Some time ago, Sichuan introduced a new birth regulation:
Restrictions on whether or not the target of birth registration are married will be removed.
That is to say, now women want a child of their own, and they can legally own it without marriage;
And none of the rights and interests that should be enjoyed will be less, and they will be protected by law.
In an instant, many women were happy and ridiculed:
If marriage is no longer a prerequisite for childbearing, then what is the use of a husband;
If you don't have to get married to have children, the man will "go to the father and keep the son" if he can't do it in the future.
What is "Leaving the Father and Keeping the Son"?
That is to say, some women who have the financial strength, ability to raise children, and want to have children can choose to get pregnant but not get married.
This act of raising a child alone without the material support of the man is called "leaving the father and keeping the son".
If in the past "go to the father and keep the son" was just a slogan, the policy introduced by Sichuan this time provides a legal path to this idea.
"I can't count on you for anything, and even be dragged down, I might as well give birth to my own and raise myself, at least the child has my surname, and I don't have to listen to the accusations and verbosity of you and your family."
At first hearing, this kind of thinking and behavior may seem very deviant.
But the reason behind it is that it has really troubled and even shackled many women for many years.
Why are women now rather raising their own children than getting married?
"Widowed parenting" is probably one of the most important reasons.
"Widowed parenting" has actually been mentioned for many years, but the plight of women behind this term has not changed.
In 2022, Gu Yu-Tencent News has done research on the post-90s generation who became fathers.
The data shows that although young fathers recognize the value of female parenting, in practice, women are still entrusted with more childcare responsibilities.
In terms of childcare, from living care, learning and education, to entertainment and play, and sundries cleaning, the proportion of mothers is much higher than that of fathers and elders. Dad's contribution is almost always less than 20%.
Another interesting finding:
In a family with children, if the father's income accounts for more than 80% of the total family income, then the family's division of labor model is mostly "the father works outside the home, and the mother is in charge of the family".
Conversely, if the mother's income accounts for more than 80% of the total family income, the model of "outside the female lead, inside the male lead" rarely appears.
That is to say, no matter how much women earn outside, whether they earn millions a year or ordinary migrant workers, they have to take on more household chores when they return home.
For young fathers, even if they conceptually recognize the value of parenting, it is difficult to cede their own interests in reality.
It's ironic, but it's realistic.
To some extent, in marriage, men's profits will be more obvious, even if women's income and ability have now improved.
One reader @A told his story.
Whether it is widowed parenting or "go to the father and keep the son" parenting, she has experienced it all.
After having a child, she not only has to take on the responsibility of childcare alone, but also has to buy vegetables and cook for the family, and serve the food and living of her in-laws and husband.
Once the child cried in the middle of the night, and the husband was so noisy that he didn't sleep well, so he kept blaming her:
"Why can't you even bring a child."
I didn't think at all that my wife hadn't slept a whole night since she entered confinement.
Usually, when my husband leaves work, he lies on the sofa, plays with his mobile phone, and waits for dinner.
Once, when my mother-in-law came to the house, my husband picked up a mop and mopped the floor.
When the mother-in-law saw it, she immediately praised her son: there is life in her eyes, and she has a good education.
But I forgot that a few months ago, I was sick and hospitalized, and my daughter-in-law was greedy and dedicated to taking care of her in the morning.
But these did not win a good word from the mother-in-law, but were all picky:
"It's too late to deliver food, which makes you hungry."
Such accumulated grievances made her decisively propose divorce after her children turned 3 years old.
After that, she began to take care of the children alone.
"'Go to the father and keep the son' parenting, it is simply not too cool, much more comfortable than 'widowed parenting' in marriage."
At the very least, she doesn't have to worry about taking care of her children alone, but also accepting the pickiness and ridicule of her partner who doesn't help, and she doesn't have to take care of the life of a large family after a hard day of hard work.
Now, her mother is at home to help her pick up her children to school, and she usually has a nanny to take care of life, and she only needs to do two things:
Make good money and take good care of your son.
The quality of life has improved by more than one or two points compared to before.
@A story may explain:
Why do people prefer "father-to-son" parenting rather than "marital widowhood" parenting.
In marriage, if the partner does not share, it is inconsiderate and disrespectful.
Then for married women, whether it is childcare, housework or personal development, it is not a fair and friendly thing.
Being able to enjoy the intimacy of having children and avoiding the frivolity after marriage has become their greatest need.
As a result, the parenting method of "going to the father and keeping the son" came into being.
Ye Haiyang, a girl who "seeks a child with heavy money", has something to say about this.
Due to her neutral appearance, she has not been able to find a suitable partner.
But she still wants to have her own close relationship: having a child and starting a small family.
This made her hope to explore a new form of parenting:
There is no picky partner, no mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflicts, no endless housework, no life like a nanny... Only mother and daughter get along harmoniously and have a strong love for each other.
So, in 2017, Ye Haiyang went to the United States and selected sperm for himself.
Ten months later, she gave birth to a baby girl.
Healthy and lively, mixed race and beautiful.
In order for the child to have high-quality genes, Ye Haiyang specially chose male sperm who graduated from an Ivy League school in the United States.
And it is clearly required that donors should be "outgoing, cheerful and optimistic." ”
Everything looks dreamy, doesn't it?
But this complete set of fertility process, Ye Haiyang spent a total of 50W before and after.
It's not cheap.
It can be seen that an important prerequisite for realizing the freedom of "leaving the father and leaving the son" is: sufficient economic capital.
This is not something to emulate without thinking.
As an ordinary woman, even now the law has guaranteed the reproductive rights of single women.
However, the labor cost and money cost of childcare still far exceed the threshold that ordinary women can bear.
Okay, assuming that you now have enough money to support the matter of "leaving your husband and leaving children", you have to be prepared to accept the accusations of public opinion.
"Your thinking like this is also too selfish and not conducive to the growth of children."
Such arguments pervade every corner of reality and the Internet.
There is a single-parent parenting environment, or a troubled marriage, which has a greater impact on children.
Adults say it or not, children say it doesn't count.
A few days ago, 16-year-old Internet celebrity teenager Zhong Meimei choked up on the show.
He confessed that his parents' discordant marriage hurt him a lot, and his parents' divorce was what he had been looking forward to.
It is not single-parent families that cause harm to children, but fathers who "disappear" from parenting responsibilities and a discordant family environment.
To bring a child into life is not to give birth to him and it is over.
Survey data shows that children who grow up in a discordant family environment are more likely to be irritable and negative.
Get along with people, lack of initiative and self-confidence, and fall into interpersonal communication barriers.
Discordant family relationships and irresponsible guardians are the biggest culprits that bring harm to children.
Back to getting married.
The reason why more and more women feel that marriage is not a cost-effective thing.
Largely because they not only have to take on motherhood after marriage, but also risk losing the golden period of their careers.
Even if you return to the workplace, it is difficult to cope calmly under the pressure of work, childcare, and family care.
According to the logic of traditional men: I have earned money to support my family, why should I take on housework?
But the fact is that women in the new era also shoulder the responsibility of providing for their families, but they still cannot get rid of housework.
Traditional public opinion also believes that women are naturally suitable for housework.
Scold.
Whatever is born, it is just an acquired discipline.
Any long-lasting relationship in the world is balanced.
There are limits to how long one party can give to the other, or one party to the other.
When that patience is exhausted, it is the moment when the crack begins to expand rapidly.
This is one of the reasons for the high divorce rate today.
Data show that in all divorce proceedings, women file for divorce as high as 70%-80%.
That is, women are less satisfied with their marriage than men.
Have times changed?
Maybe, but I'm more inclined to be women who are starting to speak out.
At one time, women were dissatisfied with marriage and could only partner to live;
Later, women had jobs to support themselves, so they boldly chose to divorce;
Now, women find that their partners do not have substantial help, and may delay their legs, so they want to have children and begin to choose to "go to the father and keep the son".
Of course, we are not here to kill everyone with a stick, there are many men around me who can see the efforts of their wives in marriage, and are willing to shoulder the responsibility of taking care of their wives and educating children outside of work.
Even willing to be a full-time househusband to support all his wife's choices.
And these cases just prove positively:
In order to enjoy the rights of marriage, both spouses have corresponding obligations.
For men, it may be more necessary to raise awareness of the following:
First, respect the wife;
Respect your wife's efforts, not take them for granted.
Seeing the wife's labor, give affirmation and gratitude.
Home is a place where two people hold up together, not a battlefield where one person staggers.
second, sharing household chores;
For a certain period of time, women in marriage are supported by men, and housework is a work distribution for women, which is understandable.
But when women have the same earning power as men and support the family's financial expenses, it is inequality if housework is still a matter for women alone.
The wife is not a nanny for the family, but a partner who supports each other.
Seeing his wife busy, he took a hand;
On weekends, take the initiative to take on housework;
Such substantive actions are often worth a thousand words.
Whether the parenting method of "going to the father and keeping the son" is feasible is still room for discussion.
But I would like to see this more as another form of women's rebellion against "null marriage" and "widowed parenting."
I am very happy to see more and more women, starting to pay attention to their hearts, beginning to re-examine their marriages, and gradually knowing what kind of life they want.
I am also very happy, more and more men, also began to examine themselves, began to pay attention to their wives' every move, and began to leave their own marks on the road of children's growth.
The word marriage is actually very empty, it requires both husband and wife to work together, with one detail after another, a trace of emotion to enrich.
I hope that everyone who reads this article can follow their inner choices and live the best life.
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