play.
But the family was so difficult that they had to work hard.
My wife and I have had many fights over tuition fees. He always wanted to save money and keep his kids from going to high school, and I didn't agree.
A few years in the spring, my old clothes were torn and I didn't dare to buy new ones, just to earn more tuition.
After such a difficult life, we still sent all three children to high school. My wife and I are very proud, after all, there are not many children who can go to high school.
My wife felt that there was light on her face when she heard it, and she had to send Zhang Sen to the county to make up classes. I know that the family really can't afford this expense, and it is useless to have a big argument with my wife.
The two sisters' grades are actually not bad, but they are not as outstanding as their younger brothers. I often encourage them and tell them that they don't need to be too inferior, and that girls can also change their lives through hard work.
In the blink of an eye, Zhang Sen graduated from high school. He was admitted to a foreign university and became one of the first children in our village to go to university.
I couldn't do anything, so I had to go by him.
After graduating from high school, both daughters chose to work in the county. The wife is very disdainful of this, feeling that the daughters are not good and are not as good as their sons.
My wife didn't listen, and said that all the good years were wasted.
When the family gathers less and separates more, my heart often feels sad. Fortunately, after graduating from university, Zhang Sen found a decent job and lived up to our expectations.
Although life is still difficult, there is finally a glimmer of hope.
It was hard to support his family, and all three children went to school
My wife Li Jianqiang and I have struggled to get our three children to go to school, and it is difficult to put into words.
Children need to pay tuition, buy books, and live expenses to go to school. This is an astronomical expense for a sharecropper family like us.
It is even more difficult to send three children to school.
In order to raise tuition, I had to cut back to the extreme. The children's clothes are all patched, and I haven't bought a new dress in years.
At night, I used to growl with hunger, but I still saved up the money. I really can't bear to see my children out of school at home, so won't my life be in vain?
My wife and I have argued countless times over tuition fees. Li Jianqiang's temper hit people as soon as he came up, and I was beaten by him I don't know how many times, and the bruises on my body often added new injuries when they were not well.
He didn't listen to me, he only knew to beat and scold me.
Children are actually very smart and sensible, and know that the family is difficult. When they go home from vacation, they will take the initiative to help with farm work in the field, just to spend less on their own living expenses.
The eldest daughter Zhang Li has average grades, but works very hard. The second daughter, Zhang Xiu, is more introverted and shy, and her grades are slightly worse.
I also patiently tutored them for fear that they would fall behind in their studies.
Our only son, Zhang Sen, is our pride. He was very intelligent and studious, and his grades were always at the top. My wife treats her son like a baby, and she insists on sending him to the county to make up classes so that she can apply for a good high school.
He only cares for his son, and my heart is very uncomfortable.
In order to make up for the tuition fees for my two daughters, I had to secretly save money and save money to make up for my own shortcomings.
I often encourage them not to let their son's excellence overshadow their efforts, and girls can also change their lives through hard work.
After such hardships, we still managed to send all three of our children to high school. Although my wife and I often quarrel over the education of our children, this is also our common wish.
Grievances in the process of struggle
In order to provide for our son Zhang Sen to go to college, our husband and wife once again suffered great financial pressure.
We had a miserable life in those years, and in order to save up for our tuition, we had to cut back again. My wife, Li Jianqiang, works in the fields all day, and I also move bricks or wash clothes everywhere to earn money.
I often had nightmares that I fainted from hunger while working in the fields.
Although Zhang Sen is very filial, he knows that his family has broken his heart for him. But the cost of going to college is too much, and our life is still miserable.
He took the initiative to work as a part-time job, wanting to share some of the financial burden for his family. I know that it is not easy for him to study abroad, and it is my wish not to let him work part-time, so that my son can study with peace of mind.
In recent years, my wife and I have worn shabby clothes, and we can't see the original color when we make up for it. I've been wearing the same old padded jacket for years, with the cuffs and hem torn out.
Finally, with our unremitting efforts, Zhang Sen University successfully graduated. This is a huge win for us, and very few children in the village make it to university.
I didn't contradict him, I just secretly wiped away my tears. I know that without my silent dedication and the efforts of my children, we would not be where we are today.
After graduating from high school, the two daughters came to the county to work and make a living. They can only work as temporary workers and have a hard time, but I am proud of them.
But my wife was extremely dissatisfied with this, saying that why can't my two daughters get into college and get a good job like their son, they are too unproductive.
My wife didn't listen to me and scolded me for having problems with education, otherwise how could my daughters fail so much.
I wanted to loudly refute my wife's unfair remarks, but the thought that I still relied on him financially could only swallow my anger.
Now I can only endure in silence, and always encourage my daughters, telling them to be self-reliant and not to be influenced by their father's prejudices.
The thoughtfulness of the daughter-in-law
His son Zhang Sen finally got married. He married a city girl, Ma Mei. Ma Mei is filial and considerate by nature, and respects me and my wife, which makes me feel very gratified.
On the wedding day, Ma Mei specially took my wife and me to get our hair done, bought us new clothes, let us dress decently and dignified, and went on stage to attend my son's wedding.
Zhang Sen's feelings for Ma Mei are very good. When we got married, my wife and I wanted to use our only savings to buy them a new home.
I could see that she was considering that our family was already poor and really couldn't pay much money to buy a house. Ma Mei does not want us to be embarrassed and plans to start from scratch with her son.
Ma Mei is also filial and considerate to me and my parents-in-law. After giving birth, she took the initiative to take care of her grandchildren, so that my wife and I could work with peace of mind and not have to worry about family affairs all the time.
Ma Mei said that it is her responsibility to take care of her grandson, and she can't always ask us for money.
During the New Year and holidays, Ma Mei also often gives us gifts. Once during the Mid-Autumn Festival, she specially made some mooncakes to send and told me to open them.
I hesitated to accept it, but Ma Mei repeatedly advised me to keep it for living expenses, and I could no longer shirk.
Ma Mei's filial piety and thoughtfulness often moved me to tears. She is gentle and considerate in her gestures, like a good wife and mother.
With such a virtuous daughter-in-law as a companion, I, the mother-in-law, really have nothing to worry about.
The two have a blended relationship
Although my wife Li Jianqiang and I have become increasingly estranged, the two families still maintain close contact.
She often spends weekends bringing her children back to our place to stay. Ma Mei would spend time talking to me and caring about my physical condition.
I looked at my daughter-in-law's filial piety, and my gratitude was overflowing.
My wife and I also did our best to repay Ma Mei's family. Ma Mei's parents are old, and I asked my eldest daughter to visit them often, at least once a week, to ask if there was anything I needed help with.
Our two families often exchange gift greetings for the Chinese New Year. In my spare time, I do some handicraft work and knit woolen socks for Ma Mei's family.
However, I know in my heart that my wife Li Jianqiang still looks down on Ma Mei's family lineage. In his eyes, he disliked Ma Mei's parents as ordinary workers, not as high as his own peasant status.
But his deep-seated traditional beliefs will not change easily, and my persuasion will not help.
My wife's personality is difficult to change, and she still often says hurtful things. He laughed at his two daughters who could only work hard in the county town, and did not have such favorable conditions as his daughter-in-law Ma Mei's family.
In fact, my own heart is also sad, and the gap between husband and wife seems to be getting deeper and deeper.
Bitter lessons, Fang Zhi repented
The most painful day of my life was the day when my wife Li Jianqiang died suddenly.
I was about to cook that day when my wife suddenly fell to the ground holding her head, her mouth was hoarse, and her limbs were twitching.
But by the time the doctor came, his wife had died.
It turns out that this is the symptom of a stroke. His wife has not monitored his body for some years, and the problem of high blood pressure has been hidden, and finally broke out on this day, directly killing his old man.
When my wife was alive, I knew that he had a traditional concept of son preference and favored his son everywhere. But I did not communicate seriously with him, but treated him with tolerance for a long time.
If I had persuaded him to change his mind, maybe my wife would have lived a few more years.
The children also wept at their father's funeral. When I saw my two daughters grieving, I felt even more guilty.
And this tragedy was caused by my years of concession and tolerance.
Fortunately, my children are filial and knowledgeable. After the funeral, they volunteered to stay home to take care of my life.
I began to reflect on how I had gotten along with my wife over the years. I found myself tolerating his stereotypes too much during his lifetime, which led him to die unrepentant.
I ask my children to give me another chance to rehabilitate. I listen carefully to everyone's thoughts and communicate openly with them.
I will also praise my daughter-in-law for her kindness and filial piety in person, and thank her for the warmth she has given to this family.
I finally understood that only inclusive understanding and communication can repair broken family relationships. This will be the most important lesson in my life for me.
Pray for family harmony and mutual understanding
The death of my wife gave me a painful wake-up call. I realized that to cherish this hard-won harmonious family, I had to wholeheartedly make up for my mistakes and reconnect this broken home.
I began to reach out to my daughters and asked them what they needed in life. In the past, I was often burdened by my wife's prejudice, but now I want my daughters to feel the mother's care and pride in them.
I also find time to visit my daughters in town and learn more about their working lives. I used to think only of my sons, but now I want my daughters to know that there will always be a place for you in my mother's heart.
To my daughter-in-law Ma Mei, I am even more grateful and appreciate her person. I would ask her to sit at home and tell her every day about raising her son.
I want her to be treated like my own daughter, and there will be no gap between our mother and daughter.
I also often visit Ma Mei's parents to greet them for their good health. I will bring my own delicious food and let them taste the wild game in the mountains.
I want both families to feel the warmth of family.
Vowing to rebuild these relationships is my current wish. I will lead by example and show humility and love to my family.
I believe that through my efforts, this warm big family will become more and more harmonious, and the scene surrounded by children and grandchildren is the happiness I am most looking forward to.