This author's personal experience is written sincerely and naturally brings deep thinking, which is very worth reading and highly recommended. The tragedy also contributed to the shock and absorption of the American cultural foundation by Chinese students. The collision of the two minds takes place in such a black-and-white, heart-wrenching, and unforgettable way, and the environment and talent like the author also describe a virtuous cycle of immigration absorption and influence in the United States. Unfortunately, time has passed, and in many parts of the United States today, it may be difficult to replicate?
(The following quotes [American Common Sense] written in the guide.) ）
The incident that occurred in the killing of Professor Yan Zijie by Qi Tailei at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill has become a hot spot and even more thought-provoking. One cannot help but recall Lu Gang's massacre at the University of Iowa a few years ago. This is a story of personal account, reflection and faith, and it is well worth reading!
Most people who grow up in China lack the basic knowledge and common sense of Christianity and most religions, and only by understanding the American Christian tradition and its evolution can we understand the real American culture.
In reality, both the extreme left and the extreme right look at everything in social life from an extreme angle with hatred, lacking basic care and respect. It is also because of the lack of knowledge and common sense that they cannot understand each other, or they are unwilling to understand each other because they are filled with extremism and hatred. And then use the symbolic way to label the other party as evil, and there is even less willingness to communicate and understand.
In fact, common sense tells us that if you think that a considerable part of a society is even close to half of the total population is extreme, there is only one explanation, that is, you yourself are extreme!
Reprinted from https://wellsofgrace.com/resources/stories/iowa.htm
Thanks to the author
"You're here for tourism, right?"
"No, I'm an international student."
In August '87, on the morning flight from San Francisco to Cedar Rapids, Iowa, there were not many passengers and all of them were sleepy-eyed. Only my face pressed against the porthole and couldn't help but look out. At this time, the flight attendant came over to talk.
"Where to go?"
"Iowa City. Go to the University of Iowa. ”
"Why was it chosen? There are many universities. The flight attendant asked.
"There's my wife." I don't think about it.
"Perfect answer!"
We both laughed. My lover went to the United States a year ago to study and is studying for a doctorate in mathematics at that university. The joy of reuniting after a long absence, thrilled me, and my heart had long been in the small city where dreams were haunted.
Compared to my hometown of Beijing, Iowa City is really small. A college town of more than 50,000 people, without even a single tall building, is simply not like the United States. But I love this place. Love the city, what a nice name. Under the clear blue sky, the grass is green. The Iowa River rushes from the south, and here gently stops and divides the rolling hills into east and west banks. Cottages loom among the greenery on the hillsides on both sides. Quiet and serene, away from the hustle and bustle of the city. The female writer Nie Hualing is a professor here. She presided over the International Writing Project, which brought many writers to this small town. Jia Pingwo, Han Shaogong, and Beidao have all talked about books and papers in this paradise, and they are comfortable.
Idyllic, simple, the town is a good place to study. Student life is stressful and hectic. I read computers, my wife does math, and my son goes to kindergarten. The three of them walk between classrooms, labs, Day Care, libraries and homes every day. There is a Chinese church in the town. Every Sunday, a big sign is erected on the street: "Love City Chinese Church - Pastor Chan Yang Shan". I'm not interested in the world there. Homework, experiments, scholarships, and degrees are enough for me. In addition to taking his son to the open space in front of Hancher at the Hillside Lower School Art Museum, he tinkered with old cars in the parking lot. Repair their own classic cars, and also help repair friends. Make friends with a few classmates who are happy to do this. Because he often got his hands covered in oil, he called himself a "mafia".
This carefree time did not last two years, and the sudden storm in my hometown extinguished the fire in my heart. Utter despair of ideas that have been believed in the past, and confusion about the future. I tried to pick myself up, study well, and get my degree first. The wife began to take the children in and out of the church. Strange, that time in the mall, when two Hong Kong classmates held the New Testament Bible to give me, didn't she pull me away, and said with disgust, "How can I be entangled by such a person"? Now he is going on his own. But it's okay, as long as she is happy and peaceful in her heart. Living upstairs with us, Big Brother Lan, whom I have always respected, is also a Christian. If a son can learn something in church, it is like playing at home. As for myself, I am exempt. Where is God? The struggle to this day is not all on your own. Every Sunday, I drop my wife and son off at the big sign and dive headlong into the lab.
Unconsciously, the smile on his wife's face grew. She has always been impatient and sad, but she has become much calmer and gentler. I am also more enthusiastic about public affairs. This year, I also became the president of the student council, but I became the "chairman" who was not the president. The saddle followed busy.
One day, she told me in a low but excited voice:
"I believe in the Lord!"
Are you - believe-Lord? I can't fully understand the meaning of this for a while. So he followed her to hear the pastor preach. This pastor's logic doesn't make sense! On the way home, I threw a series of questions to my wife, and she couldn't answer. Forget it, let's go to my lab. I studied harder, crossed exams one by one, and seemed to be getting closer and closer to my goal in life.
It was the fall of '91. Halloween had just passed, and the sky was gray. On Friday morning, I ran a few steps to catch the school bus and saw Shan Linhua, who lived on the third floor, sitting in a long seat by the door. "Hey, are you okay?" I sat down next to him. "Very good. My father-in-law came. We just got back from Université Ibampaign. In the afternoon, there is a seminar in the department. Oyama replied. Oyama is a well-known figure in the school. The good results in the doctoral qualification examination made the American classmates who were far behind shame. Sports are also great, and the soccer field is a big player. He is usually helpful and is also the president of the previous student council. Good things have come in lately. He won an award for his thesis and got a job in the physics department of the university. Suddenly he jumped out of the list of students and became a research investigator. Today, the hill, is my tomorrow. I was happy for him and cheered for myself in my heart.
In the afternoon, I waited outside the school administration building. The cool breeze was tight, and the early winter snow began to drift in the air. Suddenly, two police cars sped by and stopped in front of the building. The police officer jumped out of the car door, bent his arm and raised the gun to his cheek. One on one side, straight to the door. First peep sideways, slam open the door and rush in. This scene is a great contrast to the secluded town. I wondered, is this a movie?
As soon as I arrived home, the phone rang, and my good friend Zu Feng called.
"Someone from the physics department is robbing!"
"What! Who is it? ”
"It's not clear. Someone died! ”
"Ah! ┅┅”
I can't believe it's true. The phone rings non-stop. My home became an information center and meeting room for the student union. A series of bad news weaves a thrilling scene:
3:30, Department of Physics, Classroom 309 of the Van Allen Building. Shan Linhua and mentor Christopher. Professor Christoph Goertz, another professor, Robert Goertz. Many others, including Robert Smith and freshman Xiao Li, were giving seminars. Suddenly, Shanlinhua's senior brother, Chinese student Lu Gang, stood up, took out a gun from his trench coat pocket, and shot at Gortz, Shanlinhua and Schmis. Blood splattered class for a while. Then he went to the second floor to shoot the head of the department, and then returned to the third floor to make up for the gun. Immediately rushed to the school administration building. There he fired bullets at Vice Principal Anne and her assistant Sylson, and finally killed himself.
We were stunned. The wife's hand holding the earpiece was shaking, and tears were silently running down her cheeks. Has the hill, the young and energetic hill, left me? In the darkness, the face of the Grim Reaper is hideous and terrifying.
Who is Lu Gang? Why kill? I opened my newly catalogued student council roster and couldn't find the name. I was told that he came from Peking University and was very good at studying. But two years ago, he fell out with a Chinese student in the department, lived in isolation, went alone, and then few people knew about him. I heard that he had a lot of disagreement with his supervisor, discord with Shan Lin Hua and his heart, and his job search was not smooth, and there were many disputes with the university and the department for the excellent thesis award. Is it revenge, is it anger? Is it justice, is it indiscriminate killing? There are many different opinions.
The bloody shooting shocked the nation. Chinese students in the small town were enveloped in an atmosphere of panic, grief, and panic. The bloodshed reflects hatred above all. The elite of the physics community, a well-known laboratory in the country, disappeared in a few minutes, leaving behind a group of orphans and widows. Can people not hate Chinese? Can international students stay? Chinese students are afraid to go to the supermarket alone. Some people even put valuable things in the back of the car, ready to drive away in the event of a riot against Chinese exclusion.
A sleepless night. What to do? Everyone gathered at my house, discussed and discussed, and decided that Xiao Xue, Xiao Ji, Xiao An and Jin Gen of the Department of Physics would face the media and hold a press conference. At the live press conference, they remembered their teachers and friends. Talking, reminiscing, tears can't stop flowing. Seeing and listening, the heart is touched. An old American cleaner called the director of the school's international student office and said, "I hated these Chinese!" Why did you take our scholarship, have books to read, and kill our professors! After watching the reception broadcast, my heart changed. They are people just like us. Please tell me, what can I do for them? ”
A silver lining from the crisis. The Student Union also held a conference of Chinese students and scholars. Students from the Department of Education talked about Vice Principal Annie. Anne is a professor in the College of Education and a mentor to many Chinese students. She was the daughter of a missionary and was born in China. Anne, who has no children and no daughters, treats Chinese students as if they were her own children. Teaching in studies and taking care of life considerately. Thanksgiving and Christmas invite students to their homes, treat them with food, and carefully prepare gifts. You shouldn't have turned your gun on her! The classmates wept for Annie's heartache.
Anne was in the hospital for emergency care, and her three brothers, Frank, Mike and Paul, rushed from all over the place to guard the bed. There is a glimmer of hope. Two days later, the bad news came. I was speechless in front of Professor Margaret, a close friend of Anne's former life. Her face was grim, she suppressed the grief in her heart, and handed me a letter in her hand, while telling me that Annie's brain was dead and could not be saved. The three brothers painfully agreed to remove all their life-sustaining equipment. What a cruel torture to watch your loved ones breathe weaker little by little, and their heartbeats gradually stop and they can't save each other! After announcing Anne's death, the three brothers gathered around in prayer and wrote the letter. This is a letter addressed to Lu Gang's parents and friends. The words in the letter jumped into my eyes:
"We have just experienced this sudden great grief—and our thoughts and prayers fly to you, Lu Gang's family, as we go through the same shock and weeping—Anne believes in love and forgiveness, and we want to say to you that our prayers and love are with you in this difficult time."
The words were shaking and I couldn't read them anymore. Is this a letter from the victim's family to the murderer's family? These are angelic words, without the slightest hint of hatred. I told Professor Margaret about the shock in my heart. Then asked her how could it be like this? Shouldn't you hate the murderer? Where is the fairness? Where is the morality? The three brothers had the most reason to say curse words at this moment. The professor held out his hand to stop me, "It's because of our faith. Love is above all else in this faith. Forgiveness is better than revenge! ”
She went on to tell me that Anne's three brothers wanted the letter to be translated into Chinese and attached to Lu Gang's urn. They were worried that their family would be discriminated against because Lu Gang was the murderer, and that Lu Gang's parents would be overly sad when they took their son's ashes. May this letter soothe their hearts and soothe the pain in their hearts.
I was speechless. The shock in my heart was greater than at first. Suddenly, the values and outlook on life that had been established for more than 30 years seemed to be fundamentally shaken.
Shouldn't it be "as ruthless as the enemy's harsh winter"? Isn't it "the relationship between people is a class relationship"? Shouldn't "standing firm, discerning right from wrong, taking a clear-cut stand, and having the courage to struggle" not be the principle of our actions? The "love for no reason" I am facing is so clear and true that I cannot explain it. I vaguely saw a slightly open door, and there was another world on the other side of the door, and a bright light shot out from the crack of the door
"Our faith" - what kind of faith is this, so that injustice becomes a friend!
Before I had time to think much about Margaret's faith, Lu Gang's last letter to his family reached me. A letter written by a heart tormented by hellfire is full of curses and hatred. The letter wrote that he "couldn't swallow this breath anyway" and "found a few stickers (pads) when he died", and he felt a chill on his spine when he read it, and he couldn't drive it away. It is a pity that such a smart and talented person, such a thoughtful scientist's mind, chose to destroy himself and others in hatred! These two letters are so love-hate and distinct. I still don't know how powerful love is, after all, the revolver and a dozen bullets fired by hatred are irresistible to flesh and blood!
The next day was Annie's memorial service and funeral. A sense of guilt led most Chinese students and scholars to attend. Everyone was relatively speechless and looked gloomy. Unexpectedly, the first time I attended a funeral in my life, I was actually American and still in church. What is even more unexpected is that there is no black mantle and no white gauze at the funeral. The cross hangs solemnly from a high place. In front of the podium, flowers are blooming, surrounded by the image of Anne. The song of the organ echoed in the air: Amazing Grace, How Sweet the Sound—People reached out to me and blessed, "Peace of God be with you." The pastor said, "If we let hatred envelop this hall, Anne's spirit in heaven will not forgive us." One by one, Anne's neighbors, colleagues, and relatives and friends came on stage to tell stories about Anne's love for God and lovers. Endless thoughts but accompanied by endless relief and hope: Anne rested from earthly labor and settled in the arms of the Father, and we are thankful for her and happy for her!
At the reception after the service, the three brothers shuttled among the Chinese students. They understood the burden in Chinese heart, so they tried to shake hands and talk to each Chinese student. The smile of Mu Chunfeng reveals the sincere love in his heart. Many girls cried. My "mafia" friend, the tall man, was also in tears. A trickle of love flows from the hand to the heart, and a smile blooms on the face of tears. Oh, such a life, such a death, such joy, such hope, how can I not yearn for it in my heart! Big brother Frank held my hand and said, "You know what? I was born in Shanghai, and China is my hometown. "Tears blurred my eyes, but my heart was unusually warm. Suddenly, I found that the coolness on my spine was gone. The weight in my heart was let go. A bright and beautiful feeling entered my heart.
Thank God! He changed me in that moment, and my former spirit that had been separated from God was awakened in love. I longed to be like Anne and her three brothers, to walk through my life in love and light, with hope and joy in the face of death.
The clouds that shrouded the city of love cleared, and the aftermath was carried out in a tolerant and peaceful atmosphere. Not only Xiaoshan's family was properly placed, but Lu Gang's funeral was also well arranged. The Anne brothers donated her legacy to the school to establish a scholarship for international student psychology research. Consul Li, who came from the Consulate General four days after the case, sighed: "I was going to negotiate with the university. I didn't expect it all to be dealt with! "A pair of wonderful hands in the underworld pulled Ai Cheng back from the road of hatred.
The Iowa River is running like ever, but I'm not who I was yesterday. Where am I from? Where to go? What is the end of the tunnel of life? I wandered in thought. The obstacles to the path of faith are still there, and atheism, evolution, science and religious conflict still haunt me. But the amazing thing is that I began to enjoy reading the Bible, and the pastor's sermons were no longer boring. Those who grope in the dark hit walls everywhere, and once the light shines, the obstacles are no longer obstacles, because the path is already revealed.
The research direction of my thesis at that time was computer theorem proof. Proof is everything, and what is not proven cannot be considered truth. Who can prove God to me? My previous research focused on reasoning and proof, and only now did I rethink axioms in systems (Axiom). An axiom is an axiom and cannot be proved, only accepted. Proof is not everything, it can only prove theorems (Theorem) that arise under a set of axioms and derivation rules. Re-read the great German mathematician Gödel's Gödel incomplete theorem. This theorem says that in a system of inference without contradictions, there will always be an unprovable theorem. That is, all "good" reasoning systems are necessarily "incomplete". The existence of God does not need to and cannot be proved by "incomplete" scientific methods; But the results of scientific research bear witness to the greatness and wonder of the Creator everywhere. Many of the knowledge that has been read, examined, and studied in the past suddenly has a new meaning, and many deep-rooted misunderstandings suddenly disperse.
The Bible tells us: "Since the creation of heaven and earth, the eternal power and divinity of God have been clearly known, though they cannot be seen by the eyes, but they can be known by what they have created, so that man cannot be excused." (Romans 1:20) And "many witnesses surround us like clouds" so that we "lay down all kinds of burdens, free ourselves from the sins that easily plague us, and endure with patience and run the way that lies ahead of us" (Heb. 12:1). It turned out that Anne and her three brothers were one of these many witnesses. Luke 23 records that when Jesus was whipped, wearing a crown of thorns piercing his skin, and being crucified and bleeding, he prayed to his mutilators to the Father, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they have done." Here I saw the source of the "innocent love" that flowed from Anne's family - "love comes from God" and "God is love". "God sent His only begotten Son into the world, through whom we may be born, and God's love for us is revealed here." (1 John 4:7, 8)
God's love led me to come to Him and rediscover myself in God's love. In the past, I always felt good about myself, and it was in the light of truth that I saw the darkness in my heart. Hatred, greed, jealousy, pride, lust, all these sins and sinful thoughts do not have oneself? Don't criticize Lu Gang's narrow-mindedness, extremism and coldness, it's just fifty steps and a hundred steps. Thank you that Jesus died on the cross, atoned for our sins, rose again, and brought the hope of eternal life to all who trust in Him. Kneel before God and repent and pray, and He will lift me from that path of decay and allow me to walk with Him on the path of love and grace.
The pastor baptizes me in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Rise from the immersion pond, the old is over, and everything is new. Life still has its highs and lows, and I have been stuck in unemployment, and I have faced various blows. But my family and I followed him and served him. Jesus took our hand, and we were filled with joy and hope.
I have been away from Love City for many years, and I often miss her, like I miss my hometown. In Love City, my soul was awakened and reborn, and my family was saved by grace. She is my spiritual home, the place of my first encounter with Jesus Christ. Love City later had a trail named after Anne. Because of the scholarship she set up, many Chinese's names have been engraved. A friend brought a copy of the Love City Daily newspaper, on the tenth anniversary of the shooting. The headline reads "Remembering the Dead Ten Years Ago." Photos of Annie and Shan Linhua are on it. I hurriedly found a copy of the letter written by the three brothers to Lu Gang's family, put it together, and read it slowly. The ups and downs of the past ten years have passed before our eyes, and the sweetness of walking in the light and living in love in the past ten years is full of hearts. In the photo, Anne smiled quietly, as if to say that this letter was actually addressed to you.
Yes, I received it. This age-old story of love will continue to be passed on.