To give birth, or not to give birth? In the face of this "pregnancy" problem, the attitude of contemporary youth is by no means a simple dualism.
Although some young people use "stay safe without marriage and childbirth" as a mantra, many of them are not resistant to becoming parents, but, "it is not a necessity in life, it needs to be treated with caution." ”
Recently, the "China Public Fertility Concept Survey Report (2023)" released by the People's Think Tank also confirmed this - they collected 2318 valid questionnaires from young and middle-aged people over 20 years old, and the results showed that "ideal children are two children" (44.26%) is the mainstream mentality of the current young and middle-aged groups, and 39.30% of the interviewed public chose "1" and 6.95% of the interviewed public chose "3".
On the other side of the longing for childbirth, the practical dilemma of "not daring to give birth" cannot be ignored. At present, there is a lot of "discount" for the transformation of fertility intentions into actual fertility actions.
In 2022, the Chinese population showed negative growth for the first time. During the same period, a series of policies such as birth subsidies, preferential housing purchases, the development of childcare services, and allowing children born out of wit to settle down were implemented.
At the same time, in recent years, many Douban groups have emerged to discuss fertility dilemmas, such as "fertility anxiety huddle warmth", "alliance of fertility witnesses", and so on.
When the "post-80s" and "post-90s" consciously or passively delay childbirth, and when the "post-00s" shout for reproductive freedom, different behaviors point to the same fear - fear of fertility.
What are young people afraid of when it comes to childbirth? How far are we from a fertility-friendly society?
Out-of-control body
The palace entrance was opened from one finger to ten fingers, and after more than 20 hours of painful suffering in the hospital, his son was born, Li Xiang did not cry with joy, nor did he feel excited and happy, the only thought in his mind was "finally over".
On November 23 last year, 30-year-old Li Xiang was upgraded to a mother. This is a character that she is extremely fearful and resistant to before the age of 30, and this fear has not dissipated until the moment of childbirth. At that time, she did not like children.
Li Xiang is a Chaoshan woman who works hard in Shenzhen. For her, joining the fertility army is a compromise that cannot bear the consequences of infertility, "I worry that I will regret it in the future, that the relationship between husband and wife will not withstand the test of not having children, and that I am worried about the voices and social eyes of the people around me." In Li Xiang's view, choosing "Dink" means endless explanations, which requires greater courage and determination.
From childhood to adulthood, in the amusement park, Li Xiang never played exciting games. She loves gentle games like the carousel, "I know I can handle it, and it's happy enough." But then, encouraged by her husband, she tried a roller coaster, "and the process was scary, uncomfortable, and even a little regretful." But that time, when I walked out of the amusement park, I felt that I had not come for nothing, and the experience was rich enough. ”
Life is like a giant amusement park. Li Xiang feels that giving birth is like riding a roller coaster, with many difficulties and a rapid heartbeat, but there will also be an unexpected experience of magical happiness.
Li Xiang thinks that he has no natural maternal love. But in the day and night with her son, she collapsed and was healed, and the emotional connection between mother and son became closer, "I seem to have slowly developed maternal love, and every moment he laughs, I can't help but marvel at how it is so cute." ”
However, Li Xiang's fear of childbirth has not disappeared, "I originally imagined that childbirth was difficult, and the reality is true." Before giving birth, Li Xiang worried about his loss, "Health, time, energy, money, now, I don't give the same." ”
After giving birth, Li wanted to lose hair severely
Three months after giving birth, Li Xiang became severely hairless, "washing his hair once and losing a handful." She cut her shoulder-length short hair for this, "In the group of mothers, there are also new mothers who cut their heads because of too severe hair loss." She felt that her body was out of control, "pubic separation, rib valgus, wide pelvis, bulging bladder..." Although the weight has returned to 98 pounds before giving birth, Li Xiang found that the pants and skirts of the past could not be worn, and walking became unsmooth. At the same time, mastitis recurred, several times high fever did not subside, "even the hand hurts."
As an Internet native, Jingjing, a "post-00s" girl, realized the harm of childbirth to her body earlier. She has been exposed to Weibo since high school, and has seen many women on the Internet sharing various changes after childbirth, some people are out of shape, some people have extensive hair loss, and some people are covered with stretch marks overnight; In her sophomore year, she took an elective course called "Media and Gender Studies," where she was exposed to feminism and followed more than a dozen feminist bloggers.
The fertility experience shared by a blogger who worked hard in Shanghai had a great impact on Jingjing. Before giving birth, this urban woman read a lot of books related to marriage and childbirth, asked her mother about her childbirth experience, and saved 500,000 yuan of disposable funds with her husband. She thought she was ready for childbearing. However, at the age of 32, she was just three months pregnant, and the pain of a urticaria attack during pregnancy was unbearable. When this "post-80s" decided to have a caesarean section two months earlier to relieve the pain, she was the first to be incomprehensible by her mother, and it was then that she learned that her mother also had hives during pregnancy, "but her mother felt that it was a trivial matter that was not worth mentioning." ”
Along the network cable, in front of the "post-00s", the mystery of marriage and childbirth was revealed in advance. The experience of motherhood is stark and individual, and although there are sometimes women on social media who share their smooth fertility experiences, this does not resist Jingjing's fear of childbearing: "I am afraid of uncertainty and I don't feel like I will be lucky." ”
Later, Jingjing learned that she was a "difficult baby". Due to lateral incision, the mother had severe postpartum urine leakage, "she was afraid to run, and as soon as she ran, she would leak urine." But whenever Jingjing asked, her mother always understated, "She felt that it was a natural responsibility given to women." ”
Jingjing was dissuaded by these "horror messages" - although she is not a staunch infertility person, she always harbors a fear of childbearing. Is there a way to dispel this fear? Jingjing expects the society to pay enough attention to women of gestational age and do a good job of pre-pregnancy, pregnancy and postpartum counseling, "not only pay attention to physical health, do a free physical examination return visit, tell us how to respond, but also provide psychological counseling help." ”
It is difficult for people in the workplace to raise children
After giving birth, Li Xiang not only has to deal with the earth-shaking body changes, but also has to face a "high-demand baby" all day long - "It's hard to fall asleep at night, you can't ignore him for a moment during the day, you have to play with him all the time, talk to him, if you do other things, he won't be happy." ”
Li Xiang's sleep became fragmented. At night, the son may wake up once an hour. So, she had to wake up six or seven times a night, feed, change diapers, and put her to sleep..." But sometimes, no matter how he coaxed, he just cried, you couldn't find the reason, and it was very broken. Li Xiang was so angry that he slapped the baby several times, "Beat him to tears, but the problem still could not be solved." ”
In the first three months of taking care of his son, Li Xiang often shed tears while eating, and couldn't help but question himself, "Why do you want to have children?" ”
Children's hospitals are overcrowded
As soon as his son fell ill, Li Xiang was even more worried. She takes her baby to the hospital at least three times a month, "In addition to regular vaccinations, the baby will catch colds, diarrhea, and cavities from time to time." "In early May, just on the third day of weaning, my son started catching a cold, coughing, runny nose and fever. She took her son to the children's hospital to hang up the emergency room, "There were more than 100 numbers in front of the line, and I couldn't see a disease for three or four hours." Li Xiang said that his son would not cough up phlegm or pick his nose, and looking at his uncomfortable appearance and the overcrowded consultation area, he was more anxious.
Li Xiang believes that increasing the number of pediatric outpatient clinics and improving the maternal and child medical service system are the keys to alleviating parenting anxiety. In Zhejiang, the Zhejiang Children's Medical Services Development Action Plan (2021-2025) is also working to resolve the tension in children's medical care. The plan clearly states that the rational distribution of pediatric resources will be strengthened, and the four-level children's medical service system at the provincial, municipal, county and township levels will be improved, with children's hospitals (women and children's hospitals) as the core, pediatrics in general hospitals (including traditional Chinese medicine hospitals) as the support, and grassroots medical and health institutions as the basis.
In addition to the medical services that are in short supply, in front of Li Xiang, there is also the difficulty of childcare for dual-income families. As Li wanted to return to the workplace, her mother-in-law came to Shenzhen to help bring up the baby. "She is old, her body can't eat, she needs energy to bring up the baby during the day, and we can only manage it ourselves at night." Now, Li Xiang and her husband have agreed to manage each half - her husband, who is a civil servant, is responsible for the first half of the night, and Li Xiang, who leaves work at 7 p.m., is responsible for the second half of the night.
However, when the sleep time is infinitely compressed, it will inevitably affect the work status of the next day, and Li Xiang is not sure how long he and her husband can last, "I can only take one step and see one step." ”
Local governments are actively promoting inclusive childcare services, among which the practices of Beijing and Shanghai are worth learning. The "14th Five-Year Plan for the Development and Improvement of Preschool Education in Beijing" released in 2022 clearly states that the training of childcare talents will be strengthened, and kindergartens with conditions will be encouraged to use spare places to open kindergartens to enroll 2-3-year-old children on the basis of satisfying the admission of 3-6-year-old children. Shanghai has enacted special legislation to promote the integration of childcare and childcare, and formulated the Shanghai Preschool Education and Childcare Service Regulations in 2022 to coordinate preschool education and childcare services. At present, nearly 1,000 kindergartens in Shanghai have set up kindergartens, accounting for 60% of all kindergartens. At the same time, Shanghai said that all kindergartens, especially public kindergartens, must ensure that kindergartens "should be open and can be fully opened".
Across the country, some companies spontaneously encourage employees to bring their babies to work, and Guangdong Province has also made innovative exploration attempts. At the beginning of this year, Guangdong Province issued the "Implementation Opinions on Implementing the "Mother's Post" Employment Model to Promote Women's Employment (Draft for Comments)", proposing to widely develop "mother's post" in the province, mainly to absorb the employment of women under the age of 12 who have the obligation to support children under the age of 12 within the legal working age, and the working hours and management mode are relatively flexible, which is convenient for taking care of work and childcare.
Workplace obstacles
On May 18, the first day after maternity leave and returning to work, Li Xiang lost 6 colleagues. She has worked for the Internet company for nearly two years, and since the day she joined, there has been a storm of layoffs.
"There were 10 people in the department, but now there are only four left." Li Xiang guessed that she was able to stay because she had entered the protection period because of childbirth, but she was still confused, "The formal staff establishment of the department is only 3, which is equivalent to one more person now." ”
The downsizing of personnel is accompanied by an increasing workload. In the past, she used to be busy until 10 p.m., but now she is even busier. When she returned to the workplace, she wanted to perform well, but she was also unable to do so, "Long-term lack of sleep made my brain difficult and unable to adapt." ”
Li Xiang's direct leader has also changed. Last year, the 36-year-old female leader gave birth to a second child, and "during maternity leave, her original place was replaced." Li Xiang sighed that the situation of the female leader was more embarrassing than herself, "She became the role of team leader, but the company did not actually have this establishment." ”
At the last company, Li Xiang also heard that the department director had threatened, "Never give a promotion to a woman again." He coldly complained, 'If you go up, you will get pregnant'. ”
Women are indeed more likely to encounter workplace barriers due to childbirth, and Li Xiang had this experience before deciding to have children. Li Xiang and her husband worked separately in Guangzhou and Shenzhen. After getting married in early 2020, Li Xiang searched for a year in order to reunite with her husband, interviewed at least ten companies, and failed to find a dream job in Shenzhen. "Are you married?" "Do you have any children now?" This is a topic that interviewers can never get around. Li Xiang had to give in to his family and reluctantly "reduced dimensionality and jumped ship" from the top companies in the industry.
Li Xiang's friend and a senior human resource manager said frankly, "When I look at a married and childless 30-year-old woman as an interviewer, I can't help but feel that the other party is a 'thunder' who wants to give birth at any time and return to the family." ”
In Hangzhou, 31-year-old Yu Ying, despite her longing for childbirth, hesitated for fear of missing out on her career. At the beginning of this year, when Yuying began to prepare for pregnancy, she once struggled with whether to put the folic acid she must eat every day on her desk, "If you don't put it on the table, you are likely to forget to eat; But if I put it on the table, it seems to announce that I am about to give birth, and I worry that this will affect the leader's assessment of my professional ability. When choosing a career, the seniors who had a good relationship also reminded Yuying with kindness, "When it comes to the age of childbirth, don't go to the department of running around, it's better to settle down." ”
This is the collective choice of most working women under the shape of society: when the golden period of career and childbirth is approaching at the same time, women often have to choose to return to the family and take on childcare tasks.
Stay-at-home mom who participates in community activities
"The original intention of extending maternity leave everywhere is for women's health, but this protection based on gender differences will increase gender discrimination in the workplace." In Li Xiang's view, if you want to change the prejudice of enterprises against gestational-age female employees, the government needs to introduce more incentives for enterprises, "for example, more subsidies to enterprises with employees on maternity leave, credit loan support for enterprises that employ a certain proportion of female employees, tax exemptions, and so on." Li Xiang believes that there are also attempts to increase the length of paternity leave for men and the length of parental leave for both parents.
In the face of the trend of declining birthrate and the pressure of aging, European countries have long been testing grounds for encouraging fertility. In Denmark, the husband and wife share a maternity leave of 1 year, of which the husband has at least 2 weeks; UK couples share 52 weeks of parental leave; In Sweden, parents share up to 480 days of paid parental leave; Iceland adopts the "3+3+3" quota system, that is, parents are entitled to nine months of maternity leave, each parent has three months, and the other three months are divided by both parties, creating a model of joint childcare and equal employment between the sexes.
At present, pilot childcare leave has been carried out in various parts of China, and most provinces stipulate that within the age of 3, couples are entitled to 5 days, 10 days, 15 days, 20 days and other days of childcare leave of different lengths per year. But the problem is that "some provinces do not clearly define the boundaries of the various types of maternity leave, and others do not clarify whether the birth leave is used by the father or the mother." Zhuang Yuxia, an associate researcher at the Institute of Urban and Population Development of the Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences, pointed out that the practice of extending maternity leave alone should be shifted to the "maternity leave + childcare leave" bundle scheme, "parental leave bears the brunt of male participation in childcare, and stipulates that father's childcare leave is not transferable." ”
Zhuang Yuxia once outlined an ideal plan, that is, 4 months maternity leave + 4 months of father's parental leave (quota system) + 4 months of parental leave (bundled rewards), "In addition to 4 months of maternity leave, it is mandatory for fathers to take 4 months of parental leave, on this basis, incentives are implemented, and if the father takes 1 month more childcare leave, the mother is rewarded with 1 month, and so on, gradually realizing the idea that 0-1 year-old babies are mainly cared for by parents." ”
Fertility costs
"There is no hope of promotion, I just want to keep my job." The protection period brought by fertility is only half a year, and Li Xiang can't help but worry about his future. After the birth of her son, she was even more afraid to lose her job.
Li Xiang calculated an economic account, and for his son, who had just turned half a year old, he and his husband had invested more than 100,000 yuan. "The confinement center cost 40,000 yuan, and after I became pregnant, I became a member of JD.com and Taobao, and I kept buying, buying, buying and buying every day." Li Xiang said that just buying disposable consumables such as milk powder, diapers, cotton towels and so on, the monthly cost is at least 5,000 yuan.
"I'm already very economical and pursue value for money." Li Xiang revealed that before his son was 3 months old, he hardly bought him clothes, "They are all the clothes of the children of colleagues and friends, and the baby grows up very quickly, and it can't be worn for long." ”
Shortly after becoming pregnant, in April last year, Li Xiang and her husband cobbled together to settle down in Shenzhen, and have since taken on a monthly mortgage of 20,000 yuan. Now, her husband's monthly salary is given to the mortgage, and childcare and family expenses depend on Li Xiang's work, and the two have to save money, "There is a lot of financial pressure, once I lose my job, I feel that my life is difficult to maintain." ”
In order to ease the difficulty of parenting, Li Xiang inquired about the childcare institution in Shenzhen, "The baby can be sent when it is half a year old, but the cheapest family costs six or seven thousand yuan a month." She had to secretly dismiss this idea, "After all, the old man can help bring it, which is the most cost-effective." ”
Handbooks related to childcare distributed by the street
Economic anxiety is the first barrier to contemporary youth choosing to have children. According to the "China Fertility Cost Report" released by the Yuwa Population Research Team, it is estimated that in 2019, the average parenting cost of children aged 0-17 in families nationwide was 485,000 yuan; among them, the parenting cost of Zhejiang families was as high as 721,000 yuan, ranking third in the country after Beijing and Shanghai.
"Can society give us enough financial help?" Li Xiang had this idea.
In 2021, Panzhihua City, Sichuan Province became the first city in the country to provide birth subsidies, providing a childcare subsidy of 500 yuan per child per month to families with two or three children according to the policy until the child is 3 years old. Since then, many places have taken out real money to join the ranks of issuing birth subsidies, most of which are concentrated in provincial capitals, and Yunnan Province is the only province in the country that uniformly distributes birth subsidies throughout the province. In Wenzhou City, Zhejiang Province, the subsidy target has been extended to one child, and one-time birth subsidies of 1,000 yuan, 2,000 yuan and 10,000 yuan will be issued to those who give birth to one child, two children and three children according to the policy.
"Of course it's good to have subsidies, but it's a drop in the bucket now." Li Xiang said that there are more families whose economic situation is not as good as their own, and "the current subsidies are not enough to encourage people to choose to have children." ”
Li Xiang said frankly that sufficient birth subsidies and perfect childcare and medical services will indeed alleviate fertility anxiety to a certain extent, but she is more concerned about "how to really get rid of gender discrimination in the workplace and the unequal division of childcare in the family." ”
(Li Xiang, Jingjing, and Yuying are pseudonyms in the text)
(Source: Chao News)