As soon as class started, Teacher Xiaomei walked into the office angrily and complained to her colleagues: "It's too much, when I checked my homework in the morning, more than a dozen students didn't finish it!" Just reminded yesterday! ”
"Today's students have to be urged by teachers to write homework."
"Parents too, don't they understand that they should take time out every day to pay attention to their children's learning?"
For a while, colleagues complained. It seems that there are as many unreliable parents as there are children who do not understand things.
In the past, I would definitely join this "spit conference", and then one morning would flash through the complaints, and then I would use the next time to doubt my teaching and management skills.
But after reading the book "A Guide to Eliminating Cranky Thoughts", I only smiled in my heart and picked up the "eraser" to gently erase these thoughts.
The author of The Cranky Elimination Guide is Australian clinical psychologist Sarah Edelman.
The book's introduction to cognitive behavioral therapy is easy-to-understand and covers several types of negative emotions that can be found everywhere in daily life. For each emotional problem, the author provides very practical solutions and exercises to help us dig out the wrong ideas behind emotions, reverse feelings with thinking and action, and stay away from unhealthy ways of thinking. The famous psychologist Li Songwei highly recommended it, he believes that this is the most suitable book for the public to read.
Indeed, crankiness is my norm, so as soon as I saw this book, the title tightly tugged me down: it turns out that someone specializes in crankiness, it turns out that cranky thinking can be cleared! Think about it, wouldn't it be beautiful if a large pile of messy thinking garbage in the brain could be erased with a elimination pen, and a clean, refreshing brain of your own?
I couldn't wait to open the book and was amazed by the examples listed in the book. Did the author dive into my brain? My unknown thoughts in the past, present, day and night have been captured? Yes, it's amazing, the examples in the book must have your shadow, they are all too familiar, they are hidden in the corners of daily life.
One of Rochelle's colleagues rarely greeted her in the office, which upset her. It never occurred to him that this colleague had severe social anxiety, and he did so out of timidity, not dissatisfaction with Rochelle.
"Stella was mad when two beautiful orchids she had planted in her garden not long ago were stolen and poached.
Modi often can't decide what to order, and whatever he orders, he will always regret it in the end. Halfway through, he would think, 'I should order fish instead of steak.' ’”
……
How about it, are you like them, always cranky, spending a lot of energy and time, making yourself depressed, but helpless, that feeling is terrible.
In fact, the reason why these examples are so common is because we are likely to encounter similar problems in life, and some people will laugh at them and come out early. And some people will fall into endless rumination, from anger and anxiety at the beginning, to self-attack, pain, depression...
What to do? How to eliminate crankiness? The book starts from common situations, such as frustration, anger, anxiety, depression, difficulty in communication, low self-esteem, etc., and proposes effective methods through cognitive therapy, you can completely solve the problem according to your own situation.
I read the book and summed up a minimalist elimination method for myself - do it, that's it.
The first step to "do" is writing.
Write down the reason, process, and process of your crankiness. Then sort out what you have written and refute it one by one.
Why is the first step in "doing" emphasized writing down what you think? Because when one thought after another hovers in his head, he is disorganized and at the same time infinitely looping, and they may collide with one more powerful idea after another. This is where the cranky mode begins. Write them down, in addition to moving the thoughts out of your brain, you can also sort them out, and you will find that your thinking is only regurgitating these few points.
With relatively clear thinking points, it is much easier to refute wrong ideas. You can just follow the several wrong thinking listed in the book and learn to refute it. For example, "generalizing with partiality", "making negative conclusions", "labeling", "worrying about the sky" and so on. From this point of view, we can use this book as a mental health tool and consult it when needed.
There are many particularly practical key sentences in the book, and reading them can eliminate many false ideas.
"Annoyance is unavoidable in life, and it's normal to experience setbacks in life.
"From now on, it might have been better to do it another way, but I didn't know at the time, I was only able to make decisions based on limited information.
"It's not realistic to expect everyone to do things to my standards.
"Everyone makes mistakes, and so do I.
"My anger has no effect on the other party, only me."
……
Many of your misconceptions, through the above "refutation", can easily be changed, thus effectively stopping your own crankiness.
Like Xiaomei, when she realizes that she is going to start thinking cranky again, she can take out a pen and paper and write it down: if students do not hand in their homework in time, parents should pay attention to it and play a role in supervision. However, I didn't seem to have the ability to get all the students and parents to do this, and I failed.
Next, there is the "rebuttal" session. Oh, this falls under the "due abuse" mentioned in the book, and while I hope that every parent, every student, will value learning, it is obviously impossible. There are always a few parents and students who are unreliable, "I can't ask everyone to do it according to my standards." This key sentence from the book can be used here.
The second step of "doing" is action.
Once you understand the crux of the matter, the next step is to list practical positive actions and then work hard to implement them.
Just like Teacher Xiaomei, stop complaining, and then start to make a list of actions, and then actively put it into action. She can communicate with students and understand why they don't turn in their assignments in time; You can also communicate with parents to remind you to pay more attention to your child's learning during this time; You can also ask the team leader to help supervise the replacement. If the homework is too difficult, you can consider layering the homework...
I remember once, I called an old classmate who was a middle-level leader in the school, ready to consult her about further education. However, after calling twice, the phone was not answered, and the WeChat message was not replied. At first, I can still take comfort in the fact that school has just started recently, and there are many things going on in school. Slowly, the voice in my head changed channel: "Did she delete my contact information?" "Did you offend her?" "When I became a leader, I guess I didn't want to pay attention to me."
As a result, two days later, she called and said that she was really too busy during the day, and when she remembered it at night, she found that calling too late would disturb my rest, so she waited until now to reply. And I, these two days, my mind is full of useless thoughts, lingering.
After reading this book, your reaction can be completely changed, and you can easily realize that you are thinking cranky at the moment, which was not so easy to do before. Then press the pause button and tell yourself to actively "do". Either wait and wait, or contact her again to find out the situation. No matter how you do it, what the result is, it's better than cranky.
The Guide to Eliminating Cranky Thoughts uses a large number of life examples to tell us that whether it is writing or positive action, we can save us from the quagmire of crankiness. After reading it, you can really feel the change in mindset, which makes life much simpler and easier.