"A country that is afraid of its wife and has many stories is easy to democratize."
You would never have imagined that this sentence came from Hu Shi, the leader of the New Culture Movement, and it was a public speech to students in class when he was the president of Peking University.
What is even more unexpected is that the wife that Hu Shi "fears" is not only not a natural and knowledgeable woman, but an old-fashioned woman with no culture and a short temper.
No one could have imagined that such a woman would actually marry a doctor who stayed in the ocean, and grow old and love for a lifetime.
In fact, for Hu Shi before the age of 26, he himself felt incredible.
And all this change actually came from a kitchen knife.
01
In 1891, Hu Shi was born in Jixi, Anhui, a local genius, went to the United States to study at the age of 19, attended several prestigious schools, and finally obtained a doctorate, and became a professor at Peking University at the age of 26.
He became famous with a "Literary Improvement Proposal" and became a leading representative.
It is said that with such conditions, Hu Shi can completely find a talented lady. Maybe he thought so at the time, but helplessly, his mother had already set up a family affair for him.
When he was 10 years old, Hu Shi followed his mother to his uncle's house, and happened to meet a lady of the Jiang family.
Mrs. Jiang saw that Hu Shi was smart and handsome, and she liked it very much, so she said casually: "I see that he is about the same age as my family Dongxiu, or let's kiss and kiss?" ”
The Jiang family is a well-known local family, and if they can marry them, the Hu family can be regarded as a high climb. So, the mother immediately agreed.
In 1904, the family got together and held an engagement banquet for the two children.
That year, Hu Shi was only 13 years old, and he had no idea what it all meant.
At the time of the engagement, Hu Shi had already gone to Shanghai to study and had not seen his fiancée. But soon after, Jiang Dongxiu came to Hu's house and became an intern daughter-in-law in advance.
But Jiang Dongxiu did not expect that his internship period would be as long as more than ten years. No way, in order to escape marriage, this fiancé has been dragging it out of home on the grounds of going to school.
Hu Shi studied in Shanghai until 1910, and later got a place to study at public expense, ran to the United States to hide far away, and really almost never returned.
It turned out that in the 4th year of coming to the United States, a blonde broke into Hu Shi's life.
The girl's name is Wei Lianji, she comes from a Kochi family, her parents are professors at Cornell University, and she is a painter herself, with a good temperament and conversation.
It is said that excellent souls will attract each other, and this pair of golden children and jade girls quickly became secretly in love after meeting each other.
Wei Liansi came to Hu Shi's dormitory and finally made a bold confession. Originally thought that the two could be together logically, who expected Hu Shi to push her away: "I can't accept you, my mother told me to go home and become a family." ”
As a progressive young man, Hu Shi is said to oppose arranged marriages and pursue freedom of marriage, but as a pioneer of new ideas, why did he obey his mother's arrangement?
This has to mention Hu Shi's growth experience.
02
When Hu Shi was 4 years old, his father died in a foreign land. From childhood to adulthood, his mother worked hard to raise him alone, and even sold all the few jewelry he had in order to provide for his son's education.
It can be said that Hu Shi watched his mother endure hardships to raise himself. So out of filial piety, he never disobeyed his mother's wishes.
And the matter of his love with Wei Liansi has long been spread to China. The mother looked at the filial and thoughtful prospective daughter-in-law, and her heart was very anxious, for fear that her son would do Chen Shimei.
So my mother asked someone to write a letter, first praising Jiang Dongxiu's virtuousness, and then selling miserably and saying:
"My body is not as good as a day, I'm afraid I won't have a few days to live." I can't see you getting married and having children, and I can't die. ”
Where did Hu Shi, who received the letter, dare to accept Wei Liansi, he was so frightened that he immediately replied, saying that he would become a family immediately after returning to China.
In 1917, Hu Shi finished defending his doctoral dissertation, immediately got up and returned to his hometown, and held a wedding with Jiang Dongxiu.
Many friends around him regretted Hu Shi: "You accommodated this marriage, the sacrifice is too great." ”
Hu Shi himself was not satisfied with the marriage, but in his opinion, as long as his mother was happy, no amount of sacrifice was worth it. Although I don't like this wife, it's a big deal to hide anymore.
Soon after marriage, Hu Shi left home and took up a job at Peking University.
At that time, Hu Shi's salary was as high as 280 yuan, plus he usually wrote articles and paid some writing fees, and soon earned a house in Beijing and took over his mother and wife.
Hu Shi originally thought that he had been studying abroad for so many years before, and now he could finally fulfill his filial piety by his mother's side.
Unfortunately, my mother died after living for less than a year.
Many people think that without the difficult emotional bond of his mother, Hu Shi does not need to bend and ask for everything, probably divorced Jiang Dongxiu.
What's more, Hu Shi's reputation for being talented and beautiful is well known, and many young and beautiful and cultured women secretly promise him that it is not a problem to find a wife who matches him.
But to everyone's surprise, Hu Shi did not do this, but scrupulously adhered to his duty as a husband and never got too close to other women.
But they didn't know that the reason why Hu Shi could sit still was not because he was like a jade, but because he already had a heart.
And the woman he liked, Jiang Dongxiu also knew, was Cao Chengying, the bridesmaid when the two got married.
03
Cao Chengying is 11 years younger than Hu Shi and is the younger sister of Hu Shi's third sister-in-law.
She admired Hu Shi's talent, and she herself was a talented woman, often sending her articles to Beijing for Hu Shi's guidance.
It is said that it is an exchange article, but in fact, it is a secret song.
But what made the two have feelings was the experience of pity for the same illness.
It turned out that Cao Chengying's marriage was also ordered by her parents, and she was accused of marriage before she was born.
Not only did she have no feelings for her husband, but she was often angry at her in-laws' house because she didn't have children.
And the bitter water in her stomach seems to resonate only with Hu Shi.
In 1923, Hu Shi had a serious illness and took a long leave to Hangzhou to recuperate, and it was Cao Chengying who took care of him.
The two walked together to West Lake, drinking tea, playing chess and chatting about life, like a couple of immortals, and their relationship became deeper and deeper.
Under the nourishment of love, Hu Shi's body quickly recovered. Many of the friends who came to visit were aware of the clue, but everyone tacitly helped him hide it.
Soon, half a year later, Hu Shi returned home in Beijing.
But as soon as he opened the door, he realized that no matter how he hid it, there was no impermeable wall in the world after all.
In the face of Jiang Dongxiu's questioning, Hu Shi knew that there was nothing to deny, so it was better to admit it generously.
What's more, Cao Chengying is pregnant! Hu Shi wants to give the relationship a result.
He even had a simple showdown: "Anyway, we don't have feelings, the matter has come to this, it's better to divorce." It's my fault first, what conditions do you have to mention. ”
At that moment, Hu Shi thought of thousands of possibilities, the other party should be the same old way, crying, making trouble and hanging himself three times, and he couldn't make more concessions.
But Jiang Dongxiu's actions were completely unexpected to him.
As soon as Hu Shi's words fell, Jiang Dongxiu immediately rushed into the kitchen and grabbed a kitchen knife. She pulled her two sons to her side and threatened: "If we divorce, our mother will die to show you!" ”
Hu Shi was so frightened that his legs trembled, and he almost knelt down and begged for mercy, and repeatedly persuaded: "Calm down, don't be impulsive." ”
Since then, Hu Shi has never mentioned the divorce again, and wrote to persuade Cao Chengying to kill the child, and the two have since concluded their wishes.
However, he is not only "afraid of his wife", but also because he can't get married at all.
Over the years, Jiang Dongxiu has served the Hu family without fault, as long as she does not nod, the court will not decide.
Since it can't be changed, it's better to look away.
What's more, there is a tragic example of Xu Zhimo desperate for love, but failed to end well, Hu Shi did not dare to be overly persistent.
Hu Shi also incorporated philosophy into his view of marriage:
"Love is just one of life's many events. It's really unnecessary to make it unstable and hurt children. ”
Of course, more importantly, Koto-so is indeed a good wife. With her at home, the family can live comfortably, and Hu Shi can pursue his career with peace of mind.
04
Friends are worried that Hu Shi may have to suffer for the rest of his life in this upcoming marriage.
Who expected that after the wind of Cao Chengying's extramarital affair passed, Hu Shi and Jiang Dongxiu actually gradually cultivated feelings and loved until they were old.
How exactly is this done?
I have to say, both are smart people.
Although Koto-so has not read books, he knows how to manage marriage. She understands that crying will not solve the problem, although the husband has done something sorry for himself, but the matter has passed, and the husband is willing to change his mind, then don't always turn over the old accounts, and live as always.
As for Hu Shi, he was guilty of his mistake in the first place, and his wife did not care about previous suspicions, he was naturally grateful to Dade and spoke warmly to Jiang Dongxiu.
Gradually, feelings developed between the two.
But some people who don't know what to do say say that Hu Shi is afraid of his wife.
After hearing this, instead of being angry, Hu Shi ridiculed: "When my wife was young, she was a living bodhisattva, she was the Nine Sons Demon Mother in middle age, and when she was old, she was a dominatrix, how could she not be afraid?" ”
The so-called "fear" is actually a manifestation of love. Outsiders don't understand, but the parties know themselves.
Hu Shi clearly advocated new ideas, but had an old marriage, and could handle this contradiction harmoniously, which was really a rare figure at that time.
So after Hu Shi died, someone sent him this elegy:
"A teacher of new ideas in the old ethics, a model of the old morals in the new culture."
His marriage also tells us that marriage needs to be jointly maintained by both husband and wife, divorce is not the best policy, embracing each other is the right solution.