If parents around the world were given a prize in investing time, energy and financial resources in their children's education, Chinese parents would definitely stand on the podium; Even the top podium.
As a parent, the biggest wish is that the child can live this life happily, and if he can succeed in his career and excel, it is a blessing in life.
But what is the main cause of a person's happiness, and what kind of people can live happily?
Harvard University spent 75 years tracking the lives of 724 people from diverse backgrounds. From their teenage years to their 90s, what are the factors that can most affect a person's happiness?
The conclusion is that what runs through people's happiness throughout their lives is not money and fame, but good interpersonal relationships.
The Monkey King in Journey to the West is a typical representative of this kind of person, and he became a brother with the Bull Demon King and others when he was in Huaguo Mountain. I went to the heavenly court, made friends every day, and looked for wine everywhere to drink.
Interpersonal relationships go far beyond relatives, friends, colleagues, teachers and students, superiors and subordinates. Children who grow up to live happily often have these two characteristics.
First, handle the relationship around you
As the most socialized social animal on earth, human beings naturally need to be recognized and accepted by society, and instinctively want to be close to others.
As soon as people are born, they are preparing for integration into the group. Learn to speak, imitate the language and movements of adults and surrounding children, and be eager to participate in what others are doing or playing.
But unfortunately, many people grow up and choose to be alone and avoid socializing. Now the so-called "otaku otaku woman" is a typical representative of this type of person, why is there such a big contrast between adulthood and childhood?
In relationships, when feeling threatened, the human brain instinctively chooses to fight or flight.
The contemptuous eyes shown by the other party, the slight frown of disapproval, and the negative words may all feel threatening. In order to avoid this feeling, people chose to "run away", so they went to solitude and became otaku and otaku women. For most people, loneliness is harmful to health.
Studies have found that people who feel lonely for a long time are more susceptible to diseases and have difficulty living long. The idiom ends melancholy, and it is this phenomenon that speaks of this phenomenon.
Except for a small number of congenital autistic people and high-sensitivity groups, most children close themselves off, mainly from blame.
Long-term repeated blame, non-recognition and denial, and even change the structure of the child's brain, and finally mild negative information can also cause the child to be extra sensitive.
When criticized, children choose to talk back and not speak to escape and block themselves.
It is not that the child cannot be blamed for doing something wrong. Instead, let's talk about things on their own merits, not attack the child's personality and completely deny him as a person. This is a common disease of many parents, which also creates many of the same children.
For example, "Today's ancient poems are not memorized on time, I hope you can recite ancient poems on time." Do not expand, or even make general personal attacks: "You are always like this, not at all conscious, what is the use when you grow up?" ”
The result of overly general and expanded blame is as disastrous as the result of the expansion of the struggle, and can lead to an overreaction.
What determines a person's happiness is not the quantity of relationships, but the quality.
Modern people often ridicule: the ancients were less than a thousand glasses of wine and confidants, and modern people were less than a thousand glasses of wine! The kind of social interaction that is full of acquaintances and has more than 100 confidants is actually an ineffective social interaction. In the period of high mountains and flowing waters, such exchanges are of high quality.
Will the child make a "fox friend" or a mentor in the future? Just look at his state when he was 4-6 years old. This is a "sensitive period of interpersonal relationships". The way of making friends at this stage will lay the foundation for children to make friends in the future.
When children are 4 or 5 years old, they choose friends because of the same interests. It will also show a state of "control" and "being controlled" - if you don't listen to me, I won't play with you.
Because being controlled is actually uncomfortable, in order to get rid of "being controlled", 5- and 6-year-olds will establish rules to govern the games they play together.
Before the child is 6 years old, when encountering friendship problems, let him find and solve problems by himself. In this way, when you make friends in the future, you will find your true friends and know how to maintain a good intimate relationship.
Second, the ability to maintain a happy marriage
Those who are satisfied with their marriages by the time they reach middle age are healthier and feel happier by the age of 80-90.
On the contrary, people with unhappy marriages will experience more physical discomfort in their later years, because bad emotions amplify the physical pain.
Whether a person can establish good intimacy in his marriage is largely influenced by his attachment relationship with his parents.
If the child has a sense of security from an early age, knows that his parents are his safe harbor, and can accept and tolerate him. When you grow up, you will have greater psychological resilience and stronger resilience to deal with emotional problems.
On the contrary, the child's relationship with his parents is not harmonious, and he cannot be responded to and reassured by his parents, so it will be difficult to deal with various intimate relationship problems when he grows up.
postscript
People and relationships, like trees and forests, water drops and oceans. No matter how tall a tree is, it is called a single tree without the forest! Not to mention the water droplets, leaving the rivers and lakes, the water droplets will soon disappear.
Good interpersonal relationships are like Sun Wukong, and any immortal is his friend; All the demons are his neighbors. There are many people who are willing to help when he is in trouble, and he is a "great saint" in one mouthful. Monkey King is arguably the biggest winner in "Journey to the West".
Similarly, Song Gongming in "Water Margin", he himself is Timely Rain, who has helped him, which is not his Timely Rain? Therefore, only he can command the brothers of Liangshan.
A person who can make himself comfortable in interpersonal relationships and get help and love from others in time is the happiest in his life!