Have you ever bought a beautiful dress, but when you go out feeling too grand, you end up changing into the most inconspicuous one? Or draw a delicate makeup, but as soon as you meet the eyes of others, you feel uncomfortable, as if they are all staring at you to find fault? If you feel this way, then congratulations, you may be suffering from "delicate shame disorder".
"Delicate shame disorder" refers to being shy about their own delicacy, which is a symptom of social anxiety, after carefully dressing up, but feeling cramped, grand, high-profile, afraid to see people, afraid to face the strange eyes of others, and afraid of being evaluated by others.
This psychological phenomenon has aroused the resonance and discussion of many netizens. Some people say that they have had this feeling since childhood, some people say that they have this feeling because they have been ridiculed or criticized by others, and some people say that they have this feeling because they are dissatisfied with their appearance.
So, how exactly did "delicate shame" form? Is there any way to overcome it?
The causes of "delicate shame" may be as follows:
1. The influence of the childhood environment. In our traditional culture, modesty and subtlety are virtues. From early childhood, girls' expressions of beauty have been suppressed. In the speech system of the elders, "dressing up" is often considered "not doing business". In school, "good students" should be plain, wear uniforms, and be unadorned, and only "bad students" will wear makeup and "fancy clothes".
2. The Internet discovers cyber disorders every day. Now it's the turn of "beauty shame". Beautiful, clearly positive, positive praise; Shame, however, is a negative emotion recognized by psychologists, a self-deprecating emotion produced in interpersonal communication. Reviews of beauty on the Internet are also easily criticized. Everyone has a different tolerance and perception of beauty. Underneath a photo, there may be two distinct evaluations: praise and derogation. Even as spectators, many people are prone to self-introduction, which can lead to negative emotions.
3. The influence of "volume" culture. We crave beauty, but we crave "effortlessly beautiful." As a result, there is also a chain of contempt for appearance: refined is not as good as a raw picture, an acquired beauty is not as good as a mother and a mother, and an atmospheric beauty is not as good as a hardware beauty. And those who are a little scheming and want to roll up are the most likely to be guarded out and ridiculed. Therefore, many people are afraid to show their efforts in appearance in front of others.
4. The traditional definition of gender roles in society is generally as follows: women assume the role of expressing sex and providing emotional support; Men assume instrumental, practical roles. Compared with women, men are more required to show themselves and are more likely to develop an outgoing and confident personality. And because women are often "unknown", when they realize that they are under the attention of others, they are more likely to have bad emotions.
"Delicate shame" is a normal psychological phenomenon, even if it cannot be changed in a short time, you can try to accept it first. After all, acceptance is also part of change. But if you feel that your symptoms are more serious and have had a great impact on your life, you must seek help from a psychological counselor.
Here are some ways to overcome it that may be useful:
1. Accept your appearance and recognize that everyone is not perfect and has weaknesses and shortcomings.
2. Increase the "sense of worthiness", don't feel that you are not beautiful enough to wear delicate makeup, thick waist is not worthy of wearing crop tops, thick legs are not worthy of wearing shorts, and you are ordinary and ordinary are not worthy of glamorous ... Beauty is not the privilege of a few, everyone has the right to pursue beauty.
3. Showing confidence and independence in social situations can also reduce the attention and evaluation of your appearance by others. At the same time, we need to set a boundary, if you are unhappy by the evaluation of others, we must have the courage to express our feelings.
4. Dressing up beautifully is not to please others, but to make yourself happy and satisfied. As long as you like the way you look, there's no need to care about what others think.
Believe me: we are not perfect, but we are beautiful. You don't have to judge yourself by the standards of others. I hope that everyone can embrace their beauty generously, and live the most comfortable appearance without reservation~ ❤️