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01
People have different needs and pursuits at different stages, and as their own level increases, their needs and pursuits will also increase simultaneously, especially when it comes to feelings.
Even if a couple of lovers have a good relationship at the beginning, if there is no common progress over time, the gap between each other can easily lead to the last beat and two scattering, although there are also for love, but more people will choose to break up, especially the stronger one, if the weaker side does something that makes them dissatisfied, it is difficult for the love of two people to continue.
Two people arguing when the gap is too big, often there will be no results, but will be more aware of the fact that each other is not appropriate, as Dale Carnegie said in the book "Interpersonal Psychology": "Everyone wants others to change for themselves, so will you change for others?" Most people will refuse to change themselves because they think they are not wrong, they think that it is only others who are wrong. ”
Once a relationship has such a problem, it is difficult to continue, such as women become stronger, men are still content with the status quo, women ask men to change, are not willing to accommodate men, men are not willing to change, just want women to accommodate themselves, each other can never reach an agreement, and finally can only shoot two scattered.
02
Friend Xiaocha said that she sometimes thinks of such a question: "If I don't break up with my ex-boyfriend, if I marry him, what kind of life will I live now?" ”
She said that if you look at the state they were in when they first fell in love, they would be very happy. But if you look at it from the moment, you will not be happy, the reason is: "We invisibly opened the gap, once I thought we would be long-lasting, once I thought we would make progress together, more and more happy, and as a result, walking is not a road person, he said I have not changed, in fact, no, I just grew up, matured, no longer the little girl who is supreme in love." ”
In reality, many people's love has had similar problems, the two sides are in love at the most beautiful age, eating and drinking together, vowing to each other, looking forward to the future together, but I don't know, even the most beautiful love will eventually face reality, if two people make progress together, it is okay, the concept and level can always be consistent, on the contrary, if the gap is opened, the concept and level are inconsistent, and love will eventually lose to reality.
Xiao Cha said that she had not thought about it so much, but after making an agreement with her ex-boyfriend Ah Jing, she let go and fight. She had thought that Ah Jing would fight like her, but Ah Jing just looked like she was fighting, and she improved herself through hard work, and Ah Jing was still stuck in the initial state of ignorance.
She said that before they got engaged, she felt that they were gradually unable to talk together: "Every time I discussed something very realistic with him, he always avoided, always took care of him left and right, and did not want to face reality. Every time he talked about the key point, he would look through our past, say how beautiful and simple our past was, let me not think about so many realistic things, and say that as long as there is love, it can overcome everything. ”
Once Xiaocha also believed that love could overcome everything, but gradually she did not believe it. She said she had witnessed too many cases of "failing because of blind belief in love" and felt that when love escalated into marriage, it should start from reality and not be so idealistic.
In this way, the couple who had loved for eight years finally fell out because of the 50,000 bride price and ushered in a breakup. Xiao Cha said that her initial feeling was that "true love was so fragile", and then calmed down to realize that it was not so: "It is not that true love is too fragile, but as my level increases, as the gap between me and him grows, the definition of true love has long changed, and each other adheres to true love with different meanings, of course, it is impossible to reach an agreement." ”
When talking about this relationship, she laughed and laughed and cried, and after drinking, she cried and cried and laughed: "It doesn't matter, anyway, I have become stronger now, it is impossible to make myself weaker in order to accommodate anyone, since the past feelings no longer belong to me, since I have to experience love and can't, then say goodbye to the past!" For the rest of my life, I will continue to live on my own, live in such a state, and I will never lose. ”
03
The kind of "love and not" problem that Xiao Cha experienced was helpless for both her and Ah Jing. She is not wrong, people should go to a high place, a person should try to make himself stronger is the right, Ah Jing himself chose to be satisfied with the status quo, did not progress with her, when engaged, even fifty thousand dowry is not willing to give her, of course she will be disappointed.
In this case, you can't blame Xiaocha for not remembering the old feelings, after all, feelings can't blindly rely on accommodation and compromise, even if she compromises, after marriage, there is still a gap between the two people, still can't talk together, rather than divorce in the end, it is better to break up early.
For other women, if you also want to become stronger and stronger like Xiaocha, if you don't want to experience the "love and not the love" she experienced, you should be cautious when choosing love, determine whether the man is consistent with your direction, the determination is consistent, inconsistent or not together is better, otherwise the gap is bound to be separated.
Even if you just start to confirm that each other's direction is the same, the determination is the same, still can not be taken lightly, unless you are in love is not for marriage, unless you say that you will only accompany each other for a while, otherwise you must often confirm that each other is still on the same road, whether they are still making progress together, if so, continue to insist, if not, for you is "love and can not", the rest of the road, you need to "rely on yourself" to go. Don't feel how sorry it is to lose love halfway, more and more powerful you, sooner or later will meet a better him, your efforts will eventually be exchanged for happiness.