Children don't want to go to kindergarten, it's really not a matter of attitude, there are three reasons behind it, please check it
Friends' children are in kindergarten class this year, just on the first day of going to cry and shout that they do not want to go to kindergarten, every morning to send children into kindergarten has become a tug-of-war, the child at the door of the kindergarten tightly hugged the friend and refused to let go, and finally could only rely on the teacher to forcibly hold in.
The friend was very anxious, afraid that such a "heartbreaking" admission state would bring harm to the child, and wanted to suspend the admission to the kindergarten and delay it for a few days before sending it, but the friend's mother said: Children are like this, you have to "send hard", you can't be soft-hearted.
The phenomenon that children do not want to go to kindergarten is very common, the important thing is "why don't you want to go to kindergarten", not "whether to send it hard", parents must find the reason why their children do not want to go to kindergarten to fundamentally solve this problem.
In general, the reasons why children do not want to go to kindergarten can be divided into three main categories
1. Affected by separation anxiety, children are reluctant to go to kindergarten
Separation anxiety is the first level to test children and parents, for children, cognitive ability is limited, think that they enter kindergarten, will not see their parents for a long time, this "separation" will make children fearful, worried, anxious, so we will see many children crying at the door of the kindergarten holding their parents' thighs, unwilling to go in.
For parents, there will also be anxiety, fear, worry about whether the child can eat well in the kindergarten, whether it will be bullied, whether the teacher is strict, etc., so we will also see many parents looking at their children on the kindergarten wall, and secretly wiping tears.
Each child has a different level of separation anxiety and adapts to kindergarten at a different rate.
When my son's kindergarten class started, the teacher gave us a parent-teacher meeting, specifically emphasizing the case of children resisting kindergarten caused by separation anxiety, saying that some children may be anxious for a whole semester, and some children never cry, these are normal, parents should not be anxious.
My son is the kind who enters the kindergarten very smoothly, he has never cried, and the separation anxiety has basically no effect on him.
2. When encountering specific difficulties, the child cannot solve them, so he is reluctant to go to kindergarten
Kindergarten is a collective life, and the previous life at home is completely different, it can be said that kindergarten is a mirror to test the development of children's abilities, there will be many small difficulties, is the child can not solve, common small difficulties are the following:
Can not adapt to the rules of kindergarten, for children who are accustomed to wandering and lack the constraints of family rules, the rules everywhere in kindergarten are simply shackled and not free at all.
Dislikes kindergarten meals and doesn't like naps.
Being criticized by the teacher and afraid of the teacher.
There are social conflicts that children do not know how to solve, including: verbal/physical attacks on other children, children are verbally / physically attacked by other people's children, children snatch toys between children, children are unwilling to participate in group activities, children cannot make good friends, etc
In specific activities such as doing crafts, drawing, and shooting balls, children do not perform well, cannot win the first place, and have a strong sense of frustration
Other bad things happened
Of course, there must be other reasons why children do not want to go to kindergarten, I have listed the more common categories, it can be seen that if a child does not want to go to kindergarten, it is not a matter of attitude, but there are reasons or needs behind us that we are not aware of.
Assuming that the child does not want to go to kindergarten because he is bullied by children, or because he is severely punished, we ignore it and directly use "hard sending" to solve the problem, which is the harm to the child.
3. Affected by the family atmosphere and parent-child relationship, children resist going to kindergarten
Family is also an important factor affecting the child's admission status, such as:
Parents often quarrel, the family is full of gunpowder, and the children are full of worries in their hearts, so they do not want to go to kindergarten
The parent-child relationship is tense, parents often threaten their children with words such as "don't love you, don't want you", the child's sense of security is destroyed, and he is afraid that after going to kindergarten, parents really don't want themselves.
I have a friend who is a working mother, busy with work, the child is basically brought up by grandparents, and then for a while she took a long vacation at home for physical reasons, and was with her mother every day, and suddenly one day, the child was reluctant to go to kindergarten, and the reason was obvious, the child wanted to be with his mother.
How to troubleshoot why your child doesn't want to go to kindergarten
There are so many reasons listed, not to scare everyone, but to show that children's reluctance to go to kindergarten is sometimes not a simple thing, how to find out the reasons? I summarized 5 clues:
1. Look at the child's admission stage
If the child's age is three or four years old, that is, the first semester of the small class, the reason why he does not want to go to kindergarten is most likely because of separation anxiety, and the subject's child is three and a half years old, which just fits this situation.
If the child is already in the second semester of a small class, or a middle and large class, the reason why he does not want to go to kindergarten should be checked from the aspect of "whether he has encountered specific difficulties", because the time to enter the kindergarten has been very long, and the separation anxiety has basically passed smoothly.
2. Watch the time when the child does not want to go to kindergarten
If the child entered the kindergarten smoothly before, did not cry or make trouble, and then suddenly one day became "do not want to go to kindergarten", and often said so, or there was a fierce defiance, crying, the probability is that the child has something unpleasant in the kindergarten and encountered difficulties that he cannot solve.
3. Look at the child's status before and after entering the kindergarten
If the child complains before entering the kindergarten that he does not want to go to kindergarten, or there is crying, but after entering the kindergarten, he immediately stops crying, enters the kindergarten state, should eat, drink, play and play, play quite happily, there is no trace of not wanting to go to kindergarten, this situation we do not need to worry, indicating that the child just needs to vent "unhappy emotions", just as we adults will have "do not want to work, just want to lie flat" complaints.
If the child is in a state of resistance before and after entering the kindergarten, refuses to participate in kindergarten activities, will cry and think of his mother, and sticks to the kindergarten teacher, then return to the first and second points to judge.
4. Communicate with teachers
Due to the child's limited language expression ability, or do not want parents to know what happened in kindergarten, many children are reluctant to tell their parents why they do not want to go to kindergarten, in this case, we need to actively communicate with the teacher to understand the child's state in kindergarten.
5. Play simulation games with your child to find clues
While communicating with the teacher, we can also use the way of "playing simulation games with the child" to know what happened to the child in kindergarten, the child has a strong "imitation ability" at this stage, they will imitate the teacher, imitate the child, and then use these behaviors and language in the game.
My son doesn't like napping, so in order to know the process of napping in kindergarten and how teachers deal with children who don't nap, I play the "kindergarten nap game" with my son at home, my son is the teacher, and I am the child.
I saw my son close the curtains in the room, took a throw pillow and sat at the table (imitating the teacher's use of a laptop to work), looked back at me from time to time, and then I said: Teacher, I can't sleep.
My son came over, lowered his voice and said, "Close your eyes and don't open them," and then tapped me a few times and left.
After a while, my son started singing (imitating kindergarten wake-up music), opened the curtains, and told me to get up.
In this game, I learned about the napping process in kindergarten, as well as the teacher's eating and working when the children take a nap, and they are also very patient with children who do not nap.
If the child is not willing to play simulation games with us, then we need to observe his own language and movements when playing pretend games to get clues.
How to solve the problem that the child does not want to go to kindergarten
1. For separation anxiety caused by not wanting to go to kindergarten: 3 steps
1) Address emotions
Separation anxiety can only be channeled, not eliminated, although when we hear children complaining "I don't want to go to kindergarten", we will be anxious, trying to find a way for children not to say so, go to kindergarten happily every day, and like kindergarten.
In fact, this is difficult to do, for separation anxiety, what we can do is to accept the child's emotions, not to deny the child's emotions, and at the same time find a way to help the child relieve anxiety.
For example, we can put a sticker on the child's clothes that he likes, or hang a small pendant, etc., telling the child that if he wants to be a mother, he can touch the small pendant and look at the small sticker.
After school, we can accompany the child with high quality, kiss and hug, express our thoughts about the child, and let the child's anxiety be released through us.
2) Insist on entering the park
Separation anxiety will surely subside over time, but the premise of subsidence is that we insist on sending our child to kindergarten unless the child is sick.
Insisting on entering the kindergarten can let children know that going to kindergarten is a must do, not a place where they want to go, not a place where they don't want to go, and at the same time, in the collective life of the kindergarten day after day, gradually become familiar with the teachers, classmates, the surrounding environment, and the rules of the kindergarten, because familiarity will make them feel safe.
3) Be patient
Looking at the crying children who do not want to enter the kindergarten, parents must be very uncomfortable and anxious, but the more this time, the more parents must be calm and have a strategic vision, knowing that the subsiding of separation anxiety requires a long process and can only wait.
2. For specific difficult classes, I don't want to go to kindergarten
1) Address emotions
When a child does not want to go to kindergarten because of some specific difficulties, his heart is very stressed, on the one hand, he is afraid of the situation after going to kindergarten, and on the other hand, he is afraid of being criticized by his parents.
Solve the child's negative emotions in order to make the child's heart relaxed.
Empathizing with children's feelings is a necessary step to solve emotional problems, we can say: you don't want to go to kindergarten, because you are afraid of another conflict with children to grab toys, right? You feel that you can't handle this, and I can especially understand your feelings.
As long as we can accurately describe the child's feelings and thoughts, even if we open the door to empathy, let the child know that we understand him.
2) Solve difficulties
During the holidays/after school, we must help the children find solutions to the specific difficulties encountered by the children, and let the children gain the confidence to solve this problem through practical exercises over and over again.
For example, for the matter of robbing toys, we can think of a solution: tell the other person loudly: return it to me/seek the teacher's help/avoid children who always grab toys.
3) Insist on entering the park
With the methods we have thought of and practiced with our children, insisting on sending our children to kindergarten, we can say to our children: Remember the methods we practiced? You can use this method today, I believe you can do it, I am waiting for your good news.
When we come back from school, we ask our children: How was today? How effective is this method?
Use your child's description to verify your child's ability to cope with such problems.
4) Be patient
Solving children's specific difficulties requires a relatively long cycle, do not expect children to succeed at one time, advance and retreat, spiral development is the basic path of children's ability improvement.
Leave your child's growth to time and be patient.