A long goodbye to sadism

1.

　　I didn't look at the yellow calendar when I went out today, and I looked at Yi Weiyuan who was coming towards me and thought to myself.

　　The most tragic thing in life is not that the twenty-seven-year-old is still single and unmarried every day, but the ex-boyfriend who meets at the blind date.

　　And the ex-boyfriend is also a fighter in the best of the best.

　　Before I could think of a countermeasure, Yi Weiyuan had already come up to me and looked at my blind date, a thirty-year-old petroleum exploration engineer. Yi Weiyuan's eyebrows were raised, the corners of his mouth were hooked high, and he immediately changed into a harmless smile: "Yo, what a coincidence, isn't this Qi Tiantian?" ”

　　I squeezed the silver fork and tried to poke him in the eye, but I replied without smiling, "Yes." ”

"What about blind dates?"

"Yes."

"That's a coincidence," Yi Weiyuan stinks without a face, pulls over the stool next to me, sits down with a big grin, straightens the buttons on his sleeve, and says to the engineer opposite me, "I have the most say in this matter, first introduce myself, our surname is Yi, Yi Weiyuan, not talented, just this Qi Tiantian classmate's ex-boyfriend, oh, it should be more than that, right?" After all, we've been apart for five years, and I can only come up to the front ex ex-boyfriend. ”

"Easy, not yet, far!" I couldn't listen to it anymore, and poked a knife at the steak, "When you broke up, didn't you say that you were terminally ill and going to die, I was strange, how come you were still alive and jumping?" Is it that even Yama is disgusted with you? ”

　　Yi Weiyuan looked at me in shock and said, "Qi Tiantian, I always knew you were stupid, but I never thought you were so stupid, this kind of obvious is to coax you to break up, do you really believe it?" ”

　　There is no need to endure any longer. I stood up with a "bang" and pointed outside the gate: "Easy, not far, I wish you a good death." ”

"Then I'll laugh."

　　Yi Weiyuan glanced at the face of the engineer opposite, knew that his prank was successful, flicked the dust on his shirt, and flew away.

　　I struggled to turn my head back and look at the engineer opposite me, who slowly and methodically removed the glasses on the bridge of his nose, wiped the napkin gently, did not look at me, and said: "Miss Qi, it seems that you and mr. Yi just now have a lot of words to say, I will not delay your time." ”

　　I opened my mouth wide and watched as the other person picked up his coat and briefcase, leaving a large table of food.

　　I was stunned for thirty seconds before I reacted, "Wait, you haven't paid for it yet!" ”

　　After cursing Yi Weiyuan a hundred times in my heart, I finally finished eating the last dessert on the table, took out my wallet and gritted my teeth and called the waiter to pay the bill.

　　The waiter smiled: "Miss Qi, Just now Mr. Yi has already paid the bill, and your favorite tiramisu has been packed for you." Do you have anything else you need? ”

　　My hand that was turning over my wallet stiffened, I lowered my eyes, saw where Yi Weiyuan had just sat, and some indescribable emotion surged in my heart.

　　After returning home, Zhu Zhu, who had painstakingly arranged a blind date for me, heard about the causes and consequences and was eager to take a kitchen knife to cut Yi Weiyuan.

"What does he rely on?" Zhu Zhu said, "Didn't he hurt you badly enough?" ”

　　I had to help Yi Weiyuan ming a little unevenly: "He didn't really treat me like this, I still dumped him in the first place." ”

"You still help him speak!" Qi Tiantian, his kind of scum, don't you hate him? ”

"Hate," I said casually, "when I hate him the most, I want to put a fire and die with him." But now it doesn't matter, you see, the opposite of love is never hate, but indifference. ”

　　These five years have passed in a flash.

"Angry at me," Zhu Zhu scratched madly, "Qi Tiantian, you give me a snack, do you know how many elderly young women are waiting to be married now?" Do you still want to get married? ”

"I think," I obediently sat down beside her, "but you also know my condition, if you had put it aside five or six years ago, there were still a group of blind suitors, and now it won't work." There are beautiful people out of the Jiangshan generation, no one is always eighteen, but there are always people eighteen. ”

　　Zhu Zhu was silent, picked up the fruit beer that was open on the coffee table, touched a cup with me, and said, "Are you afraid?" ”

"I used to be afraid, but now I'm not afraid of anything."

　　I laughed and drank the rest of the beer.

　　Really, although this life sounds ridiculous, I have long been afraid of nothing.

2.

　　Unexpectedly, the next time I met Yi Weiyuan was on a cold winter night.

　　I went to the field to talk about customers, and my heart was like an arrow, and I rushed back at night. I didn't expect to encounter heavy rain pouring on the way, I was trembling, and I didn't dare to drive too fast, but there was still an accident, the tire didn't know what was stuck, and the "poof" of a flat tire.

　　I sat in the car and rummaged through my bag to find my phone, only to remember that the phone was out of power, because I didn't plan to spend the night outside, so I didn't bring a charger. It was really a leak in the house that rained overnight, and I thought, what unfortunate things have been bumped into by me.

　　I turned on the radio, the signal was not good on rainy days, and the radio station was playing Faye Wong's "Hurry That Year", "I don't blame this love for not having time to rehearse repeatedly, it is the time of years of tolerance and regret ..."

　　I felt bad about it, so I had to turn off the radio. I lay on the steering wheel and watched the wipers dangle, tired and hungry, with the heavy rain ahead, and even the street lights could not be seen realistically.

　　Suddenly, a bolt of lightning struck, the thunder was deafening, and the mountains in the distance were trembling.

　　I was excited, and suddenly remembered that Yi Weiyuan's villa was here.

　　That's when we were in college, my roommate and I had different schedules, I didn't sleep well at night, I had to work during the day to save tuition, and I had to go back and forth in a vicious circle, which became habitual insomnia and neurasthenia. After Yi Weiyuan knew about this, he drove me here and hired a professional oil masseuse to help me do soothing and massage. I remember a wall of white roses outside the floor-to-ceiling window on the first floor, and I was lying on my stomach, smelling the faint lavender essential oil, and after a while I fell into a deep sleep.

　　During that time, in order to treat my insomnia, Yi Weiyuan tried everything in his power to saddle up.

　　So Zhu Zhu and I said that Yi Wei and I were not far away, and it was not without a good time. On the contrary, it is precisely because it is too beautiful and too good that people are resentful.

　　I don't know where the courage came from, turned off the fire to get the car keys, stepped on the boots in the rain, and followed the direction in memory, found the villa that was easy to go. The lights on the second floor are on, which is the only fortunate thing today, but I don't know if there is a change of ownership here after so many years.

　　I calmed my breathing, straightened myself out, and rang the doorbell.

　　The gentle doorbell was suddenly drowned out by the sound of rain, and I stood nervously in front of the gate, and after a while, I heard footsteps.

　　The door opened, and the soft light of the room poured out, gently enveloping me, and I looked up and saw Yi Weiyuan. He was wearing a dark housecoat, looked docile and harmless, and was looking down at me with a look of surprise.

　　At this moment, I suddenly felt that time had passed, as if I had returned to the scene when I first met him more than ten years ago.

　　I was late for school on my first day of school and the teacher assigned me to the last row of empty seats. Yi Weiyuan slept on the table, one person occupied two places, drooling a face, I walked up to him, kicked the leg of the table, and he did the same, looking at me with sleepy eyes.

"Yi Weiyuan," I calmly opened my mouth, looking directly into his eyes, "my car has a puncture nearby, the mobile phone is out of power, can you please help me contact the trailer company?" ”

　　Yi Weiyuan didn't seem to react yet, and he made a move that startled me. He reached out and pinched my face.

　　I was stunned: "Yi Weiyuan, what nerves do you have?" ”

"Oh," he replied, "it turned out to be true, I thought it was a dream." ”

　　He turned sideways, glanced at the torrential rain outside the eaves, and said, "Come in." ”

　　I followed Yi Weiyuan into the house, and found that the decoration had not changed much from when I first came, simple and clean, and I didn't know whether it was too well packed or rarely came to live at all. I sat down on the couch and he took a towel from the bathroom and asked me to wipe my hair.

　　The room was warm, there was a faint citrus aroma in the air, the sofa was so soft that the whole person could sink down, it was so comfortable, I was lazy and cancerous, and I didn't want to move my ass.

　　Fortunately, Yi Weiyuan just spoke: "In the middle of the night, no one is willing to help you tow the car, you will make up for a night here." ”

　　He spoke so politely that I couldn't help but lift my eyelids and look at him to see if he had taken the wrong medicine.

　　He seemed to have guessed my thoughts, and sneered: "Qi Tiantian, don't give face to face." ”

　　I put my mind at ease: "Can I borrow you a dress?" Where do I live? ”

　　Yi Weiyuan looked at me incredulously: "Qi Tiantian, where did you get your confidence?" Do you still want to sleep in the guest room? I don't think you've soiled my couch yet. ”

　　Yi Weiyuan did what he said, really went upstairs to bring me a quilt pillow, threw it on the sofa, and sent me away. Yi Weiyuan went upstairs, the lights on the first floor were turned off, the room was dark, I was too tired to take a shower, so I sat on the sofa and changed my clothes, and fell asleep. But really lie down, can't sleep again, there is still lightning and thunder outside, upstairs also lies an easy not far away, want to come to life is really full of surprises.

　　After a while, hungry, I simply sat up again, crept into the kitchen, turned on the light, and wanted to see if there was anything to eat in the refrigerator. But I never expected that Yi Weiyuan was so shabby, the refrigerator was empty, and it didn't look like someone was living at all. I rummaged through the boxes and cabinets, and I struggled to find the noodles and eggs, so I boiled the water and prepared to order the noodles.

　　The water was just boiling, and I heard someone behind me say, "Cook a bowl for me too." ”

　　I was startled, turned my head, and saw Yi Weiyuan leaning against the wall, also looking hungry.

　　I forced myself to laugh, grabbed a handful of noodles and threw it in, and another pot was lit on fire, and two eggs were fried, Yi Weiyuan liked to eat deeply cooked poached eggs. Fortunately, there were still basic spices in the kitchen, and the noodles were quickly cooked, so I washed two dishes, brought them to the table, and sat face to face with Yi Weiyuan.

　　Incandescent lights fell on us, and it was still stormy outside, but the inside of the house was quiet, and the world was turned upside down, and it was not moved. I picked up the chopsticks and ate one bite of the noodles, but I couldn't take a second bite. I used to have very poor cooking skills, but also in the past few years of life tempered, Zhu Zhu praised me, one day to be fired by the company, I will go to the street to set up a small stall to sell rice, but also hungry.

When I was just separated, I overeating, and often got up at night to make a supper for myself, which was also the case, a large bowl of noodles was placed in front of me, and I ate it alone. While eating and thinking, easy is not far away, I must live a good life, live a superior life, angry at you.

　　But I didn't expect that after many years, we would have the opportunity to sit face to face, tired of arguing and tired of falling in love.

"Easy is not far away." I suddenly called his name.

　　He looked up, in a low nasal voice: "Huh? ”

"Nothing." I didn't have a head or a brain to say.

　　He raised an eyebrow, didn't say anything, bowed his head and continued to eat the noodles.

　　A bowl of noodles that both people ate for a long time.

　　I was woken up by the doorbell the next day. I slept in a daze, heard the doorbell, forgot that I was still at Yi Weiyuan's house, and went to open the door in his clothes.

　　At the door stood a girl in a white turtleneck sweater, her hair tied into a ponytail, wearing nude makeup, but she was only twenty-four years old, and there was no fine line in the corner of her eyes, and her face was collagen.

　　When she saw me, her face changed three times, and finally she took a deep breath, or politely asked: "I have not come to find far, we have made an appointment." ”

　　I stood awkwardly in place, with a sense of being caught in the main room. I swallowed and said, trying to explain, but I felt that it was getting darker and darker, so I had to nod my head, return to the stairs in the living room, and shouted Yi Weiyuan: "Yi Weiyuan, Yi Weiyuan." ”

　　Yi Weiyuan walked out with a yawn, saw the girl, and looked at me again, which was also an embarrassing shock.

"I... She..." He was gibberish, not knowing where to explain.

　　The girl interrupted him faintly, "Need another day?" ”

　　Yi Weiyuan shook his head, "No, you come in and sit, wait for me, change clothes and we'll leave." ”

　　The girl smiled, as if in a slightly better mood: "No, you give me the car keys, I will drive the car out." ”

　　When the girl went to drive, Yi Wei didn't look at me from a distance, and turned back upstairs to change her clothes. When he came down, I had already folded the quilt and handed it to him: "I didn't mean to cause you trouble, but if I can make people's lives unsatisfactory, I like to hear it." ”

"I really don't have a conscience." Yi Weiyuan laughed sarcastically.

　　I sincerely sighed: "I should be the most shabby looking one of your previous girlfriends..."

　　Yi Weiyuan nodded and looked at me with a look of "even if you are still a little self-aware".

"You were really blind at the beginning..." I said sarcastically.

"Yeah," he shrugged, "so didn't that end the error in time?" ”

　　But I was not provoked by him, held my arm, and asked him curiously: "I really want to know what kind of person you will marry in the end. ”

　　Yi Weiyuan didn't seem to hear me, and he looked out the window, as if in a daze.

　　I followed his gaze, and there were once full of roses, and after the wind and rain, there were not even branches left. Just like me and Yi Weiyuan, once the time limit of love has passed, what else can be left?

　　I withdrew my gaze, grabbed my battered phone, and left through the main entrance. I didn't say a word, not even say goodbye, because between us, whether we saw or didn't see, it didn't matter.

　　He walked his sunwalk, and I crossed my canoe bridge.

3.

　　Yi Weiyuan and I have known each other for many years, qingmei bamboo horses are not counted, fifteen or sixteen years old, when we just opened our bodies, we sat at the same table. He and I looked at each other with two disgusts. He was personable and considerate and gentle to other girls, but he raised his eyebrows at me, and I never had a good face for him, and always smiled and hid a knife in his speech.

　　We are all very proud people. His pride comes from being born in a famous family, holding the moon from a small number of stars, and living without knowing the sufferings of the people. My pride comes from low self-esteem, high self-esteem, and fear of being looked down upon, so I disguise myself as a thorn.

　　Three years of high school white colt gap, the result is the college entrance examination I played normal, he played extraordinary, we went to the same university, the same major. Crooked, the whole high school was just the two of us.

　　Probably for this reason, my relationship with Yi Weiyuan suddenly became delicate. On the day he got his acceptance letter, he drove a sports car to take me for a ride to the beach and invited me to eat a barbecue by the sea, and I was in a hurry, holding hairy crabs and not knowing where to start. Yi Weiyuan's white eyes were about to turn into the sky, but he still helped me clamp it with pliers and put the crab leg meat on my plate.

　　When I went to college, there were boys chasing me. I think it's not bad, the other party is good-looking, knowledgeable, and the family is superior, if I can really marry him, I can fight for twenty years less.

　　I happily gave Yi Weiyuan the number of these terms and conditions, and innocently asked him what he thought.

　　Yi Weiyuan was so angry with me that he was bleeding and his head was smoking, and he said, "Then why don't you choose me?" I was much more handsome than he was and much more knowledgeable than he was. ”

　　I shook my head, "But you don't like me." ”

　　The next second, Yi Weiyuan lowered his head and kissed me on the lips. It was my first kiss, I was so frightened that he was scattered, and it was a long time before he moved away, I blinked, and saw that he was blushing so red that he could roll eggs, and he glared at me: "Look at what to see!" ”

"Would you like to reason?" I say.

"Who said I didn't like you?"

"You didn't say that."

"You didn't ask again."

　　We narrowed our eyes wide and narrow, and he held out his hand and held my hand as if weakly.

　　I became Yi Weiyuan's girlfriend in this way, and in retrospect, it was not too romantic or vigorous, but it was indeed the most important day of my life.

　　I stumbled with Yi Weiyuan's love affair, arguing every day, he took me to the high-society dance party, I used my hands and feet together, I didn't know where to look. There were girls in gorgeous evening dresses who danced with him, and they stood in the middle of the crowd, and they were the most watched couple. My world and his world were originally different in composition, but to tie each other together, it hurt and tired, and I refused to let go.

　　Even one day, it alarmed Yi Weiyuan's mother, who came to me deliberately, and pulled her hair together before speaking, graceful and luxurious, and my mother, who was full of frostbite, was a completely different kind of woman. In the vulgar section, she used to get off the horse and let me leave his son.

　　I asked purely curiously: "As far as I know, Yi Weiyuan has made many girlfriends, I am not the first, nor will I be the last, every time he talks about love, will you make such a big visit?" ”

　　Yi Mu smiled slightly: "No, you are special." ”

　　I blurted out, "Why? Because Yi Weiyuan loves me? ”

　　Yi Mu looked at me, did not answer, stood up and left. It took me a long time to understand the meaning of her words, and I was special—

　　I was the only one who was not eligible to marry into the Yi family.

I didn't mention that to Yi Weiyuan, I always felt that two people who were good and decent wanted to fall in love, and if it wasn't for the disillusionment of feelings, there would be nothing that could separate us.

　　Until graduating from college, Yi Weiyuan's birthday, he disappeared all day, and I called him countless times. Finally he connected, his tone was flat, he couldn't hear anything good or bad, just a very tired look.

"Where are you?" I'm coming to you. ”

　　I went out at nine o'clock at night to look for him in the villa where he lived alone, and he sat on the couch with a bottle of whiskey in front of him and drank a third of it. I saw that he was depressed, walked over to him and sat down, picked up the cup, put it down again, and said, "Yi Weiyuan, Happy Birthday." ”

"Hmm." He replied faintly.

　　I was suddenly confused and sat awkwardly. He turned his head to look at me, looked at me for a long time, and said, "I have something to tell you." ”

"Coincidentally," I laughed, "I have something to tell you too. ”

"You say it first."

　　I nervously took out the hospital medical report from my bag, two bars on the test strip, strong positive. Yi Weiyuan was stunned, picked it up, and looked at it for a long time.

　　He was much calmer than I expected, and he thought for a moment and said, "Don't ask for it." ”

　　The light fell to the ground, and I involuntarily took a step back, looking at Yi Weiyuan like an irrelevant stranger.

　　I didn't ask why, I just waited for him to speak first—

"Coincidentally, I also went to the hospital, and I got a very serious disease, and if there is no miracle, it will not be cured," he shrugged, and said, "Unfortunately, this is family inheritance." ”

"I don't have much confidence in being a good father, I can't take care of myself, more is better than less, forget it."

　　He opened his wallet and drew a card from it: "I will be very busy in the next few days, maybe I can't accompany you, you hold this card first, I will ask someone to take care of you, what do you need to tell me." ”

　　What else can I say, he was merciful and righteous.

　　I nodded and said calmly, "Yi Weiyuan, let's break up." ”

　　He said, "Good. ”

　　That night, I went to the hospital alone, not expecting to be overcrowded, and I sat on a stool and waited. Picking up the newspaper left by the last patient, it was all local news, but on a huge page, it was written that the only son of the Yi family and the daughter of the famous and prestigious family were engaged, and the strong joined forces, and the door was right.

　　I just learned that yi weiyuan that day had come to give me a breakup.

　　Sometimes I also go back and look at those years. Then I had to marvel that I was still quite capable, walked in the abyss of hell, and actually came back intact, living seriously every day, and being dedicated to goodness.

　　If there is any regret, it must be that I did not accept Yi Weiyuan's money at that time. Enough for me to buy a suite, in recent years, the house price has doubled and turned, yesterday I can buy a house in full, and I can't even afford to pay a down payment when I wake up. How stupid I was at that time, how could I not see myself well.

　　I remember when I was twenty-seventh birthday, my birthday wish was to wear a beautiful wedding dress.

　　Zhu Zhu asked me at that time: "Do you still believe in love?" ”

"Believe," I nodded, "in fact, the past between me and Yi Weiyuan, that is indeed love." It's just that people think of love as too good, too great. ”

"I thought that through a child, I could marry into a rich family, and from then on the sparrow became a phoenix." The result is that we are not willing to do a loss-making business, and there can only be love between the two of us, and nothing more can be done. ”

"Don't make yourself so ugly."

"That's the way it is."

　　She was silent for a long time, and then asked, "What is love?" ”

"Who knows."

4.

　　After a few showers, spring is coming.

　　My work finally came to an end, I was shopping downtown and met the engineer I had last blind dated. There were other women by his side, holding his arm, and it seemed that this time the blind date had been successful. We met on a narrow road, but he greeted me first.

"There is one thing that I think it is better to tell you," he hesitated, "the other day my mother was sick, I went to the hospital to take care of it, and I met the gentleman who was in the Western restaurant last time... I've heard your conversations, and you seem to have misunderstood him. ”

　　I was stunned to know the meaning of his words.

　　Yi Weiyuan is sick?

　　I wrote down the address of the hospital and continued shopping, thinking to myself, Yi Weiyuan is sick, Yi Weiyuan lied to me five years ago that he was terminally ill and dying, but what does this matter to me?

　　But unexpectedly, at noon the next day, I received a call from Zhu Zhu, telling me that she had slipped when she went down the stairs, and was now lying in the hospital, asking me to bring some fake dishes to comfort me.

　　I took a leave of absence in the afternoon and went to the hospital with a pocket of condolences to find Zhu Zhu. She loves to wear high heels, she is always hot, and I have long warned her to be careful of falling. Zhu Zhu lay on the bed and flipped through the magazine, while nibbling on the apple, he instructed me: "I can't get out of the hospital these days, you remember to go home on time to cook." ”

"Yes yes yes." I nodded like chopped garlic.

　　Coming out of the ward, I stood in the hall of the hospital, and there were all kinds of pedestrians on the left and right, coming and going, I thought, or I would go and take a look at Yi Weiyuan.

　　Yi Weiyuan's ward is very good to inquire, vip ward, and it is a rare terminal illness, "Easy" word has not been finished, the nurse pointed me in the direction.

"What disease?" I was in a trance and wanted to tell myself that I had just heard the wrong words.

　　The nurse looked at me strangely: "You came to visit the patient, and you still don't know what kind of disease people have?" Alas, I have never seen anyone better looking than him in my life, but alas. ”

　　I walked alone in an empty corridor with a window at the end of the corridor where the sun came in and was quiet.

　　I walked to the end, stood outside the door of the ward, and through the glass window on the door, I saw Yi Weiyuan. Shadowy, only one side of the face could be seen, and he was wearing a white hospital gown, which suddenly became very soft. I quietly stood outside the door and waited for a long time before I finally made my mental preparations and knocked on the door.

　　Yi Weiyuan was surprised: "How are you?" ”

"Yes," I stood in the doorway, staring at him, but with a smile in my mouth, "you have been disappointed, not the dream lover." ”

　　Yi Weiyuan really showed a disappointed expression, tried to sit up, and said, "Since you are here, let's sit down." ”

"How long can you live?" I asked him directly.

"It won't be long." He was careless, "I can last until the summer, more than half a year, and then it will be too painful." ”

　　I hadn't seen him in two or three months, but he looked like he had changed. His hair was stripped out, his face was miserable, and he had lost a lot of weight, looking like a bottle of fragile glass. Only a pair of burning peach blossom eyes, the eyes are black and shiny, and the smile is full of color.

　　I sat down next to him and didn't speak, he glanced at me, didn't speak either, closed his eyes and started sleeping. After a while, the nurse came to change his medicine, and his hand was outstretched, his bones were protruding, his thin muscles were bulging, and the back of his hand was full of needle holes. A large jar full of potions, dripping down little by little, like this was lost to the heavens and the earth.

　　He was supposed to be not asleep, but his breathing was heavy, and his eyelashes were still long and dark, looking like Barbie dolls.

　　After a long time, I suddenly began to cry.

　　He opened his eyes and watched me cry quietly. I knew it would only make him feel worse, but I couldn't control it, there was nothing I could do about it, and I cried so hard that I almost fainted.

　　I said, "Yi Weiyuan, how did you make yourself look like this ghost?" ”

"Yeah," he sighed with great regret, "you still don't come in the future, it's so ugly, I can't see it myself." ”

　　I kept crying, I kept crying.

　　He was a little irritable: "Qi Tiantian, don't cry, you still wish me a good death, take some bone qi out." ”

　　Hearing him say the word "die", I couldn't stand it any more, how could this be?

"You lied to me, didn't you say you lied to me?"

　　He sighed, seemed to be very annoyed with my noise, and frowned: "Qi Tiantian, you talk about some conscience, when did I ever lie to you?" ”

　　After that day, Yi Weiyuan and I seemed to have reached a tacit understanding, I began to visit him in the hospital frequently, but I didn't know what to say, he was too weak to lie on the bed, I was in a daze.

　　I also met the girl I met outside the villa last time, it turned out that she was a nurse at the hospital, and the last time I went to find Yi Weiyuan was about to pick him up for a follow-up consultation.

　　We also met the Yi family people, we didn't talk much, nodded when we met, and turned a blind eye to the previous graces and grievances. But once, Yi Mu couldn't help but stop me in the corridor and said, "You and Wei Wei are far away, the fate is shallow, I'm sorry." ”

"No," I said, "if he hadn't had this illness, he and I would have been separated for five or six years, and it would have been a thing of the past." Now he is seriously ill, there is no tomorrow today, we can't help it. Even if a miracle happens one day and he takes a life from the hands of death, you will still not agree with me and him. The Mandate of Heaven and the world, none of them can accommodate us. ”

　　It was really boring, so I talked to Yi Weiyuan about the past.

　　Speaking about the breakup, he said, "I'll make that decision again." ”

"I hope your life is safe and smooth, just like you said to me at the beginning, find a good husband to marry, and life can be less than twenty years of struggle." Instead of carrying a drag oil bottle at a young age, being pointed out by outsiders, displaced, and pulling an adult with hard work, it is another serious illness, leaving you alone. ”

"I see."

"There are many unsatisfactory things in life, and I don't want you to go alone in the most difficult one."

"I know," I choked, pretending to be angry, "Yi Weiyuan, why do you talk so much?" Are you pretending to be sick to lie to me? ”

Yi Weiyuan's condition deteriorated so quickly that he could occasionally get out of bed and walk in the first few days, and before long, even breathing often had to use instruments.

"Every day, I'm sorry." He said softly.

　　I couldn't help but laugh: "Yi Weiyuan, you have done too many sins in your life, and you can't count ten fingers to say sorry to me, which one are you talking about?" ”

"I was in the Western restaurant that day," he said, "and I came here on purpose to stir up trouble." ”

"When I saw that man sitting there, listless, I was so angry that I couldn't help but want to go up and beat him up, and he didn't know how good you were."

　　His last voice was soft, but I could hear it clearly. In an instant, tears couldn't help but swirl in his eyes.

　　I turned my back on him, tried to pretend to be indifferent, shrugged my shoulders, and said, "Save your effort, live two more days, even if you forgive me." ”

"Yes," he laughed, "thank you." ”

　　Thank you for what, easy is not far away?

　　With tears in my eyes, I looked out the window at the vast expanse of lush vegetation, green and vibrant, but none of them had anything to do with him.

　　In early summer, Yi Weiyuan was completely unable to eat food. Every day he was vomiting, his internal organs were probably spit out by him, and his body had completely collapsed, leaving only an empty shelf.

　　I was so distressed that I was about to cry, so I lifted my head and didn't let him see it.

　　Yi Weiyuan was rarely clear-headed, and he winked at me: "Every day, come and help me take a bath." ”

　　I knelt by the edge of the bath and helped him undress, a body I was once incomparably familiar with. He was the kind of person who dressed thin and stripped thin, but now he was skinny, bone-to-bone, and the temperature was extremely low, and it was difficult to produce heat. I'd rather be sick than be myself, and bear a thousand knives for him.

　　The sound of the water rattled, and I rubbed the bubbles in my hands, touching his skin, which had lost its luster and softness. He suddenly raised his head and looked at me sheepishly. I closed my eyes, and Yi Weiyuan leaned over and kissed my eyes.

"Qi Tiantian," he called my name rarely when he was so serious, "I never lied to you. ”

　　At that moment, it was as if I had sensed what he had not said.

　　He never lied to me about it, he loved me about it.

　　On the day Yi Weiyuan left, he sent me a message: Don't come today.

　　I quickly replied: Good.

　　I washed the clothes in the house for several days, the washing machine made a "rumbling" turn, and I froze for a while, making sure that the water pipe would not suddenly burst open, before I began to mop the floor. Zhu Zhu and I are lazy, and occasionally she can't look at it anymore, so she will call aunts who work part-time to clean up.

　　I folded the clothes in the closet one by one, and when I was older, I no longer liked to wear skirts like a seventeen or eighteen-year-old girl. I don't know when summer will pass.

　　After doing these things, it was almost dusk, and the sun was hanging on the top of the mountain. I tied my hair, changed my clothes, and took a taxi to the hospital.

　　He never lied to me, but I lied to him many, many times.

　　When I got to the hospital, I didn't go upstairs, I stood in the garden, and looking out from his bed, as far as I could see, this was it.

　　But today, only today, the door of the ward is locked and no one is in and out.

　　Yi Weiyuan, do you see me?

　　Easy is not far away.

　　From now on, there will be no more easy in the world, and the heavens and the earth will never be found again.

　　Yi Weiyuan who laughs, Yi Weiyuan who gets angry, Yi Weiyuan who is jealous, Yi Weiyuan who refuses to take medicine, Yi Weiyuan who kisses me, Yi Weiyuan who fights with me, Yi Weiyuan who looks best in the world.

　　Reach out and gently hold my Yi Weiyuan.

　　I thought that without saying goodbye, I could really meet again. In life, people always live by wishful thinking, and now even these extravagant hopes have been deprived.

5.

　　At the end of the summer, I made a trip back to the university campus.

　　I didn't come back for many years, and when I graduated, I promised to come back often to see, but I broke up with Yi Weiyuan, and everything related to him was banned by me.

　　Downstairs in the lab, there was a row of discarded mailboxes, no one cared, and Yi Weiyuan and I had stored some bits and pieces here.

　　The box opened, and there was a picture of me and Yi Weiyuan's polaroid. At the college graduation party, we all sat at the white dinner table in formal clothes, fingers clasped together, smiling at the camera. The photo was washed out, and the friends around me were praised, saying that it was like a wedding photo.

　　That is, that day, Yi Weiyuan rarely talked to me about the future.

"My family is intricate and it can be difficult to agree to the two of us." He deliberated on the words and looked at me carefully.

　　I nodded, trying to answer him that it was okay, that it would be nice to be together for a day, at least not when separated.

　　But he continued: "So every day, promise me one thing, no matter how difficult it is, don't give up easily, okay?" ”

　　I burst into laughter, but knowingly asked, "Don't give up on anything?" ”

"I want to have a home with you, have a child, teach him to read and write, watch him grow up slowly, and then grow old with you." 」

"Don't!" I blushed and said, "You're so ugly, what if you have a baby like you?" ”

"Hey, what are you kidding?" He put his face in front of me, "You see carefully, young master Ben is such a beautiful and charming man, giving birth to a son, his eyes are fluttering, he can corona the whole kindergarten girl!" ”

"Yi Weiyuan, *** don't face?"

　　I will slowly grow old until I am white-haired, but the time that belongs to him will stop forever.

"Mom."

　　Qi Moyi, who was standing next to me, pointed curiously at Yi Weiyuan in the photo, and shouted excitedly, "This person's eyes are like mine." ”

　　In the photo, the seventeen-year-old boy, with black and bright eyes, smiles and shines.

　　The peach blossoms burned, as if they were still alive in the human world.

　　I squatted down, tears rolling out of my eyes, and I covered the last eye with the palm of my hand and kissed him lightly on the forehead, not wanting him to see me so out of shape.

　　But there was no way to control it, so many sad past events, and the rest of my life that was so long that I was almost desperate.

　　The blue sky, the gently flying cherry blossoms, the wind that passed through the hall, and the white roses that filled the courtyard.

"Mom, what's wrong with you?" The last one pulled my hand away, looked at me blankly, not knowing what he had done wrong, and gently shook my clothes, "Mom, don't you cry. ”

　　I have been, always looking forward to, that day.

　　But that day, at last, will not come.

Closed