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Xian Yu Yinshu reunited with her ex-husband Li Yinghe after 13 years, and has always been grumpy about the past two problems

author:Emotional genderology

Wen | Zhang Ping

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Xian Yu Yinshu reunited with her ex-husband Li Yinghe after 13 years, and has always been grumpy about the past two problems

01

How terrible is it to have nothing to say in marriage?

When a relationship has passed the passionate period, trivial life comes to the fore, especially after people reach middle age, the feelings between husband and wife are prone to problems, and between husband and wife, it seems that from the initial nothing to say, the natural transition to the later nothing to say.

Of course, if both parties do not want to communicate with each other at the same time, and can accept this non-communication marital state, then even if they are lonely in marriage, the relationship can continue.

The most feared thing is that one person in the marriage has the desire to communicate and always tries to communicate with the other party, while the other party constantly chooses to escape, so that the person who wants to communicate is constantly frustrated and rejected in the marriage.

Xian Yu Yinshu reunited with her ex-husband Li Yinghe after 13 years, and has always been grumpy about the past two problems

Among the guests invited in the first episode of the Korean variety show "We Are Divorced", one pair left a deep impression on me, the man "Lee Young-ho" is the strength of the older generation of film emperors, and the woman "Fresh in Silver Sook" is the previous popular actress.

However, since the two people met, Li Yinghe has been choosing to escape, he avoids eye contact with Yin Shu, and when Yin Shu wants to talk about some emotional issues, he chooses not to respond or divert the topic.

In the face of this man who walked hand in hand with himself for the first half of his life, Yin Shu said that he deliberately found someone to do his hair and makeup before meeting, and he didn't even sleep well last night. The other person's response was to smile and not answer the phone.

And when Yin Shu wanted to untie the knot in her long-term heart, she asked two questions: one was that Li Yinghe, who needed to accompany the bed when she was pregnant, was busy with work and had been absent; second, she had seen Li Yinghe have intimate physical contact with other actresses.

For these two questions, Li Yinghe's answer is: for the hardships of women's pregnancy, men do not understand; the second is: staring at the scenery outside the window and changing the topic.

Xian Yu Yinshu reunited with her ex-husband Li Yinghe after 13 years, and has always been grumpy about the past two problems

02

It is conceivable that in the 26-year-long married life of two people, there is nothing to say. In the show, Yin Shu takes on 90% of the conversation content, while Li Yinghe is silent, dodging and evasive most of the time.

Maybe you will think that Li Yinghe himself is not good at communication and is more introverted?

Then you are wrong, seven days a week, he spends six days outside drinking with friends, and even during the one-day honeymoon trip, he plays crazy with friends outside until four o'clock in the morning before coming home, is a veritable "social master".

It's not that Li Yinghe can't chat, he just doesn't want to talk to his wife.

Such a Yin Shu, who has been in a state of "chasing" in marriage, has been self-doubting, is there something wrong with herself? Why am I the only one in a marriage between two people who cares about the relationship? He's willing to talk to people, and I have nothing to say, am I really the worst person in the world?

It's not scary to go through a bad marriage, it's scary to fall into deep self-doubt because of the relationship and not be able to extricate yourself. Just like Yin Shu, even though the two have been divorced for 13 years, she is still worried about the problems that have arisen in the previous marriage.

This can only show that she has not let go of this feeling, not that she does not want to let go, but that she does not have the ability to save herself.

Xian Yu Yinshu reunited with her ex-husband Li Yinghe after 13 years, and has always been grumpy about the past two problems

I have heard the saying that "the choice of divorce is not for happiness, but only to reduce unhappiness". When many feelings are discouraged, and even communication has become a burden, choosing to let go is a relief.

I once saw a news: the Connecticut court in the United States handled the divorce case of an elderly couple, and the reason for the divorce you can never guess: the husband pretended to be deaf and dumb for 62 years in order not to talk to his wife. When the wife found out, she couldn't bear it and insisted on divorce.

In this 62-year marriage, they raised six children, 13 grandchildren, and the wife went to learn sign language for two years in order to better communicate with her husband.

62 years, that is a woman's life, and what kind of struggle and helplessness is this life?

Xian Yu Yinshu reunited with her ex-husband Li Yinghe after 13 years, and has always been grumpy about the past two problems

03

We don't delve into the fundamentals of this old couple's non-dialogue in marriage, after all, such examples are too bizarre, but what we need to know about our marriage is:

If you want to solve the problem of having nothing to say between husband and wife, you must first understand why two people do not have the desire to communicate and talk. Remember not to rush to deny yourself, and don't feel that the problems in this marriage are caused by not being good enough.

First of all, you have to determine whether there is nothing to say between the husband and wife, whether there is a real relationship problem, or whether there is another reason. After all, no two people in the world can absolutely communicate with each other, and it is expected that the three views are the same, and it is expected that there will be differences.

Xian Yu Yinshu reunited with her ex-husband Li Yinghe after 13 years, and has always been grumpy about the past two problems

Before choosing to break up, we must jump out of these three points to look at the problem:

First, the attitude of speech between the two sides, whether the two people know how to speak well and communicate seriously;

Second, why he is reluctant to communicate with you, is it that you can never get the purpose of the other party to communicate with you, and make this conversation "said is equal to not said", can not get emotional resonance, over time, there is less desire to talk;

Third, whether you know how to listen, never one-way only convey the information you want to express, and manage your mouth, after all, some words between husband and wife can not let the third person know, this frankness is a kind of trust.

Xian Yu Yinshu reunited with her ex-husband Li Yinghe after 13 years, and has always been grumpy about the past two problems

After marriage, many couples have no love to do, to have nothing to say, the process is long, and in this long time, there are many opportunities for us to reconcile.

However, people always habitually ignore the joys and sorrows of their partners, but instead spend more effort on those strangers to talk about communication, and the more they hurt the people who are closer, whether they are willing to spend time and energy.

But if you want to marry for a long time, you must need some emotional intelligence and skills, please do not choose silence in marriage, because that is the first major killer of marriage; in the face of marriage with nothing to say, do not choose self-denial, because that will be the biggest "killer" in your life.

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About author:Zhang Ping, psychological counselor, marriage and family counselor, well-known emotional self-media. I have wine, do you have a story?

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