It is often asked: What is high emotional intelligence?
Gao Zhan's answer is "can speak".
However, there are always some people who make mistakes when they open their mouths, and poke people's hearts when they open their mouths.
Therefore, how to improve emotional intelligence has become a compulsory course for interpersonal communication.
Su Dongpo, the literary hero of the Northern Song Dynasty, has a large circle of friends and always makes a good impression. From his poems to friends, you can understand a lot of truths, which can be regarded as a lesson in emotional intelligence.
01
Look at people's strengths and say words of praise.
"Gift to Liu Jingwen": The lotus has no rain cover, and the chrysanthemum residue still has proud frost branches. A good year must be remembered, it is the time of orange, yellow, orange and green.
In the fifth year of Yuan You, Su Shi served as an official in Hangzhou, and Liu Jingwen served as the superintendent of the two Zhejiang soldiers and horses, and his station was also in Hangzhou.
Su Shi admired Liu Jingwen, who was in his fifties, and said many times, "You are a generous wizard."
With the autumn scenery, Su Shi used the autumn residual lotus and chrysanthemums as the background to set off Liu Jingwen's character.
Autumn, first, is the autumn harvest, second, chrysanthemum frost, and third, beautiful colors.
In "Tang and Song Poetry", the comment on this poem is appropriate: "Light language and remote love." ”
The words are not profound, but the emotional sustenance is obvious. This is the ingenuity of "praise".
All around us, no matter who it is, there are disadvantages and advantages. It is a pity that many people see the shortcomings and scoff at them. but ignores the advantages.
To be a person, we should take advantage of our strengths and avoid our weaknesses, and look at people, and the same is true.
For the strengths of others, appreciate them from multiple angles and actively like them. You will find that liking is also a kind of strength, making the people around you positive. So that you can also be accepted by the other party, and the other party will also have a good impression of you.
If your ability to speak is not very good, then you can like everyone in the circle of friends, you can give a praise emoji to people with achievements in the WeChat group.
Many people will say "don't like" in person, but they still long for "like" in their hearts. Praise matches people's achievements, not only is it not sycophancy, but it is also sincerity in being a person.
02
Lower your posture and say things that lift people.
"Farewell to Dong Chuan": A rough and large cloth-wrapped career, with a poetic and bookish atmosphere in his belly. Disgusted with the old Confucian cooking gourd leaves, strong with the son to step on the locust flower. The empty sac did not do the search for spring horses, and looked at the choice of son-in-law car. Proud of the world, the new wet words are like crows.
In the first year of Zhiping, Su Shi went from Fengxiang to Bianjing, passing through Chang'an, had a small gathering with his friend Dong Chuan, and then left a poem of encouragement.
The meaning of the poem is obvious, on the one hand, give a friend a thumbs up, saying that as long as you read more, even the coarse cloth will shine; On the one hand, encourage friends to participate in scientific examinations, insist on being low-key, and will definitely go to high school.
Relatives and friends get along, the level of people is obvious, but you must take the initiative to lower the level and lift up others.
Those who read, can say "I wish you high school"; People in the workplace can say "I wish you a high promotion"; When you meet the elderly, you can say that "old is strong"; When you meet a child, you can say that "there will be a birth"... Even when you meet a villain, you can also say that "use wisdom on positive energy things, and life will be successful", which is to lift people and guide people.
At any time, it is forbidden to speak condescendingly, let alone be proud.
Lifting people is actually to appreciate and recognize people, give people more hope, and at the same time inspire the thinking of others. Emotional intelligence is manifested.
03
Think of old feelings and say warm words.
"The Four Exquisite Rhymes of the Second Jing Gong": Riding a donkey into the desolation, I want to see my husband when he is not sick. Persuaded me to try to ask for a three-acre house, and I felt ten years late from the public.
Su Shi opposed Wang Anshi's change of law, but in private, he admired Wang Anshi's talent and was also a friend in the poetry and song circle.
As an opponent of the law change, Su Shi was belittled many times, but he never forgot the friendship of friends.
In the seventh year of Yuanfeng, Su Shi passed through Jinling and remembered Wang Anshi who had been deposed, so he took a detour to visit. Wang Anshi went to the river and waited for Su Shi's boat.
Aside from the intrigues and-for-tat in the workplace, the two had a good conversation. Wang Anshi hoped that Su Shi would retire in Jinling, and Su Shi was very grateful.
People's hearts are made of flesh, and it is not appropriate to settle wrongs.
Many people, friends who are struggling to get rich together, are also trying to expand their network. As everyone knows, the more people you make, the more old friends you will alienate. Why not associate old friends well, make the emotions more profound, so that they can be confidants and help each other.
Don't forget old friends, say nostalgic words to each other, and look forward to the future together. The conversation was smooth and the emotional intelligence was obvious.
04
Pay attention to etiquette and say words of gratitude.
"Huan Xi Sha": The drizzle and oblique wind make the cold and the light smoke and willows are beautiful and clear. Entering Huai Qingluo gradually spread. Snow foam milk flowers floating at noon, artemisia shoots to try the spring plate. The taste of the world is Qinghuan.
In the seventh year of Yuanfeng, Su Shi and his friend Liu Qianshu visited Nanshan together.
Friends entertain guests with wild vegetables, coarse tea and light rice. In the eyes of many people, it will feel that it is not enthusiastic enough, too shabby. But Su Shi felt that it was too tasteful, and thanked his friends very politely for their hospitality.
At present, our living conditions are better, and we can find relatives and friends to get together at any time. If there is no good wine and good food at the party, you will be disgusted and feel neglected.
At all times, remember that "a point is love." If you encounter a poor family, people give you a bowl of porridge, which is a sign of wholehearted hospitality, you should not be ignorant.
"Gift is light and affectionate", every bit that a friend gives you is a gift. How should you pay tribute to each other? At least say some words of gratitude, don't chill.
When you can be very careful to find that others are kind to you and thank you, you will find that interactive communication is much simpler. Those who put "thank you" on their lips, will not have too bad luck.
05
The world is not indifferent, there is too much positive energy happening around. It's just that we will also see indifferent people and feel powerful. This requires your own choice and multi-angle thinking.
Whatever attitude you use to see the world, the world will treat you with whatever attitude. You treat people as you want to treat you.
Talk well, it's really not that hard. The difficult thing is to have a sincere heart and a pair of eyes that discover beauty; There is a virtue of fairness and justice.
People with high emotional intelligence know how to look at people's strengths, give people hope, bring warmth, and express gratitude.
Not many words, but "heart warming".
Author: Cloth coarse food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The pictures in the article come from the Internet.