Text/Lan's mother talks about parenting
If a family loses its harmony, then the family will definitely become chaotic, and education will lose its majesty and effectiveness
After the Chinese New Year's Eve, it is the New Year celebration, relatives gather and enjoy each other, and everyone will bring their children to bring rich gifts and say auspicious words to ring the New Year's wishes of relatives
And on this special day of a busy year, just to go home and reunite, family and friends get together mostly to nag
Among them, families with children, that is simply two and a half of the three sentences are children
In this beautiful, festive, and blessed day, it is understandable to talk to the family about the children they care about the most, but it is understandable that the Spring Festival takes the children to visit relatives for the New Year, and they must also manage their "mouths", and some words will become a heart-breaking knife, so that the parent-child relationship is damaged and not easy to repair
In the past few days, I interviewed some friends around me, and then summarized some words that are easy to hurt the feelings of parents and children based on the experience of visiting relatives during the Spring Festival in the past
01
Urge children to say hello to relatives
"You kid, hurry up and shout."
Taking children to relatives to pay New Year's greetings during the New Year has become the first sentence of many families with children after meeting
We all hope that our children will know how to shout when they meet and hope that they will say a basket of auspicious words, but behind every self-cooked child is not innate, it is indispensable to an optimistic environment and the infection of the social atmosphere
Montessori Education has proposed that before the age of 6, children are in a stage of social sensitivity, and what kind of family environment and etiquette atmosphere will eventually make children form what kind of etiquette and conduct
A mother took her 4-year-old daughter back to her mother's house for the first time to pay New Year's greetings, and the first thing she said at the door was "Hurry up and call people, they are grandma, grandpa,"
The first time she saw a strange grandmother and grandfather, the little girl's eyes were full of strangeness and panic, and she did not dare to get close, let alone shout grandma and grandpa
Just when everyone felt particularly embarrassed, the girl cowered and came to her mother and said, "Mom, who are grandma and grandpa?"
The mother gently told her daughter: "Baby, they are the ones who give birth to the mother, and they are also the father and mother of the mother"
After the girl heard this, she changed her previous strangeness, and immediately stepped forward to hug her grandmother and grandfather, and said cutely with a small mouth: "It turns out that you are the grandmother and grandpa that my mother often says, I finally see you"...
In fact, children are so simple, even with ignorance, parents do not introduce the object of greeting, children know what kind of emotions to show?
And about the matter of greeting the New Year during the New Year, instead of urging children to shout, it is better to do 2 things:
First, parents first introduce the relationship clearly, for example, this is the mother's father and mother (you call grandma, grandpa), this is the mother's brothers and sisters (you call uncle and aunt), these relationships whether the child can understand it or not, but it is to give them familiarity and the reception stage of brain signals
Second, parents do a good job of saying hello, or take the mother's parents, brothers and sisters as examples, when the mother calls out these names, the child will know how these people should be called, which is the effect of parents leading by example
Etiquette is a virtue, but also a habit, no matter at any time parents must first set an example, than urging children, parenting first parenting their own moral and spiritual infection is more educational
02
Trampling on the dignity of children in public
Visiting relatives during the New Year, everyone gathers together to nag, but don't say something unpleasant
Some parents are used to working hard at home, and always need a time and place to vent to drive away the unpleasantness
Venting is the self-repair of our emotions, but we must pay attention to the way we vent and speak, especially when and where we are
In 08, my mother took me to my aunt's house to pay New Year's greetings, and the sixth day of the first lunar month sounded like a good day, but my aunt's non-stop "mouth" also successfully drove everyone's good mood away
That day, my mother and I had just arrived at the door of my aunt's house with heavy gifts, and through the door I heard a complaint from my old mother: "You are one by one, too lazy to be like a pig, what sins did I do in my last life, I will serve your family endlessly in this life."
When I arrived at my aunt's house, I did see the mess in the house, and my aunt awkwardly explained that "they drank too late yesterday, got up late in the morning, and didn't clean up."
The old mother didn't say a word at that time, so she followed her aunt to clean up the garbage and clean up, while busy, she also listened to her aunt's various complaints, scolded her cousin for not studying well, and scolded her uncle for being too lazy to clean up the house
In that way, within 10 minutes, my uncle left on the pretext of something, and my cousin went out to play with his classmates
On the way home that day, my mother received an apology message from my uncle, who turned out that my uncle really couldn't stand my aunt's "poisonous mouth", and was afraid that if I stayed longer, the husband and wife would quarrel and embarrass everyone
And in my impression, my aunt seems to have always been a grumpy personality that likes to nag, not only complaining at her husband's house, but also crying when she returns to her mother's house, and she will not save face for her husband and son in front of relatives and friends, and her words full of disparagement are like commonplace
With this comparison, I am especially lucky to have a reasonable mother, who every time she asks to work, she will say "Please help me get xx, can you", "You can... Is it"? This kind of inquiry and demand made me feel great respect
In fact, the relationship between parents and children should be like this, at all times to save face for the people you love the most, and not to trample their dignity under your feet
03
Expose the child short in front of relatives
Chinese New Year's Eve's footsteps are approaching, and the sense of "taste of the year" in these days is slowly coming
Yesterday, I met my aunt on the way to do New Year goods, and she told me, "Don't call a car, your cousin bought a new car this year, and he will pick us up immediately."
As he spoke, his cousin arrived in his new car
However, during the New Year goods, the roads and paths looked crowded, and coupled with the reason for my cousin's novice, I tossed back and forth several times without successfully turning around
At this time, several passers-by began to talk about it, and the aunt also ignored her cousin's face, and said in public, "Just your two technologies, I'm embarrassed to look at them."
The cousin was enraged at that time, stopped, pulled the handbrake, yelled for the aunt who did not have a driver's license to drive, and was speechless by the aunt had to ask for help from a passer-by, only to successfully drive the car out of the heavy surrounding
Later, the passerby's aunt who went home also nagged vigorously, either driving fast, or the brakes were slammed, and when she encountered a collision feeling in a pit, she would also complain that her cousin "didn't cherish things"
At that time, I was sitting in the car and I clearly saw my cousin's face getting redder and redder
Perhaps, my cousin's newbie status does need a lot of changes, but these are slowly accumulated over time and technology
When parting, I also told my aunt, "Driving is a particularly dangerous thing, don't expose your cousin's shortcomings in public when you leave relatives for the New Year."
And this reminder is not only for the aunt's revelation, but also hopes that all parents will have more "kind words" for their children
Telling the truth is not terrible, and children have more courage to bear the truth than we think, but the way to tell this truth must not be short
04
Let children perform their talents in public
"It's the New Year, you go and show everyone a talent"
I can't remember when the New Year was over, the eldest aunt let the children in the family perform on stage, and the cousin walked forward with confident steps and fluently memorized the New Year greeting poem she wrote
After memorizing the poem, I was still immersed in the atmosphere of a top student
Unexpectedly, the eldest aunt said with some dissatisfaction, "The expression is not in place, you were not like this yesterday"
At that time, I thought, my cousin has been excellent since she was a child, she is already so good, and she is not favored by her aunt, so how can the remaining scumbags be on the table
When it was almost time for me to perform my talent, I tugged on the corner of my mother's clothes a little nervously, and my mother also cast a "I understand" look
Then, he turned around and said to everyone, "This kid, I stayed up late last night to make dumplings with me, I got a little cold and cold, and now my body is still a little uncomfortable, so let's not go to the bustle."
Hearing my mother's voice of help, I cast a grateful and happy look
Now, more than ten years later, I am still grateful to my mother for her original protective field, and although my talent is still mediocre, my relationship with my mother has always been like a sister
My mother also told me that "in life, there is no end to comparison, and you can always be happy if you know enough."
We all want our children's talents to be as well known as their achievements, but sometimes protecting self-confidence is more important than using them
Also remember that whenever the child performs on stage, let him enjoy the confident charm from the stage, and pouring cold water in public will only make the child more and more inferior, and even afraid of appearing in front of people
05
Force the child to give the toy away
New Year to go relatives, adults to go to personal gifts, children to make friends and have fun
A few children together, where there are toys, there will be competition contradictions, after a while, one moment still play you non my non children, the next second may be because of a toy to compete for the red eye
At this time, some parents believe that children who compromise first and know how to "give" toys out are good children
Therefore, during the year of taking children, there is also some education to "let the toys out"
Some parents persuade them to induce: "You give the toys out, and when I go back, I will buy you better toys."
Some parents will directly force them to comply: "Hurry up and give the toys to others, how old are you, and play with toys, there is no shame in losing them"
This kind of plot that destroys the good atmosphere for the sake of toys must be familiar to everyone, and how do you deal with it?
In my opinion, the inducement of persuasion and the command of obedience are not good methods, because a toy is social, because toy competition is also social
In this regard, the occasional scramble for toys with a second child is the best example
Since my sister was 2 years old and often played toys with my sister, I have figured out a truth, that is, "children fight between each other, adults do not participate"
I can't remember how many times, every time my sister and sister fight for a toy and make me cry, you don't play with me, and I don't play with you, the more parents get involved, the worse things get
Try to be a bystander who does not care about himself, there is no so-called partiality, after the child has made trouble, he is still a good friend and sister who cannot be separated
Now think about it, the hatred between me and my siblings when I was a child was not because of who hated whom, but because of the partiality caused by the involvement of my parents and caused estrangement
The social interaction between children should be solved by themselves, and they can ask for help if they encounter problems that cannot be solved, but they cannot do it
You know, children who leave the New Year to go to relatives get along, they will also meet more social objects in the future, do they call their parents for help every time?
Therefore, when taking children to relatives during the Spring Festival, they must know how to leave space for themselves
The Spring Festival is the best time for children to improve their social skills and language development, and parents should help their children establish their own New Year ritual sense instead of rehearsing their children in advance to show their talents in front of everyone
Including, preparing a festive and concise New Year's greeting, hand-selecting the cover of the red envelope for the New Year, etc
In addition to the sound of firecrackers, the spring breeze sends warmth into Tu Su, the Spring Festival is originally the traditional solar term of the joy of the Qi family, in this special day, we must not only "manage" our own mouths, but also let the children pay attention to tradition and feel the warmth of home in the sense of ritual
Before taking their children to greet the New Year, parents can prepare some New Year's greetings in advance, and then ask their children to help check them, so that children can experience the feeling of being a "little teacher", and at the same time, the emotional outpouring of parents will also unconsciously infect their children
I still remember that every time I went to my relatives' house to pay New Year's greetings, my mother would say New Year's greetings to everyone before me, and with the previous New Year's message as an imitation object, I could easily say New Year's greetings
In addition, as a representative of the New Year's red envelope ceremony, it would be better if children could participate, choose a favorite red envelope greeting, and then write it with a pen, this sense of participation, and ritual are usually not experienced