Some people say: "Growth is to do addition, maturity is to do subtraction." ”
When people reach middle age, life seems to have suddenly changed, and before they can get familiar with the strange life scenes, the struggle of the world will come.
As the years go by, the desperation of youth gradually becomes costly.
The life of middle-aged people is no longer needed to "add weight", but "circumvention".
In particular, the following five "traps" must be avoided as soon as possible after encountering.
01
Achievement traps
After years of hard work, the accumulation of years began to appear.
Maybe it's a job promotion, maybe it's a rich treasury, or maybe it's a class jump.
As everyone knows, there is never a free lunch in the world, and the lucky ones who think they have tasted the pie are actually just an equivalent exchange for life.
In the TV series "Our Marriage", after Sheng Jiangchuan and his wife got married, his wife was responsible for staying at home full-time with the children, and Sheng Jiangchuan concentrated on working hard to make money outside.
Sheng Jiangchuan, who is smart and diligent, has also achieved good results after years of hard work.
But gradually, he began to become complacent about his achievements, ignoring family affairs, spending time in the company from morning to night, pushing glasses and changing lamps between meals.
The two new house renovations and moves were all handled by the wife alone.
Even on the first day he moved to his new home, he didn't even know where his house number and toilet were.
In all this, Sheng Jiangchuan did not care about his behavior.
On a drunken night home, he proudly told his wife that he alone led the family to achieve consumption upgrades.
So much so that as this mentality penetrated into family life, the marriage of the two once came to an end.
As Aristotle said:
"The so-called slave is the one whose desire triumphs over reason."
People who cannot control their desires will eventually pay for their desires.
When I taste some fruits, I am complacent and indulged in it, and I am admired by Xingdian and get carried away.
It wasn't until I got sick that I knew that health was hard to come by, and when I suffered a difficulty, I realized that it was really hard to encounter.
If one gets lost in the trap of achievement for too long, it is difficult to remember what is the most important proposition in life.
02
The loneliness trap
People who know the writer Chi Zijian say that she lives like the sun.
But this warmth almost failed to accompany her out of the cold in her life.
At the age of 34, Chi Zijian met her husband Huang Shijun.
After marriage, she wrote the 700,000-word novel "Puppet Manchukuo" in only two years after marriage.
Later, in an interview with reporters, Chi Zijian recalled:
"If it weren't for that warm and happy state, I wouldn't have the courage to touch such a grand subject."
But she didn't expect that four years later, her husband died in an accidental car accident on the way home.
Chi Zijian, who learned the bad news, did not go out for four months, and was in a state of confusion all day.
One day, she suddenly remembered that she had made a final promise in her husband's ear to comfort his spirit in heaven with the best work.
It was also at this moment that Chi Zijian decided to face the disaster head-on and start creating again.
She weaves all her grief for her lover into the novel "All the Nights in the World", completing her farewell to her husband and healing herself in writing.
Eugene once wrote in the book "People to Middle Age":
"The youth is uncertain about the unknown future, and the old age is worried about the loneliness of the known."
The middle-aged man is in the position of connecting the upper and lower, and has just passed through the unknown confusion, and can already spy - loneliness is coming.
Children are studying abroad, relatives are separated from death, friends are scattered to live...
Middle-aged people have a hard time, so they can't trap themselves easily.
There is no real loneliness in this world, only a heart that is unwilling to heal loneliness, can withstand the excitement, and must also be bland.
03
Emotional traps
Movie star Hui Yinghong became famous at the age of 22 with the title of "Academy Award Queen".
But she caught up with the changes of the film era, and within a few years, she went from a drama to a filmless.
Coupled with the death of his father, his mother had Alzheimer's disease.
The double whammy caused Hui Yinghong, who was middle-aged, to suffer from severe depression and almost ended her life.
Fortunately, with strong mental power and the care of friends, she stepped out of the quagmire.
Hui Yinghong, who has experienced life and death, decided to adjust her mentality and start everything from scratch.
At the age of 50, she finally won the Best Actress trophy at the Academy Awards again, and she regained her charming brilliance.
In psychology, experts have proposed the concept of "gray middle age".
It means that in the middle age of life, you may experience various hurdles and crises such as career, health, and family.
This crisis is like a trap designed by fate, and only by accepting reality and seeking change can we truly redeem ourselves.
In the documentary "This Professional", 36-year-old Xiuyu resigned from entrepreneurship for many years and chose to return to the workplace.
After experiencing the "sensitive" age of 35, he deeply felt his limitations: reduced energy, outdated thinking, and lost skills.
However, he did not beat himself up, but insisted on going inward, breaking through himself through performing improvisational comedy, and continued to learn and iterate his ability.
Middle-aged life gave him a small blow, he did not sit still, but used life as a game to upgrade himself.
In middle age, bitterness and frustration are everywhere, and if you always feel sorry for yourself, you will live as a consumable of negative emotions and cannot afford it.
However, if you can accept reality and dance with the times, you can tap your inner potential and live a "second life".
04
Health traps
When we were young, we rushed, panicked, and arrogantly staked health weights in exchange for neon clothes in the garage.
Only in middle age did I find that I overdrew the debt I owed, and my body remembered it all.
Speaking of lines: "Don't worry, let the bullets fly for a while", many people are very familiar with it, from the movie "Let the Bullets Fly".
What few people know is that the fundamental source of this sentence actually comes from the novel "Ten Notes of the Night Tan".
Its author, Ma Zhitu, is 109 years old this year and is the mainland's "longest-lived writer."
Studying the old man's way of longevity is nothing more than self-discipline in life and spiritual attainment.
It's just that everyone understands the truth, but few people can actively practice it, let alone persist in it all year round.
But Ma Lao has been well aware of the importance of health since he was young, and he often said:
"Health is no different from saving, and you can accumulate a drop of water and form the Pacific Ocean for a long time."
Until the end of his life, he always maintained a regular routine and did not move:
Go to bed at 9 p.m. on time, wake up at 5 a.m., and take a walk in the yard every day.
Thanks to the emphasis on health, the centenarian horse is full of spirit, works tirelessly, and is still creating excellent works without interruption.
Academician Zhong Nanshan once said:
"The best doctor is yourself."
Sculpting health will help us better mediate with the world and shield us from the invasion of disease in the years to come.
Every little more concern for health, more confidence in fighting the difficulties of fate.
If you can continue to exercise from now on, cultivate a regular schedule;
This investment in health will add leverage to your life, helping you plan ahead and face the storm more calmly.
05
The wealth trap
I have heard a heart-wrenching saying:
"I used to feel that talking about money hurts feelings, and people understand after middle age that no money hurts feelings even more."
After middle age, a reasonable financial system will be directly proportional to the happiness of the whole family.
There is a story told in the book "Money Management is Rational Life".
Ten years ago, Susu graduated and married a wealthy businessman and lived the life of a rich wife.
Her friend Emma advised her to take care of her money to deal with future risks.
Susu disagreed, "My husband is my best investment!" ”
Ten years later, there was a rift in Susu's marriage, and her husband compensated her with a large sum of money when she divorced.
However, due to Susu's lack of earning ability and financial skills, in the years after the divorce, her compensation was only incomparable, and she was frequently deceived.
In this way, Susu's life became more and more embarrassing, and there was not much balance left in the card, and the whole person fell into deep anxiety.
On the other hand, my friend Emma, during the ten years of vegetarian consumption, she not only actively saved, but also taught herself financial knowledge.
Before the end of the year, financial freedom has been achieved, and there is no longer a burden of oil and salt.
The book mentions that 25-60 years old is the golden period of life and has the best earning power.
The more wealth you save during the golden period, the lighter the burden of living in the future.
When you are young, you earn your own money and spend it yourself, and after middle age, you earn your own money and spend it for the whole family.
Without a solid financial barrier, an illness can hit a life in ruins.
No one wants to see themselves cornered and unable to do anything about it.
So don't be vague when it's time to save money, and don't run away when it's time to manage your money.
In the current uncertainty, managing money well is to hold the initiative in the palm of your hand.
▽
The book The Meaning of Midlife says:
"Midlife is a time of conflict, and your developing 'life' clock begins to outmatch the decline brought about by the years."
When I was young, I was determined to forge ahead, and I was afraid of missing out on opportunities.
When you reach a certain age, you realize that knowing how to avoid traps is paving the way for yourself.
Avoid the trap of achievement and see the true heart;
Avoid the loneliness trap and learn to please yourself;
Avoid health pitfalls and better overcome difficulties;
Avoid emotional traps and be fearless of life's storms;
Avoid the trap of wealth and rely on old age.
For the rest of your life, may you be able to ignite your inner wisdom, avoid the traps of fate, embrace a wonderful life with enthusiasm, and live a wonderful life with steam.
Source: WeChat public account "There are books"
Author: Mi Yuan
Editor: Deng Rumeng
[Statement: This number is an official public welfare account to serve the decision-making of governments at all levels, enterprises and institutions, and this article is reproduced for the purpose of transmitting more information. ] If the source is incorrectly marked or suspected of infringing your legitimate rights and interests, please contact us. We will correct and delete in time, thank you. 】