Which children are more likely to encounter bullying in school?

Intern Zhou Ji

Li Danping, trainee reporter of China Youth Daily and China Youth Network

Erasers, drinking glasses, school bags... From the first semester of junior high school to the first semester of junior high school, Lin Yu's things always disappeared inexplicably, and then appeared in the fire cabinet, the back of the chair, the top of the blackboard, and even in the toilet. Whenever he felt burnt out, the initiator of the "farce" would show off to the classmates around him: "Look, he was tricked by me again!" ”

Many years later, Lin Yu realized that he had been bullied at school at that time. Although Lin Yu attended the key class in junior high school, due to his backward grades in the class, he had some low self-esteem, rarely lost his temper, and even had a bit of a "flattering personality". At the beginning of the farce, he chose to "take a step back and open the sky", but tolerance did not change the reduction of bullying, but gradually developed into a daily routine. Lin Yu also resisted, and the other party occasionally "stopped" for two days, and soon changed back to the old way, and finally Lin Yu stopped fighting back. "If I had hardened my temper at the time, the result might have been different," he recalls.

A few days ago, the Ministry of Education and other departments jointly issued the "Special Action Plan for Comprehensively Strengthening and Improving Student Mental Health Work in the New Era (2023-2025)", which clearly states that students facing risk factors such as academic employment pressure, economic difficulties, emotional crisis, family changes, and school bullying, as well as changes in the learning and living environment such as off-campus internships and social practices, should be focused.

Photo courtesy of Visual China

Campus life and interpersonal relationships are closely related to students' physical and mental health. School bullying is prone to negative effects on both bullies and bullies. So, is there a universal pattern of bullying in schools? Can we reduce bullying by finding common ground and circumventing them?

Some people believe that "in school bullying incidents, the bully must be aware of the strongly suppressed aggression in the heart of the bullied". Yan Yijia, a psychological counselor, said that this view has certain rationality. "From the perspective of psychoanalytic developmental psychology, 'no temper tantrums' may mean that children do not have a lot of space to learn to constructively express their inner negative emotions, including aggression; bullies are often accustomed to expressing aggression and negative emotions in destructive ways." She said that in the eyes of the latter, the former is like a "little sheep" who are easy to bully.

Yan Yijia concluded that children with the following three characteristics are more likely to be bullied: first, they grow up in affirmative voices, and parents tend to praise them for their "good belt" and "not much tantrums"; Second, they are accustomed to being arranged in their lives and lack the ability to make decisions independently and say "no"; The third is that the body and mind have been treated roughly for many years, and gradually get used to the experience of being continuously invaded by the physical and mental boundaries, and unconsciously replicate this relationship in interpersonal relationships.

In the process of psychological counseling, Jia Hongwu, director of the Hubei Mental Health Association, has contacted many children who have been bullied in school, and some of them do have a tendency to suppress their aggression.

"Some children are taught 'anti-violence' but don't know how to fight back when others violate them." Jia Hongwu once enlightened a "pacifist" child who was often maliciously harassed at school. Although the child is angry, out of a strong sense of morality, he is unwilling to fight back in a violent way. After receiving psychological counseling, he fiercely resisted once before he got himself out of trouble.

"There are also children whose family conditions are not very good, or left-behind children or children of divorced families who feel that they cannot get good protection and do not want to conflict with others." Another child Jia Hongwu came into contact with came from a poor family, and his father stressed to him since he was a child that "he must be a man with his tail between his legs", because "there is no status in the family, it doesn't matter", and he also has a calm attitude towards being bullied. This makes children develop a character of pleasing others and avoiding contradictions, and even resists and is afraid to interact with others after being bullied.

However, Jia Hongwu does not believe that there is an inevitable connection between being bullied and suppressing aggressive tendencies, "children who are bullied also have no suppressed aggression, but they do not have the ability to fight back successfully." In Jia's view, most children who are bullied have three characteristics: lack of good interpersonal relationships, late development, and inability to receive timely assistance from families. Among them, interpersonal relationships are the most important factor - children who are bullied are often isolated. Jia Hongwu once met a child who changed schools many times in primary school, and was often bullied because he was a little "rustic". There are so many bullies that he does not dare to resist, and as a transfer student, he is not familiar with other children, has no friendship, and no one stands up to stop the bullying.

For children who are accustomed to suppressing aggression, Yan Yijia hopes that they can be aware of and acknowledge their negative emotions, establish boundaries, create a safer environment for growth, and at the same time confide in people they trust, so as to avoid falling into a learned helpless situation.

Jia Hongwu encouraged children to actively develop their peer relationships and avoid being left alone. At the same time, timely resolution of small conflicts between peers can nip bullying in the bud and allow potential bullies to get out of trouble in time. For children who have been bullied in school, parents and teachers should be seriously informed as soon as possible, and seek assistance and protection from family and school.

Jia Hongwu believes that in addition to strengthening ideological education for their children and encouraging children to actively establish social relationships, parents should also listen carefully to their children's stories at school and explore the truth when bullying may occur.

"When teachers discover potential school bullying, they should also verify whether the situation is true as soon as possible and take action to help students get out of trouble." Jia Hongwu once contacted a teacher, and after learning of the bullying incident, he called both parties to the office to understand the situation separately, and then clarified the injustice and disadvantages of bullying for the two. He asked the two to reconcile publicly in the class and promised not to have similar behavior in the future, otherwise the bullying incident would be escalated to the principal and parents. Many years later, the two classmates lamented: "Thanks to the mediation of the teacher".

"Students are generally afraid of the authority of the teacher, and if a competent teacher can intervene in the first place, a lot of bullying may be solved sooner." Jia Hongwu said that if there is a bullying problem that teachers cannot reconcile, parents should negotiate, and if there is no result, they should call the police and seek legal protection.

(At the request of the interviewee, Lin Yu is a pseudonym)

Source: China Youth Daily client