A middle-aged woman who is pursued by the opposite sex in various ways, why?

*Title source: Question 2 of this issue of Micro-Q&A

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Question 1

Keyword: mate selection 

Dear baby sister and assistant hello ~ I don't know much about the first question, if there is any presumptuous place, please understand, if I can get the guidance and advice of the baby sister, it is really my honor! 

I am 02, 164/100, independent, currently in the first-tier city on the ordinary two, an ordinary family in a fourth-tier city in Jiangsu and Zhejiang. (The first two are plain without p, and the last two have beauty and makeup) The mother should be cloth, with strong control, emotional black holes and other characteristics. Father should be stone.

When I was a child, my personality was quite different from what I am now, and I used to have a strong desire to win and lose, but now I feel more willing to hide in the crowd and be at ease with the situation. I'm not sure about the specific properties. 

My question is:

1. My parents want me to find a stable system job, I also have this idea, but my mother's strong desire to control makes me always want to escape, but civil service should be a better test for my family, do you think I should take a system closer to home or stay in the first-tier city where I go to university?

2. I feel that I am not very clear about my own MV and choice, I want to ask you, what do you think should be the boy who matches me?

Thank you Sister Doll and the assistant for reading my questions, whether you answer them or not, I hope you are happy every day!

answer

You are the best-looking subject in this issue, you look pure and beautiful, even if you shoot casually without makeup, you have the face of a small sweet potato blogger. The two with makeup are even better, and I believe which actress or new flower.

With a look like yours, staying in a first-tier city to work in a university is more suitable for you. You are so young, the golden mate selection period has just begun, and the most suitable path for you is to go on a blind date early. Now blind date, young and with such a face, it is a dimensionality reduction blow to the girls in the blind date market, and you can easily find high-quality men in the blind date market. Although you are not sure what your head-to-body ratio is and what your personality is, if your face is really like this in a long photo, it has already won a lot.

You go to any offline store to register for a blind date, and the clerk will frantically grab you when they see your conditions, and let you go on blind dates for free many times to provide them with paid membership. You can try your luck with 50 of them and pick a better one.

A 21-year-old girl, she still looks so beautiful, the future is promising, I am especially optimistic about you.

Question 2

(Source of the title of this issue)

Keywords: female anchor 

The doll goddess is good, and I hope that I am lucky to be drawn in marriage confusion 

I am 83,159,49kg,C, undergraduate, original institution, now light medical beauty 1-5w/month 

Husband 84,178,86kg, high school veteran, contractor 1.5W/month 

Married for fourteen years, with two sons, good looks climbing husband, now he tans and becomes fat, I did anti-aging, go out together, people say that he eats tender grass, when in love, willing to pay a down payment, write my name, consider letting him feel at ease to get a certificate to write the two

While going to work, he accompanied him to start a business, contributed money and efforts, and completely lost 900,000 yuan in debt in 18 years, and my husband felt guilty and said that it dragged me down

In 14 years, he almost divorced after meeting his sister to drink and found out, I took a long time to come out, may be better for me based on these two points, cooking is reluctant to let me do heavy work, over the years to make money in filling all kinds of pits even phone bills and gas bills are often helped, sometimes complaining

During the love period, the anchor was transferred, received a variety of brush pursuits, two have been pursuing never met but chatted and sent private M photos to each other, was discovered by the husband, want to divorce and admit the mistake after saying give a chance, then there is an unbroken association chat will say like me, the day before yesterday chat sent a photo of drinking, the husband found out that I have no love for me in the future, only responsibility, let me find a good next home to find him divorce at any time, he also answers the phone now, but the attitude is cold, I don't want to divorce, the doll goddess, do we still have salvation? What to do next to redeem it

answer

Originally, I saw you as an anchor, and I mistakenly thought that you were at least good-looking. Looking down at the photo, I was honestly a little shocked, but I understood it instantly. With your conditions, you can't be an anchor who eats by your face at all, and you can't stick to the side, you can only rely on the edge ball to maintain relationships with other men, no wonder what happens later.

If this is the case, the money you earn is at the cost of your derailment, damage to the interests of your husband, marriage and the interests of future generations, not only losses, but also big losses.

You have seriously misjudged your right to choose, you believe that men are sincere in their fawning over you, you think they are worthy of the pursuit of strange men, and what is more frightening is that you think they have a long-term choice for you. For people like you, it is normal for others to be dizzy when they give a little favor, disrespect their husbands, have no reverence for marriage, and be kicked out anytime and anywhere.

The nature of cheating between men and women is not the same, women cheating equals men not supporting the family, men cheating equals women not supporting the family, I said this in detail in Zhixing.

If you're still young, you might be able to figure out how to stay in the marriage at what cost. But you are now middle-aged, you look average, you don't understand, you have to be a demon, and your husband can only treat you "without love but responsibility". It's better that you are responsible for each other, anyway, you may not be able to get married in a short time, after all, you still have two sons.

But since you violated your wife's obligations first, don't be surprised what your husband will do in the future. If you change your mind and behave well for five or eight years, maybe there will be a chance to ease the relationship later, it all depends on which path you want to go.

Old fans advanced

Question 3

Keyword: divorce 

Hello doll, I have been following you for many years and have been learning from you and improving myself. But I still feel entangled in my failed marriage.

I am 160 tall 160 and weigh 110, my monthly income is 10,000+, my husband is 168 tall and weighs 108. Freelancing, earning less than me, and being in debt.

I pay for most of the living expenses of my children at home, and I basically worry about big and small things at home. Before marriage, I was deceived by his good performance and ability to speak, and since confinement after marriage, I have thought about divorce, thinking that he does not care about his family, has poor living habits, has a bad temper, does not return home at night when playing cards outside, and is lazy and undisciplined.

Recently, I slept until noon every day, played games until the early hours of the morning, and took my children to play games and eat junk food. We have been arguing for many years and have long been tired of arguing. He will forget after arguing and will not take revenge, but I am very pained and feel that the two are seriously incompatible.

Because I couldn't see hope for him, I became more and more enterprising, working step by step, and thinking about spending most of my time on self-improvement, just like my husband.

The only thing that can be comforted now is that his parents have helped me bring up children for many years, so that my divorce will be very difficult, after all, my parents are weak and sick, and I can't bear to make them more tired.

I am entangled in not knowing whether I am divorced or not, I know that my emotional intelligence is not enough, I will not be sweet to coax people, more with actions to pay, afraid that I am divorced and it is difficult to raise children alone in this city, but I am not willing to die for feelings for a lifetime.

If I don't get divorced, how can I adjust my mentality to face him and better manage my marriage.

I hope the doll team will guide me. Thank you very much!

answer

You said that "before marriage, I was deceived by his good performance and ability to speak well." Good at performance, in fact, he is bright in all aspects and is good at you, which is obviously much better than your other suitors; And being able to speak well is to always provide you with emotional value and make you happy.

Before marriage, you were attracted to each other's sexual cuts, and after marriage, you accused the other party of not cutting sex ("Regardless of home... Playing cards outside at night does not return, good food laziness and self-discipline. Recently, I slept until noon every day and played games until the wee hours of the morning"), that is, you only want the benefits of the other party's shearing, and you don't want to bear the disadvantages of shearing, how can there be such a good thing?

Judging from the photos you sent, you have a male appearance and full of cloth, if it were not for the slightly curly medium-long hair, it would not be contrary to say that the photo is a boy. Look at your question, in just a few hundred words, you complained, negative energy burst, either accusing the other party, or feeling sorry for your own difficulty, the screen seems to be capitalized "I am so cold".

Whether it is from the photos or from the questions, you can feel that you are the kind of girl who has a bad temper, high self-esteem and a heavy sense of trust, so it is not surprising that you received a series of bad treatment in marriage.

And what you said about your husband's "bad temper" should be the result of colliding with you, because you are really difficult to get along with, so even he can't communicate with you well.

You know, generally this kind of person with a strong shear temper is relatively good, if he really has a bad temper, how can he "forget after arguing, will not take revenge"; If he really has a bad temper, how can he be with you for so long?

The good of male scissors is also to be experienced by a good piece of cloth, if you only have the poor side of the female cloth, then you only deserve the side of the poor male cut, right?

Then again, is your husband really worthless?

You also said that "his parents helped me bring children for many years", have you ever thought that such a good in-law was not brought by your scissor husband. The second elder may be looking at his son's male competition, not enough to become a tool, has been bothering to help you bring up the baby, so that you are free from worries, on the one hand, you can have the time and energy to compete, to achieve the so-called "work step by step", on the other hand, it is also hoped that through their efforts, let your little two live a good life.

If you don't have your in-laws, where else can you have any career, how can your frail and sick parents rest, and how can their bodies be eaten?

Although your husband does not care about the family and does not care about children, but your in-laws have paid for many years, how many women have to fight for their careers while bringing their own babies, you are already quite lucky.

You ask, "I don't know if I'm divorced or not," and all I can say is that if you act rashly, you will only make yourself worse. In your current state, in addition to coveting emotional value, you also expect the other party to entrust you and give you a personal vote.

Once divorced, you are likely to encounter pig killing plates, and the savings you have accumulated for many years will be cheated out; Or meet a boy who meets your expectations on the surface, but there are likely to be ills behind him that you don't know, such as carrying huge debts, being listed as a dishonest executor, such as having several illegitimate children, and so on. So, regarding divorce, I hope you think twice.

In addition, you ask, "If I don't divorce, how can I adjust my mentality to face him and better manage the marriage?" ”

First of all, you need to completely and drastically reduce your spirit. Your monthly income is only 1W+, and you haven't even touched the threshold of Xiongjing, but you still claim that you are "enterprising, working step by step, and thinking of putting most of your time on self-improvement, just like not having a husband". How many baby fans with a monthly income of more than zero than you have not said that they have a career, you will blow up. With your unashamed attitude, it is not enough to say that you have a very high self-esteem, it is simply a high self-esteem.

Therefore, a girl like you who has a bad temper and is not easy to get along with, and her heart is still particularly high, it is not easy to enter the marriage and stay in the marriage, and in your old age, you can have a companion to accompany each other, so as not to die alone, which is enough for you to cherish and be grateful. Getting along with your husband with such a mindset will help you manage your marriage better.

Secondly, if you want to ease the relationship with your husband and have the possibility of improvement, then what you have to do is to stop expecting your husband's male competition, do not expect him to be closer to the child, at the same time, you really work hard to compete, if your income can be increased tenfold, and generously take out to share with your husband, then your relationship will be better and better, and you can live the life you expect to be coaxed and surrounded by.

What you must know is that all the problems you are encountering now are brought about by your lack of ability, the MV is not enough, and the male competition is not enough, so only your husband, a scissor man in a rotten state, can stay by your side, and your ideal boy who is motivated and self-disciplined and can also provide you with emotional value cannot get along with you. Wake up.

Question 4

Keywords: Stone Scissor Man 

Hello dear doll fairy~ I have been following you for five or six years, with your help, I met my own male god, this relationship is not easy to come by, and I am also in careful maintenance, hoping to have our small home as soon as possible. The information of both parties is attached to the picture ~ 

The male god said that he had talked about his high-pu girlfriend, and was broken up by the green queen, I am very distressed and cherish the present. The male god conditions are very good, I feel high, last year his birthday, I personally prepared and decorated 28 birthday gifts, he was very moved, but the birthday party played late, did not have time to send pyq.

The male god has a stable personality, never gets angry with me, and we quarrel less; The male god was thrifty to himself and generous to me, and gave a gift of 3,000 yuan for his birthday. Take care of me very much, and I also take the opportunity to be a little girlfriend.

During a brief long-distance trip last year, he and a WeChat friend (a girl in her 30s) said that he was single and played werewolf killing with them. He lied to me that he was with male friends. The male god is worried that he will always be shrouded in shadows and cannot be trusted, so he breaks up. I was worried that I didn't have a high choice, had a rare relationship, and was unwilling to break up. After reconciling, we worked hard to restore our relationship, and PYQ also took many public group photos.

I continued to lower the PU, quarreled in recent months and never mentioned the old things, the current two parties trust, do not check the mobile phone~ Guess the male god is a scissors. He loves music and has played in bands many times. I like to wear life and the 50w car his father bought for him. Hard Doll Fairy Look, if I want to continue to promote this relationship, what should I do?