#秋日生活打卡季#
What is a confinement sister-in-law?
Some people think that confinement sister-in-law is just a kind of nanny, as long as they can endure hardships, anyone can be a confinement sister-in-law, but this is not the case. As a professional nursing mother and newborn, confinement sister-in-law belongs to a type of senior domestic worker.
They wear many hats at work, not only to take care of newborns and mothers, but sometimes to take care of the entire family.
In the past, most of the middle-aged women who chose to become confinement confinements were middle-aged women over the age of forty. However, nowadays, more and more post-90s young women have joined the team of confinement sisters-in-law.
What made them make this choice? And in the position of confinement sister-in-law, what will they experience?
The choice of the 90s
In 2020, twenty-seven-year-old Deng Ting (pseudonym) officially began her career as a confinement sister-in-law.
Deng Ting was born in 1992, and at the age of 23, she stepped into the palace of marriage and has been a housewife since then.
In the past three years of marriage, Deng Ting has given birth to a son and a daughter, and has built a happy family of four with her husband. However, despite the strong feelings between the families, their financial situation is not optimistic.
After graduating from vocational high school, Deng Ting, who has an ordinary family, has been working as telephone customer service, earning only 3,000 yuan a month. Her husband's family didn't have much money, and the down payment for their marriage house was still cobbled together.
In order to improve the living conditions of his family, Deng Ting's husband chose to do aquatic products wholesale business, who knew that after a few years, he not only did not earn money, but also lost tens of thousands.
Helpless, Deng Ting could only rely on credit cards to raise her two children.
In 2019, Deng Ting's classmates told her that she could try to take the monthly sister-in-law certificate, although it was harder, but the salary was very good.
Looking at the chicken feathers at home and thinking about the salary that her sister-in-law could get that month, Deng Ting decided to follow the advice of her classmates. After several months of study, she successfully obtained her confinement certificate and received her first business order when her son turned one year old.
The income of being a confinement sister-in-law is very considerable, taking Deng Ting as an example, she can earn nine thousand or even higher wages every month after getting started. But when she first started doing this job, she always encountered all kinds of misunderstandings and ironies.
In Deng Ting's hometown, almost everyone thinks that concubine is a job with little technical content, and only middle-aged people will do it. Therefore, after learning that the 27-year-old Deng Ting was a confinement sister-in-law, almost everyone laughed at her.
Deng Ting's family also feels that her profession is not very decent, and it is easy to make people laugh when she says it. Especially Deng Ting's mother-in-law, every time Deng Ting came back from work, she would accuse Sang of scolding Deng Ting and ignoring the family:
"You don't take good care of your own children, take care of other people's children, what do you do as a nanny for them?"
Deng Ting knew that in fact, she was disgusted with herself and lost her son's face.
Faced with the accusations of the people around her, Deng Ting could only choose to endure. As a mother, she would not want to leave her son and young daughter who had just turned one if she could, but the financial situation at home forced her to desperate.
In fact, most post-90s or even younger girls choose to be confinement sisters-in-law, they are forced by debt.
In 2010, eighteen-year-old Xiao Zhou stepped into society with hope. She first entered the factory, and then came out to do a small business, working alone, but lost 300,000 or 400,000 yuan in a few years.
Xiao Zhou's family is not rich, and her family can't help her fill the debt hole, so she can only work her own. Desperate, Xiao Zhou thought of the tiring but rewarding job of his sister-in-law.
In 2016, Xiao Zhou got a confinement certificate and became an official confinement sister-in-law without childbearing experience. She looks forward to paying off her arrears as soon as possible and returning to her old life as soon as possible.
Being a confinement sister-in-law is not easy
It is not easy to become a confinement sister-in-law, and it is even more difficult to stick to the job of confinement sister-in-law.
Before getting the confinement certificate, Deng Ting spent up to half a year, reading and studying every morning, practical operation in the afternoon, and dealing with housework in the middle.
After officially taking up her post, she is still busy all day.
In order to be able to take good care of the mother and newborn, 24-hour close companionship is inevitable. At least twenty-six days of work, spending time with a group of people who were not familiar with it before can be imagined as stressful to the spirit.
Although taking care of mothers and infants, cleaning up lochia, removing urine bags, etc., it is not a problem for Deng Ting, who is most worried about encountering a stubborn employer.
Moms and dads are better, because they are close in age, they are better at talking in most cases, but if there are elders in the family, the situation is different.
Once, she met a mother who had just undergone a cesarean section. Because it is a cesarean section, the mother's milk cannot keep up, and when feeding the baby, there will always be redness and cracks. What babies drink into their mouths is often a mixture of blood and milk.
Looking at the appearance of Bao's mother crying in pain while continuing to breastfeed her child, Deng Ting, who has two children, is extremely distressed. In order to alleviate the mother's pain and better take care of the child, she proposed that milk powder should be added appropriately to the child.
But for Deng Ting's suggestion, Baoma's family did not agree. They felt that Deng Ting was too young and had no experience in raising children, and what she said was not necessarily credible, so they insisted on breastfeeding.
It wasn't until four days later, when the baby lost weight due to malnutrition and had to be admitted to the neonatal unit, that they gave in. However, up to this, the other party still did not dispel the suspicion of Deng Ting in his heart.
After Bao's mother and baby went home, Deng Ting naturally went home with them. According to her usual experience, she told her mother that it was best to feed by the meal, but the mother's family once again objected, so that the mother had to feed the baby every hour.
Finally, the baby entered the pediatric consultation room again, and the doctor gave the same advice as Deng Ting. After two experiences, the Baoma family finally changed their minds and faced her suggestion squarely.
For this situation, Deng Ting is also helpless. She knew that her employer was worried about her child's problems, and her intentions were good, but watching the wrong thing happen in front of her was almost torture for her.
In addition to worrying about her employer's stubbornness, Deng Ting was also worried about encountering a fight at her employer's home.
Pregnant women who have just given birth always need special attention in their hearts, but their husbands always find it difficult to meet this inner need. When the two collide, there may be disputes, and Deng Ting herself encountered this situation during confinement.
However, what Deng Ting is most worried about is not her embarrassing situation during the quarrel, but that Bao's mother will be hurt because of this.
Once, the mother who Deng Ting took care of was suddenly asked by her husband during a meal: "How have you eaten so much recently, you can eat more than me, be careful not to lose weight." ”
After hearing this, Bao's mother put down her chopsticks on the spot and went back to the house. Faced with this situation, her husband was just full of doubts, completely unaware of what he had said wrong.
At this time, Deng Ting had to come out to play rounds, suggesting that his father hurried to comfort his wife's emotions in order to resolve a possible crisis.
A life that was changed
Up to now, Deng Ting has been working as a confinement sister-in-law for three years, and in the past three years, she has suffered too much.
The work of the confinement sister-in-law is day and night, even in the middle of the night, Deng Ting needs to get up at least three or four times to take care of the baby and feed. And often before seven o'clock in the morning, after a tiring night, she has to get up again and start working.
In fact, many confinement sisters-in-law can't close their eyes and rest in the first two days of arriving at their employer's house, so they can only stay up.
After the baby was older, Deng Ting couldn't be idle.
Taking the baby to play, cleaning the baby, touching the baby, baby exercises, etc., are all daily routines of the confinement sister-in-law. In addition, the confinement sister-in-law also needs to provide adequate services to the mother.
The needs of each mother are different, for example, when some mothers want to maintain their figure, Deng Ting must make a nutritionally balanced fat loss meal for her to ensure that she can consume fixed calories under healthy conditions.
Some mothers have specific requirements for food, prefer certain ingredients or are allergic to certain ingredients, and Deng Ting must also keep in mind to prevent accidents.
At her employer's home, Deng Ting has to pick up her spirit every day to cope with situations that may happen at any time, which makes her feel that she has aged a lot earlier.
However, after tasting the return, Deng Ting felt that these hardships were worth it.
When she first started working as a confinement sister-in-law, Deng Ting's monthly salary was only 4,000 yuan, but as time went by, her salary gradually increased.
After changing her work location to Zhejiang, Deng Ting can get more income, and in 2023, her monthly salary will be 13,000 yuan, far exceeding many migrant workers.
The increase in wages has made Deng Ting more confident to deal with the ridicule and misunderstanding of others. Naturally, her family will no longer point fingers at her work, and now Deng Ting is the financial pillar of the family.
Every time after returning to her hometown, I met those who laughed at her as a confinement sister-in-law, and before Deng Ting could speak, they would immediately open their mouths to scare each other: Can you earn thirteen thousand a month?
Feeling the change in the attitude of her family, Deng Ting did not have any unusual emotions in her heart. She felt that she had finally turned over now and no longer had to endure the interference of gossip.
Compared with Deng Ting, Xiao Zhou's situation is worrying.
After working as a concubine for several years, Xiao Zhou, who was busy all day, finally paid off her debts and was able to start a new stage of her life.
With the introduction of a fellow villager, she married a seemingly honest man. After never wanting to get married, the man has been trying to know how much Xiao Zhou's salary is, and he wants to keep her salary.
After getting along for a while, Xiao Zhou thoroughly saw that the other party only fancy her ability to make money. In anger, she chose to divorce the man and returned to her post as a confinement sister-in-law, trying to paralyze herself with her work.
Nowadays, looking at the happy life of the employer couple, Xiao Zhou is always very confused. Although the economic crisis was lifted, Xiao Zhou's emotions were very empty.
epilogue
In fact, in the final analysis, confinement is just a job, as long as the conditions are met, anyone can do it. Because of the momentary prejudice, they attacked these young confinement sisters-in-law, thinking that they were disgraced, which is inevitably biased.
The reason why Deng Ting chose to leave her young children and go to someone else's home to be a confinement sister-in-law is not to pay off the debts owed by the family. Naturally, paying off the arrears is more important than the so-called face.
Whether it is working as a confinement sister-in-law in someone else's home or working as a white-collar worker in an office building, there is not much difference in essence, it is just labor in exchange for legal gains.
I only hope that in the future, people can be less prejudiced against confinement sisters-in-law, and family members can be more considerate of each other, so as not to really hurt their feelings.