Let's just say that the recent plot of Xinya CP is really eight times faster.
At the end of November last year, the sudden official announcement of the breakup without warning. The uncharacteristic all-black shape in the middle appeared, and was ridiculed by netizens that "the breakup Xinya finally became Jin Xiaozhong".
As a result, it has only been two months, and yesterday NEWS1 revealed that Xinya and Jin Xiaozhong had reconciled.
And it is rumored that after this reconciliation, the two are even more inseparable, and domestic and foreign trips must be participated in together, as if returning to the period of love.
Netizens ridiculed that real couples are like this, "the total score of the lover is combined", but the next time a small fight does not need to be reported by the whole network.
But in the end, the occasional contradictions and quarrels between little couples are all a process of establishing intimate relationships and running in each other.
After all, this pair has been talking about it for 7 years, and I don't know how many times it has been divided and merged when it is not disclosed. Cold and warm self-knowledge, outsiders sometimes difficult to evaluate.
But before Xinya talked about Jin Xiaozhong's handling of the two when they quarreled in an interview, many netizens commented that Jin Xiaozhong was not only "neurotic", but also very indifferent.
Xinya bluntly said that when the two quarreled, no matter what kind of anger she was, grievances and tears or angry to beat the bed, Jin Xiaozhong would only look at her with wide eyes.
Some netizens even said that Jin Xiaozhong's kind of cold violence, no words and no communication, in intimate relationships is the deadliest.
That is to say, in dealing with intimate relationships, most of our experiences seem to be "savage growth" and "see what imitates", not to say that there is something wrong but often "getting worse and worse".
Especially contemporary netizens, almost deal with intimate relationships to the point of headache.
Hello me with my parents on the Internet, but when Zhen returns home and gets along, he will quarrel with his parents in a few days, and he will be disliked after not staying for a few days...
Not to mention the boyfriend, it belongs to the quarrel and divide, regret it and resolutely do not look back...
Intimate relationship handling is also a technical job, not everyone is good at it.
If you do it well, it is as sweet as ever, and if you don't do it, it is a shot and two scattered...
So, today adults will come to talk to Da Ka, how to do a good intimate relationship, not only parents are happy, the object is happy, and they can also be comfortable!
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What is intimacy?
When it comes to intimacy, everyone's first reaction may be love.
But in fact, intimate relationships can also be friendship, family affection, and pet love. More broadly, it can even be an affection with non-living things.
It's like your love of reading, your love of painting, musical instruments, sports, travel... Anything that makes you indulge in it and feel self-worth.
The advantage of maintaining intimacy with non-human things is that you know in advance that it is not human, and nothing else is necessary.
Our lives need love, but it doesn't have to be love.
Intimate relationships are pursued in order to gain a sense of belonging and self-identification. It's enough that we feel safe in the relationship and affirm that we are important.
It's like I have a friend who loves his dog because he thinks his dog takes him very seriously.
They have a very stable and intimate relationship.
What good is it for us to have an intimate relationship?
The benefits are many – the ability to gain happiness, self-identification, love ... But the biggest effect is escape.
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What does intimacy bring?
Adults escape and fight and flee.
5 minutes late to return to the boss news, that is a stage victory.
But a brief escape can make the exhaustion accumulate, and we need a more solid refuge.
I don't know if you have seen a previous piece of news. At night in the Nanjing subway station, a man in a suit was drunk and fell to the ground regardless of the image.
The police came forward to inquire and learned that the man was a salesman, and in order to be able to sign the order, he drank a lot of alcohol with the customer that night.
The man was drunk and said,
"I told my wife that her wife would come and pick me up. Sorry to bother you. The words were still in a whispered nasal tone.
A few minutes later, the man's wife arrived, thanked the police, and walked next to the man.
The man yelled, "Baby? ”
The wife answered.
The man suddenly stretched out his two arms, hugged his wife, and said while crying: "I'm sorry... I feel like I... It didn't work. ”
……
When living space begins to compress, the sky and earth press against you together, tobacco and alcohol cannot relieve the trembling, intimacy is the only refuge.
Xu Wei, do you know each other?
The singer who sang "I once dreamed of walking the world with a sword and seeing the prosperity of the world".
In 2000, I had severe depression, woke up from bed every day, and had 10,000 thoughts about suicide.
He relied on ten thousand and one thoughts, saying, I want to live.
Music is his healing.
After the situation improved, Xu Wei said, "Just listen to the song, the answer is in the song." ”
Why do we classify hobbies as intimacy as well.
Because people can vent their emotions in their hobbies, it's like talking to friends, it's nothing more than this time talking to themselves.
Hobbies, as things we are good at, often give us positive feedback. Just as poets write poetry when they are degraded, and writing poetry makes them famous all over the world.
This can mention another benefit of intimacy.
Intimacy makes us better.
Dumas wrote in La Traviata: "True love always keeps one upward".
This reminds adults of a playful psychological common sense, "When we like people who have certain traits, we pretend that we have that trait." ”
If you like a confident person, then you will pretend to be confident. This self-confidence can also affect you unknowingly.
So, a good intimate relationship makes us better.
The thought of working hard for others is always more likely to arouse self-touching and thus generate endless motivation.
In the same way, if an intimate relationship makes you feel threatened, find a way to escape.
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How to maintain intimacy?
Intimate relationships here refer specifically to relationships with people. After all, "others" is the world's number one problem.
# Change inertial denial
At the beginning of an intimate relationship, we are used to agreeing with each other, and this sense of identification can make the relationship grow by leaps and bounds (so, learn to).
However, when the relationship is stable, we are more accustomed to denial.
No matter what the other person says, the first thing we say is often "no" or "no". Think about it, is this way of communicating similar to you and your parents.
Mom and Dad are always worried that you will be deceived, and the starting point is concern and worry, but you rarely listen to it.
Try to express it in a different way, first to agree, and then to ask questions or concerns. Advancing with retreat, there is no disadvantage.
# Look the other person in the eye when there is a dispute
Have you ever had a fight in the car? Especially when both parties are seated in the main and co-pilot seats.
Psychology points out that it is easier to argue in the car because we are squinting at each other.
In the brain's cognition, strabismus represents a threat.
As a visual animal, the sight of both parties will have an impact on the communication result when communicating.
So if you encounter problems in an intimate relationship, don't argue on the phone, don't write a small essay on WeChat, and don't send a circle of friends, go to meet him.
Face to face, look into each other's eyes and make the problem clear.
Another point is that avoiding controversy and cold violence will not solve the problem. Feelings can withstand hundreds of quarrels, but they can't bear the lack of security a few times.
# Body touch
Physical contact with close people can effectively relieve stress. The reason is that skin affinity awakens the secretion of oxytocin, which makes us feel safe and loved.
There are many ways to touch, stroke each other's hair, hold hands, put on shoulders, pat the back... Sometimes body language is better than the mouth.
A suggestion for you, 8 seconds of hugging can make oxytocin secretion better, and remember to count the heartbeat the next time you hug.
# Same frequency
The concept of the same frequency is very broad, to give the simplest example, laugh.
When students watch variety shows and see funny plots, will they open the barrage and laugh again with the full screen of "hahahaha"?
Laughing at the same content or event increases trust between each other. When we laugh in the crowd, we look at our closest people for the first time, and we are also seeking this recognition.
Many intimate relationships start at the same frequency, but it is difficult to guarantee that someone will change the platform.
Two people need to maintain a dynamic co-frequency at all times.
Caring for each other, asking each other, and maintaining interest in each other is the basis of the same frequency.
Another particularly useful method is sharing.
Share things that make you have mood swings and let the other person perceive your emotional state.
This kind of sharing is very casual, it may be a certain TikTok, it may be "a certain cup of milk tea is delicious, next time together".
Share your morning, his dusk, the puppy basking in the sun on the side of the road, the flowers that bloom in the corner, the melons you recently eaten. Also, this article... (an express indication)
In intimate relationships, we often have a misconception about treating a changed person with an inherent view.
You always think you know the other person well enough and stop being interested, but that's where the deviation begins.
In intimacy, you can feel loved and free. If you feel like you don't, you'll find it, and it will be a reason for you to love life again.
However, intimacy can be encountered but not sought, and some people are destined to become friends only for a certain part of our lives.
It may be that returning to oneself, finding self-worth, and balancing the fate of having to work is the ultimate task in life.