Sometimes, what you think is really just what you think.
——Qingjiu Emotions
It's just a three-point statement
Chinese has a habit of communication, which I strongly disagree with. That is, "speaking only shows three meanings". On the surface, doing so seems to be very measured. But from a psychological point of view, such behavior will undoubtedly only increase the cost of communication.
Many times, we have such misunderstandings. We will conclude that in communication, what will hurt others must be wrong and too direct expression. For example, we worry about saying the wrong thing, or saying too much and being misunderstood by others. So we will express with reservations, or even say less or nothing.
Indeed, doing so will avoid quarrels to some extent. However, it will also lead to more misunderstandings due to insufficient and untimely expression.
After all, if you don't say, I don't say, can anyone know? In an emotional relationship, it can be said that communication is the foundation of together, and it is also necessary. Adequate communication can help us show ourselves and can also help us understand each other.
Immediately after, a strong emotional relationship will be established in this communication process. Just showing three points will make communication become reserved, and natural love will also have reservations.
Really got it?
Have you ever encountered such a situation. In the process of your relationship with your partner, you think that your partner understands you and think that you understand him enough, but in specific matters, there is always a shift of opinion. Even if you just buy a drink, you can't figure it out, what does the other party like to drink?
So, do you really understand what you think you understand? When you're not sure if you understand yes, why don't you ask directly?
In intimate relationships, we all overestimate how well we know about other people's mental states, and we also overestimate how well others know our state.
In a word, we don't know others as well as we think, or we don't know others as we think.
Social psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson points out that during communication, the person who gives information thinks that their feelings and needs can be clearly perceived by the other party, even though they don't really express their thoughts.
In psychology, this phenomenon is called the illusion of transparency.
This is because when we choose our ideal partner, we will make it a basic requirement to know ourselves and understand ourselves. We needed someone to meet our emotional needs, so we searched for and found this person. Then when the relationship is confirmed and established, we will naturally think.
Since you love me and are with me, you must understand me. On the contrary, since you chose me, then obviously, you also think that I understand you.
This behavior is people's confidence in love and self-confidence.
Break the misunderstanding
People often don't realize that there is a mistake between the self in the eyes of others and the real self. For example, you think you've shown you're very angry, but in his opinion, that's not necessarily the case.
The misunderstanding caused by the illusion of transparency is the reason why many couples feel that they are not in love and quarrel and break up. So what can be done to avoid this illusion of transparency?
Quite simply, in communication, reduce speculation and express feelings more directly. The following expression can better express your feelings and needs.
I feel (emotions) because (objective events), and I hope you can (specific needs).
For example, I feel very lonely because I haven't been with me for too long, and I hope you can spend more time with me.
Maybe initially, you will feel that this direct way is too direct. It may even cause you to be embarrassed to ask for it. But you have to understand that even partners who get along with each other day and night may not be able to feel our needs all the time. Directly put forward the demand, and after the other party meets the demand, thank you and respond positively. This is the positive, positive and effective communication between couples.
Expecting that without saying or expressing it, the other party can meet our needs, but in the eyes of the partner, it is a very good behavior. Being able to bravely and accurately express one's thoughts is the performance that a mature lover should behave.
Leave aside the so-called, "you should" and replace it with "I hope." With more direct expression and less speculation in love, you will find that misunderstandings and frictions are also reduced.
#情感 #