Mother who makes a big pattern: three don't say, three don't help, three don't get used to it|Select
Author | Tomato Mom
Source | Mom huddle (ID: mmbaotuan)
As the most important person in the child's life, the mother's vision and pattern determine the child's achievements and happiness in life.
Mothers who really have a big pattern can do "three do not say, three do not help, and three do not get used to it" in the process of their children's growth.
01
Three don't say
Every child's heart is soft and immature, and a fluttering word sometimes hurts more than a slap.
There are some things you must not say to your children.
1. Don't say anything to blame your father
A blogger once shared his childhood past:
As a child, her father was laid off and had to work odd jobs to earn money to support the family.
Every day when she got home, her mother always complained that her father was not present, and she couldn't move to argue with her father because of a little thing, always chattering and full of resentment.
Her only wish throughout childhood was that she could grow up and escape from this home.
The most terrible thing about a home is not poverty, but full of "family internal friction".
If the mother often complains about the father, it will only lead to the loss of harmony between husband and wife, the tension between parents and children, and the constant contradictions and conflicts, and children who grow up in this environment will often be exhausted and walking on thin ice.
2. Don't say things that hit your child
Language is the sharpest weapon, and those words of blow seem unintentional, but like bayonets, they deeply hurt the child's heart.
A philosopher said:
"The essence of human nature is the desire for appreciation, especially children, appreciation can make children grow into towering trees, and debasement can make children wither and deform."
Patterned mothers know how to hold the stage for their children.
Because they know that appreciative eyes and firm applause are the biggest thrust on the child's way forward.
3. Don't cry poor
I saw such a scene at KFC:
A mother sat opposite her son and watched her son eat, her mouth constantly broken:
How much will your meal cost me;
Mom didn't want to eat a mouthful, so she kept it all for you!
……
I saw the boy bow his head deeply and silently chew the food in his mouth.
In life, we often see such mothers -
In order to make children sensible and cherish their current life, they often cry with their children that they are poor, complain about the hard work of making money, and how difficult it is for parents.
This will indeed make the child more and more "sensible", but at the same time it will make the child have a strong sense of unease in his heart.
The kind of poverty and deprivation that grows from the bottom of the heart will slowly wear down a child's self-confidence and love of life.
02
Three don't help
Many mothers have a common problem: they always want to do their best to give for their children, for fear that they will not do enough.
In fact, the best mothers often only achieve 60 points.
Some help, but help the child.
1. Not helping with learning
Previously, there was a copy of the "Don't Call Mama Equality Treaty" on the Internet.
The purpose of most treaties is to tell children that:
"If you encounter a problem while studying, please try to solve it yourself as soon as possible."
I know a mother who is always on hand when her child is writing homework, helping to correct homework and explaining ideas to her child.
The intention is to worry about the child's learning, but in the long run, the child not only does not improve his grades, but also forms a bad habit: if his mother is not around, he cannot complete his homework independently.
Learning is ultimately the child's own business, and if the mother does everything herself, it will stifle the child's initiative and consciousness of learning.
Only by taking a step back and giving the child enough space to realize that learning is his business will he learn to take responsibility for his future.
2. Don't help your child do things on their own
Today's children are the treasures of their parents, and many mothers love their children out of love for their children, for fear that their children will be tired.
The hardest thing about being a mother is never how much love to give your child, but knowing how to let your child try:
The 3-year-old eats by himself and puts on his own shoes.
At the age of 5, he dressed independently and did simple housework.
10-year-old academic work, learning to plan time.
At the age of 13, you are in charge and learn to take responsibility.
By cultivating children's independence as early as possible, their future will be more stable.
3. Don't help your child make their own decisions
People have to constantly solve problems in this life, if a child asks his parents for help in an accident, then how can he spread his wings and fly?
From an early age, parents give their children the right to make free choices and encourage them to make their own decisions.
Parents' respect and letting go will make children improve their ability to think actively, solve problems, and become more and more confident.
By giving the choice to the child, the child will dare to think and fight, and walk into the wider world with courage.
03
Three are not accustomed
To some extent, habits can determine a person's fate throughout life.
For the bad habits in children, parents must not condone and pamper.
1. Not used to no rules
See such a piece of news.
A 12-year-old boy was addicted to his mobile phone, and after repeated persuasion to no avail, his mother decided to confiscate it.
Unexpectedly, the boy lost his temper and beat his mother on the street, and kept insulting in his mouth.
Behind a lawless, rebellious and unmanageable child often stands a pair of parents who are too permissive and soft-hearted.
As the old saying goes: three years old is big, seven years old is old.
Mothers must set rules for their children as soon as possible, and do not feel that children are young and can get used to it.
To educate children, we must let them know awe, abide by the rules, and achieve real growth.
2. Not used to eating and lazy
As the saying goes, "Habitual son is like killing a son, doting on a rebel".
Children who have been lazy since childhood have long been accustomed to enjoyment, and it is difficult to endure hardships and fatigue after entering society, let alone have a sense of responsibility and self-motivation.
If you can't feed your child for a lifetime, you must let your child suffer a little, sweat a little, and do more housework usually.
3. Don't be used to lying around
To educate children, mothers must have their own principles.
Children must not be soft hearted and compromise when they cry.
Mothers must learn to firmly refuse the child's unreasonable demands, so that he understands the principles and bottom line of adults.
Don't let your momentary indulgence ruin your child's life.
Responsible Editor | Du Runnan