Under the epidemic last year, as the number of cases and deaths increased every day, everyone inevitably felt the presence of death anxiety.
In fact, long before the epidemic, death anxiety has been hidden in each of us, and the adaptation disorders often mentioned on psychological issues, such as separation anxiety, midlife crisis, empty nest syndrome, and menopausal syndrome, have a large number of death anxiety shadows.
For example, I remember when I was a child, my grandfather sent me to the school gate for the first time, and when he turned his head to go back, I suddenly cried out in fear; once I dreamed of a relative leaving, and the feeling of despair is still fresh in my memory.
Later, I came into contact with psychology and understood that this is an anxiety and fear of death (separation), which should be experienced by everyone in the process of growing up.
No matter how unwilling we are, loss will always inadvertently come into our lives.
We have grown, and at the same time we have lost our childhood, we have matured, but we have lost our youth. We live the adult life we wanted to live in childhood, but when we grow up, we never have the joy of childhood.
In the adult world, separation becomes a matter of course. The classmates and friends who originally thought they had been accompanying each other gradually drifted away for various reasons on the road of life; people who were once intimate and talked about became passers-by; beloved relatives also left us one after another...
Xiaobian also experienced a serious illness, before recovery, breathing difficulties, heavy body, uncomfortable, fragile, coupled with poor foundation, increasingly haggard condition but did not see good, the heart is more afraid, helpless.
Later, he experienced the blow of the continuous death of his relatives.
Feeling the impermanence of life more and more, I found myself more and more anxious, a little cold, uncomfortable, will be nervous.
During the epidemic, a state similar to this must be familiar to everyone:
Some people have a little discomfort and start to go to the hospital to check continuously, wanting to "100% determine" whether they are healthy.
Although some people do not have physical discomfort, they feel worried, nervous, difficult to work quietly, and even have symptoms such as insomnia and nightmares.
In addition, some people obviously hate their jobs for many years, and have thought about changing to a new job, but they are hesitant and hesitant, afraid of resigning, worried about losing a fixed income after leaving, afraid that the new job may not be able to make them successful.
There are also people in a relationship, obviously very painful, but dare not leave to find a new world. Because relationships, though painful, bring them familiarity and a sense of security. New place means strange, TA will lose familiarity and security, facing too much unknowable, which will undoubtedly bring them great fear.
There are also those who, after falling out of love or divorcing, feel as if they have lost everything, that life has lost its meaning, and that life has lost its luster. Life has since collapsed, and it has never been possible to get out of pain.
It's all about the fear of loss and desperately trying to escape it.
Loss, however, is something you cannot fully control and block. It will come in various forms in all aspects of your life.
Loss of property, loss of loved ones, loss of relationships, loss of strength, loss of health, loss of joy, loss of control over things, this feeling, first of all, makes us uncomfortable, and secondly, it provokes our fear of death subconsciously, because the ultimate loss — that is, the loss of ourselves — is death.
Since the loss is uncontrollable and unstoppable, how do we deal with it?
Owen Yaron said that the bond of life, or love, gives us the ability to face death. Whether it's by sharing fear or by increasing happiness in life, love can help us face death.
In this outbreak, all people, including patients who are battling the virus, doctors and nurses, are living meaningfully and fulfillingly. While bearing the anxiety of death, we enjoy the meaning of being alive and living.
But at the same time, love, let us not bear to face loss, let us not bear to face farewell, all our reluctance, are derived from the love of the heart.
Like the little boy Connor in the movie "When the Monster Knocks", what he is most afraid of is not the bullying of his classmates, not the discipline of his grandmother, nor the monster in the nightmare, but the fact that his mother who is seriously ill in reality is destined to leave.
Many people, in the face of loss, initially deny, suppress and escape like Connor. Yes, the sadness of parting and the fear of passing away, let alone for children, for many adults, are like behemoths in the night.
But what we can do, and the hardest thing to do, is to truly face all the emotional experiences we experience after our loss.
Instead of trying to suppress our emotions, choosing the most comfortable way to release them all, we can mourn, we can cry, we can talk.
Accept that you are not as strong as before during this period, and accept your vulnerability. Then, tell those who have lost: Although I love you very much, I will eventually let you go.
If you find yourself desperately denying and evading loss, which has affected your marriage, work and life, you can seek the help of professional psychological counseling and receive psychological counseling.
Learn to accept losses, improve tolerance for loss, and reconcile with loss. Habits are lost, and loss coexists, and ultimately freedom is gained in the present.